Thursday, June 30, 2011
When u gonna do a blog about ppl that think they're a different race, I know if it gets to me its already gotten to u , chics that think they're rican or white boys that got the B.E.T syndrome (I'm a thug, the "so what I never actually been in the shit I seen BET" syndrome.)
Show: It's funny you should mention that.
White people, college educated blacks and the rest of the population of uppity negroes will be quick to say there is no such thing as "acting black." Fuck them, because there undoubtedly is, and as much as we hate to admit it to white folk , we know EXACTLY what acting black is. Unlike Puertoricans, who know and admit that acting puertorican consists of things like being loud for no reason and being fertile as a mofo, we do not embrace it. We fight to say "baggy clothes, ebonics and hip hop music dont constitute acting black." The latinos just throw an annual parade where they can all be loud in peace, drink coronas and not need a babysitter.
They seem to be winning and we appear to be lying.
Funny thing is, I'm not one to fight battles on principal. We all know its wrong to say speaking ignorantly = talking black, but if we said to someone " talk black" , we'd all recite some ebonical slang ridden phrase. It is what it is. We call buffalo wings buffalo wings even though they aren't buffalo, and the sauce is no longer made in NY...we just all understand what it means. Its implied.
Now what says acting black more than Tennis? LOL
Now, what about those people who pretend to act a certain way (black, for instance) when we all know damn well that they are nothing of the sort? What's to be said of these posers?
Tako: And who's to say you arent one of these posers. hmmmm.....Just playing devil's advocate.
Show: I like it. Ill roll with it.
We will start with my story. Single parent household. Section 8. Not in the hood, but on the fringe and not in the suburbs. Poor, but never actually went hungry. Latch key child since like age 7-8. Intelligent. Studied hard, went to the country's #1 prep school on academic scholarship, graduated from Ivy League cum laude, got an MBA with a 4.0 Gpa. Smart guy with hood tendencies. Had guns pulled on me, dealt with drugs, committed crimes, survived unscathed. Still hang with hood niggas.
Yep, thats me with the 2 jesus pieces and a do-rag at graduation. And that's C4 being normal.
Some people will say "you went to a good school" if you act hood you're a poser. This may be true if I had attended such school as a result of my own financial means. If I could afford a 30,000+ a year high school I obviously know nothing about the poor man's struggle. I agree. Do I feel comfortable in the hood? Yes. Why? Because it never seemed odd. I was always in the hood, and while I have been fortunate enough to live elsewhere at the moment, my friends and family are still there. I cant ignore their struggle just because my head is a little higher above water.
If you knew the struggle you can relate despite not having to live the struggle now. I was born at the bottom of hallway steps b. My 1st crib was a laundry basket with some towels in it.
The problem with posers, however, is that they have no identity. Claiming the hood isnt about gaining street credibility or respect. It's about the "like attracts like" mentality. I hang with people I feel are genuinely smart, whether formally educated or not...which is why i hang with people like Lefleur, C4 , Bari and PT. (Sidenote: you also have to hang with a few shooters in case shit pops off). I hang with people from the hood cause we all grew up with a "hunger " for certain things which we could never afford. There's solidarity in suffering.
Tako: Good tie in at the end. It was beginning to sound like an attempt to legitimize yourself.
Show: never that.
That being said, white girls with excessive hairspray who desperately want to be puertorican...stop it 5. You may dress and talk a certain way because you've grown up in a particular environment, which is ok. You may want to fuck a puertorican dude, thats ok too. You cannot, however, claim a struggle which is not yours. As much as the white civil rights leaders supported the black struggle during the MLK era, they COULD NOT relate. They played an important, DISTINCT part in the transformation of America...Equally important, but not the same.
Little white boys filled with teen angst and anger towards your parents. Blast rap music at ignorant levels, wear your hat backwards, sag your pants! Just know, however, that your struggle is uniquely different. Eminem didnt come out speaking of selling crack and project living. He detailed the struggles of a trailer park youth. tell us your struggle. be a fucking original not an African bootlegged copy.
In the end, thats what it comes down to. being yourself. A white man can never experience a black mans struggle. A poor man can never imagine a rich man's problems. A man can never experience life as a sexually harassed female. It is what it is. Pretending to be something that you aren't, however, only serves o exacerbate the problem. If we'd all just be ourselves we'd learn a lot more about different types of people and less about the glamorized "Either u slangin crack rock or you got a wicked jumpshot" life.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Nah homie, this is ass.....and you dont have to be diagnosed with McChicken Gut to get it.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Nappy friends, I begin with an apology. Been a long time since I've been regularly featured here, and that's my bad. My writer's block and lack of inspiration have led to an unprecedented prolonged absence. FEAR NOT! Like I said in the first line, I'm back, and you'll be seeing a lot of me this summer so get used to it, bitches!!!
About the title, though. A lot of time has passed since black history month when we learned that Martin Luther King freed the slaves and rescued Obama from a remote jungle mosque in Africa (KIDDING!), so your Friendly Neighborhood Blog Killah has decided to highlight some less prominent but all important heroes in our community; and perhaps more importantly, to identify the villains in our midst posing as heroes, offering damnation apples to our naked, ignorant asses (see Eve, Bible).
Tako: nah son not my nigga Montel! That's my mans! He drops knowledge at 10am, smokes weed proudly, and has a bad white wife. He's the American dream!!!
This is how he gets you. "Trust me, I'm wise. I'm older, but hip to your issues. I'm a father, a husband (and you see how MILFtastic my wife is?! You see how I'm living, nig-GA?!?! Excuse me, I mean...). I'm empathetic and sympathetic. I give tough love. I smoke medical marijuana (for my multiple sclerosis only, I swear!), and most importantly, I got your back. I'm Montel, you can trust me."
Nah nigga. Cuz the next thing out of Montel's mouth, during the commercial break, is the following question.
You're all like, "Hell yeah, I could always use an extra stack! Thanks Montel, I always knew you had my back."
Then Montel's like, "Gotcha bitch!"
For you see, Nappy Friends, Money Mutual will lend you $1000, and debit your bank account on your next payday for $1149.00 ($149.00 fee).
Legal loan sharking, plain and simple. And of course yo broke ass can't spare that $1149, you didn't have the first G to begin with. Now you're fucked. The slippery slope down into financial ruin has ensnared another hapless uneducated victim. You ain't got no job! You're watching morning talk shows. This commercial aired between DeVry and Lincoln Tech, and will appear again after a shady law office and an advertisement about patenting your invention.
So now you're pissed cuz you can't enroll at Everest College and get your associate's (read useless) degree, cuz you blew Montel's money making it precipitate over the posterior of some trollop named Bambi, wondering, "Why you gotta do me like that, Montel?"
I'll tell you why. Montel is broke his damn self. Word. Him and his wife have been leaned on by the IRS in the form of a $1,000,000 tax lien, AND he pays $18,700 a month in child support to his ex-wife. So what's a nigga do when the man is taxing him (literally and figuratively)? He hustles.
Need a LOAN?
I think I saw Montel breakdancing in the subway and selling M&M Peanuts on the side too. Montel is hustling harder than a Jamaican crackhead, and so should you. Get a job, find a trade, and work the system. Don't let the system, or Montel Williams, work you. And don't believe any QUICK MONEY RIGHT NOW IT'S SO EASY ads. Drug dealers and pimps use the same lines.Never trust a bald-headed nigga with hoop earrings and that obnoxious ass skinny goatee with the extra thin line connecting from the soul patch area. It screams, "I'm a douche bag!"
And our hero this week? J.J. Barea.
Yeah I know he's not even black. But he's living the life that every black man (or man, period) would love to live. He's the rare NBA player who is of normal height and below average face recognition. Listed at 6ft, really like 5'10", Barea just won an NBA championship with the Dallas Mavericks, and is dating the Puerto Rican former Miss Universe, Zuleyka Rivera.
That's right. He does a track with Rick Ross and he's officially the Black American Dream. Possessing the name J.J., an NBA championship, and vaginal rental of the consensus baddest boricua on the planet, all while still appearing normal enough that you wouldn't recognize him on the street makes J.J. Barea the official NappyHeadedBros Black Hero of the Week. I salute you, J.J.
Stay Nappy My Friends,
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Not cool, not cool. Not only are you hating, you are also letting it be KNOWN that you are spearheading a movement of maliciousness. Those ugly ass bootlegged "Hi Hater" shirts? Yeah. They were talking about you , you Maino looking bitch. You my friend, are the Crabgrass on an otherwise healthy lawn.
I'll be the first to admit that I'm no relationship guru but I will say this: Your single friends are single for a reason. You wouldnt ask someone who's unemployed for advice on how to interview successfully, now would you? Hindsight is always 20-20, so I'm sure now you can see that your friend's bad advice was probably a combination of her secretly and unknowingly wanting her "single chickenhead homegirl / hang out at clubs/ complain about their being no good men" buddy back and her own terrible conclusions drawn from bad relationships. "If God wanted another bitch all up in your relationship, he would've given man 2 dicks so he could smash you both."
-ShowRocka H. Christ
Bitches Believe that they're better being single simply because betrayal of their best friend seems blasphemous. Can't blame em. We men do the same thing... we holla "bros over hoes" and usually hate our boys gf for the first month. The outlier in this equation, however, is the power of the pussy. Men, being the carnal creatures we are, will not really listen to what our boys or homegirls are saying and not necessarily act upon said recommendations.
Why? Because our boys aren't fucking us (No homo squared.) Acceptable advice which we may take heed to is "Shes a gold digger", "She smashed the homies" or "She's burnin." Other than that, we will simply not bring her around our boys until they start acted cordial. No big deal, more alone time to get up in them pink cookies in a plastic bag (LL Cool J Vagina Reference...Licks Lips...Pause.) Women, on the other hand, listen to their friends because they do everything together, even pee. They know that on the off chance the nigga isnt shit, it'll be her hating ass friends (and unnecessarily gay homeboy) helping you raise your baby and buy him overly expensive, coonish baby J's. Smh.
-Wja3 the BL-O.G.
Jealousy is a natural human trait. Managed effectively it can motivate you to get out and do better for yourself....strive for the things you are so envious of. Instead, however, women who truly "can't accept" being single, fall into crab mentality, and no i dont mean they pull you back in the bucket. We're NHB here and we're way more clever than that. These single friend females fall into Latch onto your vagina hairs and make it so uncomfortable that you eventually concede to their demands.
The itch you can't scratch isn't the "itch to be single" it's the "itch to be reunited with your girls...the same girls who stood by you talking shit about the last friend who branched out and formed a relationship.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Though my next tat scheduled in a few weeks may border the absurd (See below):
I am 100 % serious about this and while im thinking of writing "Real women have curves" above it, I'll glady replace that with a user submitted slogan that is clever. Before you try to talk me out of this, just know the other option is basically a subtle face tattoo...if there is such a thing.
Anyways, on to the crazy white boy.
The Actual News Story:
Breast Implants for Your Tattoo?
By Just Stupid on Apr 29, 2009 in Stupid Men
“The Edmonton Sun” published a story about a year ago about a tattoo artist in Edmonton, Canada, attempting to give his curvy cowgirl tattoo 3-D curves. And he was successful … for 2 weeks ….
In an effort at promoting his tattoo shop, Dragon FX, Mr. Lane Jensen of Edmonton had his New York surgeon friend, Dr. Brian Decker, implant tiny silicone breast implants under his tattoo on his left calf. (You don’t normally see “tiny” describing “silicone breast implants.”)
His cowgirl’s silicone breast implants were not your traditional breast implant – they were not the fluid filled silicone shells manufactured to look and feel like the real thing. His cowgirl was augmented with solid silicone that is normally custom sized and shaped for nose or chin surgeries.
Mr. Jensen had this surgery on December 9, and by December 24th, the stitches split and infection was set in. Jensen commented, “My body just rejected it. I guess my girl wasn’t meant to have 3D breasts.” Just Stupid!
Tako: This my friends, is beyond absurd.
My first instinct was to say, "awesome" , then I re-considered and thought of how fucking dumb of an idea this was. Then I thought again about how white folks always push the limits and try to invent dumb shit. While blacks were off inventing the traffic light, open heart surgery and peanut butter, these mutherfuckers are off creating the X-games, and other extreme sports like "Bungee jumping from a sky dive" (yes you heard that correctly.)
Let me stop before I sound racist. There was really no solid point to this post, just kinda wanted to go back to our NappyheadedRoots and inform you of sheer random nonsense. Also, someone said they didn't "get" my Roger Rabbit Post and that I was possibly "High" when I wrote it. To that I respond, I don't smoke... and Double Cupping is a weekend thing. LOL. See below for a random collection of some of my favorite things just because I like you to get into my head sometimes. Hopefully my thought process makes sense now.
Young Rosie Perez....My Absolute Fav.
A Lion with a Justin Bieber cut. If I had a lion, I'd let him choose his own hairstyle, but would recommend this.
An Asian baby with tattoos smoking a bogie. Funny Asians. Tako's Lil brother.
OK, There is one lesson to be learned from the post:
Nonsense comes in all colors, shades and hues and often borders absurdity to the point of novelty and eventually serious health risk. Look at old boy's infected titty tattoo. Now think "Booty Shots." It's all fun and games until your ass turns green with flesh eating bacteria...and no, not thirsty ass eating twitter niggas...actual flesh eating bacteria. LOL. Be safe Slimes.....
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
“More African American men are in prison or jail, on probation or parole than were enslaved in 1850, before the Civil War began.”
Also Read: Chris Brown dyes his hair again
Tako: Amber rose lookin nigga. Wiz gonna get high on tour and try to smash him by accident. LMAOOOOOO.
The L.A. Progressive reports:
Growing crime rates over the past 30 years don’t explain the skyrocketing numbers of black — and increasingly brown — men caught in America’s prison system, according to Alexander, who clerked for Supreme Court Justice Harry Blackmun after attending Stanford Law. “In fact, crime rates have fluctuated over the years and are now at historical lows.”
“Most of that increase is due to the War on Drugs, a war waged almost exclusively in poor communities of color,” she said, even though studies have shown that whites use and sell illegal drugs at rates equal to or above blacks. In some black inner-city communities, four of five black youth can expect to be caught up in the criminal justice system during their lifetimes.
“More African American men are in prison or jail, on probation or parole than were enslaved in 1850, before the Civil War began,” Michelle Alexander told a standing room only house at the Pasadena Main Library this past Wednesday, the first of many jarring points she made in a riveting presentation.
As a consequence, a great many black men are disenfranchised, said Alexander — prevented because of their felony convictions from voting and from living in public housing, discriminated in hiring, excluded from juries, and denied educational opportunities.
“What do we expect them to do?” she asked, who researched her ground-breaking book while serving as Director of the Racial Justice Project at the ACLU of Northern California. “Well, seventy percent return to prison within two years, that’s what they do.”
However change is to come, a big impediment will be the massive prison-industrial system.
“If we were to return prison populations to 1970 levels, before the War on Drugs began,” she said. “More than a million people working in the system would see their jobs disappear.”
So it’s like America’s current war addiction. We have built a massive war machine — one bigger than all the other countries in the world combined — with millions of well-paid defense industry and billions of dollars at stake. With a hammer that big, every foreign policy issue looks like a nail — another bomb to drop, another country to invade, another massive weapons development project to build.
Similarly, with such a well-entrenched prison-industrial complex in place — also with a million jobs and billions of dollars at stake — every criminal justice issue also looks like a nail — another prison sentence to pass down, another third strike to enforce, another prison to build in some job-starved small town, another chance at a better life to deny.
Monday, June 20, 2011
C4: Hear him out...I guess.
I bet yall didn't know that the Director, Robert Zemekis, was Born 1950's Chicago...Same city as R-Kelly Yall. Lol. (The R-Kelly Reference will make sense in a little while.) More importantly, 1950's / 60's Chicago was segregated to the point of their actually being restrictive covenants (processes such as redlining which allowed banks to decline mortgages in black neighborhoods) thereby keeping blacks locked in the ghetto and tenement slums. Yep, he grew up amongst this...and while he could have easily continued the trend of segregation, he chose to take the high road, bringing black culture to the forefront without racist and unsuspecting whites being the wiser.
This is like R.Kelly's trapped in the closet mixed with Snoop's murder was the Case video.
The Title: Who "Framed" Roger Rabbit....Hmmmmm...Can we say the precursor to the "Stop Snitchin Movement." This becomes particularly applicable now that Dexter Issac has confessed (nearly 17 years later) to shooting Tupac despite others (Ahem...BIGGIE...cough, Cough) having been blamed and or framed for the act.
The Video Vixen: Long before rappers were making it rain, there was a cartoon dame making it rain in our pants. Jessica Rabbit. Red hair, redbone. Thicker than a snicker.
If you can't see the comparison here then you, my friend, are highly retarded...and not in an autistic idiot savant type way.
He even gave her Aliyah's haircut before she started rockin that shit....Actually the movie came out when she was only 9 and just a twinkle in R-kellys eye and a small erection in his pants...long before she married Kells at age 14. Illllk (Pusha T voice.) Nevertheless, I digress...
The Bad ass kid:
Before the name "baby" became synonomous with Bryan "Birdman" Williams the father of lil wayne and the face tattoo movement, there was a little bad ass baby smoking a cigar. Herman.
This little nigga.
Hangin with the old heads, smokin...drankin....it's sorta like when Kane from Menace II Society was drinkin brew on the back porch with Pernell...
Years later we have this scenario playing out in real life with a 2 year old in Indonesia smoking 40 cigs a day.
It may all seem like coincidence at this point but sheiiiiiiit, I'm speaking to the same niggas who believe in the illuminati, so this really isnt that far fetched.
Tako: Martin Luther King tho my nigga? You reachin
Show: No I'm not, and here's why.
In the same way that seeing violence on a daily basis leads one to the point of becoming desensitized, seeing African American culture on display leads us to become more familiar and tolerant of it. While Martin Luther King's struggle was not in vain, we must truly realize that without people (explicitly and implicitly) phasing his methodology into society, it would've been worthless. Sure we had to bring in these images gradually, but the fact that 50 years later they are all playing out before our own eyes not only shows that Roger rabbit was ahead of its time but that the director "really KNEW niggas!!"
Think about it. How good would a theory of "Racial Harmony" be if you couldn't watch interracial porn? Kidding. But seriously...think about the first time you seen a black guy and white girl holding hands...or two guys...you were shocked! Now, its like "eh, whatever." And you know why? Because we've become accustomed to seeing it. We're used to it. It's cool.
Do we have to make the world familiar with black culture and hip hop style in 2011? Fuck no. Corporate America is already exploiting it and jockin us like athletic cups. Explain Black culture to you? in 2011?
Nah, Roger Rabbit did that...so hopefully yall don't have to go through that. (Dave Chapelle imitating Jay-Z Voice.)