Monday, May 21, 2012

At the Same Damn Time: Rules for Dating 2 women

"I been in this game for years...It made me an animal...There's rules to this shit...I wrote me a manual."

-The Notorious B.I.G

Show: Big said that....and we all know the prophetic powers of NY's most potently prolific poet.

Tako: Well.....

"Fu*kin two bad bi*ches at the same damn time!"


Tako: Future said that, and...ummm....that nig*a is the truth!

Wja3: So I see you both plan on blending the old and new school as a means to justify misogyny, infidelity and double trickin'. I'm with it. Do ya thing.

I'm glad that Wja3 has started this conversation by stating something that a lot of you were thinking, despite the fact that it is inherently untrue. This post is not misogynistic, except in that I'm gonna throw the word bi*ch around freely and with reckless abandon, because dating two women is not wrong.....It's not wrong BECAUSE it is not cheating. Cheating is wrong. The fact that I say "women" and not people is just to base it on personal experience....I'm not "a gay" hence I can't tell you how to date two men. Also, these Do's and Don't's will tell you what to look out for so that you don't think you're in a relationship when you're really just a second string skeet swallowing slore-bag. No offense.

Rule #1: Takeout is king.

In Girl talk:

Cooking a Homemade meal= he loves me

Dining out = He's got money....Let's spend it.

Rule #2: Break the chain

Being linked on social media sites allow the girls you are dating to secretly stalk each other. Trust me son, you don't want that drama, nor does it make you seem like more of a pimp. Watching two ghetto hoes bicker over you only serves as entertainment for the rest of us and a warning to any respectable girl like to date birds.

Rule #3: No Names!

This sort of goes with #1. You MUST let the girls you are dating know they aren't the only one, but CANNOT eva eva eva eva eva let them know each others names, Twitter Handles, Instigram usernames or anything like that.

C4: Yawn. Give us something we don't know.

First off, here's an emphatic F*ck you to C4. Secondly, let me state that while you may know the three big rules, it is often the grey areas between them which lead to the eventual deterioration of our said pimpin. To reverse those effects, I've supplied supplemental tips.

Tip # 1: Take her out seldom, but when you do, always pay or always make her pay...DO NOT mix and match.

Making her pay shows, a.) I'm not shit from the start, you know this, and are signing on to deal with it. This is like stealing money out a girls purse on the 1st date....years later she can never say "you don't treat me like you did when we first met." LOL. b.) Making her pay shows, I don't give a fu*k about all....not even a T.G.I Fridays Fu*k.

Always paying, on the other hand, adds more of a "this is whatever...I'm paying for your pus*y" type atmosphere. When you want to dead the skeetlationship you can always use the "You showed too many golddigging tendencies" excuse. Also, it makes her feel like a whore and more like your property. It's fu*ked up, but it works. Whore's don't try to claim rightful relationship amenities like space on your DVR or a spot on your towel rack....nah son.

Going dutch, or doing the "I'll pay this, you pay the next" shows that you trust and care for each other, dont care about being emasculated AND plan on being around for another date. NEVER DO IT. End of story.

Tako: Pure Gold!!

Tip #2: Give her the Biz.

Now, when I say give her the biz, I do not mean put it down in the bedroom and make her forget all of your other shortcomings. I mean give her the "Biz Markee", champion for all downtrodden men who've had a love interest spend too much time with someone who's "just a friend." Leave your phone on ring and when it goes off, ANSWER IT! When girl # Thursday calls you on a Friday, take her call...right in front of Ms. Friday...and when the girl on the other end asks who that is in the background, because Ms. Freaky Friday will know by your soft tone and non-usage of the N-word that you're talking to a female and hence try to make herself heard, you respond, "Oh She's Just a friend..."

Tako: Damn. That's cold.

Even better, when you hang up act like nothings wrong and carry on. Ms. Friday will try to visually display attitude, but pretend not to notice, and when she brings it up , saying "oh, I'm just a friend? That's all we are?" Say "Yeah, we aren't dating exclusively or anything..." in a nonchalant, not confrontational manner. She wont know what to do...She can't get mad cause you seem genuinely surprised that she thought you were more, and she does not want to look like the "Stupid girl who was disillusioned." This should buy you at least another 4 months while she discusses "trap him" strategy with her gossipy friends. It is most important to bring and use your own condoms after pulling this move. Desperate girls go to desperate, hole in condom poking measures.

Tip #3: Always remember that I will never work out with either woman.

As sad as it sounds, I was once told something which stuck with me: "Show me the prettiest woman in the world, and I'll show you a dude sick of dealing with her." Where most men get tripped up in the process of dating two women is when they themselves forget that If this girl was worth a Jean claude van Damn, you wouldn't have an extra. Nobody buys a bottle of Moet with a chaser, but you most certainly order a beer and a shot at the same time. Don't let your own perception fool you. When comparing each of the two woman's faults you will inevitably find that one excels in everything the other lacks....comparatively at least. This is similar to believing that Heineken and Corona are truly superb beers just because your local bodega only carries that, coors light, bud and St Ides. In white people terms, the grass is always greener on the other side...but don't forget, on the other side of town theres a landscaped lawn with some dope ass shrubbery. What yall nig*as know about shrubbery son? LOL.

Wja3: Well said. I have to admit, you sir do know a few things about hoes.

Why thank you. Now, of course, I can't give away all the secrets, but I think this is a good starting point for the 2012 version of double dating. Lol. I'd be interested in what the ladies and fellas have to say about this so feel free to comment. In the meantime, turn up some Future or Biggie and lets get the Menage poppin!!


1 comment:

kissme♥imbeeyutiful said...

Don't forget that the two dudes should not be from the same city or the same line of work.