Thursday, March 29, 2012
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
I was wearing hoodies before Trayvon Martin got killed.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
What you may or may not know about men, however, is that like dogs, we are somewhat color blind; Whereas most humans see in 3 primary colors, dogs see in 2, thanks to having a less cellularly complex retina. Now....add to this the fact that dogs don't drink beer and cant get drunk, while men, take full advantage of both. This takes us from chromatically impaired and colorblind, to just plain blind.
Tako: And that, my friends, is keeping it real.
Show: For a man who isnt true to himself will only walk through life in a nebulous haze, being tricked by golddiggers transvisties.
Wja3: Wise words from a decent man.
C4: Story, please....
So it was late, Miss #2153, and though you weren't my first choice, i had drunkenly decided that you would do. Me, I normally prefer prime rib, but when you're hungry, any fat laden end cut will do. A nice rump roast with cushioning will do...at this point you cant see anyway, only feel.
Seeing as how you'd never met my friends I figured a 3 am visit was fine; Noone was waiting to meet you, and everyone was already so wasted that by the time you walked in looking like a frumpy troll with a nice donkey booty, they thought it was OK to sing that song from Always Sunny in Philadelphia "You gotta pay the troll toll." 4 Loko will make you act like an ass...no pun intended.
Sadly for you, but awesome for my di*k, a much hotter girl who had only heard of me from my mixtapes showed up at the house around the same time. Being a super hot college freak she whispered in my ear that she wanted to take me upstairs. Did it matter that she was hotter than you? Absolutely not. That just meant that she got to go first.
Caveman: Have you lost your mind, this hot girl wants to do you and you're running around with this troll! Snap out of it.
More pus*y is always better than less, so I do what any self respecting perv would do. Reached in your purse while you weren't looking and stole the condoms I told you to bring. Next i proceeded to suggest we get freaky and that you give me the condoms.
Troll-be Bryant: Oh fu*k, I must've left them home.
It's wasn't that dark so i figured a walk alone to the Wawa would be fine for a twenty something year old troll, you were from under the bridge anyway! I hear its rough down there. Once you left, with me screaming out the door "get some Doritos too", I proceed to bang college hottie's brains out for a few hours.
Caveman: What'd you say? Where's Show and Tako? Ummmmm. I don't know.
About 2 hours of beerpong later (for you) and 2 hours of fellatio and slamdancing for me, i emerge from upstairs and say, oh hey...sorry I passed out. College hottie leaves and you proceed to tell me that my friends were worried looking for me. I shrug my shoulders, chug a glass of tequila and ask "did u ever get those condoms?"
We proceed to bang on the back porch steps just because i wanted everyone to know I pulled this one off.
Men are dogs.
Raise the "roof."
Monday, March 5, 2012
That being said, I am going to say what white bartenders and waitresses have been thinking for centuries:
"Why don't these ni**as tip!"
Now before you hit me with all that "I rock a natural hairstyle because I went to an all white school to study the African Diaspora and rebel against the self hatred of a Dark and Lovely relaxer" shit, let me also explain that I am also here to say what black patrons have been thinking for centuries as well:
"Why do these waitresses keep giving me shitty service because they think I'm not gonna tip. I got money dammit!"
It's called "Self-fulfilling prophecy" in the psychological world and describes the phenomenon by which someone believes a certain outcome will occur, therefore leading them to act as though that outcome WILL occur, which thereby makes the act occur. Confused? Keep reading.
Wja3: This my friends, is quite the conundrum.
Stuck between Charles Dutton and Compton (A 'Roc' and a 'Hard Place...lol) the African American partaker of food and libations is now forced between two options:
A.) Leave no tip, as is normally warranted under such circumstances where service is sub-par, but which opens the door for said waitress/waiter to say "I told you so, black folk don't tip well," and continue to discriminate against other patrons.
b.) Leave a tip despite the terrible service with the hopes the waiter does not see you as an outlier or exception to the norm. Worse case scenario you're out a few extra bucks in the name of the race, and the waiter still continues to stereotype.
You choose between option A and B and the waiter responds accordingly. Sounds simple right? Wrong.
By making the choice you are deciding much more than whether or not your wallet will be 10 bucks lighter and the waitress may have the extra funds needed to pay her babysitter or take that Coach bag off layaway...you are deciding how you want to live your life. Do you want to continue to tip under any circumstances because you are dedicated to the "cause" of educating the ignorant, with hopes that you'll touch a life? This represents conformity. It is like cutting your hair and shaving your face in order to show Caucasian America that Black men are not all dreadlocked, philly bearded thugs. What good is a Phd if your cornrows and tattoos scare everyone away before you get to show the resume?
What if everyone were to adopt this philosophy...it would basically be the same as saying we are all going to look like Steve Urkel to show "them" that we all don't look like Allen Iverson. Hmmmm. At some point you have realize that yes, this works, but only if you're ok with giving up your Iverson-ness. This is not to say that you have to "keep it real at all costs," but there is a point where you have to say I'm black, I'm educated and I'm keeping this mutherfucking do-rag on because it keeps my waves tight.
In the same realm of things, you at some point have to realize that you dont care what people think other black people do, you are going to tip based on what you feel is right and just. You dont see all white people walking around with washcloths because we think they dont use them, nor did we see all white men trying to Dunk on us when White men Can't Jump came out.
Shout out to Rosie Perez.
Tip if you want to, not cause you feel like you have to prove a point.
**Also, Don't be a cheap bastard. What's the difference between seeing 38.00 vs 40.00 on that credit card statement anyway...not like you ever pay more than the 20.00 minimum. It will, however, make the difference between the waiter having a shitty night and maybe, just maybe, not regretting coming in.
-TakaFlocka & Rockaflocka
Feel free to comment or let us know your experience on either side of this coin....swag
Friday, March 2, 2012
Tako: that being said, Show sends his sincerest apologies and a chocolate covered cherry cheesecake brownie to all the big girls out there in heiffertown U.S.A.
Wja3: Well Played.
Anyways, as a general update C4's been out pursuing his acting career and trying to become the next Denzel, Wja3's been saving the world one impoverished neighborhood at a time, Tako has been avoiding baby mamas and paternity suits like the plague, and me...well, I've been buying, selling and trading sneakers across the globe aka trying to get a pair of Galaxy Foamposites. Now we're back...to talk shit.
White women are like a Spades game...
Now...before anyone starts that "what do you know about black OR white girls Mr. "Date so many latinas I collect greencards instead of panties", let me state that I have extensive experience in the realm of ALL women...Plus I consulted my Cousin Chain and Buc Dinero, the self proclaimed 'white ho king.'
The first and most necessary thing to notice and agree on is that :
1) Dating is a game, with clear winners and losers. Those happily married? Those are the winners. The divorcee's may have one a few hands or been the victorious powercouple at game night, but last time you checked, they were at the X-mas party with a standby date in some stacy adams pants, a Kangol and team Jordan Dress shoes. That's a fail.
*Purposely finds pic of white woman so as to not upset Latinas. Lol
Straddle this line carefully because it could mean the difference between winning (like Ice-T did w/ Coko the big joker) or thinking you won, only to have to start all over again like Kobe and when he caught his rape case then tried to go back to his wife Vanessa Sandbags; He tried to get that last book and ended up at a "loss for words."