Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Sydney Australia: A Conspiracy Theory

When most people think of Australia they simply think of kangaroos, "the land down under"-PAUSE or the place where the 2000 Olympic Games were held. We hope to change that.

Tako: Maaaaaaan, aint no black people in Australia.

Show: Yes, but there's black people in your mother's mouth , so shut up.

C4: Damn.

Wja3: Eassssssy guys. I'm interested to see what kind of half baked conspiracy theory can possibly come out of this....and to see if it involves Kangaroos. Bi*ches love Kangaroos.

"Oh my dude, I got all the hoes followin me on Instigram. Trust."

Rather than get into a long history of a country none of you care about, Im going to do just what WJA3 suspected; watch as I weave a witty yet whimsical display of willful wordsmithing worthy of website worship and wonderment. Apparently I think quite highly of my own prose. LOL.

Sydney Australia: A Conspiracy Theory

The country of Australia..just kidding, its a Continent people, can actually be seen as a microcosm (or miniature representation) of black society, not because of how its citizens behave and act in 2012, but simply because of the inherent imagery and background association which the name elicits. In the same way that using the word "Ni**a " in a nonchalant manner can stir within some a feeling of discomfort left by the remnants of slavery, speaking about "Australia " can do the same were probably just unaware of it. Blame "THE MAN."

1. Prison:

In the Late 1700's, 1788-1868 to be exact, Australia was a penal colony. This doesn't mean that people in paul revere-Johnny Tremain revolutionary war hats and pilgrim buckles were running around dic*ing down hoes at will (though that would be a funny sight), but rather that prisoners from England were shipped there and the Convicts were used as...u guessed it... SLAVES. Look at the shape of the Continent....think it resembles the top half of Africa? Might as well make the slaves feel at home.


2. Lack of Father Figures:

Well, the first thing you think about when you say Australia is the Kangaroo, a marsupial who, by default, gives birth to underdeveloped young offspring. The result? MOTHERS forced to protect their young in a pouch (think of all the strollers in the hood) and carry them through their developmental stage.

Tako: How the Fu*k do you know so much about Kangaroos.

3. Malt liquor craving sex fiends:

Other than boomerangs, the only products we associate with this country are Aussie hair products, you know, the ones with the girl gettin all sexy with her hair....

And Fosters...Australian for Beer.

Wja3: Right on. Preach brotha.

C4: Australians gonna hate you for this made up shit which is quite clever and entertaining. Sad part is, some millitant mutherfu*kas bel;ieve shit like this.

Tako: HE Believes shit like this!

Show: Im in tears b.

As if the big three weren't enough , (Google: Boston in 2012 NBA Playoffs), add to this a fourth deadly comparison and proverbial nail in the coffin.

C4: Boston jokes? Arent you a knicks fan?

Wja3: Sixers fan.

Show: Knixers.

Tako: Booo. Pick a team, di*k rider.

4. Sydney....oh Sydney:

When you think of the biggest city in australia, or the only one people can name, noone says Melbourne.... errrybody says the same shit...Sydney.

Now, here's the kicker. When most people think of the typical black man, noone gives the middle ground of a white collar worker who listens to hiphop, still attends cook-outs and can type a Facebook status in formal English. What the idea of "black man" conjures up, is a picture of two extremes; You either get Sidney Poitier, the dashingly elloquent film star famous for being brought to a rich white woman's family dinner ....

Or you get Sidney Dean, the overly flashy coon known for running his his mouth and associating with the most brash and abrasive Puertorican of all time, Rosie perez, in white man can't jump.

C4: LMAO! Remember when I called you from the restaurant when I saw her and was scared to go say hi?

Show: And remember I told you like 10 times to grab her boob but you didn't?

Wja3: Yall and this damn love for Rosie. I dont get it.

Show, Tako & C4: We pledge alligeance to the swag, of the united great Rosie Perez...and to the Latinas, for whom she stands, one nation, under  our sheets, legs divisible, with liberty and Justice for all. Amen.

That being said I think we can all agree that the roots of racism across the globe run deep and it is only by finding the courage to discuss it and the humor to make light of it that we can facilitate the conversation that our own nation needs to have. Is there racism in Australia? You bet. Was the entire country founded as a way to subliminaly remind black people of their lowered self worth?

I'll  let you be the judge.

Yall be cool.


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