Friday, July 29, 2011

The Girl Who Burned me & My Brother!!



Ol' Head: Yeah, I aint gettin burned again tho! I remember one time i aint have no rubbahs so I used the foil....you know that come off the top of a cigarette box. I aint have no rubberband either, but i gripped that muhfucka tight...these young boii's dont know about that.




Ol' head #2: Yeah, I had caught the crabs. That was the worst. Itchin and scratchin like a smoker or somebody on that dog food.



Rocka: Excuse me, are yall niggas talkin about crabs and other miscellaneous STD's while standing in the University of Pennsylvania Kitchen and cooking the food we eat? I hope yall washed your hands maaaaaannnnnn.




And that's how it started.



I had always heard crazy stories in the barbershop, or at cookouts but I think this was either the day that I first started listening or it was when the stories started getting crazy. As one who indulges in crazy behavior and has unintentionally been immersed in the most randomly hilarious situations I can easily spot a fraudulent farce for what it is and respect the inherent "wow" factor of a truly amazing display of debauchery. In essence, some of this shit is so crazy you can't make it up...so you know that the person recounting the story didnt... even if you wished they did




Dee: Yo, You remember Rockin Robyn?



Jae: Oh I remember her from back in the day. She was down for whatever. She used to hang with "40 & a blunt."




Dee: That's right! She did hang with "40 and a blunt"... give that chick some liquor or a dutch and you were guaranteed some ass!




Jae: Robyn was bad!


Dee: Yeah, but she got me and my brother once. Burned us bad.



And there it was...the beginning of absolute and utter fuckery. Now normally a "she burned me" story starts like this and proceeds to go through five minutes of expletives blaming the bitch for YOUR OWN retarded decision to have UNPROTECTED sex with a morally loose women. Today it did not go in the typical fashion.



Dee: To make it worse, she gave me and my brother both crabs! I caught em first, but his were worse. We smashed her the same week. I remember coming home and itchin like crazy...me and my brother...It was so bad i remember rippin my pants off in the living room and looking in my boxers, and there were so many of them that i could see em moving! Like that many! And they're small so ur not supposed to be able to see them!




Jae: That is disgusting. Just stop. Im done.



Dee: Nah! So I run in the bathroom and my brother is in there with some clippers cuttin his ball hair off thinkin that will help his. Once he shaved it low you could just see more of the nastiness. Not knowing what to do, we made a pact that we wouldn't tell dad. He goes, I got an idea...then tells me to put newspaper on the floor. Then he goes, "They're bugs right? We gotta kill em." and proceeds to bend over ass naked and hands me a can of raid.


He says "I'll go first". Man I sprayed his balls and that whole dick area and that shit swelled up like the size of a fist!! He was screamin and yelling with this baseball sized swollen nuts! I was glad he went first..




Jae: Yoooooooooooooooooooo !!!!! Thats outa control. So what happened?


Dee: My dad heard the commotion and rushed us to the clinic. I was a Sunday tho and we had to wait till monday to get the medicine and the whole time he told us "Thats what you get...dont use any towels and sleep in the basement." Worst part is, I think i still fucked Rockin Robyn a few weeks later. I was young!




And there you have it.



Like I said, you CANNOT make this stuff up.



Parents, teach your kids about STD's , their causes and treatments. I just googled STD pics but I won't do that to yall...its too early. Google them for your kids though. I SWEAR TO GOD that will make them sick to their stomach and scare them into wearing a condom.



Trust me, its important to do that...because if more kids were using them, there'd be less teenage pregnancy. We all know condoms don't "break."






-Bros

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Show & C4: Social Networking -->Augmentation, Misrepresentation, and Idiots

Tako : (Plays Meek Mill Tupac's Back Instrumental on Macbook) ****

Showrock's Back..... Searchin my Hoe contacts.....and you know I'm reppin Charlotte, no bob cats...

Wja3: (Exhibits perplexed face. You're not from...)

I'm talkin Charlotte Rousse, Got fat chicks by the two's....they fuckin me not you....cause they heard that Show got snacks!! Ughhhh (Ross Grunt.)

Wja3: This nigga.

Morning ladies and gents. What today signifies is another day of me digging in the vault to get an opinion from one of my blog bros other than blogging solo. In honor of Tupac's greatest hits (released posthumously) going diamond yesterday, I am going to, yet again, resurrect C4 from the dead.

Here's a previously unreleased track, with me throwing a verse and some ad libs in .



Social Networking -- Inflation, Augmentation, Misrepresentation, and Idiots


10 years ago was a vastly different time. The 2000's are undoubtedly not the 2010's, but unlike every other consecutive decade in the last maybe hundred years, the two do not have their own distinct identity like say the 1980's or 90's. In a lot of ways 2011 looks no different from 2001. Jay-Z is still the most respected rapper, Tiger Woods is pretty much still the best golfer, the Lakers won the NBA Championship last year and Osama bin Laden is the biggest news story. The two biggest differences are the black president, and the emergence of social networking.


Show: My pop's siad it best: "If it's two things thats gonna killa niggas it'll be Facebook and crack."




Social Networking is as addictive, if not more, and leads to a HOST of women problems by allowing all of your women (familiar, unfamiliar, past and present) to co-habitate in one online community. Ever watch New Jack City? Social Networking is like Setting all your baby mamas, bootycalls, ex gfs and female acquaintances up with an apartment in the Carter. Better yet, it's like they turned the Apartment complex into a gossipy ass hair salon and demolished every other hair salon in the United states. Bitches are comin from all over to hate on each other. LOL.





Social Networking in the 2010's creates a host of problems including but not limited to those below, described by you friendly neighborhood Blogfaced Killa. :) (Bitches love smileys.)


False Sense of Intimacy


You post things for your friends, but now all those acquaintances, coworkers, and random ass people you met once have this unprecedented voyeuristic window into your life. They may have been peripheral acquaintances then, but now they really know you...kinda like your closest friends who've earned and gained your trust through years of dedication and service.




Why is this? Because you wanted them to. You told them all what your favorite movies are, who your favorite bands are, what you like to do for fun, and in a lot of cases, what's important to you. You tell them what's on your mind multiple times a day.



How couldn't they not know you? When someone asks the question of where you met this person with whom you share parenting secrets, marital problems and medical advice and your answer is "oh it's this nice lady I met one time in line at six flags" you know that Houston, we have a problem...and it aint the abuse of coedine syrup... (*looks at Rocka & Tako).


Inflated Sense of Importance


Hello hoodrat with a nixon or cell phone camera in a bathroom. Download instagram or any other of the photography apps on your iphone and poof!! You can now call yourself a model. Looks to me like you're modeling for Muffin-Top Maxim, but you are modeling nonetheless.




Gentlemen! Hood niggas with more than a couple grams and access to a Laptop. You may now proceed to mix everything you've learned from Gangsta movies like Baby Boy and Scarface, Rick Ross Rap Lyrics and advice from your drunk uncle into semi-coherent, 2 sentence parables. You are now a Philosopher...and if you rap, you're automatically that, plus CEO of your own company despite having no influx of cash flow, net worth or financials.


Augmented Awkward Experiences


Remember back when people were embarrassed about things? You'd skip school cause you got a pimple (if you're white)? Well nowadays, there's a fix for everything and a general ambiance of conceitedness to overshadow anything that can't be fixed. No one is "worried about their weight" because Victoria's secret started making bigger sizes and thirsty niggas will fuck anything leading big bitches to believe they can wear the same sexy shit as little bitches. This usually results in completely inappropriate outfit choices which give off a vibe of "easy to fuck" and since these females who dress like this usually are, the vicious cycle continues.




Adding to this decreased sense of awkwardness is the prevalence of social networks.


No longer do we have Kodaks and Polaroids which we can easily destroy or at least hide. Now, not only are your secret nude photos fair game once you piss off your ex, Mark Zuckerberg owns the rest of your embarrassing moments. You are now at the mercy of somebody's digital camera or smart phone. I guess the idea of "awkward" is out the window as a full disclosure of everything private and public has now been agreed upon. There are no more secrets.


Show: Worse than even putting Sonograms on Facebook I've seen a pic from the delivery room, one from hospice and one from a funeral. Smh.


Tako: After that pic of the thong girl, I cant!!! I'm pullin the plug. I think I'm gonna do some Facebook-Twitter fasting. Glad this was a Quickie. Pause.

-Bros

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

White Folks do the darndest things Pt. 1




Now I've always been a fan of the power of the titty, but this is worst than the time i hooked up with the girl and swear her titty tasted like sweet ass milk. Like, I mean the first time I sucked a titty in like middle school i remember it being all salty, like if you lick somebodies neck after a day at the beach, thereby leading me to believe all titties were supposed to be like that (Until i knew better), but this!!! This, nigga!!!! This was a lot worse.




Lol. That made me laugh though, like when E said Skinny Shayla's Pussy smelled like beans after he fingered her. I was like, did u come from a cookout and not wash your hands son? He promptly replied with an emphatic "NO! Her pussy just smelled like that !" I wanted to ask wat type of beans, since that is a strange smell...cooked? Re fried? Navy? Pinto? I decided that was too much personal info.





Back to titties, and the power of said massive mammories.



I read this article on Reuters or Cnn, one of the actual news sites....and couldn't stop laughing. Now normally I never put ANYTHING past crazy white people, but this is like Casey Anthony Crazy. LOL. Read below:




SIGNS THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END!

An Ohio woman attempted to fight off police trying to remove her from her car by spraying them with her breast milk, authorities said. Stephanie Robinette got into a fight with her husband while attending a wedding at the Bridgewater Banquet & Conference Center in the city of Delaware on Saturday, WBNS 10 News reported. Her husband told police his 30-year-old wife struck him several times, then locked herself in their vehicle.



"When deputies attempted to remove Robinette from the vehicle, she advised the deputies that she was a breast-feeding mother," said Sheriff Walter L. Davis III. As deputies went to restrain her, he said, Robinette "proceeded to remove her right breast from her dress and began spraying deputies and the vehicle with her breast milk."





Additional deputies arrived and eventually pried her from the car before placing her under arrest.

Robinette was charged with domestic violence, assault, obstructing official business, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct. "This is a prime example of how alcohol can make individuals do things they would not normally do," Davis said.



Sureeeeee my nigga. Blame the Alcohol. Imagine this though, what will happen when two crazy white people (Its not racist that I say that, Ozzy Ozborne bit the heads of pigeons) come in contact with each other.


It's the equivalent of a "Nigga moment" (Boondocks Reference) only hilariously entertaining instead of tragic and sad.


Just think, woman starts spraying breast milk at cop and he whips out his meat and starts spraying semen at her. Both sex crimes right? What's the punishment though? LMAO. Let me stop. It's way too early for this.



Actually, just so i can prove I'm not racist I have to add the "Black folks do the darnedest things" bonus. Yep, Nigga's have made "Red Lobster" Air force ones / Dunks. SMFH.





Lmao,




Show

Monday, July 25, 2011

Girls You can Take Home to Mom (According to the Chickenheadologist)

Nowadays Girls know exactly what to say and have gotten progressively better at the art of fooling men into believing they are decent females you can bring home to mom. This is fact.




(What she leads you to Believe...)


The Modern day woman will exhibit all the telltale signs of being a habitual metamorphosing shape shifter, including but not limited to the Big 5:



(More Accurate Portrayal)



5.) Liking different types of Music other than Rap & R&B.

4.) Saying she hates Red Lobster and Olive Garden, but likes to go out to eat.

3.) Claiming to own more heels than sneakers

2.) Telling you what town she attended school in

1.) Saying that she doesnt go out much.



Now, to the untrained eye, any of the following statements could be interpreted as the figurative brick and mortar upon which the house named Wifey was built. Fortunately for you blog readers, the Bros are trained Chickenheadologists, adept in deciphering the hidden meanings of the aforementioned banter.



" I like all types of music...not just Rap & R and B"



Well then, why did you mention those 1st? It seems as though shes trying to be an anti-stereotype at this point , but give her the benefit of the doubt and ASK what some of her favorite performers or bands are. Prince, Old Michael Jackson, Bob Marley and Sade are Cop out responses meaning that the heaux (since we're bein all fancy) doesn't know shit...musically. If she only names bands that've collaborated with Jay-Z...Drop her like she's hot. Wobbly wobbly.


"I don't know. A typical night would consist of going out somewhere nice to eat..but not like Olive Garden or Red Lobster....somewhere nice and not so ghetto."




Offer to take her to Texas Roadhouse or Outback...Longhorn steakhouse or something. She'll probably say yes. Fact of the matter is, she'll probably only know other chain restaurants, but has been conditioned to say Red Lobster is ghetto. In actuality if given the chance, she'd probably fuck up a cheesy biscuit like Ray J does an R&B Song. Here's part two...ask her what type of dish she likes best. If she says "firecracker shrimp" , "Jack Daniel's Anything" or something she cant pronounce, she's obviously a Friday's girl perpetrating. Nothing wrong with Friday's, I love it. Just be honest...and just know that's its not exactly fine dining.



"I only really where sneakers when I go to the Gym..."



(Is it because u wear Jordan heels the rest of the time?)



Look at her body. Does she look like she even goes to the gym? If not, her fat ass should have strong calf muscles from holding all that weight up in heels. No? Her calves are not defined? Maybe she meant "I only wear sneakers in the gym.....I wear flats when I'm trying to snag a man at the club and sketchers shapeups or ReeTones at work." Bitch may even wear crocs and be a CNA...who knows. Lesson to be learned is, ask questions. If a women cannot properly walk in heels, or does ridiculous shit like wears pumps with a sundress...she is a fraud. Fake as some Brian Pumper Jewels.




"Oh I went to school in Virgina...Sometimes I think of moving back down south."




(Awwww....)


(Or Awwww Sheeeiiiittttt !!!)



The response to this is usually to say, "oh so why do you want to move?" Zing. She's officially moved you onto the next subject without you even knowing. Also, EVERY black person is always talking about "moving down south" usually to Atlanta, despite not knowing anything about the job market, salaries or even how many miles it is from here. All they know is somebody's cousin got a house down there that was half the cost of one up north, and twice as big.




What you should've asked her was WHAT SHE WENT TO SCHOOL FOR and more importantly DID SHE FINISH. Honestly, you know how many niggas I know that did 2 semesters freshman year and STILL talk about "school." They aren't technically lying, more like perpetuating a falsehood. Lol. Now don't get me wrong...I'm not down talking people who didnt go to college, but I value education and can find common ground with people who've gone through formal schooling. Will i date a High School grad? Sure, long as she has big Tits and good sense. What I will not date, however, is a liar. Ask the right questions and you'll get the honest answer.





Also, all those "Crazy college stories" that people tell you about...Well, someone has to be "that girl." Make sure its not her.





"Oh, I'm just here with my girls...I dont go out much."



Oh hello miss. My name is Jack and I like to sell you some magic beans i just copped from this nigga down the street. I bought more than i need so I'll give em' to you for the low low.




EVERY girl knows better than to say "Yeah, I come to this bitch every week cause dude's buy my free drinks." Even if she's not fucking for said drinks, it still makes her 1 part chicken head, 1 part potential hoe and 2 parts bum bitch. I refuse to use the word basic. It reeks of pissy elevator shafts on the way up to similiac filled apartments with plastic on the couches.




The "Do you go out much" question wont stun her....it's like punchin Deebo in the chest...


What you have to do is hit em with that same 1-2 combo punch that Chris Child's gave to Kobe Bryant.



Ask, "Do you go out a lot, oh Ok, what do you like to do then?" If her response is "I tend to go to upscale lounges more than clubs" this = upscale Heaux who would wear redbottoms with a dress from Target (pronounced Tar-Jay). If her response is anything other than "smoking weed, going to the movies or Chillin" you're good to go. Even if she says "redbox" you're cool...then at least you know she has a credit card. Just hope it doesnt say Baby Phat...if so "Rush" your ass out the situation ASAP.






While I know this hasnt been a comprehensive list, I'm sure many of you guys have heard and thought the same thing. Some women will be offended, but most of u will laugh and think I'm talking about other hoes and not you. LOL. Either way, you've all be warned.






Flirt cautiously and fuck accordingly...





-Show

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Condoms on your Baby Seat !!! (Extremely Ignant)

I got a text yesterday from my righthand man Viva la Bam. Now when I say this dude is my righthand man, I mean like that in the "I'd fight a pregnant nun for this nigga" way...like Jadakiss said 'Slept in the same bed, same chick gave us head.' Me and this nigga slept head to toe for like a month (No Homo), but thats another story for another day. Point of this was to say, Viva la Bam sent me this short inspirational text the other day:


"Your Post today was funny kid. Hit them with some xtra ignant shit tomorrow. Mad ppl from back in the day follow your blog. You made it kid."




Tako: Congrats....we got u some Cake[s] in honor of your achievements.



Asshole. Anyway, That text meant a lot to me, so now I'm gonna do my best to live up to the hype I've created with nothing more than my own asshole tendencies, a dash of writing skill (Im modest lol) and a penchant for bad latin broads. Enjoy.




In 2002 Mr. Camelfaced Moneybags Jay-Z released a diss track towards Nasty Nas entitled SuperUgly. It was out of character for Hov, but showed that he was actually upset and had his feelings hurt after Nas's song Ether made him look as vulrneable as Rupal in a prison shower. Nas's triumph even spawned a new verb; "Ether'd": to be used whenever someone is defeated beyond the point of ever coming back. Hov's defeat? Well, it spawned the most disrespectful line in Rap History since Tupac said "That's why I fucked your bitch you fat mother fucka" referring to B.I.G's wife Faith Evans.



Hov said: "I skeeted in your jeep, left condoms on your baby seat." o__0 !!!



"taste the rainbow you little bastard seed"


No one cares that he fucked Nas's baby mom. It's rude, but common practice when everybodys bangin the same broads. Allen Iverson smashed her too...but to bring the child in it? low blow.

What does this have to do with the Bros, might you ask.... Well, it leads me to believe, what other fuck up and true things could be said about babies and baby mamas. These are the top 3 NHB Rap lines derived from stories involving myself and close friends.


3. "The reason she was late from pickin **** up from yo house?/ Her phone was on the table with my di*k in that ho mouth.."


2. "That dude with the ice grill, flexin like a straight stunna.../well I smashed his girl and baby mother in the SAME SUMMER!!"


1. "And that's the girl that birthed ya baby kid?/ I fucked her butt, skeeted on the kid's walker and wiped it with the baby bib."


Comments?

Tako: LMAOOOOOOO. I'm too weak to comment....



Yall wont comment so I will.


The number 3 lyric is derived from something that happens all the time so it's not that big of a deal. You're smashin a woman with child, she eventually has to pick her up from baby daddy's house. Rude? Nah. He should've stuck around and been a father to his child. The girl's obviously somewhat of a decent person if you're smashing her. Rude would be having him drop the kid off at your house, then not answering the door for mad long cause you were still fucking and didnt nut yet.





Number 2...phew. That's some rude shit. Now, if it's your homie and you dap that nigga up everyday, they YOU are a bitch ass, snake ass, finger in the booty ass friend. You dont mess with friends "girls, exes or family...though cousins are questionable. Lol" Either way, holding back a secret like that as it pertains to a nigga you dont like could be un-mined gold.




You obviously dont flaunt your sexual exploits like a 13 year old boy cause it'll get you fucked up, and get other girls to not fuck you cause you "talk too much." However, let this nigga get all hollywood bigtime and start poppin shit. You have control of his destiny via the ether button. You can end his ho credibility, street credibility and career. Be warned, the response is to fold like a bitch and fade into the shadows of obscurities or try and gun you down. Research, wikipedia and google his street credentials before putting this line on wax.



Tako: That guy looks like a bitch to me...LOL

Number 1. I'm at a loss for words...especially since I'll take ownership of this one. I swear it wasn't on purpose and was an accident. The walker was in the livingroom and by the time i was on hole #3 (the one you can talk from without an Uncle Luke or Travis Porter Song being on) I really couldnt hold it in...I coulda let her "drink my bread" like a Rocka & Lefleur song, but instead, I decided to do my best Wesley Pipes rendition.



When your a teenager everyone thinks they are a pornstar and tries that money shot shit. Needless to say, there was no baby in the walker (thank God) and the bib was the closest thing around. Rude yes, but resourceful. Oh dont look at me all grossed out and judged me, i know FOR A FACT some of you reading have smashed chicks "in my front seat as I drove the girl to her baby daddy's house" and others who've smashed chicks with a baby in the bed.

Oh the Inhumanity!!!

I'm out. I need to go to church.


-Bros

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Women as Sex Objects...LOL









Male chauvinist, Dickhead, purveyor of pure unabashed fuckery. Yep. I've been called them all. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not gonna do some bitch ass nigga backpedaling, however I will say, I'm only what you've made me. You did this.







"I'm a product of your feedback, which in essence is my environment...."




Remember the day's when I blogged epicurean recipes and showed pics of Rachel Ray's tits? Ok, wait...bad example. Remember when I did posts on the origin of the projects? The Holocaust? No, you dont. Cause yall got bored reading and demanded more tits, more ass, more Showrock airing bitches out.




Sooooo, this being said, what or who is Showrocka? An Ivy League scholar intent on educating the masses all the while disguising the proverbial gem of knowledge as a pair of sexy redbottom heels and pulsating cleavage? Or an actual dickhead who believes his own hype and actually views women as sex objects?





Answer: It doesn't matter. What does matter, is that I'm fair. I appreciate good writing , big tits and valid opinions. ...and yes, i said valid opinions. All opinions are not intelligent, well thought out, unbiased, or valid. The following, however, was posted by a follower and i thought it met all of the criteria. SO I'm choosing to re-post if for your viewing enjoyment...then I'll talk shit and dismantle it.


The Notorious Zag:



Women are much more than ass, pretty faces, long hair, big titties and cum buckets. After the ass gets flabby (a la J. Lo), the hair turns gray and starts thinning, the biddies sag and droop (unless she has implants), and when nutting on an old wrinkly face just doesn't do it for you any more, what's left?



Ass will never be the new face. Hopefully in the very near future INTELLIGENCE will be the new ass. I know nobody wants an aesthetically rough chick on their arm, but is a little extra weight or perhaps a crooked nose, or pancake ass so bad? What will happen when you guys, who all seem pretty intelligent, are tired of sexing the superficial? What will you talk and laugh about with that big ol' ass? Those perfect breasts? That beautiful face? None of that means anything if there's nothing but air between her ears.


Women are so much more than our physical attributes. Well, the smart ones are. And I think we deserve a chance outside of what we weigh, what our asses look like, and how beautiful we are!! You guys do tend to talk about women as nothing more than playthings and scutter buckets. Which are out there, I'm not denying. But how about showing the smart girls some love, no matter what we look like?!


Tako: Gay.

C4: Well Put.

Wja3: (Looks at Show)

Show: I love Zag.

Everyone: (looks at show perplexed)

Show: But......



Being attracted to the intelligence in a woman as opposed to the aesthetic beauty is something which sounds perfect in a perfect world of colorblindness, lack of personal preferences and cornucopias of flat chested ambiguous women- fruit. In the real world errrrry thing comes down to one thing. Attraction. You can't spot intelligence from across the room. There are just as many ugly smart girls as there are pretty ones, but you wouldnt know because who the fuck talks to the ugly ones, baring the 10% pity rule. 10% of girls are ugly or homely enough to illicit pity, and if u talk to one and find out you are attracted to her mentally, Bravo...you've got yourself a little ugly diamond in the rough. You'll die happy and no one will try to steal your facially challenged queen.



Sounds fucked up eh? I for one love smart girls...but you have to be pretty. Now this is OK, because everyone is pretty in their own way. There is not one girl who Every man on earth would find hideously ugly. The girls I think are hot, white people think are fat...it's OK, it's subjective. But why this emphasis on the physical more than the mental. Because. Marriage, in the end is really just a partnership with one small caveat...you must remain loyal and not cheat. Say what you will about men's carnal nature which demands he have more than 1 partner per lifetime, the fact of the matter is this: Men don't cheat because they reach the point where they realize it is NOT WORTH losing what they have. The easy way to ease the temptation, which will ALWAYS be there, is to marry a woman so attractive to you, that you wont want to cheat. Simple.



That being said, as far as women being sex objects....when it comes to sex, you are just that. The objects of our desire. Think its fucked up, well try this one on for size....think women don't objectify us? Tall dark and handsome ? Niggas didnt make that sweet ass saying up. Worse still....what do yall use, when we arent around? DILDOS. Dick personified and objectified. You just detached what you needed like an ivory Elephant tusk and left the carcass for dead. Yall women aint shit. Hahahah.


Zag, Good commentary.


Love ya like a play cousin...but only cause you got big titties. Jk.


-Show

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Sorry 4 the Wait....Bitch.

I had a different post planned for today written by a blog reader explaining how Ass will never be the new face and the Bros, intentionally or unintentionally objectify women, but ehhhhh....I opted for this. Sorry sugar tits..... JK. That was a joke.



Anyways, this is what's hot in the streets, so this is what I'll blog about...maybe ill post the other tomorrow.






Soooooo, the media darling and leader of the Young Money camp, Mr. Dwayne Carter aka Lil Weezy aka Tunechi, has decided to release his "Sorry 4 the wait" mixtape as a prelude to his much pushed back album, the Carter 4, due in August. Download HERE and listen for yourself.






Allhiphop.com gives the mixtape a 7/10 and offers a pretty accurate track by track review, asides from their thoughts on the Lil Wayne / Lil B collaboration, which I OBVIOUSLY am going to wholeheartedly support. This shit right here though nigga..? Track by track review? This will be nothing of the sort as I feel, having been a Lil Wayne Fan since the days of the Hot Boys and his peazy afro, that we owe him more than that.








Rather than give him a 7/10 rating and say you could've done x, y and z with this song and that song to make this a better album, I'm going to give him a 6 /10 rating and tell him "sir, this is not because we hold you to a higher standard...it because this was a 6/10 worthy album."






Some people record better while sober, take Gucci Man For instance who is incoherent when "whiteboy wasted" and cant even stay on beat or out of jail. Others record better completely inebriated such as Wiz Khalifa, or Tupac who said "I record this high and fucked up cause most of yall gonna be high and fucked up listening to it." Others still, a la Lil Weezy, need to find a special place somewhere between too drunk to drive, and not too drunk to stand. Get too fucked up off codeine and we have Weezy singin "Me and my Drank", "Prostitute" and creating autotuned Rock albums...cool for a song, not an album. Do no drugs at all and we get this declaration of meritocracy...eh. Find that perfect spot and we get The Carter series, and all the Dedication Mixtapes (Except the autotuned abortion cry that was pt. 3). Case in point, Weezy is best when coked up but not double cup syruped out.









That being said, I commend Lil Weezy for even putting out a mixtape. He's much bigger than this. You don't see Jay Z or Eminem, the only other artists moving these kinds of units doing this sort of stuff. He took a risk. Problem is, all this album did was solidify something we knew already. Weezy has clever wordplay and is lyrically nice. He didnt offer anything to make us say oooooooh, or "got damnnnn nigga...this nigga nice!!!" He just gave us shit to nod our heads to and basically, hold us over till the Carter 4. Mission accomplished.








Unfortunately, what Wanye neglected to notice, perhaps due to his NOT BEING IN TUNE WITH THE STREETS ANYMORE, is that the mixtape game is not what it used to be. With the availability of original beats and producers increasing exponentially, the word mixtape means :a collection of new original songs, possibly a few covers of popular hits and catchy, repeat worthy anthems. Fab's "You be Killin em" was a gold single...off a mixtape. Mixtape is now the new medium to push new music without dealing with label politics and a quick way to earn extra cash. Wayne followed the 1990's jacking for beats mixtape model and while he's one of the best at it, times have changed and we demand more.




Keeping this in mind "Sorry for the wait", the title track is the best song as it best fits what we know, love and expect from an ACTUAL Tunechi song. Sure thing is the next best song, as it is his best cover of a popular radio song. Most of the other songs suffer from lack of a hook or a barrage of metaphors thrown into 1 verse which spans 60 bars and sounds like a run on sentence at a spelling b....and speaking of B, Lil B has the most entertaining moment of the album. He spits 16 nonsensical bars but you can tell he's having fun...he's so excited he eventually even gets off beat...lol...but that's lil b for ya. Maybe this is what wayne thought he needed to bring out the energy and fervor he once had on the Dedication Mixtapes....but as his cookie cutter verse proved, the old Weezyana hotboy fire was simply smoldering like coals under a iced cold "grill." Its as if this was "fun" for Wayne when he was clearly intoxicated, but now that he's on drug and alcohol testing / sobriety monitoring, this is just "business."





I'm sure Wayne will put out a classic album in the Carter IV, as his lyrical ability is obviously still on point...perhaps though....just perhaps, he should leave the mixtapes to the Wiz Khalifas and Lil B's and hop his short ass back on top of Hip Hop's Throne.




Heres some better New, free stuff. Click the links for download:

Gucci Mane -Writings on the Wall 2




Wiz Khalifa --The Dream




Lil B--I'm Gay





--Show Vuitton.