Friday, September 21, 2012

The Real....HipHop (Featuring $hamrock Yung Irish)

Anybody familiar with this Blog knows that when we started we weren't always about satirical fuckery,  half baked conspiracies and obvious jabs at racial differences. Well, I mean, we were....but we were about other shit too. We provided yall with recipes (complete with pictures of Rachel Ray's tiddays), music reviews (we let you know who's album was straight booty juice) and current events (we allowed you a way to skip Media Takeout, Worldstar and the local news by combining them all in one.) We were, for lack of a better term, "Those Nig*as."

Today we bring it back to Old School form with an interview from my man $hamrock Yung Irish of "The White Rapper Show" and "Whyte Music" fame as he continues to push his album, Money Green that dropped last week. Yup. I got a few connects. Interview got long but I kept it intact cause $ham showed a lot of growth and has a good perspective on being a rapper and at the same time realizing he's influncing an entire generation of young'ns. Buy his album even if you hate southern hiphop, cause he's a genuine dude, doing what he loves and bringing an element of moral accountability into hip hop.

Bros: $ham Fam! Whats up you tatto'ed Mutherfu*ka!? Last time I talked to you it was to get a recipe for homemade BBQ sauce....came out bomb too.

$ham: Chillin man. Grinding.

Bros: Aight, I'ma jump straight into the interview cause I know you're busy finding hoes to get buckket nekked and send pictures to us.  You know I'ma ask you some wild shit cause we can listen to the album ourselves, we're more interested in you! We want to live vicariously through you Mr. Rapstar. Hangin with 3-6, the Hypnotize Camp and shit.

So.....Almost 2 years ago I asked you the question of who was the hottest artist right now that you thought was next to blow, and you said Titty boy. Everybody laughed and said both you and I were buggin, yet now everyone and their mama is screamin “2 Chainzzzzzz.”  You’re 1/1 right now. Who’s next on your radar? And don’t say yourself. That’s biased b.

$ham: 2 Chainz was right there ready to blow and everyone kinda knew him from DTP. My new pick might take a little longer but I got my eye on Young Thug out of ATL. Super creative, got a slick Wayne feel but still original. He’s like Future, always first with the lingo which if you notice is something that works for ATL, we are always first with the lingo.

Tako: Wowzers. He look like a thug. I'm tuckin my chain in.

Bros: Aight. Onto rampant drug use. Last year seemed to be the year of “Lean” but now everybody seems to be talking about “Mollie.”  Seeing as how you’re affiliated with Lil Wyte, the 3-6 and Mr. Trippy Mane himself, what’s your take on this new craze?

$ham: I have to give my dawg Jelly Roll out of Nashville his credit because he was the 1st I ever heard rap about Molly. I got offered pure MDMA first back in 07 and I didn’t even know what Molly was when I first heard it. That being said, cool effects but not worth the health risks. Drugs don’t give me a high like success, money, taking care of fam and friends. I cant get mad at anyone making money off it, because people will buy it. But the jail time, health risks, and all the negatives not worth it anymore to me- stakes are too high.   

Bros: Thank you for dispelling that Molly myth. Its PURE MDMA you stupid fu*kers. You snort it. Those pills you are all popping are nothing more than Ecstasy, cut with the same laxatives, crack residue and household chemicals as before. **Hops off soapbox. Speaking of which, ay $ham...Do you have any idea what the fu*k is in bath salts?

$ham: Haha not at all. I actually thought people were snorting stuff you add to a bath, but I was told that was wrong. So I still don’t really know.

Bros:  I know yall like your Fila’s down in the A, because of the whole ‘Forever I Love Atlanta F.I.L.A’ thing, but what kicks are hottest to you?

$ham: I try to just rock designer but I’m horrible at keeping shoes clean so I don’t want really rock Gucci loafers or Louie or anything super expensive...Gotta have Wal Mart house shoes too, go through about 3 or 4 pairs a year.

Bros: Yall still wear Tall T’s and Long ass shorts down there?

Tako: Ridiculous!

$ham: Tako, you have LV print tatted on your arm. Shut up.

And ummm, not really as much. Andre 3000 kinda ethered those on the DJ Unk remix. You’ll still see the capris but more tailored and have camo patterns instead of big denim ones. There’s def been a trend in ATL where everyone in the hood is wearing Abercrombie , Hollister and more fitted designer clothes. I think its dope because a lot of people in the mall or business world will write off a kid on the train who is wearing baggy clothes. But when a kid walks in your store wearing Abercrombie, polo ballcap, & is covered in tattoos, you don’t know what to think ...its making people stop judging by old stereotypes. Now when you are in the mall at Phipps, you wont get followed as much by store employees because they can tell you have money. They were assuming you were tryna grab the rack and dash before.

Bros: LMAO, but so fu*king true.

So, What the f*ck was it like hanging with the insane Clown Posse and the jugaloos? We went to a concert once and it was bananas!

Tako: What a clown. 
C4: You'd smash tho.
$ham: The Gathering of the Juggalos was insane mane. I would call it a Hip-Hop Woodstock campground with a redneck twist. But the thing about it that made it so dope was that everyone was very friendly and they treat you like family. The whole motto is “We’re all family” and so you don’t really see any fights. It’s just people getting blowed out their minds on good weed, maybe some pills, alcohol and taking in all of the dope acts that ICP & Twiztid brought in. For me it was super dope because I met them on the White Rapper Show and then got to play their concert so it was full circle type shit.

Bros: The real motto....there is a lot to be learned from white people. They throw parties without shooting shit up. They do however like to go buchwild on schools and movie theaters though. Hmmmmm.

But back to black people......We all know NFL players have a tendency to do dumb shit, and after OJ, NOBODY has been presumed innocent. That being said, what’s your take on Ochocinco and Evelyn? Did he do it? does it matter? LOL.

Wja3: The real crime is in the wearing of that Leisure suit larry looking tuxedo coat.

Tako: Nah, the crime is not diligently following the "Laws of Latinas." The rules can't be altered. You got caught cheating, you gotta take the blade. Clean your cuts with peroxide, give her some good D and you re back to where you started. He's from Miami Dade. He should know better.

$ham: My heart goes out to Chad because no matter what he can’t shake that tag. It was a situation that no matter what point it got to he was going to be the bad guy and suffer the consequences. So now it’s going to be a long journey for him to get back but if Michael Vick can redeem himself, so can Chad but it has to be sincere. You can hear it in Vick’s voice that everything he went through, he has truly come out on the other side. On my new album I have a line where I say “I Mike Vick my competition” which I said to mean that you can put me through anything and I will come back stronger and more resilient. I hope Chad focuses on everything he has at stake and puts away the entertainment part for a sec because TO never really did that to me. Vick did and now he still has a career. Chad can be Vick or TO, we will see.

 Bros: Are mixtapes a good thing for the industry? Also, when you gonna get Persia on one of yours, I wanna see the ATL meets NYC thing mash up.

$ham: I think the power of mixtapes cant be denied because it is a way for artists to completely circumvent major labels and get on without their help entirely. You got be on the shelf at your major label, but 2 years of great mixtapes will get you on by yourself. You could be in a transition in your career and mixtapes will keep you alive to your wins. You could be a new artist and that amazing 1st mixtape could start a bidding war like Chief Keef! I actually sent Persia a record to jump on the “Money Green” LP that comes out in September, but I guess the timing was off for her recording. She is super dope and I think mixtapes will be very key in helping her take off.

Bros: Persia seems mad cool though we haven't met up yet, I scream at her once in a while. And Keef?! I love his little non-rappin ignorant ass. Too bad the culture he represents is gonna turn Chicago into Lil Hati X Iraq.

Bros: Many people don’t know you’re a dope chef, as is another Dope emcee outa Queens….Action Bronson, and another out of your Camp, DJ Paul. Who would win in a cook-off?

$ham: I think Paul wins on the grilling/bar-be-que hands down, without question. DJ Paul’s new bbq sauce and seasonings are fire to cook with. Action would prob win on some gourmet, true culinary shit. My lane is just making the food that my Mom taught me so I would be able to cook for me and my sister. I make Southern food like meatloaf, mac n cheese, deviled eggs, cheesy rice broccoli casserole, steaks, green bean casserole, baked ziti, shrimp pasta, I got a crazy glaze for my Salmon that I pan fry. So I get down always but my lane is more kinda everyday food that’s off the chain because I learned from the very best.

Fuck Im hungry. Shouts out to real hip hop. Support it. Buy Albums. Keep the Culture Alive.


Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Everything I needed to know about Hoodrats

Remember those old framed posters you would see with the apple that said "All I ever needed to know I learned in Kindergarten" that talked about sharing and caring and shit? Well that's a good place to start. Now I know a lot of you traded study hall for section 8 a long time ago, or rocked your last cap and gown before you even had fully grown titties, but we can at least agree that pretty much all of us went to Kindergarten.

This simple, absolute fact begs me to ask the question of "what has changed between now and kindergarten, when everyone seemed pretty much eachothers' equal , that now people of different races and social classes have begun acting like they were born on different planets?" Is it the cycle of poverty and even worse, cycle of uneducated parents failing to want better for their kids? Sure. Is it a culture which favors the rich and offers the poor a crutch to lean on rather than a stepping stone to financial improvement? You betcha. Is it the lack of positive male role models and the normalizing of the single parent household? Yes sir.  It is all of these things....AT THE SAME DAMN TIME! (Future voice). Fortunately for you all, this is not a social work blog and we're choosing to focus on a more interesting and smaller, albeit important contributing factor which has "made us the way we are." Music my nig*a....Music.

Music is one of the primary reasons white people and black people are so different, and why we like different types of women. I've never heard Toby Kieth or Billy Ray Cirus talk about a fat ass or how bands a make her dance. Just like I never heard a rap song say, I want a trailer park queen and a bottle of Jim beam. This being said.....


Everything I needed to know about Hoodrats, I learned from 3-6 Mafia...and Project Pat

1. Last 2 Walk:

You ever hear the expression "don't keep a circle full of squares?" Well in the urban vernacular, this translates to a steadfast decision that the ones closest to you shall be treated like family, and the rest should simply be kept at bey. One of 3-6 Mafia's last albums, entitled "Last 2 Walk" symbolized just this same mantra of "keep your friends close and enemies the fu*k from round you." The 3-6 essentially started with 2 members Juicy J and Dj Paul (because noone remembers koopsta Knicca), added two more, (Gangsta Boo & Crunchy Black) and eventually ended up with just 2...Juicy and Paul...It's usually the homies you've known the longest that you can trust to stick by your side.

To the victors go the spoils...and white women....

2. It's Hard out here for a pimp:

Yeah I'm sure you remember Terance "The Perm" Howard's high yellow ass singin this after he got beat up by punk ass Ludacris in Hustle and flow, but it was actually the 3-6 Mafia who penned this ode to the peddaling of flesh. The opening chorus "You know it's hard out here for a pimp, when he's gotta make the money for the rent, and when the Cadillacs and Gas money spent, they're be a whole lotta bi*ches jumpin ship" is one of the most definitive moments of Rean Nig*a shit ever to be put on wax. 3-6 Taught us that at some point in our adult life we will have to hustle to make ends meet, and that we should be prepared for fairweather friends to disappear once times get hard...

3. Lemme See Your Tongue Ring:

Chris rock said it best. "If a girl has a tongue ring, she'll probably suck your di*k." 3-6 said it first. Pretty self explainatory. . In the words of 3-6, she will "Slob on your knob, like Corn on the cob." I learned that in highschool, ironically aroud the same time I started listening to 3-6, and no girl I've met since then has ever dispelled the myth. To make things even better, the Mafia not only taught us about getting our nuts licked, a$$ eaten and knob slobbed, they made talking about it in a crude yet brash manner acceptible because it was funny. It was like hoes would say "OMG, LOL. Corn on the cob. What a funny analogy!" without even realizing that your jolly green giant was half way down her esophogus. LOL.I actually have a new theory that the physiochemical properties of semen are somehow magnetically structured with a charge that aligns toward metal objects. If she has a tongue ring she usually swallows. Now get this, with the new generation of Lil Wayne faced girls getting these new metal moles, lip, eyebrow and other facial piercings, I am inclined to assume that these women must also like sporatic spluges of semi warm seminal splashes all up in their grill. Girls with tongue rings are always freaks

4. Don't Save Her:

We've all heard the term 'Captain Save-a-Hoe' before, though some of us choose to ignore it and break out our cape at the strip club every week. Project Pattttt-ah let us know "Don't save her...She don't wanna be saved!" and he was probably telling the truth. In knowing a lot of strippers and hookers, mainly the ones Caveman dated for that year we refer to as "the Dark Period" I've learned that they like the life. Sleeping till 4 pm, doing drugs, having sex and getting paid.... No other job offers those kids of benefits. Even regular girls don't want to be saved, be it from a life of rachetness, a cheating or abusive man, or a life of mediocrity. She may pretend like she wants to be saved, but in the end she will chicken out and resort to her old ways. I've been there, offered to move a girl in with her child...but her fear of responsibility and expectations was greater than her fear of living check to check and in tenement housing. Can't teach an old dog new tricks. Remember, be it for fear of not being able to measure up once outside of their comfortable enviornment, or lack of desire to change their current situation, you can't rescue someone from a place that they like being mans poverty is a rachet hoe's paradise.

5. Bands a make her dance:

This recently penned song by the Juice man reminds me that as long as your money is green, you can show up in an urban strip club with a KKK hood on and nobody would notice. Shit, no offense, but money made us go for about 10 years without noticing DJ Paul only had 1 hand! Bands most certainily will make her dance, and upon hearing such I automatically think of the Million Dollar Man, Ted Dibiasi's old saying "Everyone has a price...everyone can be bought." Sounds crazy, but I'm sure there's a price point for everything. Preemtive pause. Moral of the story is, women love money. With money you can Tear da Club up, pop your collar while sippin on some sizzurp and pull any "whoop whoop" Chickenhead that you want. Yes, Bands it is. ***Commences to throw.  

Shouts to my homie Obama & the folks who did they thing at the DNC .They got them racks shawty.