Thursday, August 11, 2011

Quit degrading your Baby's Father

Don't you just hate when Maury asks the random hood or trailerpark dude, "if this is your child are you gonna accept responsibility and be in that child's life?" and upon his contrived and unenthusiastic "of course Maury, I'ma be a man an handle my responsibilities" the crowd errupts with hand claps, affirmation and cheers? It's almost as if they're saying "yes, we need more good men like this in society", when in actuality, if he was a good dude he wouldn't be raw dogging well known sluts and cursing them out on National Tv.

Tako: Is that Meek Mill?

Immagine that feeling of hate and disgust.

Now multiply that feeling tenfold and you have my opinion on Single mothers claiming the familiar "I hate my baby's father and he aint shit cause he left me" nonsense. It's as familiar as strippers saying theyre "in nursing school" and niggas on the bus saying "their car is in the shop."

Not only that, the "baby dady aint shit" monologue its a far fetched falsity fueled by the fiery fury of a foul mouthed woman scorned. You can't call your baby's father less of a man for leaving you; you can call him a punk bitch only for failing to provide for his child...not you and his child. That, my good sister, would be what one signs up for when engaging in a marital contract, not causal sex and baby making.

Random Girl (light Skinned, C Cups, Skinny Jeans, Natural Hair): That's easy for you to say as a man. How can you respect a man who abandons his girl and child? You must not have any respect for women.

Show: Oh contrair, you twinkie colored heiffer filled with a creamy white substance which I hope is not a yeast infection but probably is, as you're wearing jeans in 100 degree heat.

I am the product of a single parent household. I was raised by women, but I learned a lot about manhood from my absentee father.

My mom was and is a difficult woman despite me loving her to death. I shout the highest of praises to her husband who can effectively deal with her, but cant imagine how difficult she was at 15, influenced by stupid teenage girl belief systems and lake of rationailty. Upon her conceiving me in Highschool I'm absolutely sure, that had she not had the motherly instinct (which Father's simply do not have prior to the baby's birth) she would've sent me on a ride through the magic vaccum or flushed me down that magic toilet that leads to heaven. Which brings me to my Trifecta of why women really hate their Baby's dad.

1.) Women are mad they don't have the option to just leave. Aside from getting fat and in their own opinion (blame it on the hormones) "ugly", while their baby's daddy roams free without a care in the world, they are stuck in the house and literally "can't leave." Could they give the child up for adoption or have an abortion? Sure. But the motherly instinct says "oh hell no bitch", unless under extreme circumstances.

2.) Women want to automatically be treated and cared for like a wife, despite the fact that he may not be ready for marriage and you may not either. I hate to say it, and i truly wish people would get married before having babies, but in actuality people are ready to have sex wayyyyyyyy before they're mature enough for marriage. The fact that women think a baby automatically entitles them to "marriage treatment" from someone not yet cabable of providing it attests to this immaturity.

What do you think his answer would be if before you let him stick it in, you said "do you promise to refrain from talking to side hoes, let me check up on you, and provide for me and any child that may come from this one night stand?" Exactly. Once at the altar, the response to "do you take this women in sickness and in health, for better or worse" is a no brainer...because usually people are more mature or at least think they can undertake this task by the time they reach marriage.

3.) You feel that he is advancing, while you are stuck giving up your dreams and aspirations. Be it upgrading to a lighter skinned (kidding) or prettier girl who's not as crazy as you, or getting a new job and spending his money recklessly, you view your "not so significant other's" behavior as disrespectful...a slap in the face, and allow your jealousy to get the best of you. In most cases, pregnant or not he wouldve left you and found happiness with the prettier girl.

Or any girl with a big butt and less god damned atitude. LOL.

If he has a new job, and u renounced your promotion due to FMLA pregnancy leave you cannot fault him, only hope that he left you in order to pursue a career that would help better provide for his offspring. If he chooses to spend all that money on jewelry, Nike foamposites and rims, it simply speaks to the character of the man you slept with. He isnt an "aint shit nigga" cause he left you, he was an "aint shit nigga" before he met you. If he is providing for his child and still ballin at the club and trickin on silicone booty shot hoes and you curse him for getting the promttion you couldnt take, then you are the "aint shit" crab in a bucket one in the relationship.

What he does on his off time has nothing to do with caring for his child just so long as he spends the quality time and financially provides for said child.

I'm not knockin the single mothers as I'm often accused of doing. I am simply saying that sometimes a young father's maturity level is not elevated to the point where he can take care of a female who still hasnt matured herself. I also dont think that because you are forced to give up on dreams or plans, that he should, as an oath of solidarity, renounce his as well. This helps noone in the longrun and only serves to keep the age old hood tradition of "keeping each other down" alive and well. Just so long as he sees his child and offers financial support for said child, support your baby's father rather than degrade him...

In the end the truth remains that he may be a good man, as its not the "he aint shit", its simply that he doesnt want to deal with yours.


1 comment:

La Rubia said...

Excellent points. Judge Judy always says "you picked him, Madame!" every time some woman is complaining about her baby daddy, ex husband, whatever. It's a two way street. The ultimate reality is that by disparaging you child's father (or mother) you're putting your child in a precarious situation, and the reality is, even in a marriage, honestly, the mothers life is significantly more impacted than the fathers. It just is. There's something to be said for accepting things as they are. Embrace reality and your life will be much easier. Accept what you laid down and made a baby with for what they are, and don't expect more and your life will be easier. Why on earth would ANYONE want to be with someone who doesn't want them? Respect yourself enough to not force yourself on someone. Calm the f**k down and you'll likely find someone who wants you for you, and your baby daddy might actually enjoy being involved with HIS CHILD when your drama disappears....or maybe not, then he is an ass, and your kid will figure it out on his own...even if he doesn't pay and isn't involved, your child will still feel a connection that you have no business influencing with negativity. There's something to be said for considering the emotional wellbeing of your child, even moreso than your own feelings of disdain and rejection. Even people who married first can grow apart, part of being a parent is keeping your shit together and not imposing it on your kid....especially where the other parent is concerned. Great post.