Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Sydney Australia: A Conspiracy Theory

When most people think of Australia they simply think of kangaroos, "the land down under"-PAUSE or the place where the 2000 Olympic Games were held. We hope to change that.

Tako: Maaaaaaan, aint no black people in Australia.

Show: Yes, but there's black people in your mother's mouth , so shut up.

C4: Damn.

Wja3: Eassssssy guys. I'm interested to see what kind of half baked conspiracy theory can possibly come out of this....and to see if it involves Kangaroos. Bi*ches love Kangaroos.

"Oh my dude, I got all the hoes followin me on Instigram. Trust."

Rather than get into a long history of a country none of you care about, Im going to do just what WJA3 suspected; watch as I weave a witty yet whimsical display of willful wordsmithing worthy of website worship and wonderment. Apparently I think quite highly of my own prose. LOL.

Sydney Australia: A Conspiracy Theory

The country of Australia..just kidding, its a Continent people, can actually be seen as a microcosm (or miniature representation) of black society, not because of how its citizens behave and act in 2012, but simply because of the inherent imagery and background association which the name elicits. In the same way that using the word "Ni**a " in a nonchalant manner can stir within some a feeling of discomfort left by the remnants of slavery, speaking about "Australia " can do the same were probably just unaware of it. Blame "THE MAN."

1. Prison:

In the Late 1700's, 1788-1868 to be exact, Australia was a penal colony. This doesn't mean that people in paul revere-Johnny Tremain revolutionary war hats and pilgrim buckles were running around dic*ing down hoes at will (though that would be a funny sight), but rather that prisoners from England were shipped there and the Convicts were used as...u guessed it... SLAVES. Look at the shape of the Continent....think it resembles the top half of Africa? Might as well make the slaves feel at home.


2. Lack of Father Figures:

Well, the first thing you think about when you say Australia is the Kangaroo, a marsupial who, by default, gives birth to underdeveloped young offspring. The result? MOTHERS forced to protect their young in a pouch (think of all the strollers in the hood) and carry them through their developmental stage.

Tako: How the Fu*k do you know so much about Kangaroos.

3. Malt liquor craving sex fiends:

Other than boomerangs, the only products we associate with this country are Aussie hair products, you know, the ones with the girl gettin all sexy with her hair....

And Fosters...Australian for Beer.

Wja3: Right on. Preach brotha.

C4: Australians gonna hate you for this made up shit which is quite clever and entertaining. Sad part is, some millitant mutherfu*kas bel;ieve shit like this.

Tako: HE Believes shit like this!

Show: Im in tears b.

As if the big three weren't enough , (Google: Boston in 2012 NBA Playoffs), add to this a fourth deadly comparison and proverbial nail in the coffin.

C4: Boston jokes? Arent you a knicks fan?

Wja3: Sixers fan.

Show: Knixers.

Tako: Booo. Pick a team, di*k rider.

4. Sydney....oh Sydney:

When you think of the biggest city in australia, or the only one people can name, noone says Melbourne.... errrybody says the same shit...Sydney.

Now, here's the kicker. When most people think of the typical black man, noone gives the middle ground of a white collar worker who listens to hiphop, still attends cook-outs and can type a Facebook status in formal English. What the idea of "black man" conjures up, is a picture of two extremes; You either get Sidney Poitier, the dashingly elloquent film star famous for being brought to a rich white woman's family dinner ....

Or you get Sidney Dean, the overly flashy coon known for running his his mouth and associating with the most brash and abrasive Puertorican of all time, Rosie perez, in white man can't jump.

C4: LMAO! Remember when I called you from the restaurant when I saw her and was scared to go say hi?

Show: And remember I told you like 10 times to grab her boob but you didn't?

Wja3: Yall and this damn love for Rosie. I dont get it.

Show, Tako & C4: We pledge alligeance to the swag, of the united great Rosie Perez...and to the Latinas, for whom she stands, one nation, under  our sheets, legs divisible, with liberty and Justice for all. Amen.

That being said I think we can all agree that the roots of racism across the globe run deep and it is only by finding the courage to discuss it and the humor to make light of it that we can facilitate the conversation that our own nation needs to have. Is there racism in Australia? You bet. Was the entire country founded as a way to subliminaly remind black people of their lowered self worth?

I'll  let you be the judge.

Yall be cool.


Monday, June 11, 2012

#TeamNoBabies: YOLO

Girl #1: These guys are blogging again? They're hilarious. Team no babies....? Ooooooh girl this gonna be a good one.

Girl #2:  These guys are assholes. My child is my world and where do they get off giving advice on babies when they are still running around like little kids. They dont have a child so couldn't possibly understand.


Girl #1 lives at home, doesn't pay rent and is a Master's candidate. Because she has no kids or substantial bills, she believes she is entitled to hit the club 3-4 times a week, travel and buy whatever she feels. She's worked hard and has a good job, plus she's kept her legs closed long enough (or hit the abort button quick enough) to brag.

Girl #2 lives alone with her child in a rent controlled apartment. Her baby's father is all but absent and she occasionally goes to the club when she, and her friends, can simultaneously find a babysitter. She enjoys sipping ciroc at home, playing cards and views those females without children as "girls who've yet to grow up." Her favorite line is "I'm surprised you dont have kids. What are you waiting on?"

Contrary to what you may be thinking, it is not the bros intention to praise girl # 1 and bash girl #2. We really dont like either of yall. Collectively you give mothers and team no babies a bad name.

Tako: This guy.

Lets be honest, I'm a product of a single parent home....I saw my mom struggle and said , "hey, maybe theres some truth to this whole 2 parent household thing. Maybe, just maybe I dont want to be linked to a baby mama (forever) if I cant even stand her enough to marry her ass." That being said, I think its pretty easy to become a member of team no babies, unless you've already fu*ked up your chances.....get it? "Fu*ked up?" lol

Back in the days when your pops raw dogged your mom, there wasn't as much information readily available to teens about STDs, pregnancy and the life changing effects of both. Nowadays there is plenty information. Its in schools, its on TV, its in magazines. There's really no excuse other than a legitimate accident; not pulling out in time doesn't count. I'm not faulting or judging anyone who made a mistake, but accept it as such and move on.

Now, for the rest of you who didn't make a mistake...

Team no babies is not about partying like a rockstar every fu*king night. Its actually about making a responsible decision to wait until the time is right. Too many of yall are celebrating your supposed "responsible choice" with irresponsible behavior like refusing to grow up, sucking d**k a mile a minute and getting your back blown out in your mama's apartment. Yall make as much sense as these coons screaming YOLO while smoking weed instead of going to their job interview. Maybe your responsibility comes in not having a baby because you'd be a bad mother...perhaps?

Wja3: So basically you're saying that people are treating team no babies like its YOLO and using it as an excuse to do drugs, party, be hoes, buy rims and jordans?

Tako: While also saying that other hoes are treating "team yes babies" like they readily enlisted and are doing mankind a service rather than something they have to do because of poor planning?

C4: Interesting theory.

I dont wanna go to work today. Yolo. Shuts off alarm clock.

I dont have no kids and my bills are paid. Team no babies. Buys Louie bag and gives handjob for bottle service.  (And by 'bills are paid' we mean, she made the minimum 25$ payment.)

All in all I just think there's always more than one perspective despite the fact we often only see one side of a story. All mothers aren't saints and all post-grad students don't have clean knees. LOL. You oughta be ashamed of yourself. Swallowing babies like protein shakes and paying for monthly abortions rather than helping mom with the rent. At least buy groceries girl!