Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Where to Meet a Man...Pause... and Where not to.



As of 2010 there were approximately 97 Males for every 100 females in the US. Taking into account the amount of Jordan wearing lesbians in contemporary America, I’d say that this makes the ratio pretty much even and the statement that “there aren’t enough men to go around” sounds outright foolish; Sheeeit, with the abundance and availability of ass shots, boob jobs and tummy tucks, even 4 flamboyant hairdressing males from Atlanta who prefer their bar stools upside down rather than rightside up couldn’t turn down a woman in this day in age.



Women… yall are winning, yet at the same time losing. Why in a day in age where noone can turn down a fine female specimen, are so many of you left hopelessly dealing with jailbirds, mommas boys, income tax ballers, habitual baby daddies and, well….ATL-iens…Bosh Boys…Mr. Cees or whatever you may call them? I’ll tell you why. Location, location, location! Nevertheless, don’t fret my pets. Like a good neighborrrrrrrr, the Bros are there (Allvoice.) We’ll tell you where to go and where not to go so as to find a ‘sole mate’ that has nothing to do with sneakers.

Tako: Booooo! 

Wja3: Good concept, corny joke. 

C4: That's the State Farm song.

Anyway, lets take a walk through the hood shall we? Strolling down the street... with my homie Tako...sippin on Gin and Juice. Shit, We're empty. Lets make a quick stop.

Liquor store: 


Tako: Oh so you like to Turnup? Get bent nasty? Swizzled? Hammered? Trashed & smashed before givin up the ass? Cool. Maybe you'll find a man here that likes to do the same and you can habitually argues over who's turn it is to be designated driver. 

Show: or you can use this as the perfect unsuspecting environment to casually meet a nice looking gent while gathering more info than he can fathom. 

Buying expensive liquor? Could mean he's rich or priorities are skewed. In the Moscatto aisle? Maybe he's gay or has a gf, boo thang or side piece. Is he drinkin beer? What type? Heinekens & coronas only could mean he's never been further than his front stoop or it could mean he's trying not to be called bougie at the hood cookout. Craft beer usually means he's college educated or at the least has white friends and or an adventurous streak. While the fact a man is in the liquor store doesn't automatically put him in a category, the info u can gain in this situation can be invaluable; as a meeting venue I give liquor store a B+.

Damn son, all then Gin & juice has me thirsty.... Let me stop at the gym real quick and grab a Dasani water or something. Pause.

C4: You did not just pause "dasani." 

Show: There's a uppercase "D". Cant be too cautious. 

Wja3: DEAD! 

Gym: 



Dilema. Everyone loves a fit physique but Noone likes to be bothered at the gym... Solution? No one minds being bothered by a beautiful woman, and if you are one, you can easily ask for lifting advice without seeming thirsty. The physical aspect is taken care of and you can filter out by other variables, such as desired salary, by avoiding low budget, no frills gyms like the ones that are 9.99 a month. See if he socializes and people know him by name... That means he comes a lot, as just like in a relationship, you don't build gym rapport without commitment. For women, the gym gets an A- grade as a meeting place. For men, don't even try it lest be banished to the land of neck rolls and side eyes.



Fu*k all this walking b. It's like 100 degrees out here lets get the whip. I'ma park it in the church parking lot, them nig*as won't tow us...I hope.

Church:



While it is a known fact that many a rachet hood rat has been know to make the cumfilled pilgrimage to church after a night of turned up sinning, men who attend church (excluding the preacher) ate usually there for one of two reasons: a.) he's there with family, as men don't usually attend church solo , or b.) he's there repenting for sins or learning how not to commit them. Either way, acknowledging your flaws and trying to better yourself is a good thing. These types will be genuine and if you keep coming and he's still there, he may have some potential.


Be cautious of the men in the cheap Steve Harvey suits or anyone under 35 wearing a hat as southern folk live by the code of "everybody goes to church because that's just what you do" so you may inadvertently run into an O.G Mack like Romey Rome. If he has rings or bling that isn't a Jesus piece, run!



If he has a Jesus piece on in church he just may be a little hood, but y'all like that anyway....check his jail record though. Meet a mate rating: B+.

Tako: I'm hungry b....and you tryin to be Hood tour guide and shit...aint nobody got time for that. 

Show: True, let me get this cut real quick, then we'll hit the moo shoo spot. 

Barbershop:



Wja3: I always thought women who aren't single moms in barbershops look desperate as hell. Even single moms I wonder about... Like you couldn't get a baby daddy or uncle to handle that business? 

Yes, a barbershop caters to all walks of life and you will see everyone from thugs to businessman interacting, and it is through these interactions that you can learn a lot about whether or not your potential mate is "down to earth." You can see if he's a punk, I.e) is scared in the urban surrounding , b.) a good , patient or caring father, c.) cares about cursing around kids or d.) gambles. Clearly any man willing to hit that shop every week is well groomed and not frugal, which is a plus, but remember , there's no filter in the barbershop and this is "his environment..." just get your Steve Irwin Niggadile hunter on and observe; if you don't have a child, however, keep yo thirsty ass out the shop. Meet a man rating: C+

Tako: That shit took forever! 

Show: We can't all be half Asian with no beard. Lets get this grub. 


The Chinese Restaurant: 



The cashier at the Chinese spot is like a black woman: simultaneously the most respected (Dear Mama) and disrespected (ain't no fun) at the same time. While the Chinese spot never gets robbed, the cashier is constantly degraded on some "Ching Wong Wang Gimmie my loosie and my 4 wings fried hard." Watch how he treats the cashier and how he speaks to them as it speaks to his character. Clearly he's not a health nut, but maybe it's his cheat day. If her orders pork fried rice no vegetables, however.... RED FLAG. Run. Hood booga alert!

In the end though, just know you're getting a man lower on the economic scale (which is OK) with a splash of hood... Richer people will just order delivery and avoid the hood. Most important lesson here is watch how they treat the people who can seemingly do nothing for them, for this is the definition of "character." Find a man rating: C-.

Tako: Oh sh*t there goes that nig*a C4. We bout to go to Wja3's , you rollin? 

C4: Yeah, but I gotta stop and pick up some things to use as props for this sketch I'm workin on. There's a supermarket by here right? 

Supermarket:



Spilling out the cup till it runnin over.... Holy grail. The supermarket is the goat of chance encounter spots as you are liable to find a man who is self sufficient, possibly health conscious, can cook, make decisions, find sales and manage his time. What more can you ask for. Follow him to the line and u can even see if he's workin with an American express card (he's financially responsible w/ good credit) or a rush card (he's workin on it.) lol. Either way , look in his cart and you can tell if he had kids and how he feels about nutrition.... Shit u can even tell his ethnicity or ethnic influences without him being at the cart. Tabasco? White. Goya? Spanish. Lowry's? Black. Franks red hot? Toss up. Lol

C4: Aiiight, I'm back. 

Show: Damn, wastin all my gas. 

Tako: Why you got the windows down and the A/C on then ni**a. 

Show: Im stuntin, though it's sad that gas has become so expensive that using it is "stuntin'." 

Friends House: 



Your friends house has two things,not counting the bad ass kids and roaches. 1.) the Internet , 2.) your friend. While Internet dating is a cornucopia of good and bad, I'd say the amount of bad outweighs the good as its too easy to lie online. IF, however, u meet someone online through a mutual friend, your chances on not being raped and killed increase exponentially. Networking is key to being successfully in America. It's how the rich stay rich, it's how the rich got rich, and it's how you meet someone after already knowing everything about them. This being said , it is the GOAT (greatest of all time) spot to add that extra switch to your walk and find a man.



Here is the key to nigga networking however: if your girlfriends man ain't shit don't ask to meet his friends. If she says one of his friends wants her to "put you on with" so and so... Run! Instead, go to the friend with the semi nerdy, clean cut boyfriend with a good job. He will have co-workers and not just "homies."



Perhaps he'll even have that edgy friend who is fresher than him but still handles his business like a grownup. Don't think it works? Ask my girlfriend. She met me through C4. Lol Meet a man rating: A+

Wja3: Well guys, I have to admit, you did a good job summarizing where to meet a man. I might even be inclined to say that you need to pause the fact that you know where to meet a man. 

Show: Chill. I'm just trying to help the ladies out. Showpac cares, if dont nobody else cares. 

C4: Lord. 

Either way, as always, the Bros have given our followers with tittes a stockload of ammunition. Use it at your discretion. Oh yeah, and if you choose to keep meeting men at footlocker or the club, dont say we didn't warn ya.

-Bros

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