Thursday, December 29, 2011

Express yo'self: All I needed to know about how to survive in 2011 I learned from NWA

***Enter Tako & Show singing 'Express Yourself" ****

Remember that NWA song by the same title, or am I simply showing my age?



Well there it is, despite my own hatred for "Video Blogs." We stay true to the blogging art form around here and know you're reading this from your work computer and probably shouldn't be watching youtube anyway. Yea I said it, now keep reading before I call all your employers and start snitchin like R-kelly when he said that was "his brother" in that little video.

Moral of the story is this... The Nwa song and video is a perfect microcosm of today's society where social media gives us every available opportunity to "express ourselves" and tie our own noose.



Think about it. At what other point in history have we as Americans been able to reach hundreds, thousands or even millions of people within seconds? With the simple gesture of typing on a keyboard?

I mean, seriously....At what other point in history have people been in such close proximity to a "red button" , allowing them to willingly and unwillingly bring imminent death upon their careers and public image and with a simple push. Oh this shit is bad...and it's real. I'm sure you've heard the expression "give them just enough rope to hang themselves"...well this is like giving away Jordan 11's on the honor system and then offering six figure jobs at Nike whereupon the first interview question is "have you ever taken anything without justly paying for it." Damn. You know ni**as aint passing on no Jordans for free-99 just like we can't pass up on the opportunity to "express ourselves."




(Aint one nig*a in the hood that would let this pass)


Tako: That's cold.

Wja3: Brilliant tho. Show, you shouldve been an old white man.

Show: Why do you think sagging pants, dreadlocks, Wiz Khalifa blonde spots, mo-hawks and dances like the Cat Daddy and Dougie still exst? Its not because theyre beneficial to mankind...its cause black people are born with the "showoff" gene...its genetic....stuntin like our daddies. Pause.

C4: Well, we've identified the problem....I'm just not so sure that listening to the most ignorant rap group of all time, the leader of which had 10 kids from 9 baby mamas and died of AIDS is the remedy.





In dissecting the NWA song and video I noticed three things in 1 minute that led me to believe that "these nig*as actually get it". It doesnt surprise me given the fact that NWA member Ice cube aka mr. "Fu*k the police" now makes a career making family movies and Dr. Dre aka Mr. "Straght outa Compton" is now pushing headphones that cost more than the average Compton living expense. They've manipulated the system, as should you.



Observations:

1.) The opening scene shows a slave being whipped and picking up a rock....

This rock is the "tweet" or "update facebook status" button. Do you honestly think that the establishment smart enough to design a system of free labor dependent on the enslavement of Africans and violations of human rights was not smart enough to realize the slaves were working in the fields with dangerous objects which could be used as weapons....like rocks? Hell no. Give them the rope....let them hang themselves...no guilt on your conscience when they rebel and you put them down like wild coyotes attacking white babies.

Salvation is attained, however, when, in the same scene, the slave's homeboy makes him drop the rock in favor of running. At least with nig*as being naturally faster than fat overseers, they had a chance. NWA gave you the hint. Just cause the rock is there doesn't mean you have to pick it up.




2.) The opening line by Dr. "Beats by Dre" who holds no medical degree or Phd is "Im expressing with my full capabilities...and now I'm living in correctional facilities." He's letting you know in plain English that self expression will often lead to yo ass getting in trouble! There's no cryptic message...it's there...plain as day.

3.) The rest of the song offers insightful tidbits and stories about people who say one thing in private, yet act completely different when in the public eye. With lines like "Some say no to drugs and take a stand, But after the show they go lookin' for the dopeman" it's no wonder that listeners internalized this "keep it real" or "keep it 100" mantra and let it get out of hand. People now facebook pictures of themselves smoking blunts and tweet about their visits to the OB-GYN. This is when keepin it real goes wrong. There's a reason some things are private and others public.




Dr. Beats's intention wasn't that people broadcast their own ignorance, but rather that they begin to live the righteousness they preach about. You notice he's not singin about "fu*k the police" once he got money and moved out of Compton, right? His last Big hit was "keep their heads ringin"...and now, he's selling headphones and doing just that.



Don't be a hypocrite, but also rise above the, as Andre 300 would say, "the [lowest] common denominator...the Nig*a numerator."

Make use of social media. Network. Look at pictures of fine ex-girlfriends who are doing much worse than you. Flirt with random girls on twitter based on a 3 millimeter headshot.

Take the rope...but dont let it end up around your neck.

Use it as a makeshift belt to pull up your pants and as laces for your new Jordan 11's and foams. Stay fly and express yourself bi*ches.



-Bros

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

WJA3's Top 10 Albums & Songs of 2011

YERP! C4 here, playing Associate Nappy Editor for my man WJA3's annual music review. This review, as all music reviews, comes with a particular bias. Mine is towards artsy, Showrocka's toward ignorant yet original, and WJA3's is towards what a current listener with classic tendencies would appreciate. That being said, WJA3 agree on about half of these, and are so far apart on the others that I will be dropping my own Top 10 Albums list later in the week. You, the reader, can decide who you agree with more. Indecision is for menopausal mental midgets meandering between death by Chunky Monkey or Rocky Road. Take it away, Bl.O.G.....
This is the first result in google image search for "WJA3."

WJA3's Top 10 Albums & Songs of 2011

2011 was a decent year for music. I feel like if you were looking, there was quality created in every genre and type of music. My personal taste is hip hop with some R&B and dancehall. However, I hear that Adele chick put out a great album, if you're into that sort of thing. If you are into underground hip hop, you had Section 80 and Return of 4eva. If you are into mainstream hip hop, Drake and Lil Wayne had good albums. If you're into alternative R&B, Frank Ocean & The Weeknd had good mixtapes. This year provided something for everyone.

Top 10 Albums

10) Bad Meets Evil - Hell: The Sequel

Before the albums came out, I thought the combination of Royce & Eminem would put out a better album than Jay-Z & Kanye. I thought they would have better chemistry. Unfortunately, I was wrong. I don't think it was a chemistry issue though. Royce & Eminem basically followed the Slaughterhouse formula of just spitting hard raps as opposed to creating actual songs. Not a bad album, but disappointing.

Standout Tracks:

Fast Lane
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJOsjP33nF4&ob=av2e

Living Proof
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4eDRlAyKNY


9) Big K.R.I.T. - Return of 4eva


Rap fans overrate southern rappers with strong lyrics and thick accents. That's why I assume people call Andre 3000 the GOAT. Big K.R.I.T. falls within this category. Good but not great rapper who is slightly overrated.

Standout Tracks:

American Rapstar
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nu9Auk6Rz3Y

Another Naive Individual Glorying Greed and Encouraging Racism
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4biQNDxV64E

Country Sh*t Remix
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9G49Tdw4KDw

So rich, yet so lonely...

8) Drake - Take Care

Drake got clowned hard due to the fact this album is kind of soft. I personally don't think this album is any softer than his debut album or even his mixtapes. Drake is who he is at this point. I'm personally disappointed as I think Drake is lyrical and self-aware enough to create a true classic album. However, he's wisely choosing to make albums with more commercial appeal. He also gets props from me for having the balls to put a house song on his album.

Standout Tracks:

Headlines
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cimoNqiulUE&ob=av2e

Take Care
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ksfe56K3BmA

The Motto
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBrJ6UnNJgw

When it comes to rapper pendants, size does matter. His neck probably couldn't take the weight...

7) Freeway & Statik Selektah - Statik-Free EP
Freeway may be my favorite rapper at this point. It seems like he's working at the rate of putting out an album every 3-4 months and he's putting out quality every time. This particular EP is solely produced by Statik Selektah and was recorded within 24 hours. Makes me wonder why albums get pushed back all the time and why some rappers put out albums every 3 years. Rapping ain't hard.

Standout Tracks:

The Flow
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvqnsc2xt2s

P.A.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6_Wvs7sAH8

And It Don't Quit
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7HZsAYz-4k

6) The Game - Purp & Patron
Speaking of albums being pushed back, the Game released this double mixtape after his album was pushed back. Like most double albums and mixtapes, it has a lot of filler and forgettable material. However, there is quality music in there also. Definitely the mixtape of the year.

Standout Tracks:

Soo Woo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3y3FCygh_Y

Dead
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9dy3577iHE

Bad Intentions
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lpBwPROMtj0

Supastar
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SX0X-6R2D_o

If this were real I'd go back in time and call Child Protective Services.

5) Lil Wayne - Tha Carter IV

A lot of people were disappointed with this album. The problem was not the quality of the album. The problem was that everyone heard the best songs on the album before the album was released. Sober Lil Wayne is a bit more inconsistent than high on syssurp and weed Lil Wayne. However, I believe he can't even drink legally until 2013 so it is what it is.

Standout Tracks:

6 Foot 7 Foot
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7tOAGY59uQ&ob=av2e

She Will
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ti3CKuU3FRs

John
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3fumBcKC6RE&ob=av2e

Abortion
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8wR5dnWUuY


4) Raekwon - Shaolin vs. Wu-Tang

Raekwon has made a conscious decision to continue making rap songs like it’s still 1996 and I'm totally fine with this. His listed age is 41, but I swear he and Ghostface are both pushing 50. The members of Wu-Tang remind me of the guys who hang out at the barbershop all day. You're not quite sure when they do it, but you know they're doing something shady for a living.

Standout Tracks:

Crane Style
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXuRNjL-Ey8

Rich & Black
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WFTDSx_-uk

From the Hills
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_GkAcYu0aqo

Last Trip to Scotland
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eGufGLWN-7w

Molasses
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMa11IMYVvA&feature=fvst


3) The Game - The R.E.D. Album

Despite being a huge cornball, the Game is a really good rapper. On this particular album, he showcased a lot of maturity in his song topics, which we have not seen from him in the past. However, he no longer has commercial appeal as pure west coast gangsta rap is no longer popular with the people who actually purchase music.

Standout Tracks:

Red Nation
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSAwWrbdoEQ&ob=av2e

Good Girls Go Bad
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K39xdVg3vjE

Born in the Trap
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BDYmc89yCy4

Mama Knows
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKC_qyMw_D4

California Dream
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p27WBlKouX4

2) Chris Brown - F.A.M.E.

This question will rub a lot of people the wrong way, but have we all officially forgiven Chris Brown for beating Rihanna's ass yet? I honestly don't know if I have. On one hand, 1) he's dancing his ass off at every awards show, 2) he’s popping up in random videos doing every popular dance from the past 2 years including the dougie and the cat daddy, 3) F.A.M.E. is an excellent pop/r&b album that ages well, & 4) Chris even put out one of the better rap mixtapes (Boy in Detention) of the year. On the other hand, he has refused to publicly express remorse of his actions and has gone the "let's just move on" route. It's a shame that all of the best performers of this generation are jack-asses.

Standout Tracks:

Deuces
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhBwt9mw7Sk&ob=av3n

No Bullsh*t
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFAmOuQ69Qs&ob=av2e

Look at Me Now
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gyLR4NfMiI&ob=av2e

Beautiful People
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2oRqyn7ToQ&ob=av3e

Paper, Scissors, Rock
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rnx2sptelQw

Champion
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tlnMVb2XVVk&ob=av2e

This never gets old to me...


1) Jay-Z & Kanye West - Watch the Throne

When I first listened to the album, I was like "ehhh, its ok." Second listen, I was like "Ok, the lyrics are good, but the production could have been better". A few more listens, and I realized that this was probably one of the greatest albums to come out in the last 5 years. I think the reason why it took a while for this album to grow on me and on a lot of other people is it wasn't what people expected. Based on the 2 lead singles, H*A*M & Otis, I think everyone expected the typical money, clothes, & hoes rap. What this album was instead was money, clothes, and hoes that we expected mixed with political raps that are no longer the norm with mainstream rap. A Rick Ross + Public Enemy concoction. This album really spoke to me as I see it as a manifesto of socially & economically upward mobile black folks. Below you may find a couple of articles written by better writers than me that view it the same way:

http://afrocentricasian.wordpress.com/2011/08/24/jay-kanyes-redefinition-of-black-power-2/

http://nymag.com/daily/entertainment/2011/08/watch_the_throne_review.html

Standout Tracks:

N*ggas in Paris
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfM_wS7qYfY

Otis
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BoEKWtgJQAU

Gotta Have It
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mwnvv2U0xto

New Day
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=APio7f0vvJk

Welcome to the Jungle
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sj95gG27XOU

Murder to Excellence
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3yn5qj1pCj4

Made in America
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0FczJZlV2w

H*A*M
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kiGz2AJPMrQ

Primetime
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIjZRY3qZ9g

The Joy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UU-ysF-tN5w

Top 10 Songs

10) Childish Gambino - Freaks & Geeks
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otPxoVQiIGo

When my homie first shared this video with me, I was turned off by Donald Glover skipping around like a schoolboy in the 40's. However, hearing the song enough times without watching the video with it, I realized it was a really dope song. Also, doing more research on Childish Gambino, I realize that a lot of the things he does are counter-hip hop culture on purpose. That made me feel slightly better about his skipping. Maybe.

9) NaS - Nasty
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wo97R0ib1CE&ob=av2e

NaS always puts out a hard track that gets you really hype for his album that more often than not disappoints despite being above average because it is dull and forgettable. Nasty is this year’s hard track.

8) Jay-Z & Kanye West - Primetime
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIjZRY3qZ9g

I just really like this song. I don't have anything else to add to this blurb. Sorry.

7) Jay-Z & Kanye West - Murder to Excellence
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3yn5qj1pCj4

Murder to Excellence is probably the best song on the Watch the Throne album. It's probably the best song of the year on any album. However, it just isn't my favorite. Probably because it doesn't get me hyped or invoke any emotions within me. Still, it’s a high quality song.

6) Jay-Z & Kanye West- Gotta Have It
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mwnvv2U0xto

Unlike Murder to Excellence, this song does get me hype. It's also one of the many songs Kanye outshines Jay-Z on in Watch the Throne.

5) Lil Wayne - John
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3fumBcKC6RE&ob=av2e

This song makes me want to go out and sell drugs after committing violent acts. I don't know why Lil Wayne & Rick Ross just don't make an album together. I don't think they've made a wack song together as of yet. They may as well let Drake join in on the fun as well.

4) Meek Mill - Ima Boss
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1cxP2nCBdU

This song reminds me of Freeway's "What We Do" in that it was huge in Philly before it was huge nationwide and that Philly will still probably bump it long after the rest of the country is tired of it. I've probably been in Philly too long as I recognize the ghetto streets in the music video.

3) Timbaland & Missy Elliot - Take Ur Clothes Off
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nhwE6mvLXDw

Last year, Kanye released multiple high quality songs for free in a series called GOOD Fridays. Of course, Swiss Beats and Timbaland copied this with Monsta Mondays and Timbaland Thursdays. Neither series were as good as GOOD Fridays. However, this song was the gem of Timbaland Thursdays in my opinion. Based upon the sound of the song, I'm guessing this song was made around 2000-2001 when everything Timbaland touched was a hit. I obviously miss those days.

2) Bad Meets Evil - Fast Lane
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJOsjP33nF4&ob=av2e

I was expecting a full album of this type of track from Eminem and Royce, but didn't get it. Eminem is at his best when he’s spitting but still allows his warped sense of humor to come out. Royce is dope on the song also.

1) Lupe Fiasco & Pharrell - If You Want To
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ctbSFNK0UH0

I wish Lupe wasn't such a good rapper because he's really a clown. Between his overly simplified political beliefs and his unapologetic botch of the VH1 Tribe tribute, he irks me. However, Lupe consistently puts out some of my favorite current music. This song from the Travis Barker album bangs hard and its unfortunate more people haven't been exposed to it.

There you have it, kids. WJA3 has blessed y'all with his expert opinion on the year's top songs and albums. If we Bros agreed on everything, we'd probably be losers who hang on every whim of the 106 & Park crowd, and would be currently sagging our skinny jeans. But then we wouldn't be the NappyHeadedBros. So with that being said, look for C4's respectful rebuttal before the new year.

-Bros


Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Beat it, Dre!



The other day I'm watching that Beats by Dre commercial in which Dr. Dre is throwing these water balloons filled with paint at hip-looking young people, and I couldn't help but think to myself: "Man, fuck Dr. Dre!" And I stand by that statement. Fuck Dr. Dre and his headphones that are everywhere. I mean it.

Tako: nigga you hatin' cuz nobody wanna buy products marketed by indie hipster actors.

Eat a dick. And no. Here's my problem. In that moment, watching that overly diesel middle aged man hurl a paint-filled water balloon, staring coldly at his target with those beady eyes below his questionable hairline, I realize the painful irony of that visual: Dr. Dre is punking us, and has been doing so for no less than a decade. He continues to hit us in the face with paint, and we just take it, cuz it's the great Dr. Dre.

First to hit me was that Dre is completely and unapologetically corporate. The man who got famous in the group of the four most dangerous black guys in America while yelling fuck the police, is now the establishment he once railed against. He's in a commercial, slinging headphones at $300 a pop.



And what the hell has he done to deserve my $300? "But C4, he made The Chronic!!" Nigga that was 1992. Magic and Bird were playing on the Dream Team and Bill Clinton was trying to become the president.

Answer this question. When did Dr. Dre last drop an album? 1999, with The Chronic 2001. Think about that. 1999?!?! Last millenium? Kids are in middle school who weren't born then. The World Trade Center still had two towers. So what has Dre done to stay relevant since then?



Create a buzz. Maybe the best prolonged buzz in hip-hop history without actually making music. How's he done it? Well, some fortunate artist signings. He found Eminem, who subsequently found 50 Cent. Those two have sold like every record that wasn't sold by Jay-Z and Kanye since the not so new millennium. Think about this. Every time 50 Cent or anyone from G-Unit gets paid, so does Eminem. Every time Eminem gets paid, so does Dr. Dre. Dude been CAKING! Peep these figures:

Slim Shady LP - 4X Platinum
Marshall Mathers LP - Diamond
The Eminem Show - Diamond
50 Cent - Get Rich or Die Trying - 8X Platinum
Eminem - Encore - 4X Platinum
Game - The Documentary - 2X Platinum
50 Cent - The Massacre - 5X Platinum
50 Cent - Curtis - Platinum
Eminem - Relapse - 2X Platinum
Eminem - Recovery - 3X Platinum


This means Dr. Dre has been a part of about 50X platinum since 2000, without dropping a damn thing. And the whole time, Em and 50 have been shouting him out, keeping his name in the streets. Hell, Game been doing it for free since he got dropped from the label after his first album (dumb ass). Forbes reported that Dr. Dre is the third richest man in hip-hop, behind Diddy and Hov. Over the last two years, he's made $31 million. And he just sold his Beats By Dre company for $191 million. Holy fuck.




Why am I pissed about this? Why am I ranting on and on about a black man making money? Because the reason Dr. Dre can command so much money, and remains in such high demand, is because of a very loyal fan base that has only expanded through legend and through his proteges. These fans, Eminem and 50 Cent included, have been clamoring for Dre to release something for over a decade. He's well aware of this. But he won't, and here's the reason:

Dr. Dre neither respects his fans, nor cares about them enough to give them an album.

But he sure will make money off them. So he pushes super-expensive headphones in our faces to prove we still love him. It's like when a really hot chick knows you want it real bad, she'll go out with you, make you trick off all night, and not give you even a kiss so you don't feel like a total chump. Like, my nigga, the least you can do is give us an album you ungrateful fuck. Like, if he made one song a year, he'd have 12 by now, could release it, and it would go multi-platinum, and almost nobody's doing that anymore. But no, he won't do that, because:

Dr. Dre neither respects his fans, nor cares about them enough to give them an album.

All this time he's been telling us to smoke Chronic and yell Fuck Da Police, knowing full and well that if you follow his advice, the police end up fucking YOU. Either like this:



Or like this:




So basically, fuck Dre and his $300 headphones that mostly brand whores buy, because really, a lot of them aren't just that into music that they looooove to hear good headphones like that. But the sad part is, a lot of those purchasers do. And they've pledged allegiance to a guy who'd rather just work out and become a brolic middle-aged man than even pretend to pledge allegiance to them. And most of all, fuck Dr. Dre, because the truth is, we'll never hear that Detox album. And that's sad for music.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

ComBROmise

ShowPac's Back.








Sooooooo.... my girlfriend is a social worker and ad hoc psychologyst while my best friend is a bleeding heart, leading the two of them to often label me as "unsympathetic" or "insensitive to REAL disorders." I'm a student of the school of "Man the fu*k up and stop bi*ching," who also happens to hold an undergraduate degree in "Please stop making up disorders for every little thing and demand that people have some accountability." You can see how this would pose a problem with their ideology.






Nevertheless, this isnt about how I'm right and they're wrong; This is an exercise in the expulsion of the evil spirit of pigheaded hubris, designed to execute an emergency evacuation from the perils of an overly inflated ego. In layman's terms, this is about how life involes compromise and the ability to "agree to disagree." How well you can do this determines how well you do in life.




Let's get into it. Pause.



C4: That statement...not pauseworthy. This picture... PAUSE your entire life and re-evaluate it. LMAO!




Tako: Hood nig*a terms please. I have a headache already from all those school words.




Wja3: Reminder Mr. Tako, you went to an Ivy League school.




Tako: (Hangs head in shame and slyly tucks red bandana back in his right pocket.)







Lets say for example that you are an only child and always get what you want. You take initiative, set goals and plans, and execute them to the best of your ability ensuring that you achieve your desired outcome. This works for you...until the moment it doesnt. Then what? Yes, it is true that the more money you make the less this applies, but the fact of the matter is YES, it still applies...it ALWAYS applies.





Tako: Prove it. If Im rich I'll do whatever I want.




Show: You can't buy a Dinosaur....Keep slaves (without going to jail)...commit murder...eat giraffe meat or sex underage girls. Try it....you'll get locked up...and I've tried...You aint gettin no giraffe meat.






C4: He's got a point...and why would you want giraffe.....nevermind.




Because there are norms and more importantly rules and laws in society life becomes centered around compromising for the sake of survival. Aside from our basic need to eat, sleep and make gwop, interpersonal relationships are also just as important, meaning we have to compromise in the bedroom as well...no homo.




Wja3: SUPER no homo.


Here's where this gets the Nappyheaded twist (no dreadlock.)








In the hood, compromise is usually seen as a weak or undesirable trait. If you assimilate to so-called white America's version of corporate dress and speech you're called an "Uncle Tom"..."acting white", if you move out of the projects where your own people have burglarized your home multiple times you're called a "sell out", if you let your woman make more money than you people say you're a "bi*ch" and "she wears the pants." You use condoms? You must be having sex with dirty bi*ches. You exercise regularly? Oh you're one of them pretty boy ass nig*as....I bet I'll still knock you out. YOU'VE HEARD ALL THESE THINGS BEFORE.



Its no wonder that minorities refuse to compromise in relationships and consequently have higher rates of divorce, domestic violence and Babymama-dom. We criminalize any form of compromise designed to get us out of the crab bucket. I guess we just said "fu*k the Jeffersons" and the whole movin on up to the eastside...we want you right here. Don't compromise and be successful. Don't value your girl's opinion and be happy....stay here in the bucket and kick it with the crabs arguing over who has the dopest crabback hat and Nike Crabposites.







Sounds like a Defense mechanism to me.




Wait....did I just reference a Psychology term... Guess I wasn't completely right about psychosocial theory being hogwash tomfoolery. Shit. I guess in compromising I actually learned something.





Take this advice fellas. Being successful is about more than just working hard. Dress to impress, cut those braids and tailor that suit jacket. Listen to your woman, wear condoms and compromise.




Wja3: A Modern day version of Hulk Hogan's "Say your prayers and eat your vitamins" speech. I like it.







Tako: Nah son...You hollering this "compromise stuff"...well then cut your dreads and go corporate.




Show: Nah. I havent gotten any face tattoos....that's compromise enough. Lol.

**Smiles proudly & Play's Nappy Gilmore Mixtape with opening Line "I'm riding through the city with my hair not done, I'm a nappyheadedbro my b*ches love that son" ---> Free Download at www.Datpiff.com



-Bros

Thursday, December 1, 2011

U did what?! (Rappers are in Danger)

Tako: Damn Fam....You Haven't blogged since last Thursday.


Show: I think It's secretly cause I like looking at the cute little spanish jawn at the top of the "Ho-cery Shopping" post, with her titty popping out. Nevertheless, It's time to get back to business. It's showtime (Swizz voice, only less gay.)



Yesterday, Hiphop news ran the gauntlet of felonious tomfoolery with Boosie taking an 8 year plea deal for smuggling Drugs into jail (while ironically wearing 200 dollar tennis shoes he smuggled into the courtroom to replace his prison issue gear.) Also, the crazy skin bleached Jamaican Vybz Cartel, currently being held for murder was "Rumored" to have overtaken jail guards during a prison riot at gunpoint. MTV UK verifies it, Jamaica Observer/reporter denies....Who knows....the Jamaican media and legal system is shadier than Detroit's favorite white boy. Silly Jamaicans.








All these things being said, none of it really surprises me (Kinda like when T.I, or DMX go back to jail) because it's "typical rapper shit." Drugs, guns, murder...eh. Take a bunch of hoodlums from the hood and give them a few million dollars without any formal education, financial guidance or pr reps and this is what happens. The following crimes, however, were so shocking that even I said "Wowzers, this is some stupid shit...even for rappers." Enjoy my top 5 list of non-rapper crimes committed by rappers. :) (Bitches love smiley faces.)




Chi Ali: 2000.


Remember this guy? The baby faced kid who recorded "The girls look so good, but their brains are not ready" (A song which still rings true to this day) ? Well he got bagged for murder. Now before you say "nigga, that's a rapper crime, let me add this caveat...He killed a relative over 50 bucks and a book of CD's, then was featured as a top fugitive on my favorite show, Americas most wanted. Rappers aint supposed to make America's most wanted. Boosie is about to get the Death Penalty and didnt make America's most wanted!!







Coolio: 1997.

Still think that's too close to an actual "rapper crime"? Fine. How about coolio, who, for starters, refuses to cut those ridiculous braids these days....




This coon coolio gets arrested for stealing shoes....yes, not Jordans or Nike foamposites but actual hardbottoms...Stacy Adams'....Scooby Doo's....and of all places to get arrested? Germany. That speaks for itself. Hitler himself should be flipping the gas switch on this guy and set fire to that geriatric HOMOcaust he's still calling a hairstyle.







Willie D: 2009.



Remember the Geto Boys? My mind's playin tricks on me? Damn it feels good to be a gangsta? Well the member who wasn't the legendary Scarface (Pictured to our left) or the 1 eyed midget (middle) was known as Willie D, the Rapper slash semi-pro boxer. Would've been crazy and NORMAL if he, the non-famous one out the group got arrested for knocking out someone who refused to acknowledge him. It'd make sense and fall into the perfect mold of "silly rapper shit." Alas, its never that simple.

Enter the year 2009. Willie D comes up with an ingenuous plan to profit off the ever popular iphone. He devises a scam where he creates a fake company on Ebay, uploads some stock iphone photos, receives payment and never sends the phones, which he never even had. I know rapper's are know to hustle, but WHAT PART OF THE GAME IS THIS!!! Sentence: 1 Year and 1 Day in prison plus 200,000 in restitution payments. guess its hard out there in the Geto [sic].







Flo-Rida: 2011.



This guy...with that Barog from Street fighter Edge-up producing a hairstyle which only rivals Coolio's....



Well Mr Flo-Rida was arrested for DUI....yeah, I know, that's a drunk whiteboy crime, not a "dude with enough money for a chauffeur" crime. Funny thing is, he was arrested while driving a 1.7 million dollar Whip...a Bugatti....Yeah, this thing (look below).

This nigga's buggin!!! Crash that shit and its you assssssss Mr Fucked up edgeup post man (Pops from Friday voice.)






Gucci: 2011.



Gucci getting locked up, not surprising. Him getting locked up picking a girl up at a mall and offering her 150 to stop at a motel and fu*k him and pushing her out the moving vehicle when she refused.....is.....well.....refreshingly gangsta, apologetically project and outright hilarious. Sorry lady. You couldn't have been too classy if you recognized Gucci mane in a mall anyway. Plus, what did you expect from a man with a giant ice cream cone face tattoo?



Loon: 2011...This Week.


Now I thought nothing could be more ridiculous than when, a few years back, 40 Cal from Dipset and the seemingly inoffensive ex-bad boy recording Artist Loon (who are from the same hood) got into a fight. Apparently 40 Cal was getting a shape-up and Loon walks in the barbershop, starts talking shit, grabs a shovel from the closet and starts swinging like A-rod...smacking him with the shovel while he's still in the chair. LMAO.

Then I see this....Loon gives up rap, converts to Islam and for lack of a less religiously offensive description....starts looking crazy. Now, to make matters worse, his islamic ass was arrested in Brussels earlier this week as he returned from lecturing at a mosque, and is now being charged with heroin trafficking back in the U.S.

I'll ummmmmm.....pray for you. Don't laugh, I'm serious. I hope he didn't do it. He seems happy in the faith.




That being said, I will allow you to continue being speechless as I truly cannot deal with chronicling any more rapper foolery. I cant with these niggas.

Comment more, and I'll write more blogs. Lol.

Live, Love, Life

--The Big Show