Thursday, March 29, 2012

Leave Your Hoodies At Home [Vlog]



Trayvon-related Geraldo spoof featuring C4. It's what happens when a black man decides to give up his hoodie.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Nappyheaded Editorial: Trayvon. I'm Entitled to my Own Opinion


I was wearing hoodies before Trayvon Martin got killed.

Difference is....now, more than 20 years after putting on my 1st hoodie, the word "hoodie" actually means something more than, the article of clothing which kept me warm throughout my youth, kept me fresh to death in school and allowed me to feel like each and every one of my favorite rappers. why does this matter? It matters because I hope that this mental association of young black teenager killed for no reason" and the word "hoodie" lasts forever....I hope this isnt the hot button topic of the moment, or a flash in the pan of protests which will fizzle and die out as quickly as the hype over Galaxy foamposites.

Tako: a Young black teen was murdered by a racist blockwatch captain. Why do you think this type of event would ever be forgotten though son?

Because.

well.....

Because niggas are stupid. Niggas just want something to raise their fist about. Niggas just want something to put on T-Shirts and make Facebook posts about to try and seem intelligent.

Sorry for my usage of the N-word, but sometimes a Nigga gotta use it.

Wja3: And this is why I stay out of these convos......

The facts are as follows:

Noone, not even the police are allowed to gun people down without fear of their own life being in jeopardy. This is fact....except in Alabama where "nigga" is still a crime. People, nonetheless are engaging in frivolous arguments about "Trayvon being a target because he was black wearing a hoodie" and about what type of provocation led to the shooting. Doesnt matter that he was suspended from school for having an empty bag of weed, or that he was 6'3" (the nigga was only 150, and we all know 6'3" 150 is like Snoop dogg skinny!)

Truth is, none of that matters. Trayvon could've said, 'Fuck out my face you bitch ass cracker. What am I doing here? I'm giving your mom big long black country dick...and she likes it" and while that may have warranted a swift punch in the face and a few under breath racial slurs, it doesnt justify murder. As a matter a fact, lets play Devils advocate and act like it does justify murder...a nigga disrespects you, you kill him...it STILL DOESNT MAKE IT LEGAL. Don't believe it? Look at every gang / miscellaneous hood killing in the last 10 years. Nigga disrespects? Kill him. End up in jail.

That being said, black people....

Beautiful princesses and strong Nubian warriors of the earth....and white people...holders of good credit and the best college blowjobs... lets not make this about more than it is.

This is not a social conspiracy.

This is not a plot against all black men in hoodies.

This is an isolated incident which is a manifestation of a not so isolated problem...racism.

A racist white block watch leader killed an innocent black teenager. Fuck whether or not he was smartmouthed or disrespectful, where he was standing or what he was wearing...he was unarmed and therefore innocent. Police tried to cover it up, but apparently have failed, which usually doesnt happen in the south. Usually these things get swept under the rug.

Thats all there is to it.

The cops should be punished and Zimmerman should be sent to jail. Do not pass go. Kiss your anal virginity goodbye.

That being said, take your goddamned fist out of the air and use it to pick up a book. Trayvon is one of many black males persecuted for the color of their skin. We've all seen it or experienced it 1st hand and there's really nothing special about this case. Its a tragedy, its sad and we're glad it finally makes the media realize that racism still exists (even though we go through this every few years and seem to forget about it...see: Amadou Diallo, Malik Jones, James Byrd.) Say a prayer for Trayvon's family and for the American Justice system so it doesnt miscarriage.

Oh yeah, and take off those fucking hoodies. Its 80 degrees and almost April.

A buttonup shirt, tie and appearance in court where things actually happen would do us much more good. Challenge whether or not the "Stand your ground Law " (google it) is applicable, not whether or not you should rock a black hoodie or a blue one to match your J's. . I've read Beard Vs. The United states 158 US 550 (1895), the case law which the law is rooted in, and dont think there's a snowball's chance in hell that Zimmerman will fall under its protection.

Let's do something that actually matters rather than something that makes it look like we care.

Just sayin.

-Bros


Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Girl Pin # 2034



Sooooooooo, thats how we want to play it ladies?




We're really going to act like men are the scum of the earth just because the Bros said so? Just because we've given you the raunchy tales of adolescence and the fraternity parties of yesteryear?






Well what if we were to tell you that we're wholeheartedly offended? It's like the way that a woman can act like a bitch and call another woman a bitch but flips out if a man does it. Yep. We can act like dogs and call each other heartless pieces of mierda, but yall have no right to judge us with all the fu*ked up shit yall women do.



Tako: List, List, List!!


Wja3: Let men raise children that aren't theirs and tell them on Maury when the kid is like 10!


C4: Fake periods to avoid sex.



Show: Fake abortions and spend the abortion money.



That being said, I'm going to pass along a pin number post that a female reader submitted to me. I personally think its funny and am not all that shocked because I understand deviant behavior and human nature...you may be shocked because you're naive and havent heard the Showrockism "bi*ches aint shit and fella's ain't worth a wipe."



#2034



"There's nothing I hate more than sexism...well actually that's a lie. The one thing I hate more than sexism and male cheuvenistic behavior is an overly inflated male ego. I know you're all thinking right now, 'she sounds like a feminist lezbo,' which is not the case. I just relish the idea of putting a man in his place....starting with you.



I triumphantly emerged from a barroom storage area only to be greeted with a cheesy patron induced grin as I attempted to make my way to the ladies room. I had carved another notch in my belt and made another man my bitch and nothing could blow my high. I watched as you flirted with at least 2 girls in the 15 steps it took you to walk over to me and not even offer a drink; I wasn't offended by this gesture of frugality though, as my thirst had already been well quenched many times over.




What I was offended by, however, was your obnoxious friend (be this a lesson about the company you keep) and a comment that he made to another male standing at the bar" "Haha, you should've bagged her when you got a chance but not my Boy's about to hit that...lost your chance." Did he just say chance, as though I was a target to be acquired? And did you just nod in tipsy affirmation like I would give you sex because you successfully wooed me and not just because I like to fuck? Bad judgement fellas.




I play the dumb blonde role as you caress the nape of my neck and begin to devour my face like a sex starved teenager...all within 5 minutes of me attempting to walk to the bathroom...yes, within five minutes of me attempting to go to the bathroom and wash the thick load of semen out of my mouth from the guy I had just blown in the storage area, who might I add was much hotter than you. I let you passionately kiss me and think that you were gonna get some, all the while swishing another man's still warm semen and my own saliva back in forth like a Listerine gargle. I enjoyed this. You see, the guy with the girlfriend who I blew in the storage area and left stuck paying my bar tab....I made him my bitch...but this was something even better...this was making you call me daddy.




Sucker.


-M.K.




Show: And that, my female friends, is how you write a Pin # post! Yo go girl.


Tako: Swag.


Wja3: Smh.


C4: Loss for words.


Thoughts?

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Pin Number #2153

And the perilously poignant yet perpetually pleasing Pin number posts are poised for a prominent placement at the Nappyheaded podium. You've been warned.





**New readers: Pin number posts consists of Show or Tako, as C4 and Wja3 are much less mean-spirited, using a girl's area code + the last digit of their phone number to determine her "pin." Next, an embarrassing, funny or outright fu*ked up story is told corresponding to the pin. The funny part is that no one know's it is you, but you......



Pin #2153



We all know men are dogs...at least until a certain age when they grow up and become lazy dogs, too tired to chase the cat, or smart dogs tired of getting scratched by the cat and ending up outside in the cold, cloistered "dog house."




What you may or may not know about men, however, is that like dogs, we are somewhat color blind; Whereas most humans see in 3 primary colors, dogs see in 2, thanks to having a less cellularly complex retina. Now....add to this the fact that dogs don't drink beer and cant get drunk, while men, take full advantage of both. This takes us from chromatically impaired and colorblind, to just plain blind.




Keeping this in mind, one would think that the two primary identifiers men would see once the powers of their simplified retina were diminished by alcohol consumption would be "hot girl" and "not hot girl." This is incorrect. As is shown through the example of Pin #2153, the only distinguishing identifiers after a night of 4Loko are the primary identifiers of "pus*y" and "more pus*y."



Tako: And that, my friends, is keeping it real.


Show: For a man who isnt true to himself will only walk through life in a nebulous haze, being tricked by golddiggers transvisties.


Wja3: Wise words from a decent man.


C4: Story, please....



So it was late, Miss #2153, and though you weren't my first choice, i had drunkenly decided that you would do. Me, I normally prefer prime rib, but when you're hungry, any fat laden end cut will do. A nice rump roast with cushioning will do...at this point you cant see anyway, only feel.




Seeing as how you'd never met my friends I figured a 3 am visit was fine; Noone was waiting to meet you, and everyone was already so wasted that by the time you walked in looking like a frumpy troll with a nice donkey booty, they thought it was OK to sing that song from Always Sunny in Philadelphia "You gotta pay the troll toll." 4 Loko will make you act like an ass...no pun intended.



Sadly for you, but awesome for my di*k, a much hotter girl who had only heard of me from my mixtapes showed up at the house around the same time. Being a super hot college freak she whispered in my ear that she wanted to take me upstairs. Did it matter that she was hotter than you? Absolutely not. That just meant that she got to go first.



Caveman: Have you lost your mind, this hot girl wants to do you and you're running around with this troll! Snap out of it.


Tako: LMAOOOOOO

Show: LMAOOOOOO



More pus*y is always better than less, so I do what any self respecting perv would do. Reached in your purse while you weren't looking and stole the condoms I told you to bring. Next i proceeded to suggest we get freaky and that you give me the condoms.



Troll-be Bryant: Oh fu*k, I must've left them home.




It's wasn't that dark so i figured a walk alone to the Wawa would be fine for a twenty something year old troll, you were from under the bridge anyway! I hear its rough down there. Once you left, with me screaming out the door "get some Doritos too", I proceed to bang college hottie's brains out for a few hours.



Caveman: What'd you say? Where's Show and Tako? Ummmmm. I don't know.



About 2 hours of beerpong later (for you) and 2 hours of fellatio and slamdancing for me, i emerge from upstairs and say, oh hey...sorry I passed out. College hottie leaves and you proceed to tell me that my friends were worried looking for me. I shrug my shoulders, chug a glass of tequila and ask "did u ever get those condoms?"



We proceed to bang on the back porch steps just because i wanted everyone to know I pulled this one off.



Men are dogs.



Raise the "roof."



-Bros

Monday, March 5, 2012

Just the Tip

I hate to make everything about race all the time, but since that is one of the few things in our society that people still think is taboo, I oftentimes have to be the one to voice the public consciousness.


That being said, I am going to say what white bartenders and waitresses have been thinking for centuries:


"Why don't these ni**as tip!"





Now before you hit me with all that "I rock a natural hairstyle because I went to an all white school to study the African Diaspora and rebel against the self hatred of a Dark and Lovely relaxer" shit, let me also explain that I am also here to say what black patrons have been thinking for centuries as well:


"Why do these waitresses keep giving me shitty service because they think I'm not gonna tip. I got money dammit!"





It's called "Self-fulfilling prophecy" in the psychological world and describes the phenomenon by which someone believes a certain outcome will occur, therefore leading them to act as though that outcome WILL occur, which thereby makes the act occur. Confused? Keep reading.



Wja3: This my friends, is quite the conundrum.




Stuck between Charles Dutton and Compton (A 'Roc' and a 'Hard Place...lol) the African American partaker of food and libations is now forced between two options:




A.) Leave no tip, as is normally warranted under such circumstances where service is sub-par, but which opens the door for said waitress/waiter to say "I told you so, black folk don't tip well," and continue to discriminate against other patrons.




b.) Leave a tip despite the terrible service with the hopes the waiter does not see you as an outlier or exception to the norm. Worse case scenario you're out a few extra bucks in the name of the race, and the waiter still continues to stereotype.




You choose between option A and B and the waiter responds accordingly. Sounds simple right? Wrong.




By making the choice you are deciding much more than whether or not your wallet will be 10 bucks lighter and the waitress may have the extra funds needed to pay her babysitter or take that Coach bag off layaway...you are deciding how you want to live your life. Do you want to continue to tip under any circumstances because you are dedicated to the "cause" of educating the ignorant, with hopes that you'll touch a life? This represents conformity. It is like cutting your hair and shaving your face in order to show Caucasian America that Black men are not all dreadlocked, philly bearded thugs. What good is a Phd if your cornrows and tattoos scare everyone away before you get to show the resume?








What if everyone were to adopt this philosophy...it would basically be the same as saying we are all going to look like Steve Urkel to show "them" that we all don't look like Allen Iverson. Hmmmm. At some point you have realize that yes, this works, but only if you're ok with giving up your Iverson-ness. This is not to say that you have to "keep it real at all costs," but there is a point where you have to say I'm black, I'm educated and I'm keeping this mutherfucking do-rag on because it keeps my waves tight.



In the same realm of things, you at some point have to realize that you dont care what people think other black people do, you are going to tip based on what you feel is right and just. You dont see all white people walking around with washcloths because we think they dont use them, nor did we see all white men trying to Dunk on us when White men Can't Jump came out.




Shout out to Rosie Perez.





Tip if you want to, not cause you feel like you have to prove a point.



**Also, Don't be a cheap bastard. What's the difference between seeing 38.00 vs 40.00 on that credit card statement anyway...not like you ever pay more than the 20.00 minimum. It will, however, make the difference between the waiter having a shitty night and maybe, just maybe, not regretting coming in.





Peace.



-TakaFlocka & Rockaflocka





Feel free to comment or let us know your experience on either side of this coin....swag

Friday, March 2, 2012

White women are like a game of Spades

So, as you can see the Bros have been going for quality over quantity these days....


Tako: that being said, Show sends his sincerest apologies and a chocolate covered cherry cheesecake brownie to all the big girls out there in heiffertown U.S.A.


C4: Ass.


Wja3: Well Played.



Anyways, as a general update C4's been out pursuing his acting career and trying to become the next Denzel, Wja3's been saving the world one impoverished neighborhood at a time, Tako has been avoiding baby mamas and paternity suits like the plague, and me...well, I've been buying, selling and trading sneakers across the globe aka trying to get a pair of Galaxy Foamposites. Now we're back...to talk shit.




White women are like a Spades game...




Now...before anyone starts that "what do you know about black OR white girls Mr. "Date so many latinas I collect greencards instead of panties", let me state that I have extensive experience in the realm of ALL women...Plus I consulted my Cousin Chain and Buc Dinero, the self proclaimed 'white ho king.'



The first and most necessary thing to notice and agree on is that :


1) Dating is a game, with clear winners and losers. Those happily married? Those are the winners. The divorcee's may have one a few hands or been the victorious powercouple at game night, but last time you checked, they were at the X-mas party with a standby date in some stacy adams pants, a Kangol and team Jordan Dress shoes. That's a fail.






2) The second thing to note is that all games have different rules, as does the politics of dating women of different races. Don't believe me? Get out of the shower with a white girl...hand her a brush and towel ...done. I didnt hear her asking for a silk headscarf, washcloth, blowdryer, pink hair lotion, baby powder and cocoa butter...and they both smell the same ONCE THEY'RE DRY. (Oh, yall no exactly what I'm talking about. )




Now, the reason white women are like a spades game....


First off, they are things which nig*as like. Also, they have both been known to help incarcerated men get through their jail stints (bids.)Not to say a black woman wouldn't do this...but you will get a whole lot of "I told you so, even though I was helping you spend that illegal money and now I gotta come visit your stupid ass before the two dollar holla or ladies night." White women...well, they play the game just as if it were spades and symbolically throw out that two of clubs to start the game. This represents her "throwing out" the idea of going "to" the "clubs." She's gonna hold you down...and make you a sammmich.





Tako: Dope.


C4: Deep.

Show: Pause.


To take it a step further, aesthetically, white women are just different....yet there isnt too much variation. These represent the "suits." Just as there are 4 suits (diamonds, clubs, hearts and spades) you've got Blondes, brunettes, red heads and Jet black raven haired beauties. Name 4 black women that naturally have hair color like that without the introduction of black di*k into white pus*y...aka mixed race bebe's. With suits defined, there really is no difference between the first 3 other than a difference of opinion. King of hearts, king of diamonds same shit. Blonde, bruneete...whatever. Spades are that different, unique , fourth suit. That being said, I guess Spades would be the black haired ones because the color thing makes sense and most importantly, they look the most Latina and like a spade, they can "CUT" you. No racist. lol.




*Purposely finds pic of white woman so as to not upset Latinas. Lol





C4: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO



Tako: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS




Still, any real player knows that even a spade can be trumped by the big and little jokers. These would be the white girls looked at as a joke by society aka white men, but coveted by all Italians and men of color around the world...the white girls with the fat ass (Big Joker) and extensively big knockers (little Joker.) Trust me, in an interracial game of dating spades, they always win....ALWAYS.





Tako: More, more....this is great...give us more! pause.





Wja3: I got one. Poker is played in smoky testosterone filled dens, whether televised or not, dominoes is played at cookouts, but spades can be played at a classy evening with friends, at a lunchtable in school or in a jail recreation room. White women are versatile.





C4: AND you can bring her to the cookout....if you dont mind your female family members hating and your homeboys scheming in their head.






Precisely. I am glad you mentioned the haters Mr. C4. These would be the "sandbangs" always attempting to weigh you down and meant to discourage you from over bidding. What does over bidding translate to , might you ask? The same as it does in spades...estimating how many books you can win, or different white women you can bring around before you're considered a sell-out.



Straddle this line carefully because it could mean the difference between winning (like Ice-T did w/ Coko the big joker) or thinking you won, only to have to start all over again like Kobe and when he caught his rape case then tried to go back to his wife Vanessa Sandbags; He tried to get that last book and ended up at a "loss for words."





All things being equal, however, white women and black women alike are creatures of habit existing in a society where men create the standards of beauty and acceptability. That being said, we're already ahead in the game. All we have to do at this point is learn the rules and become the best spades players we can...While spades may not be all that "acceptable" of a game (especially in the south) it is nonetheless one that we all enjoy from time to time and which shouldn't be placed at a lower tier just because it was around during the wild west gambling days. Keep playing my friends and one day spades will be as highly revered as poker, and not just a regionally divided counter-culture phenomenon.





Keep playing my friends, keep playing (Dos Equis Voice.)




-Bros