Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Pin Number #2153

And the perilously poignant yet perpetually pleasing Pin number posts are poised for a prominent placement at the Nappyheaded podium. You've been warned.

**New readers: Pin number posts consists of Show or Tako, as C4 and Wja3 are much less mean-spirited, using a girl's area code + the last digit of their phone number to determine her "pin." Next, an embarrassing, funny or outright fu*ked up story is told corresponding to the pin. The funny part is that no one know's it is you, but you......

Pin #2153

We all know men are dogs...at least until a certain age when they grow up and become lazy dogs, too tired to chase the cat, or smart dogs tired of getting scratched by the cat and ending up outside in the cold, cloistered "dog house."

What you may or may not know about men, however, is that like dogs, we are somewhat color blind; Whereas most humans see in 3 primary colors, dogs see in 2, thanks to having a less cellularly complex retina. Now....add to this the fact that dogs don't drink beer and cant get drunk, while men, take full advantage of both. This takes us from chromatically impaired and colorblind, to just plain blind.

Keeping this in mind, one would think that the two primary identifiers men would see once the powers of their simplified retina were diminished by alcohol consumption would be "hot girl" and "not hot girl." This is incorrect. As is shown through the example of Pin #2153, the only distinguishing identifiers after a night of 4Loko are the primary identifiers of "pus*y" and "more pus*y."

Tako: And that, my friends, is keeping it real.

Show: For a man who isnt true to himself will only walk through life in a nebulous haze, being tricked by golddiggers transvisties.

Wja3: Wise words from a decent man.

C4: Story, please....

So it was late, Miss #2153, and though you weren't my first choice, i had drunkenly decided that you would do. Me, I normally prefer prime rib, but when you're hungry, any fat laden end cut will do. A nice rump roast with cushioning will do...at this point you cant see anyway, only feel.

Seeing as how you'd never met my friends I figured a 3 am visit was fine; Noone was waiting to meet you, and everyone was already so wasted that by the time you walked in looking like a frumpy troll with a nice donkey booty, they thought it was OK to sing that song from Always Sunny in Philadelphia "You gotta pay the troll toll." 4 Loko will make you act like an ass...no pun intended.

Sadly for you, but awesome for my di*k, a much hotter girl who had only heard of me from my mixtapes showed up at the house around the same time. Being a super hot college freak she whispered in my ear that she wanted to take me upstairs. Did it matter that she was hotter than you? Absolutely not. That just meant that she got to go first.

Caveman: Have you lost your mind, this hot girl wants to do you and you're running around with this troll! Snap out of it.



More pus*y is always better than less, so I do what any self respecting perv would do. Reached in your purse while you weren't looking and stole the condoms I told you to bring. Next i proceeded to suggest we get freaky and that you give me the condoms.

Troll-be Bryant: Oh fu*k, I must've left them home.

It's wasn't that dark so i figured a walk alone to the Wawa would be fine for a twenty something year old troll, you were from under the bridge anyway! I hear its rough down there. Once you left, with me screaming out the door "get some Doritos too", I proceed to bang college hottie's brains out for a few hours.

Caveman: What'd you say? Where's Show and Tako? Ummmmm. I don't know.

About 2 hours of beerpong later (for you) and 2 hours of fellatio and slamdancing for me, i emerge from upstairs and say, oh hey...sorry I passed out. College hottie leaves and you proceed to tell me that my friends were worried looking for me. I shrug my shoulders, chug a glass of tequila and ask "did u ever get those condoms?"

We proceed to bang on the back porch steps just because i wanted everyone to know I pulled this one off.

Men are dogs.

Raise the "roof."


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