Thursday, August 2, 2012

Bye Bye Baby

The demise of a once healthy relationship is something that every individual, male or female, has had to deal with at least one time in their life, and it's safe to say that the age old saying "Love Hurts" has always been rooted in some truth. Whether scorned by a cheating lover or saddened by the mutual parting of ways, one always has a choice once the dust has settled..... take the high road and leave the past in the past, or take the low road and air that nasty bi*ch out. I've always taken the high road.

Tako: Lies!!! What about when you tried to fight your ex's man when you ran into them in that Eagle's bar in NYC? Slish, Shanga & me had to physically hold you back and by the time you finally got loose he had disappeared.

Show: Ummmmmmm.... Plead the fifth.

Wja3: Or when you put the "Ex Girlfriend box" on Ebay and sold all her shit?

Show: Chilllllll.....This isn't about me guys!


There are lots of ways to break up with people and handle those break-ups. Caveman opted for the "dump you on Christmas once I see what gifts I've gotten" strategy, while my man H went the route of "Our relationship is getting boring and we're drifting should let my 3 friends smash to spice it up" then dumped his girl the next day, probably before the trace evidence of all his boys semen had dried up inside her. Smh.

America's hiphop savior, Nas, opted to put his pain on Wax....detailing his break-up in an excellent song called "bye bye baby." Though it must have Hurt his ex wife's Kelis's heart to hear the chorus melodically echo "I guess you knew you blew a good thing....." , Nas took the highest version of the low road possible. Sucker shit? I think not. Now everyone knows "she blew a good thing."

All of this, however, begs the question of "How should you handle a break-up?" Trash the other party? rent billboard space and let the world know the mother of your children is a harlot or that your baby daddy's a cheating dog? People have done it.

How about the Bros, though?  How would we and our friends have handled it? Guess you won't know until it happens...

Oh wait, it has happened to all of us!

Here goes a classic from my boy Lafleezy which he found in an old Blackberry. Check the pic. It is actually a screenshot of lyrics he typed, which I then transcribed below so you can actually read them. This Nig*a made a diss song!!! A diss song against his ex!!! AND he's not even a rapper!!! Now, because I know exactly how Lafleezy raps, I can literally hear the song word for word. You MUST read this out loud in a Project Pat Voice...think of the cadence from that whoop-whoop-Chickenhead song.

Bi*ch I hate you/
But I love you....
bi*ch I fu*king Hate You/
But I love you

All up in my face talkin bout, "What the bidness is?"
Callin me, stalkin me, askin me "Who you wit?"
Girl I aint no fool, I know the Rules to this fu*king sh*t/
Tryin to keep my cool, Its chief Scooch, I'ma smack you bi*ch/
Stupid Ho, you gotta go....cause u aint livin right/
You is a Nav-a-jo...smokin on that peace pipe/
Tried to keep it on the low, creepin in the late night
You had your fun, but your dumb, look at what you really like...

I have to give this my Nappyheaded Approved stamp just for the sheer ingenuity. It's much better than these guys who "can't let go" and keep sabotaging their ex's new relationships. In a way, this is sort of takin the high road. Not my style, but pretty fu*king dope.

C4: Ummmmm Sir. Do you not remember your club Hood Mixtape with JonNYC ? Where you dissed that girl Nadia who played you? You made a whole song and released it for the general public on a mixtape...if I recall it went:

Act like the bulls, act like the clippers....don't be afraid to take a loss my nig*a/
Act like the sixers, when they played the lakers....swallow your pride and take the L like a gangsta

I forget the whole thing but part of the verse was like:

I called mami and she said "Im on the other line"
You on the other line, must've lost your fu*kin mind/
she tried to play me like a ni**a in the backseat/
so now I'm gone like a sprinter at a track meet/
it still hurts like a splinter in your ass-cheek/
but I aint even talk to ma since last week/

Show: Why you bringin up old shit.

Wja3: Hold up, hold up, hold up. WE MAKIN DISS SONGS ABOUT GIRLS NOW!!? Girls that dont even rap? Yall are fools.

Tako: Yall Boys are hilarious.
Better still, I can personally voutch for males and females who have used the following more hilarious tactics:

1.) "sending her nude pics to friends in jail"... its like an organ donation of sorts. You may be gone, but you are "creating new life" (LOL) as well as serving the greater good. (FREE Max B)

2.) Not take the phone out of your joint names and periodically check who's calling her (stalker shit.)

3.) Not take the phone out of her name, buy a new phone, run up the bill then skip town (tryfling.)

4.) Send pictures of her doing filthy things to her co-workers (just wrong.)

5.) Demand they return the engagement ring and take things a bit slower...use the money to buy new clothes and other jewelry...THEN finalize the breakup.

All these things go to show that whatever your preference may be in dealing with heartache and rejection, all is fair in love and war. I'm sure you guys have even better stories so feel free to shoot us an email. In the meantime I hope the Bloggers for educated ignorance have at least helped you in your quest for revenge...I mean regard to the girl or boy you once loved.  If not, just put nair in her shampoo. That always works. Thinning hair and a cancer scare usually makes ANY woman think twice about whether or not karma exists.

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