Monday, October 29, 2012
Ask any black man who his most serious, long-term committed relationship has ever been with, and he'll likely mention a man. This man is more important to him than any of his wifeys, mistresses, girlfriends, side pieces, jumpoffs or bitches combined (maybe because this man has a distinct hand in helping procure these female companions). No, not a pimp, cuz who is friends with an actual pimp? His barber. The barber is part stylist, part psychiatrist, one part stand-up comedian, confidant, and friend in general. Your barber can make you change your plans around HIS schedule in a way your boss never could, and reduce you damn near to tears if you can't get an appointment in time before your big weekend away, wedding, job interview or especially popping night at the club. Which is why the most traumatic breakups are between a man and his barber. There are men who will cheat on their girlfriends and sleep like a baby, but see another barber and he lies awake all night massaging his hairline. What if you run into your actual barber with a fresh cut from somebody else? The horror. Luckily your boy @C42YaDoor the nappy headed bough (shout out to Philly!) has an active imagination, and can humorously depict what that painfully awkward encounter might look like. Enjoy:
Thursday, October 18, 2012
A friend of mine once said, "whenever you come back from a blog hiatus, you always push the limits of unadulterated recklessness." To that I reply, "There's no need to end a hiatus, except in cases where something really needs to be said loud and clear." Females be trippin....females be trippin (Old school Comic View Voice.)
This being said, I'm sure you've all been in this situation before.
You're with your man, significant other, jumpoff or sugar daddy and right past you walks the white girl of his dreams...actually, she could be puertorican, messican, black...whatever.... but the case in point is, she has the goods and whatever it is she's wearin...he can't stop staring (Sir Mix-a-Lot Voice.) When this occurs you can choose the head shaking approach whereupon you laugh it off in implicit disgust or the neck snapping approach where you proceed to cuss him out, pop your bublegum, pat your weave, take out your mirror backed named earrings and put some Vaseline on your face....
Wja3: You mess with too many hood chicks....
BOTH these approaches, nonetheless, are WRONG. You should PRAISE that man with the fervor of a religious zealot or newly converted jail Muslim...and Here's why.
Tako: He wasn't looking so Muslim when he knocked 40 Cal from Dipset in the head with the shovel inside that barbershop. LOL.
Wja3: Focus fellas, focus.
Whether we like to admit it or not, we Americans tend to judge, pre-judge, look down upon and compare others to ourselves. Women see other women and hastily discuss why she looks a hot mess or how desirable of a frame she has compared to your own stagnant process at the gym. In the same manner, men, as naturally competitive animals, tend to look at other men as competition. Can I beat him up? Do I dress better than him? Can he beat me up? He's corny. Fuck him b. Fuck is he looking at?
This is exactly what is wrong with America and what stops us from being human beings with moral virtue. Hate. Every man looks at every other man through the eyes of an blatant or subtle "Hater." Google the term "Ice Grill."
When men look at women, however, a different process occurs.
Due to the nature of men as hunter gatherers and primitive carnal creatures we immediately switch into "What if she and I were the last two people on earth" mode and "how could I help preserve the human race" aka smash without throwing up in my own mouth.
Essentially, 3 things happen:
1.) He notices all her good qualities.
2.) He notices the good things about all her bad qualities.
3.) He re-evaluates himself in a "if there were two men left on earth, why would she pick me" sort of way.
To quote Chad Kroeger, the lead singer of one of my favorite bands Nickelback, "Sex is always the answer, its never a question cause the answer's yes." Existing in a vacuum where your boys wouldn't find out, most men would smash anything. Women, this works in your favor. Knowing this helps you understand that the desire for monogamy is never a stage men reach, but rather a conscious decision based on love and suppressing sexual desires to make your mate happy. Of course you'd rather be smashing her and all her friends, you just dont. More importantly it means that men, never hate on women. Sure they may call you "B*tch" or "Ho" when you reject them but it's really because he's hurt at the thought that "if given two men left on earth, you'd choose the other." If you gave him nekked flicks I bet he'd still be left with a bottle of lotion and a smile.
In a world full of hate, the smile of a slightly attractive female or the booty of a radioactively fugly one can cause the ugly word and its hurtful connotations to go away, even if only for the 10 seconds it takes to glance. Looking at that white girl may even cause two unrelated, male strangers to give each other a head nod or dap as they catch each other looking at the same time. Women.... eye contact is personal, this...not so much. In the end it leads to a healthier environment where we find the good in people and encourage ourselves to be better (see above #1 and #3) and trust me ladies, you reap the benefits.
That being said, encourage your man to be positive rather than negative. Get him in the habit of praise. Let him burn through her skirt with his eyes and know that its not a reflection on what he thinks of you, because he'd look the same at anyone with woman parts. A warm smile beats an ice grill anyday, and as long as he's looking at her during a transitory glance, you know he's thinking positive thoughts. The same way that men view masturbation as a way to clear their mind before making hasty decisions in the heat of lust, this may well be the sort of daily mind clearance needed to de-stress....and it sure beats him going to the back room of a strip club or massage parlor. Think about it...noone has ever gotten hurt or started a fight whilst watching adult films.
Let him look.....or in the words of The Basedgod....Let that man cook.