Thursday, February 24, 2011

Showrock & C4 Present....Stereotypes

Let's talk about some of my favorite stereo types.



Sony, Bose, Teac, Panasonic, Alpine...


Oh, that wasn't funny? Good. Neither was everybody being too chicken to comment on yesterday's post. Guess Khaki will be the only one getting a gift. I was thinking a trip for 2 to a nudist colony. No, seriously.



Tako: Who the fuck thinks of that ??!


Show: Guess that's why they were scared.


Tako: I was gonna do a Louie Bag tagged up with Nappyheaded Graffiti Logos. I took it back from my ex and it's been sitting in the closet for like 2 years. I paid like a stack and a half for that mutherfu*ka but fu*k her.



Wja3: Bitter are we?

Anyway, today's post is about those nasty little things which we all try to ignore (and no, I don't mean the ones which make it burn and itch during urination.) We shall call them stereotypes.




Now is it inherently wrong that every time i see a black girl in scrubs I think CNA and every time I see an Indian Girl (the non-deodorant kind, because saying "dot or feather" is rude) in scrubs I think Doctor? Ponder that...is it really wrong? Even if Its true.




Let me answer that for you before the peanut gallery starts chiming in with their "all stereotypes are rooted in some truth but that doesn't give one the right to characterize an entire group based on an individual" shit. Shut the fuck up. We're Americans. It's what we do. We simplify things to save the time and effort of analyzing each and every individual, thereby leaving us more time to maximize profit in this society we call capitalistic.






That being said, let me introduce to you a concept coined by your nappyheaded friend Showrocka. The 20 year rule.



If a stereotype has existed since the times of slavery, be it the Kunte Kinte Roots kind or the Chinese Railroad workers with Mortal Kombat Hats kind, we have to accept the fact that people have been conditioned to believe it.



Based on the fact that slavery was institutionalized for hundreds of years and an entire nation brainwashed, we cannot blame people for reverting back to these stereotypes, only for their inability to change their way of thinking and move past these untruthful and hurtful notions.




Stereotypes created within, and still existing during the last 20 years, however, ARE YOUR OWN FAULT...no matter what race you are!!! Indian bi*ches knew that we all thought they were smart ass Doctors, so how did they respond...they got more PHDs! They said, "hmmmm...maybe this is a good look for us...even white people think we're acceptable now. I was gettin tired of that Sanjit-Sivaramakrishna dick." Lol.





Black people said, "hmmmm, white people think we're all fast." The response? Usain bolt and all the niggas who didnt get caught on cops. You know when they say "Ahhh, he just knows the area better than us and got away" they really wanna say "That mutherfucka fast as a field nigga!"






But what about the bad stereotypes, might you ask. Do white people really smell like wet dogs when it rains? Yep. That's why panteen Pro V and Suave exist. They, unfortunately, don't mask the smell completely, so the stereotype still exists. Oh well, it's your fault. Develop something better or stay out the rain.





Black people all listen to rap music and talk ghetto. Not true...unless you count ALL the black people in the media ALL the time because they're famous athletes and entertainers. Once again...OUR FAULT. Venus and serena don't talk Ghetto, and I bet Tiger woods listens to Crosby Stills and Nash...but how often do we see them (baring the existence of a scandal?) Not much. The reason? Motherfucka's dont wanna see that shit. They wanna see basketball wives and "The Game."




All white girls give head. Errrrrrrr. I dont see you guys, nor do I advocate, trying to prove us otherwise.



I'm sure by now you get the point. It's time we hold ourselves accountable for our actions. Anything stereotype that has arisen within the last 20 years has not had enough time to become so deeply ingrained in our customs, institutions and practices that we cannot, with proper behavior, reverse or reinforce it. That being said, 20 years is adequate time for a reversal.



Despite being inherantly crass, My more Nappyheaded brother Rockaflocka has a point. If you look at health care statistics, overall rates of diabetes, hypertension and other demographic indicators, Blacks are as unhealthy as they say we are...as a whole. Well, that's just what happens when you replace an African Vegetable based diet with leftover pig organs deep fried in chicken grease. Tell em C4 said that, so hopefully you won't have to go through that.


Show: What else?


Mexicans...well, aside from having tortilla booties (the women), the rest REALLY ARE master chefs at any cuisine! Jamaicans really do have a lot of jobs and Asians really can't drive. Shit, my Asian prom date almost drove us into a Mack truck.





Tako: Probably cause she had those Wiz Khalifa eyes and couldn't see. Lol.



White people do really love cheese, and they also love animals as much as people. They took that stereotype, embraced it and sent Mike Vick to Jail.

I challenge you to find a recent era stereotype that isnt our own fault.



Can't do it, can you?



All black people are on welfare or unemployed? No one believes that shit anymore, especially since all the unemployed niggas are so called "rappers" and who knows...that shit can be quite profitable. Reversal = successful.






Blacks: 1


America: 1,000,000,000




-Bros

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Pay it forward: The Nappy edition.

Shouts out to my girl Zag aka the big bad wolf at http://biggbaddwolf.blogspot.com/...



It's not too often that I steal things (I'm black, remember, not latino...kidding), but I had to rip this from her page. Shout outs to Messy Carla as well, because that's who originated the idea. She's not my type but there's something that turns me on about the name "messy carla." Sounds naughty...Anyways, I don't read her blog ...just seems like just another hefty white girl to me. Zag's Blog is cool though. She a fashionista that shows Big girls how to have swag and not look like fools.

Anyways, I thought her "Pay it forward" idea was ingenious (No meat hop)...of course not ingenious enough that I wouldn't alter it to make it more Nappyhead-friendly. So here goes.

The Pay it Forward challenge:




I'm going into a bit of a blogging hiatus a.) So I can focus on my novel and b.) so I'm not tempted to write ":p " in every post. Tako's going to be filling in while I take my sabbatical. I've taught him well. I may do a few blogs here and there for Braniacsociety.com, but you probably won't see much of me until at least April.





Here's the challenge.





The first 5 people to respond via comment will get a unique gift, handmade by one of the NappyheadedBros. Now this gift can be absolutely anything the Bro chooses just so long as its creative, unique and handmade. Here's the catch...you have to recriporcate and do the same.


The timeframe: 1 month.


Aren't you curious to see what concoctions and expressions of individuality C4, Showrocka, Wja3 and Taka Flocka's brains can come up with? I sure am.



I know I said 5, but if a certain person comments I may be willing to extend it to six. Comment under your username, or anoynomusly if you feel like you can drop a hint to let whichever Bro it is know that it's you.


This is gonna be fun.



P.S. All yall mutherf**kin rappers out there send me your sh*t!!!! I want to do some more album reviews. Persia from the White rapper show just holla'd at us the other day so maybe she'll send us some exclusive shit. I fu*ks with her cause she out there grindin catchin gun charges and shit. If you say you keep it hood and you do...hey...props. She Basically just spazzed out on Lil Kim yesterday in a song called "Friday after Next" and we thought it was funny. Sorry Kim, she got in that ass, no homo.

Click to listen:

http://www.hiphopdx.com/index/singles/id.13928/title.persia-friday-after-next-lil-kim-diss

--Show "I don't look like Asante Samuel" Rock

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Trickin: Revisited :)

105 official followers through Gmail / yahoo...That's a respectable number. I can rock with that.


In case you haven't noticed, I've been pulling a C4 lately, meaning I've been spreading myself thin with other writing related projects. Damn, I sound all important and shit. It's actually not that deep, but I have been working on my as of yet untitled novel. It's non-fiction and is basically my life during college and the 2 years after. Sex, Drugs, Rock and Roll, celebrities (F**k Ludacris by the way) , transvestites, fights and the like...You'll really love it.




Anyways...working on a side project does not absolve me of my responsibilities as an irresponsible blogger. Today's topic...? Trickin. Revisited.



If you recall, we had a post a while back called Rap lies: It aint trickin if you got it. Click the link if you haven't read it, cause this sh*t right here nigga (kevin Hart voice), is like part 1.5 of that post.




The whole trickin dilemma comes down to two things...



1.) Anybody who is "trickin" justifies it by saying "I would've spent that money on a date just to eventually have sex with her anyway, why not just cut to the chase and buy her what she wants."



2.) Anybody who thinks they aren't trickin via the "oh, I aint never give her money" defense, is most likely doing it unknowingly, tricking dinners or lunches under the premise that "they're inexpensive so they don't count."




That's it. There's no more to it.


It is for that reason, that this post isn't about affirming or refuting the "aint trickin if you got it mantra." We've done that already. This is about why "trickin" is considered such a bad word in masculine circles (pause) across the country. I said country and not globe because niggas in India and shit still give Dowries...that's like trickin to the 10th power.

The reason trickin in considered bad is because a.) it requires spending money, thereby implying that your "game" of fluidity of pervasively flattering speech is inadequate by itself, and b.) it often leads to the one thing EVERY man fears...being played. The reason for this is not because women cognisantly take advantage of men, but rather single women, like their masculine counterparts, innocently think they can go out with as many members of the opposite sex as they want. Why shouldn't they? It's all in good, friendly fun , right?



Wrong.



The difference is that men are more often than not, PAYING. This sets up a problem as men invest money in something over which they do not have complete control. This is similar to buying gas. You wouldn't put gas in a car every week if it was a community car and you never knew if and when you'd get to drive it. Ahhhhhhhhhhh. I see light bulbs going off in peoples heads now.





In the same way women often cannot separate casual sex from love, a lot of men cant separate the fine line between doing something nice / being a gentleman and "Trickin." Buy the girl dinner because you want to, and know full and well that whatever you're doing late night with another woman, she's probably doing with another man. Do it for the company, do it cause you don't like to eat alone, but don't do it because you think she owes you fidelity or exclusivity. If she asked that of you, you'd give her the "come on son" face.




I know America tends to teach us that everything should yield a decent return on investment, but just always assume that someone's investing more than you and you won't get hurt. Fellas, if you remember one thing and one thing only, remember this... tricking "time" always trumps tricking money.



That being said, a fool and his money are soon departed. You wouldn't, however, spend hours upon hours with a girl you couldn't stand, no matter how good the moo shu was.

Sure we'll still call you a trick, anytime you spend money or excessive amounts of time with a girl, but in the end, just know it's in jest...because let's face it...

Trickin's only bad when you get your feelings hurt. Sucker.

-Bros

Friday, February 18, 2011

No One Should Be Treated Like A Black Man

Good morning, I'm C4. You may remember me from such blogs as this one, Nappy Headed Bros. You might be wondering where I've been all year. Don't worry about all that mind ya business, young'n! Nah but for real though it's good to be back in the blogosphere after a screenwriting hiatus. Have no fear, I've been cooking up some good ol' fashioned blog rock for you fiends to smoke out there. It's been a while though, so I'll ease you back into my brand of tomfoolery nice and slow, just like it's your first time (pause).

Anyway, you might have noticed all kinds of nonsense going on the world that I typically would be all over, like our good friend Charlie Sheen ripping away the title for most reckless celebrity away from the hands of Lil Wayne and previous winner Tiger Woods. Our boy Charlie is acting like cocaine and pornstars are going out of style! You see this asshole try to rent a mansion for like $250K a month just to bone and snort?! Now that's gangsta. Let's check the stats, okay?

5 - pornstars
+1 - suitcase of cocaine
+36- hours of partying
=1 trip to the hospital

That's a party Rick James could be proud of, RIP.



Then on the other hand, there's our girl Lindsay Blowhan who just got busted for shoplifting. Shoplifting?!?!?! Why do famous rich white women steal? Will Winona Ryder give me an answer?


Most impressive out of all of this? These people still have jobs! High profile jobs! I wish I could commit crimes and get Lindsay Lohan chances. I really wish I could have Charlie Sheen chances. Didn't he get mixed up in the Heidi Fleiss mess of the mid-'90s? You mean to tell me he has been caught on similar BS before, only to grow more reckless with time? Kind of makes Weezy's non-alcoholic-unprotecte-sex-making-new-babies-every-other-day-while-still-promoting-gang-activity-through-his-music foolishness seem tame by comparison. More on Weezy another day though, you know how we love him at this site (no homo).

Charlie Sheen continually and unapologetically continues to do all kinds of unspeakable things all out in the open, and still has the number one sitcom in America. If a black celebrity did 1/8 of what these assholes were doing, they'd never work in Hollywood AGAIN. I say, try them as black people, let it go down like this:


Judge Rules White Girl Will Be Tried As Black Adult

I'm just saying though....

-C4

Thursday, February 17, 2011

A Romantic Night at Popeyes: The Delonte Plan

First off thank you to all the new followers! I love yall. If anyone else has a Gmail, Twitter or Yahoo account, please click this link and become an official "follower" of the Bros.
We won't spam you and it just means a.) you're visually showing your support and B.) you'll get an email when theres a new post. :) Now...on to business


I'm just gonna put it out there.

Between fu*king his former teammate Lebron James's mom, and doing this interview I'm about to post, Delonte West might be the realest dude in the NBA. Now this is an incredible feat, because the former holder of this title, Ron Artest, admittedly drank half pints of hennessey at halftime and punched fans in the face. Runners up include Gilbert Arenas for Pulling out guns in the locker room and Shaq for using "Kobe, tell me how ass tastes" as a hook in a rap freestyle at the house of blues.

Back to Delonte.

Normally, when people do lovey dovey, I need a girl (usher voice) interviews, they tend to air on the side of caution. Not this nigga. (Look! I went 124 words before i used the N-word. Kudos to me.) Just read the excerpts from the ESPN video and see, where "Keepin it real goes wrong!" Also, Delonte....it is not OK to make references to other married famous people's wives, I.e) Beyonce. Have some class. LOL.

And now, for some hilarious excerpts...

Delonte: "I did a few romantic things in my day, but I'm not the world's most romantic guy. But I can tell you what I would consider a special night. First, at my lady's work, I would send her a card giving her instructions for the night. Send it to her about midday, so the rest of the day, she has time to think about exactly what I had planned


The Bros Say: Awwwww. He got it right. Do that Trey Songz sh*t and its instant Moo-Shu. Guess that's how he bagged Lebrons Mom....He's a smooth dude.


Delonte: So, I pick her up in my white convertible. From there, I'd have the music pumping on the radio. The Jim Jones pumping, you know, 'Summer in Miami' song pumping. Got to keep a little gangsta, you can't be too soft.

The Bros Say: And HERE's where it all goes wrong.....


Delonte: So, where we going then? You know, with the female readers, I might get me a superstar off this one. I might get me Beyonce or something. OK, now listen to this, so put this in there, OK, so from driving the car, let's be real. I started off wining and dining and Rico Suave-ing it...then we're going to my yacht.



We'll pull up at the docks and got a guy waiting for us, open our door up and we walk down a lit-up dock and onto the yacht, where we have dinner set up on the boat and we just cruise out on the water. Sit down and have some dinner, some shrimps and steaks, keep it nice and breezy. Pop some bottles, some Moet Rose. The red Moet, we ain't popping no Kristal, it tastes like urination. We ain't popping no Kris, that's $500 a bottle. It ain't that serious. It ain't going to get you drunk. Make sure you put that in there. We ain't doing a $500 bottle, we're doing a $99 wine and dine



Delonte: So, we are done eating, man, we've got to have someone singing while we're eating. OK, so from there, we're doing a midnight skinny-dipping jump. Alright? From there, hopefully she's got money because I hope Jaws gets her, boom, make sure she got me in the will, bank, I'm good. Oh well, shark got her! Jaws got her. Nah, we ain't going there.




Delonte: One more thing: When we're on the yacht eating, we're going to have some Popeyes chicken. That's for dinner. It's to let her know, put a mental image on her mind, first and foremost, if you ain't from the hood, you don't like Popeyes chicken. Everyone there loves Popeyes chicken and the biscuits -- phew. But that's just getting it on her mind, saying, you know, 'Yeah, I can wine and dine you, but I'm a little rough around the edges and I'm keeping it real with you. I can be romantic, but this is real, we're going to eat some chicken tonight. Chicken and biscuits.




The Bros Say: SL 500...check! Yacht...Check! Popeye's...On Deck!!! LMAO.


Shouts to ESPN for the interview and my man Hop aka Mr. "I be with more Asians than a Volley ball playing Calculus team" for sending it to me.


Ladies...thoughts?


Do you appreciate the apparent realness or is it just another case of Machismo gone wrong...with a side of Gangsta cookies?

Wja3: We'd appreciate more commentary.

Tako: Post writes itself.

Show: We'd appreciate it if you got off our nuts...aint that right Tako?

Wja3: Where's C4 when you need him.

-Bros

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Crack isn't what it used to be: A sociological Analysis


I see I've offended some folks in the past few days as the number of followers has gone down a bit. Funny thing is, If I were to apologize for statements I wouldn't be Mr. Keep it 100 now would I?

As Nappyheaded social commentators we realize that part of the reason you all keep coming back is to aid us in our pursuit of truth, support our reckless disregard for the feelings of others, facilitate our own desire to revel in the tomfoolery of ourselves and those less fortunate , as well as give a big middle figure to the establishment of Academia which says a "scholar" should talk a certain way, dress in a certain manner and look like Michael Eric Dyson. Bitch.


Tako: He look like your ex new man....

Show: Chill Slimeeeeee.....That's funny, but chilll......


We are the witty collegic hoodlums your mother never knew existed.Cleverly Irreverent, Intellectually Irresponsible, Ivy League Tested, Hood Approved. That's us.

So...If you fuck with us, click the "Follow" button on the right...If you used to fuck with us but now can't stand us, go ahead and Un-follow us, and if you never fucked with us, stop reading, take the di*k out your mouth and go gargle with Listerine. I want to hit 100 official followers by the Month's end. Let's do it!!!

Now to unintentionally offend more people...


Crack isn't what it used to be: A sociological Analysis

According to the Justice Department,the catalyst for the crack epidemic was introduced as the price of Cocaine from Bahama distributors dropped by as much as 80 percent. Faced with dropping prices, drug dealers developed a cheap, smokeable form of cocaine which was highly profitable as a result of its ease of manufacture and high degree of purity. Crack was born.



What followed was a 15 year downward spiral of degeneration of cities, communities, and families. Due to lack of education of the dangers, the less affluent neighborhoods, many of which housed primarily African-Americans and other minorities, were hit particularly hard. Blacks because quickly addicted and their communities infiltrated with gangs,chemical dependence, child neglect, and drug related violence. A real life Resident Evil was played out on American streets where once successful workers turned to AIDS infected, needle sharing zombies, prostituting themselves and small children for a hit of that freebase cocaine glass dick.



No, the 1980's crack epidemic wasn't the white man, nor the Colombian Cartels fault. It was a combination of factors including poverty and lack of education.

The Crack epidemic of the 2000's, however...can be blamed on "the man," or corporate-capitalism, take your pick.



Everest College: 2007




In 2007, Corinthian Colleges, the for profit entity which owns Everest, completed the process of unifying all its schools under one umbrella. While most of the Everest Colleges are regionally or Nationally accredited, most credits do not transfer to other schools and many have been placed on academic probation for misrepresentation of placement statistics, fraud and false statements about courses and accreditation.


As of 2010 Department of Education statistics indicated that Everest College graduates had the highest default rate of any school in California for students entering repayment in 2010, and the fifth highest rate in Arizona.




What does this have to do with the crack epidemic in the 1980's , might you ask? Everything! Look at the similarities.

Taking advantage of underclass, less affluent, predominantly minority populations...destroying communities...



Tako: Well how does, getting an education destroy communities...?


Show: In the same way that one person smoking crack destroys a family. Check it.




By over saturating the market with non-traditional, for-profit colleges like Sanford Brown, Branford Hall, Everest, etc. Corporate America is charging a price premium for lower quality, often un-accredited education. Add these high loan rates to an uneducated populous who think's they're doing the right thing by "going to school" to better themselves, and you have a recipe for disaster.



You only see these commercials on the "Black TV Stations" like BET, TV One or the CW. They play these commercials more than Juice, Soul Plane and re-runs of "The Game." They play them during the Maury show on commercial breaks. Someone trying to do the right thing, often uneducated about the college process and already poor has now fallen victim to the practice of predatory lending...only its a "college" rather than a credit card debt.


Children see a plethora of CNA's and aspire to be nothing more.


Adults hear promises of "Nurses in the healthcare field make upwards to 70,000 a year" without the disclaimer that "Nurses have to go through 4 years of nursing school...not a 12 month training program at Everest...you will most likely be a home visitor making 10.00 an hour, if you can even secure a job." Now I'm not knocking yall, I'm knocking the system...still if you don't like it, eat an AIDS Dick.



Add this to the highest loan default rates in the country and you have downward spirals of horrendous credit, home foreclosure and all of the sociological (not physical) effects of crack.



And why...why do we as Ivy league graduates and holder's of Masters degree's give a fuck? Because unlike crack, which we know is bad...this is being portrayed as something good, or better yet great. Taking advantage of the age old saying that education is the best way to make something of yourself and using it for deception and financial gain.



It's fucked up...and its technically legal.


Smh.


Crack is Whack.





R.I.P. Kieth Haring.



-Show

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Why you shouldn't put just Headshots on FB....

Now that I will be deeply engulfed in the process that is writing a Non-fiction novel by night, I think Ill be blogging while I eat lunch at like noon or 1:00.



Today's topic: Why you shouldn't put just Headshots on FB....



Now, I'm not talking about model pictures, portfolio photography or the things crackheads give in back alleys for free rock. I'm talking about fat people trying to fool us with these facebook , Myspace, or whatever social networking hub you choose to create a fake life on, pictures from the neck up. Newsflash....A.) Neck up pic = red flag for fat and b.) If you have two necks in a profile pic we know the rest of you is as Grande as one of them Starbucks Mocha lates, or you're half turkey.



Now, the point of this isn't to diss fat people...though the term "fat" is often seen as derogatory. The point is to say that you cant start any interaction off with a lie...especially a lie easily and almost instantaneously verifiable as false. In short, Fat people are setting themselves up for failure.




You're on Facebook or Myspace to contact with old friends (who already know you're fat) or meet new people who, a.) like fat girls or b.) don't. As we Americans live in a visual society its obvious that we will browse the hell out of your pics before we decide whether or not we'd hit it. Basically, your pics are your sex resume.

You wouldn't show up to a casting call after using someone Else's headshots now would you?





Maybe they would've casted the portly girl, but when you are expected to be Halle berry and look like William the refrigerator perry, you're only setting up for a let down. Worse than this, are the guys who know you are fat and are smart enough to realize self esteem issues come with a girl hiding her body from the masses. They will chew you up and spit you out...just like you do food (well, without the spitting out part, or you'd be slim.)




So, now you basically know no one is fooled. Not comfortable with you're own body? OK, that's understandable...well then, you shouldnt be hooking up with people! There I said it. Now all the guys are upset cause I'm taking all the easy Pu**y out of the pu**y pond. We all have body parts that we'd like to change, but lying about them or hiding them doesn't do anyone any good. I'd honestly prefer one of those big "beautiful" women squeezing into shit they can't fit and posing spreadeagled over these hefty "hide-a-hoes."



Sheeeeit, at least they're confident enough that you don't feel bad laughing at their Grimace sized asses having the nerve to wear purple. Bitch looking like a whole Vineyard and shit.






But you gals? The girls hiding behind the FB wall of shame? yall are the worst. Yall make us feel bad. It's like, there's a troubled little girl out there in need of a mental makeover....a sad human being who hasnt yet realized that its the content of ones character and not whether or not their skin smells like bacon, that matters. I have a dream....




A dream that one day all women will be comfortable enough in their own skin that we can sit at the roundtable of equality and say "you, you, and you who look like you swallowed a baby manatee...we are all the same. But until then, you facebook headshotters....hefty vixens and heavyset harlots just make us sad...too sad to even make fun of...


And that....we simply cannot have.



-Bros

Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Vday Suckaz

Didn't watch the Grammy's cause I don't give a fu*k about them and knew I'd be upset when Eminem won.

Update on the Bros:

1.) C4 and I are working on trying to get a Job Blogging for Bossip.com and HiphopDx.

2.) I'm getting my Brainiac Society Neck Tat next monday, and hopefully can get Dezo from the Rockmob to film it, just so yall know I keep it G and don't cry and shit. Aslo, visit www.Brainiacsociety.com , the Site where we also Blog, run by our Big Homie Naledge aka Mr. Brain. (Pause) from Kidz in the Hall. P.S. they've got a dope song out with Nina Sky today...I linked it on the Nappyheadedbros twitter.

3. The most important update. I'm finally breaking down and buying a laptop...meaning by this weekend, I will begin working on the two books I've story-boarded out. This is gonna be grand.

Why is this relevent?

Because it's Vday, and I love you all. The readers.

That's my way of giving back.

Tako: Free Books...

Show: Hell no....but I'll give them a discount. LOL.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Why successful women are scared to get married.

If I actually had an answer to this question I'd be rich from selling my secrets, but alas, all I have are theories. Feel free to praise my insightful wit or shoot down my crazy theories. Do it topless and you get a Gold star.


Hmmmm...OK, where to start....


The goals in life, for most people, are to be successful, happy and most importantly, stable.


When a man is successful, his next step is, obviously, to seek out the hottest wife possible, thereby making him happy. Does this apply to all men? Of course not. Many men are unsuccessful bums, but even they realize that as a man, the only back up plan to being successful is being supported by a woman. This is Ok, mainly because there are two types of men. Those who strive to make their own way and achieve success, or those who strive to get by with minimal effort and have no shame living off of a woman...usually a fat one with money.



Women, on the other hand, are exempt from having to make the "Successful person-Dependant Bum" choice that men are forced with by age 13. Women have a third option...that of loving mother / caring wife...pick one.



By choosing to have a child, or give up ones career in favor of marriage or being a stay at home mom, one is often revered and held on a pedestal as a family orientated or "good wife." Let a nigga stay home and quit his job and see what you say about him.




The problem with this, is that successful women (or those that strive to be), are usually smart enough to realize these three options and often see the "loving mother/ caring wife" as a cop-out, which oftentimes it is. Scared about how significant your life will be? Worried about making something of yourself? Think you dont have what it takes to be anything more than a walmart cashier? Have a baby. Get married. You are now a member of the only other club with successful white women that you can get into...other than Sam's, Cosco's or BJ's.


What about a woman who is successful, might you ask..?




Well, she often, for fear of "giving up", views her success as a stepping stone for more success. Having a baby, or getting married and having to share that success or stagnate it is like putting a temporary glass ceiling over ones head.


In the end, who really wants to limit their unlimited potential...even if this potential is imaginary and they're destined to be an ass wiping CNA forever (No disrespect to the CNA's ...your butt looks good in scrubs....but not better than the LPN or RN's. LOL)


That being said, maybe I should've charged you for this gem of advice as I've actually figured it out.


Successful women aren't afraid of marriage...

They aren't afraid to have a man they can use for sex, make fix things and easily distract with boobs, the Internet or football...



They're afraid that your educated, uneducated, bossy or passive ass is gonna hold them back. They're afraid of being lumped in the group with submissive wives and ignorant baby mothers who can't spell but can recite Jordan Release dates from memory....



they're afraid that.....

There's only one showrocka.

Tako: You vain son of a bitch.


But relax ladies...there's plenty of men that are your equal and who knows, maybe when you give one a chance, you're realize that a harmonious whole is often greater than the sum of its parts....if not, divorce his ass.


--Showrocka the Love Dr.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Valentine's: A Perfect day for Haters.

In case yall haven't figured out my M.O. yet, I usually skip a day of posting when I feel like I've written something particularly good, funny or insightful...I do that just to make sure everyone gets a chance to read the particular post. Call it vain.




Tako: Vain.

Show: Shut your pork fried rice colored ass up.


Wja3: Today me and C4 will be leaving the room, as the non-discretionary half of NHB have concocted a post with the word "hater" in it. Not only do we think using that word is childish and indicative of a lower class strata, we also know they are about to say some reckless shit, offend people, and end up with no bi*ches on valentines day.






TS Presents...A Perfect day for haters.




As February 14th approaches, a few things happen every year without fail.



1.) Lovebirds spend excessive amounts of money on each other quantifying their love, all the while acting as gay as can be


2.) People go on trips with their wives and wifeys, much to the dismay of their neglected jumpoffs, and

3.) Haters make a big fuss about Valentines day being overly commercialized mainly cause they're jaded, upset that they've been hurt, or are still stuck with a broke dude who aint shit.




All of these things, in my opinion, are acceptable. It's OK to be hurt on valentines day in the same way a starving Ethiopian Child would be hurt to see precious walk into her village eating a 12 piece Buffalo wing sub and not sharing.

You don't walk into a Bentley dealership with no money because it would make you sad, correct? Well Vday is the same way, EXCEPT you have no choice but to see EVERYTHING you want (or once had and now lie to yourself and say you don't want) FLAUNTED right in your face! How could you not hate?! Its like a Bentley Car show for niggas at the bus stop.



OK, the message is good but this is getting boring. I've lost motivation....

Tako: How bout an Ode to Lonely hoes on Vday?

Show: Better.


Dear Lonely Bi*ch,


Maybe it's the drama that you bring...the ex-husband, the baby's father in jail, the fact that you've been in school 6 years for an Associates degree...who knows? But you are alone.

Maybe its the freshman 15 you put on in Highschool, plus the added weight of two inconsequential pregnancies...I say inconsequential because your baby will probably just be another victim of the system, fatherless, uneducated and poor. Sure you're parents tried to make a better way for you, but you choose having a baby while you were still young enough to wear cute matching Jordans over waiting until you were old enough to teach him or her something. Maybe that's why on valentines day 15 years from now, she'll be pregnant and alone too.



Maybe it's none of these things. Maybe you don't like men and are a Lesbian. Cool, good strategy...you can hang with the basketball team, cornrow your hair , and kiss girls to get more attention from boys...but alas. They've figured you out and now you get no pu**y or D**k and are, as we say, Alone.




100 years of solitude. Gabriel Garcia Marquez said that in one of his most renown novels. It perfectly describes the acidic content of your soul eating away at you each day as you wonder why men abuse and use you, making transitory use of the cesspool between your legs, forcing you to don the Cesarean battle scars and care for the precious cargo left behind.



"Oh, are you Shocked to see an actual picture of yourself? Thought I wouldn't do it? Maybe you're lonely cause you think that's sexy...or cause you underestimate people. "

All the while, you don't care...you write ni**as off as "not being good for shit", ignoring the good ones and judging a man's worth by what you can get for him. Congrats. You're right, all Ni**as aint sh*t. But they all know an aint sh*t bi*ch from a mile away. Those gifts you wanted? Yea, he buys you the cheap versions just to get slobbed off in the front seat of his car. The real stuff is bought for his wifey, on this special day...Valentines day. He is probably rubbing her feet, while yours are sore from catching city transit.


If you aren't sad yet and think were just being assholes I say to you ...wait.....just wait until Valenties day. You're loneliness will be compounded once you realize that these reasons and many more are the reason your soul feels hollow, and you are, once again...stuck all alone listening to sappy R n B trying to salvage tidbits of affection from the dude who's already done nice things for wifey and may come to give you her latenight leftovers.



Must be nice to think so little of yourself.



Happy Vday.



C4: Wow. I just caught the tail end of that. You guys are vicious, but still clever. Maybe this will be the post some of these females need to get off their high horses and come down to earth. Or maybe they'll just kill you both. LOL.

-Bros.