Monday, August 15, 2011

Why u should let him hit it: an Open Letter

"Son, you brought her out, spent all that money and still didnt even smash?!!"

How many times have you heard that same exact line? Probably a lot if you're a trick and not that much, if you're cheap or talk to cheap women who give it up for extra McNuggets and free Ciroc.

While the female viewership probably laughed at the aforementioned comment, as they think the words "cheap ho" can never apply to them particularly, they probably also think that men are wrong for viewing sex as the overall purpose of a date. Do the Nappyheadedbros support this statement which objectifies women and views their birth canal and associated organs as a prize to be won? Yes. Yes we do.

**Plays Lil Boosie's "Wipe me Down". Does Jig.

C4: I swear she was gonna go out with you before this....Hand me the gun before you shoot yourself in both feet simultaneously.

Tako: Hold on...hear him out.

Dear Ladies,

For men, sex is many things; sex is is a party is a good way to say a lot of things you dont mean in the heat of the moment and its a good way to get lots of women to hate you and want to cut your balls off with the jagged edge of some non-perishable canned goods.

Chicks, however, view sex in 2 different ways.

Type I Chicks: Some women view and use sex the same way men do...they are called hoes because society's double standard refuses to allow a women the same control over her own body and sexual desires as they allow men. Kidding. These women are called hoes cause they fuck a lot of dudes and genuinely like dick in a way that transcends the "i like dick from my boyfriend every single day" kinda thirst. This is the , I'll take dick from anyone who doesn't make me want to throw up in my mouth sorta way.

Type II Chicks: Other women fall into the next category and view sex as "something you do with someone you really like." Once you decide you really like me, you will decide to give me the pussy after you think enough time has passed that you wont be considered a ho by me or society. If she likes you on day 1 and gives up the pussy in 15 minutes, you wont date her because you will, correctly or incorrectly, assume she is a type I chick. There, its been said. Decent women have sex with you because they like you. Keeping this in mind, dating makes perfect sense.

"I'm so smitten...I dont care that we have the same haircut or she kinda looks like Devin the Dude"

Do men have sex with you cause they like you? No. Men, aside from mentally unstable folk and bitch ass niggas, are inherently less emotional. We have sex based on availability, ease of insertion and alcohol. Lol. Want to know if a guy likes you? Seeing if he wants to fu*k you is NOT the way. Try observing his behavior in the absence of sex. Does he hold your hand (not just grab your ass)? Does he like to flaunt you in public? Does he text u during sober hours...? and the biggest of them all ----> DOES HE TAKE YOU OUT ON DATES AND ENJOY YOUR COMPANY? If he does, you should let him hit it...Cause he likes you.

"Pretty Pleaseeeeee. I'll even stay outa jail for you boo....."

Girl: So I'm supposed to give it up to any dude who brings me on a date?

Tako: Nah, just the ones that are Ballinnnnnnnn!!!

Wja3: Shut up, thats not what he said.

Thank you Wja3. The point of the story is, men show their affection differently. As vagina can readily be bought or bartered for using the ciroc for cock system, men pretty much as a rule of thumb, WILL NOT TAKE YOU ON A PROPER DATE without interest in dating you. Jumpoffs dont get taken to Ruth's Chris, and rarely get seen in public. Ladies, this still does not mean the process of finding an adequate mate will be easy. You must 1.) Know what a proper date is. and 2.) know when to spread your legs vs. when you should use them to runaway. Lol.

The biggest problem which arises from this delicate dance of dinners and trips to the movies designed to gradually open vaginal lips like ocean clams is that women often do not know if they like a guy enough to sleep with him, yet continue to go on dates with them thereby leading them on. CUT THE SHIT, we all know you know if you'd fu*k a guy within 10 minutes of meeting him. If you're gonna make him wait, make him wait...but dont lead him on if he's got no shot. Like If you're used to Ildris Elba and Me, there's no point in letting the chubby lightskinned dude with glasses think hes capable of following in the footsteps of prime kobe beef. Pause.

Tako: that's borderline Gay b. And you dont look lke Ildris Elba....Maybe Ace Hood.


Wja3: Kinda true.

This being said, ladies, be honest with yourself and admit you like him. Give him some pussy and the next thing you know, you'll be on your 6 month anniversary or your first shared section 8 apartment with matching his n hers jordans. LOL.

Fellas, Chivalry isnt dead yet. Take her on a proper date...but if shes not sitting on your face after a month? She dont like your ass.

That is all.



PW Jackson- The Writer said...

This is live. Nice joint.

The Notorious ZAG said...

Hilarious and true... but you forgot a type. Type 3: The female who doesn't need to date, doesn't need a dime spent on her but will fuck because you gave her some attention and/or made her feel good about herself. This girl isn't smashing everyone; she's modest, but just doesn't feel too good about herself. Pay her some mind, and in 2-3 weeks you can pop the top on that coochie.

Carl said...

The realest shit he ever wrote.

La Rubia said...

Zag! You are so right!

sarah lee said...

I swear if I had to do this over again,
I would just do the paintings and never show them. See the link below for more info.