Thursday, October 27, 2011

Sly and the family Yam

There's no greater feeling in the world than getting head from a legitimately obese girl after she's had a slice of cake. Two to three slices might put her into a lazy, food induced coma or may induce a seizure as a result of her adult onset diabetes & hypertension, but one heavenly slice, will create a fire within her inner being, causing her to suck you like the intense center "eye" of a twister storm, encompassing every morsel of your loins as she attempts to suck that last little bit of cupcake frosting from in between her back molars.

That's how it was, and that's how the story's gonna start.

Tako: Awwwwwww Suky suky now. We got a good one.

Like most 21 year olds, my lil cousin Dezo didnt really look the part and without the state issued identification he inevitibly left at some slightly overweight puertorican girl's house, there was no way anyone was going to let him buy liquor...unless he went to the hood....and that shit was too far. Lucky for him, his big cousin's Chain and Show came to the rescue (mainly because we happened to be on the porch sipping 40's as though we were re-enacting a 1990's Gangsta movie shot in Sout Central), and we happened to see him drive by us, headed to his see his Gf who lived around the corner.

Tako: Bor-ringggggggggg.

So I ask his girl, turning 21, what she wanted from the Liquor store...she was having friends over and couldnt buy liquor until midnight. She replies with "Smirnoff." Cool, cool, cool.

Upon returning, 3 blog worthy things happened...

1.) Dezo got drunk off a wine cooler and attempted to fight a random hood dude, screamin "why you lookin at my girl!!!" at the top of his lungs. FYI: the dude was like 50 feet away and couldnt have been staring at anything related to us. He looked like an ant he was so far away. He approached, and me and Chain (Who's NFL big) told him to kick rocks or get jumped.

2.) Dezo's girl says "What I really want for my Bday is you both to fu*k me" and Dezo gives me the "It's cool nigga" nod.

3.) Dezo's Girl's 200+ pound sister grabs my meat and asks to see it...She had just eaten one piece of cake, and suggested I lick frosting off her F sized titties. Normally, being the type of person I am, I would have walked away....but given my penchant for doing the absurd, I indulged.

Tako: Live!!!!!!

Wja3: Son, yall are the two biggest promoters of each other....Anyway, I assume this is where the story turns for the worst.

C4: Yep. I've heard it.

Sooooooooo. After I lick the frosting and whip out the meat, Fatgirl slim tells me she'll give me head but only if I leave the door open so all her friends outside can see. I oblige. Chain cracks the fuck up and eventually he leaves while i have sex with an orca whale in the living room.

Plump-ette: Ok, you do me now....

Show: Nahhhhhh. I don believe in that. (Sidenote: Anyone who's been my girlfriend will laugh at the hilarity of that.)

After the novelty wears off I notice my phone is dead! SHIT, a cute girl or one I actually like may be trying to call me! That being said, I walked upstairs to get my phone charger only to see Dezo getting rode by his Gf with the door open, going ABSOLUTELY HAM...Like Ray J Sex Tape Ham!!!! Like, im sure girls are gonna be DM-ing me asking about him HAM. I walk around the bed, give her a firm slap on the ass and grab the charger. She hands me a beer (while riding), and i decide to sit on the bed and drink it while they fuck. Next thing you know, Puertorican Jill Scott walks in and starts giving me dome thing you know, the sisters are kissing, Im having sex with a not so fat girl with a budank a donk donk and dezo is saying, "I hope yall are step sisters." LOL.

Yes, I had sex with his girlfriend, but only because he asked me to...

Anyone who knows me knows Dezo's like a lil brother to me, and I'd do anything for him. This is just proof.

Blood is thicker than water, and Yams. Swag.


C4: Not sly at all. That was a downward spiral of wrong.



The Notorious ZAG said...

cake on the dick is so much better.

Bri said...