In this post the Bros aim to do something a bit different than we have done in the past.
Rather than fill your head with our own crazy conspiracy theories and witty societal critiques, we are going to present you with our observations and in the end, ask a question rather than answer it. Maybe in the end, this exercise of asking all the right questions will eventually lead us to the one which provides the answer, but I'm not making any promises...because in the word's of the greatest blond singer of all time, "I'll never make a promiseeeeeeee, that I can't keep..."well, except for the "I promise ima just bust quick right now so that I'll last longer in round two" one.
Today's observation deals with one very distinct population, single white females...and no, not the kind you see late night on spice TV or online at bangbus, you know, the things wet dreams are made of...I'm talking about the other kind of single white female. I'm talking about the hardworking, destitute, exhausted single mother working day in and day out to try and make ends meet. The kind that is a part of the 40% of white families who receive food stamps (...of which black families make up 25%).
Tako: Sensing extreme shadeeeeeee.
In walking past the Bus Stop the other day, I saw something that I see often time and time again, a White mother who appeared to be poor, with a mixed race child standing Alone. This of course leads me to the following questions, some of which I can answer, others which I cannot:
Why do I not see white women with white babies standing alone? Hmmmmm.
Why are they at the Bus stop? Most likely because I don't not see the ones in cars.
Do more single white mothers have cars? This could be because a larger % of them aren't as poor.
What about the ones who are just as poor, where are they? Possibly being assisted by family.
Do white people value family more? No, Impossible. Everytime you hear of a family being killed, its disgruntled white kids.
Are there more single white mothers? Doubtful.
Are there more absent black fathers? Probable.
Are black fathers more prone to leave? (Silence)
When you take the time to delve deeper into what has become a pervasive part of the urban landscape you realize that something deeply profound is happening. The society of the working poor is changing right before our eyes as we see something that Hiphop and Fashion designers have been seeing for years...Black men influencing the culture. This time, however, society is being left with the byproduct of our hurt, resentment and overall sense of apathy rather than the cash cow of cultural appropriation. Instead of young white girls receiving the "new world" from their Black Columbus's...In-di-ian (pronounced in thee end) they are left with nothing more than a figurative bout with smallpox.
The plight of the young white woman, (I'm being serious so don't suck your teeth), is not only bad in that it shows a lack of moral fortitude in America, but because it also further exacerbates stereotypes of the inadequacy of the black male. This is a narrative that we ourselves have to change, and which we can only do by breaking the cycle. While yes I do realize not all single white mothers fall into this category and that many minority mothers face the same problems, I will say that the unique set of circumstances which lead to this particular situation are directly a result of the juxtaposition between black and white. Allow me to explain.
Honestly, I can't call it dawg...I don't know if our current rate of absenteeism is a result of one of these things or all of these things but they undoubtedly have a symbiotic effect on our cultural behavior. For generations "the cycle" has existed; Black men learn from generational observation that women are the primary caregivers and heads of households while "fathers" are often transient, incarcerated, financially dependent or non-existent. Combine this with a single black mother who wishes nothing more than to care for and love her family, eventually living the American dream of a stable family and marriage environment...a single black mother who will to encourage you to date within your races as she sees herself in each of these young black women, some of whom need to be reminded of their own self worth, and others who need a man who gives them no reason to ever doubt it. Let's recap...black mom wants you to marry a black woman, not because shes racist but because she wants to recreate a better, loving version of what she's always strived for.
Fast forward ten years and the black male, whether in high school or simply high school aged is overcome with hormones and bombarded with the stereotype of white girls as "easy", "submissive" or at the very least, "more passive." Mom doesn't want me to marry a white girl, but that doesn't mean I cant have fun with one, right? (The reverse of this would be the similarly hurtful thought of a white woman who knows she wants to marry a Caucasian hedge fund manager but still wants a good spearing for a Mandingo warrior. Lol.) Combine this family dynamic with the already negative stereotypes of black men floating around in society. Centuries ago we were thought to be sex crazed rapist beasts...now we're thought to be lazy, no-good and ignorant abusers. This may cause the females family dynamics to be as such, or at least to be perceived as such:
White dad: (Secretly glad daughter's black bf has walked out) "I told you so. They are no good. But we will support you."
Which leads to....
Black Bf's thoughts: "She'll be aiiiight. Her family got bread."
White dad: We told you not to mess with their kind. You are dead to us once you have that baby.
Black bf thinking: "it's not like she's going anywhere...her own family dont even fu*k with her."
|Tako: Bruh. You couldn't find a pic of ANY other black man.|
In the end, my aid isn't to perpetuate these stereotypes and scenarios but merely to acknowledge they exist and pose a question, how do we get this cycle to end? Maybe by communicating our experiences with not so healthy relationships and facilitating cross cultural discussion we can form better, stronger, more loving relationships in the end. While none of the above reasons are an acceptable "excuse" for a man walking out on their child, they are oftentimes the catalyst. In order to diffuse the powder keg that is the interracial single parent household we need our black fathers to fan the flames. Stop making babies just because they'll have pretty hair and you'll have no responsibility. Stop going raw inside girls you have no intention of marrying if you know your pullout game is weak as a mikes lemonade...and ladies, stop sleeping with every Tom, DICK and Harry with the freshest J's when you know that a man who wont even hug you in public or acknowledge you on social media aint finna claim no baby. Stop keeping Maury in business....and more importantly, #Bringbackourfathers...(white women can't braid hair as good anyway.)
We may not have all the answers, but we sure keep the people talking...and while some may have the same face as 80% of the audience during Chris Rock's Oscar monologue when they read this, at least we know they got the message loud and clear.
The key to bringing back our fathers is asking this age old question : "why are they leaving?"