Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Waiting to Exalt: Why we love Golddiggers.

"I Hate a liar more than I hate thief.. A thief is only after my salary a liar is after my reality" -Chubby, pre-fame 50 Cent

Taking a look at the above quote, one could easily say that this post's point has been proven long before the Bros tediously typewritten text has overtaken your over sized computer screens. Gold diggers, while scheming heifers and conniving paper chasers, are at the very least, honest. You know the perils up front and should you choose to accept the mission, you have subconsciously signed a waiver accepting all responsibility.

As a blog post, however, stating the obvious would be....well...obvious. If I wanted to be obvious I'd say that unless Beyonce's baby comes out looking Alladin's Arabian camel or a 50 year old Benjamin button man-child, Hov's old ass could not be the one who impregnated her. Well, I knew he kept Young Memphis around for something. Lol.

Anyways, What I will say is this...

Many women deal with drug dealers, cheaters and wild, dreadlocked fraternity boys because they enjoy a certain standard of living, be that posh Manhattan apartments or an atmosphere of constant partying. When the funds run low,liquor runs out and the hookah smoke clears, however, they quickly abandon their cash cow, and proceed to be chastised by us for being gold diggers as we allow these scantily clad 69...ahem...49ers to go mine for gold nameplates elsewhere. It happens, its expected and it's fact.

That was the exalting, which means eliciting praise for those of you who were unaware. I praise the golddigger for knowing her role.

A far more dangerous and treacherous female, however, is the Storm chaser. Let me explain.

A well known and respected drug dealer lays his heckler & koch 40 caliber pistol inside a hotel nightstand underneath a bible; The room was paid for in cash and booked under a fake alias. Making sure no prints are left on the gun, he leaves it there and proceeds to walk away...as far away from the shoddy days inn as he possibly can before reaching a payphone. His Iphone and 2 boost mobile "burner" phones lie somewhere in the Hudson, most likely shattered in pieces, but his younger brother has already received all of the important contact information.

He's handed over the reigns of his once lucrative empire. He's done. A sense of calming relief overtakes his body with the evasive presence of a vics vapor rub as he rides home with his wife in their 7 series BMW. It is in her name, like the house and cannot be seized. Keeping 6 degrees of separation between himself and the dope has proved successful as he has made it out the game, into legitimate business enterprises and has a safe full of cash as a back-up plan. He's made it...He's gone legit...and in two months his wife will be fucking someone else.

Tako: Ok Donald Goines, whats your fucking point.

Even financially set up for life some women just like the drama and excitement. Gold diggers are simple, keep cash and they will fight till the death for you. Stormchasers are not as easy to read, because storms are unpredictable and they LOVE that.

Tako: Ahhhhhh.

To make this even more difficult, reformed players, don juans and the like, like the fact that it was "their persona" which attracted their girl. If she was the type to like cornballs, you probably wouldnt like her. Everybody wants to be a "Live (exciting) nigga". People like to have reputations....they like to be known. Women are attracted to this as well, in the same way they want you to continue to be the guy that attracted them YET are ready to spaz on you the moment that personality comes out.

I'm convinced women dont want you to change your man-whoring ways because you'll be a boring L-7 square; they just want the RIGHT to flip out on your every time you act that way because your di*k is now being claimed. In exchanged for monopolizing her twat and gaining exclusive use during her most fruitful years, she has the right to nag and spaz. Fair.

Storm chasers, however, go a step further. They will exhaust all possibilities to inject excitement into a relationship, and I'm not talking role play. They will start fights, go through your text messages and basically "Look for trouble" like a Crip C-walking at a blood bank. And then, when they feel like you've finally matured enough not to entertain the silly arguing and they can no longer get a rouse out of you, they will move on to the next "live nigga" who will get so upset he almost beats her. The guy selling drugs on the bus but who'll get it popping, fight, and get a fresh outfit for the club.

"Ladies, do your man still have jail cornrows in 2011? You might be a stormchaser."

Your storm has passed so she's moved on, leaving nothing but destruction in her path. She will continue this cycle until she's the oldest ho at the party with the 16 year old drug dealer, looking like Lebron James's or Keisha Cole's mom.

This being said, as a Blog chastised for demeaning women and vehemently throwing vicious verbal assaults at chickenheads, we can honestly say that this time we support you...the golddiggers of America. In a country rooted in constitutional liberties, truth and the pursuit of wealth, you efforts seem almost patriotic. You use the same reason popularized during the Renaissance and enlightenment period...you think like men (chauvinist comment of the day.)

Most importantly, you are sane. You do not live for pure excitement and adrenaline but rather, realize that one day your arthritis will prevent you from doing the tootsie roll and giving head in the whip. Most people would rather endure a burglary than walk into a hurricane...We are no different.

May the Golddiggers prosper and the stormchasers be swept off their feet by decent gentlemen who eventually turn out to be adulterers.Lol.


Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Nice Guys finish last, but who cares....

I'm sure you've heard the age old saying that "nice guys finish last." Cute right? evokes sympathy for the common man buying hoes flowers and cheesy biscuits from red lobster just so she can go home to her baby daddy and suck him off to a Travis Porter song. Very fucking cute indeed.

"Nice Guys finish last," is even a stretch of the imagination as it has been my particular experience that the so called ""nice guys" usually don't finish at all...they come limping though the disheveled aftermath of a race long since ended, only to clean up the discarded Gatorade cups and serve as a shoulder to lean on for the crying mistresses of those, "not so nice guys" who finished hours early and promptly Usain Bolted out of their lives leaving them dripping with tears and stale semen.

Here's a better adage, or contemporary update of the saying by yours truly:

"Assholes finish in their prime, Nice guys finish holding their own dick." -Rocka

Why is this , and why do the NappyheadedBros support this cruel ideology? I'll tell you why. It's because, as a civilization, we are nothing more than sperm from God's Nutsack combined with Darwinian evolution.

The leaders lead, the followers follow, the strong survive and the meek shall perish....let them niggas inherit the earth after Armageddon or the next Jaquim Noah's Arc, but for now, the pussy shall be begotten by the rest of us. Swag.

Before you all start the next "hoes against Showrock" campaign or attempt to say "you just talk that hard shit but you're really a sweetie", let me explain what I mean by "nice guys." Nice guys, lightskinned dudes, cornballs, whatever you want to call them are not simply the ones who wine and dine girls, refuse to cheat on them or buy them flowers. Nah nigga....that's just common courtsey, chivalry and paying homage to the almighty yam. Problem is, we as a society are so deeply entrenched in the "nice guys finish last" mentality that people automatically assume that acting chivalrous (Tako: is that a word?) is some ol' fruity ass ring-pop in the booty shit.

It's actually not, but men are so afraid of being perceived as "weak" that they shy away from ANYTHING which could possibly be misconstrued as "too nice." It's the equivalent of a nigga refusing to wear pink, hold his girls hand or cry just because people may call him soft. I was kidding about crying...unless it's at a funeral, that shit is gay as fuck. LOL.

But fear not my faithful homies , as always I have a sure fire way to assure you will not be the bitch ass nigga that finishes last. I know hoes (as well as the female species in general) and will impart upon you some of my acquired wisdom. Nice guys do finish last, but as long as you do not exhibit the following 3 qualities, no female will ever call you such a nice guy. Read below:

Nice Guys Don't Beat their women:

Neither do so-called badasses! Ha! I caught you wife beaters....Ladies stay away from them. It's established, no man should beat a woman...but if you've never WANTED to put hands on her, or will let her punch you in the face without restraining her, You're a Bitch ass ni....excuse me, a "nice guy"...too nice.

Nice Guys Never Put their foot Down:

Even if a woman has no desire to cheat, go to the club dressed like a hooker or enter an upside down dick sucking contest, she WILL propose the ideas just to test boundaries. Don't be overbearing like some Dominicans and Jamaicans or overprotective like a weird ass stalker, but let her know that things that most niggas will deem unacceptable, you will not tolerate. She'll bitch a little, but in the end she'll get turned on by the authority. She needs a rock she can lean on not a paper thin shed she can huff, puff and blow over.

Nice Guys Have Latent Response Time:

A girl will bend over to see if you look, just like she'll rub her butt against your junk for shits and giggles just to see if you respond. Of course you'll get aroused, this is physiology...What she's looking for, is whether or not you can read the signs.

"It's OK he wont hug you. He likes men. I will hug your from behind this blog wall...if you've got a fat ass." --Rocka

This shows that you've been with women before...you are familiar with the pre-coitus song and dance. Give her a shoulder rub or caress her waist line to show her, " look girl, i felt that shit and see what you trying to do...but the thirst shall not overcome me. Im stronnnnnnng." If you don't, this is a black cloud over your resume. Lack of Job experience. How can you be expected to perform like a Vet while making obvious rookie mistakes. Nice ass nigga...Shoulda made a move. You dropped the ball.

In short (Jerry Springer Final Thought Voice), women want to be wined and dined but also gain a sense of comfort that their man is not more effeminate than them. They want you to have the power to fuck them up, but the restraint not to do it. The want you to show passion about things and treat them like a queen....Why a queen? Because she reaped the benefits of all things royal, but still had a King to check her ass when necessary.

Women want to spoon, but want you to get hard and try to fu*k them, regardless of whether or not they actually want to have sex. They want to be desired, catered to and loved...but most importantly, they want to be gripped with the force that only a man can provide, stroked with a masculine touch and reassured that they did not mistakenly enter into a lesbian relationship;If she wanted a bitch, she'd get one the same size so they could share clothes. LOL.

Man up, handle your responsibility like a man and quit making excuses...Yes nice guys finish last, but only because they're punks. If you qualify than you don't deserve pus*y anyway. Now take your Louie vuitton man purse and skedaddle...she'll call you when she needs a mani-ped partner. LOL.


Monday, August 22, 2011

Why Women need barbies.

Girl: It's almost like he don't wanna spend time with me...I swear sometimes I can't stand his mutherf**kin ass.

Girl #2: Yea, I feel you. he be clubbin all night, getting drunk, hangin till 4am?

Girl: Not even. He always workin on that damn motorcycle, or goin to the gym...playin ball, doin yard work....Aint like he workin all the time! I'm like damn ni**a, do you not like pus*y?!

If you felt a sense of deja vu reading that convo or even laughed at the ridiculous back and forth banter, you too may be at risk of falling into the #1 relationship pitfall that no one sees coming! Ask yourself this question. Do you and your husband have separate friends and social circles thereby engaging in the healthy practice of not being up each others ass 24-7? Do you go out with your girlfriends and he his homies at least every few months? If you answered yes to those questions you probably think you're in the clear....fuck outa here. You wish it was that easy.

OK, so you work al day, hit the clubs with your girls or dinner with your man on weekends and do the family church thing on sunday. Splendid. La di fuckin da. What else do you do? you know, HOBBIES?!!! Thats what the relationship killer is...LACK OF HOBBIES!!! Think about the concept of a Jail breakout as an analogy.

I watched some dudes escape by meticulously sawing away at metal bolts night after night with dental floss and abrasive powder for 2 years. This type of persistence and ingenuity can only be obtained by having wayyyyyyy too much time on your hands. If these niggas could break out a supermax with no money and a pack of floss, imagine what type of break out from your household prison your man could engineer with an iphone, a desire for some new "pussy" and some cash.

Men and women with hobbies (drinking does not count) are more likely to have successful relationships. Women without verifiable documented hobbies will engage in the following, secret black ops underworld hobbies including the big 3 mentioned below:

1.) Creeping out to get di*k that she secretly thought about while having too much free time.

2.) Snooping through your phone, as unlimited free time gives her the freedom to try many different number combinations on your password lock.

3.) Performing extensive due diligence and reading your Twitter Timeline and facebook wall with a meticulous eye for detail, picking up on anything which happened since you started dating 3 years ago.

This being said I hope you think about the warning given, next time u decide that u want to buy ur girl the latest red bottomed heels to make her look like the flyest eye candy since Amber rose. Fu*k the heels! Buy that bit*h a Nintendo wii! Keep her mind and time occupied, give her good di*k and treat her like a child. No i dont mean beat her, or tell her what she can and cant do! I mean, sign her ass up for activities! Enroll her and yourself in a Co-ed softball league and then just don't show up. She still will! Hahahaha.

In the words of my man Tako..."Mannnnnnn, these hoes have too much time to think about stalkin us. They need a distraction. They need to bring Barbies back out, for grown-ups. LOL"

C4: Fools.


Thursday, August 18, 2011

Louis Vuitton (And other Hogwash Tomfoolery)

I'll be the first to admit that I have a penchant (Liking) for all things Louis Vuitton. While I havent yet crossed into the realm of hoodrat (i.e. doing shit like buying fake louis Vuitton items or spending rent money on items i truly cannot afford), I cannot honestly say that my obsession is NOT yet a mature one; I havent yet graduated to buying "non-monogrammed or non-Damier Checked" items. What this is saying, essentially, is that yes I want to wear louie...but i want everyone to know that it's louie and I paid good money for this shit.

Tako: First off, you crossed the line into Chickenheaded Hoodrat territory when you tatted the Louie Flowers and the AP on your face. -__-

**Ignores Tako

The underlying question though, is why? Why do I feel the need to validate my swag by wearing overpriced items marketed by a corporate machine and promoting the emasculating style of a white man who could probably give 2 fucks about my decision to spend a weeks paycheck on a belt? I'll tell you why. For the same reason that people take the Nice looking, wholesome girl with the C cups and rainbow outfit over the tatted up girl with the Christian Audiger Hat, blonde highlights , redbottomed heels and vocabulary which only makes sense if you're up on the month's latest slang.

Certain things elude a sense of timelessness. In the same way that Louis Vuitton's Iconic print has never changed, nor gone out of style in our lifetime, Show's like Maury, Cheaters and (unfortunately) the nightly news, show us that the wholesome girls are less likely to be hot flashes in the pan which will eventually burn us and leave our broke, disfigured asses for dead.

Basically, I dont want to spend a lot of money on some shit and have it look stupid in a few months. Think "100 dollar Ed Hardy", "girls with the "Cassie Haircut", "Fake tits."

Tako: Niggas with Tattoos EVERYWHERE.

Show: Fuck up.

Anyways, that brings us to todays topic of styles which has "jumped the shark" so to speak....Trends which should've been stopped before they were started. In an effort to not be racist, I shall tackle each race's indiscretions.

White People--Christian Audigier:

We get it. You watch Jersey Shore, You like to work out...You're jacked. No homo. These shirts, kinda like abercrombie and Hollister, come in athletic cut which means "tight around the shoulders to make you look jacked. It was a good look....key word...WAS. Once Christian Audigier got involved and decided that it was cool to bedazzle Gym T-shirts and provide matching hats, I knew it had gone too far. In the same way the plague of locusts were sent to destroy Egypt upon the Pharaohs not taking God's advice, Mr. Audigier has sent a plague of rhinestones to destroy all things masculine. Stop it fellas.

Black people--Coogi:

The Cosby sweaters were only cool because they were like $500.00 and gave off an aire of exclusivity. The 1990's Hideous Australian sweaters which looked like the inside of a clown tampon were only to be eclipsed in ridiculousness by the re-emergence of the brand in the 2000's and the creation of Jeans and Polos in gigantic sizes, and more ridiculously bright colors that josephine Baker's family portrait! (Google Her.)

Over sized denim with crayola styled pockets. This is like putting lipstick on a sambo right before a watermelon eating contest in 2011. We worked so hard to go from the baggy clothes days of the 1990's to the Jaz-Z inspired "button ups" and we were almost at a point where we were dressing appropriately. Rocawear died (thank god), enyce was purchased by Sean John (someone with an actual sense of grown up style) and we were so close.....and then this. The equivalent of letting us put just the tip in and being forced to deal with the blue balls of a fashion miscarriage.

Latinos...Especially Mexicans ---Aeroposale:

You guys just look silly. I've come to the conclusion, upon conversations with many of my friends who attended different prep schools, that WE HAVE NEVER SEEN A PREPPY MEXICAN. Mexico is divided between the filthy rich and the poor. Rich people would have no need to wear the poor man's Abercrombie and Fitch. Wait, actually, that would be hollister. Aeropostale is the Poor man's Hollister. It's basically the equivalent of wanting a Gordon Gartrel (Cosby Reference) and getting that 1 sleeved longer than the other, silk Pirate shirt theo had....or Rudy's light up shirt with all the burnt out bulbs and 1 sad little blinking fish.

Tako: Somebody watched alot of TV when young.

You look like skinny little mexican backstreet boys. Stop it cinco.

C4: You did not just say that....THIS!!!!

Bright pink shirts with collars popped and puertorican Pauly D haircuts just arent a good look for you. Shouldn't yall be wearing Willie Esco or somethin? LOL.

Wja3: There is seriously something wrong with you...but, I agree for once. All of the aforementioned "styles" and brands border on the absurd. Not only do the brands present portraits of hideous fashion, they are also associated with stereotypes....and by that I mean, the WRONG stereotypes...not like an asian wearing a calculator around his neck stereotype...I'm talking shit that is damaging.

Tako: Damaging? Thats a stretch.

C4: If you want to live in a society with homosexual fist pumping mexican, Glittery roid raged whiteboys and jigaboo clown coons I say go ahead. I applaud you.

Tako: Never mind.

What it comes down to is everyone needing to just be themselves. Take a style and make it your own...stick with a designer if you like his or her products...but if, in the end, you feel the NEED to wear a certain brand religiously, you probably pay to a pagan God and have no semblance of fashion sense anyway. You deserve a lifetime of FUBU, open toed sandals, Mountaingear boots and FJ560 leathers.

That is all.


Tuesday, August 16, 2011

The Day I became a man....

First off let me start by saying, this shit cray...

C4: Skerrrrrrrrt! Stop it right now! We will not be using that dumb ass Kanye slang.

Gotcha. I knew you'd Say that. Looka here boi. I'm tired of people Fighting trends in favor of originality simply because its the trendy thing to do. Right now it's popular to call everyone else 'followers' when in actuality, half the people on this meat hopping bandwagon are only doing it cause Joe budden, or some other random Internet nigga told them to. This is fact. Thanks for the alley oop.

C4: Mutha-Fucker.

Now, lets get to the post. The day I became a man.

Wja3: No one wants to hear a softcore porn story of you popping a teenage cherry. It's kinda pedo.

Tako: Well she'd probably be like our age now...I'd like to hear the story, cause maybe I can hit it too.

Show: This Nigga!!

For all of you who know me as well as my colleagues SHOULD, you can probably guess that this story isnt about losing virginity. Just as you would refrain from calling the 10,000 teenage chickenheads with little chickadee babies full grown "women", you'd be hard pressed to find a mature male in his late twenties willing to admit that "having sex makes you a man." Rapists have sex and they are much less than a man, they are the deplorable scum of the earth...as are men who beat their wives. Little girls have fully functional reproductive organs despite their brains being malleable young clay humps easily influenced by TGI Fridays, Rims and nikes. They arent women, no matter what the law and her mini-vagina say.

While some define becoming a man as the day you move out on your own and start paying bills (a very good argument), I myself view my transition to manhood as the day I had my first "this nigga aint shit" moment. Yes, I am actually claiming that my own manhood stems from the moment I first did some fucked up shit to a female. Why, might you ask? Because, Its not until you go through the motions of doing the wrong things, that you can progress on a path towards knowing how to do whats right.

***Insert background trance music and fog from smoke machine....curtain closes and re-opens......

She was a thick light skinned girl from around the way...white mom, black dad...D cups, freckles and a fatty. 13 year old's dream right? Beats sneaking playboys and beating off into a sock...(mind you, Internet porn was not popping like that in my day.) We met her (and yess nigga I said we) at a party in the Sherman Pj's (projects.) After she danced with my homeboy for a while, since I had quit dancing for the night after a girl "broke" me, i saw her write her number down on a paper plate and hand it to him.

"She looked like this random Internet girl on the right. Lol"

Hood Side note: In hood dancing girls will dance in front of you and try to "throw it back" or thrust their wobbling booty backwards as though simulating extremely rough sex on beat. Boys are supposed to thrust in the opposite direction in unison while maintaining balance and staying on beat, OR stand still and act as a support, i.e) NOT FALL OVER. If you are thrown off beat or fall, the girl will say "he couldnt handle this" or she "broke" you. Proceed...

A few hours later my man Bud Rock was talkin to another girl, which made her upset enough to holla at me and write her number on the other half of that paper plate. Fast forward 2 weeks and shes at my crib after school. I believe we were all still virgins at the time, but that didnt stop us from trying to get a nut in any way shape or form. Me, her and my right hand man (pause) JB were at the crib and i remember making out with her...you know, kissin and grabbin titties and shit.

Meanwhile, as all THREE of us were sitting on the bottom bunk of a bunkbed, I drape a sheet from the top of the bunkbed and make a little tent. We have some small talk about her being my girl (in between kissing and titty sucking) and the next thing you know I'm titty fu*king her (and i even got a little head) on one half of the bed behind a sheet, while JB is playing PlayStation on the other half of this tiny ass bed and laughing. When I'm done she gets up and wipes herself off and proceeds to follow me to the next room.

This was the moment i first realized that the amount of semen built up in your nutsack yet not fully released affects your decision making process as the first thing I wanted to do after relieving the pressure, was chill and take my turn at the video game. She comes and sits on my lap, and i never forget the smell of her breath...semen and chocolate chips ahoy cookies....she starts talking to me and I hit her with the "I dont know if I'm ready for a girlfriend" line.

"She was mad enough to have done this to my car if I had one at 13."

Tako: COLD BLOODED!!! Suwoooop.

C4: Yoooooooo! At 13 son? You aint shit!!!

And that was it. She got upset, stormed out and my homeboy Bud got to actually hit it a few weeks later. No harm no foul right? The important thing was I got to take my turn at the video game and I had learned something which every man must ultimately learn:

Hormones influence decisions, dont let them.

Drops mic.


Monday, August 15, 2011

Why u should let him hit it: an Open Letter

"Son, you brought her out, spent all that money and still didnt even smash?!!"

How many times have you heard that same exact line? Probably a lot if you're a trick and not that much, if you're cheap or talk to cheap women who give it up for extra McNuggets and free Ciroc.

While the female viewership probably laughed at the aforementioned comment, as they think the words "cheap ho" can never apply to them particularly, they probably also think that men are wrong for viewing sex as the overall purpose of a date. Do the Nappyheadedbros support this statement which objectifies women and views their birth canal and associated organs as a prize to be won? Yes. Yes we do.

**Plays Lil Boosie's "Wipe me Down". Does Jig.

C4: I swear she was gonna go out with you before this....Hand me the gun before you shoot yourself in both feet simultaneously.

Tako: Hold on...hear him out.

Dear Ladies,

For men, sex is many things; sex is exercise...sex is a party game....sex is a good way to say a lot of things you dont mean in the heat of the moment and its a good way to get lots of women to hate you and want to cut your balls off with the jagged edge of some non-perishable canned goods.

Chicks, however, view sex in 2 different ways.

Type I Chicks: Some women view and use sex the same way men do...they are called hoes because society's double standard refuses to allow a women the same control over her own body and sexual desires as they allow men. Kidding. These women are called hoes cause they fuck a lot of dudes and genuinely like dick in a way that transcends the "i like dick from my boyfriend every single day" kinda thirst. This is the , I'll take dick from anyone who doesn't make me want to throw up in my mouth sorta way.

Type II Chicks: Other women fall into the next category and view sex as "something you do with someone you really like." Once you decide you really like me, you will decide to give me the pussy after you think enough time has passed that you wont be considered a ho by me or society. If she likes you on day 1 and gives up the pussy in 15 minutes, you wont date her because you will, correctly or incorrectly, assume she is a type I chick. There, its been said. Decent women have sex with you because they like you. Keeping this in mind, dating makes perfect sense.

"I'm so smitten...I dont care that we have the same haircut or she kinda looks like Devin the Dude"

Do men have sex with you cause they like you? No. Men, aside from mentally unstable folk and bitch ass niggas, are inherently less emotional. We have sex based on availability, ease of insertion and alcohol. Lol. Want to know if a guy likes you? Seeing if he wants to fu*k you is NOT the way. Try observing his behavior in the absence of sex. Does he hold your hand (not just grab your ass)? Does he like to flaunt you in public? Does he text u during sober hours...? and the biggest of them all ----> DOES HE TAKE YOU OUT ON DATES AND ENJOY YOUR COMPANY? If he does, you should let him hit it...Cause he likes you.

"Pretty Pleaseeeeee. I'll even stay outa jail for you boo....."

Girl: So I'm supposed to give it up to any dude who brings me on a date?

Tako: Nah, just the ones that are Ballinnnnnnnn!!!

Wja3: Shut up, thats not what he said.

Thank you Wja3. The point of the story is, men show their affection differently. As vagina can readily be bought or bartered for using the ciroc for cock system, men pretty much as a rule of thumb, WILL NOT TAKE YOU ON A PROPER DATE without interest in dating you. Jumpoffs dont get taken to Ruth's Chris, and rarely get seen in public. Ladies, this still does not mean the process of finding an adequate mate will be easy. You must 1.) Know what a proper date is. and 2.) know when to spread your legs vs. when you should use them to runaway. Lol.

The biggest problem which arises from this delicate dance of dinners and trips to the movies designed to gradually open vaginal lips like ocean clams is that women often do not know if they like a guy enough to sleep with him, yet continue to go on dates with them thereby leading them on. CUT THE SHIT, we all know you know if you'd fu*k a guy within 10 minutes of meeting him. If you're gonna make him wait, make him wait...but dont lead him on if he's got no shot. Like If you're used to Ildris Elba and Me, there's no point in letting the chubby lightskinned dude with glasses think hes capable of following in the footsteps of prime kobe beef. Pause.

Tako: that's borderline Gay b. And you dont look lke Ildris Elba....Maybe Ace Hood.


Wja3: Kinda true.

This being said, ladies, be honest with yourself and admit you like him. Give him some pussy and the next thing you know, you'll be on your 6 month anniversary or your first shared section 8 apartment with matching his n hers jordans. LOL.

Fellas, Chivalry isnt dead yet. Take her on a proper date...but if shes not sitting on your face after a month? She dont like your ass.

That is all.


Thursday, August 11, 2011

Quit degrading your Baby's Father

Don't you just hate when Maury asks the random hood or trailerpark dude, "if this is your child are you gonna accept responsibility and be in that child's life?" and upon his contrived and unenthusiastic "of course Maury, I'ma be a man an handle my responsibilities" the crowd errupts with hand claps, affirmation and cheers? It's almost as if they're saying "yes, we need more good men like this in society", when in actuality, if he was a good dude he wouldn't be raw dogging well known sluts and cursing them out on National Tv.

Tako: Is that Meek Mill?

Immagine that feeling of hate and disgust.

Now multiply that feeling tenfold and you have my opinion on Single mothers claiming the familiar "I hate my baby's father and he aint shit cause he left me" nonsense. It's as familiar as strippers saying theyre "in nursing school" and niggas on the bus saying "their car is in the shop."

Not only that, the "baby dady aint shit" monologue its a far fetched falsity fueled by the fiery fury of a foul mouthed woman scorned. You can't call your baby's father less of a man for leaving you; you can call him a punk bitch only for failing to provide for his child...not you and his child. That, my good sister, would be what one signs up for when engaging in a marital contract, not causal sex and baby making.

Random Girl (light Skinned, C Cups, Skinny Jeans, Natural Hair): That's easy for you to say as a man. How can you respect a man who abandons his girl and child? You must not have any respect for women.

Show: Oh contrair, you twinkie colored heiffer filled with a creamy white substance which I hope is not a yeast infection but probably is, as you're wearing jeans in 100 degree heat.

I am the product of a single parent household. I was raised by women, but I learned a lot about manhood from my absentee father.

My mom was and is a difficult woman despite me loving her to death. I shout the highest of praises to her husband who can effectively deal with her, but cant imagine how difficult she was at 15, influenced by stupid teenage girl belief systems and lake of rationailty. Upon her conceiving me in Highschool I'm absolutely sure, that had she not had the motherly instinct (which Father's simply do not have prior to the baby's birth) she would've sent me on a ride through the magic vaccum or flushed me down that magic toilet that leads to heaven. Which brings me to my Trifecta of why women really hate their Baby's dad.

1.) Women are mad they don't have the option to just leave. Aside from getting fat and in their own opinion (blame it on the hormones) "ugly", while their baby's daddy roams free without a care in the world, they are stuck in the house and literally "can't leave." Could they give the child up for adoption or have an abortion? Sure. But the motherly instinct says "oh hell no bitch", unless under extreme circumstances.

2.) Women want to automatically be treated and cared for like a wife, despite the fact that he may not be ready for marriage and you may not either. I hate to say it, and i truly wish people would get married before having babies, but in actuality people are ready to have sex wayyyyyyyy before they're mature enough for marriage. The fact that women think a baby automatically entitles them to "marriage treatment" from someone not yet cabable of providing it attests to this immaturity.

What do you think his answer would be if before you let him stick it in, you said "do you promise to refrain from talking to side hoes, let me check up on you, and provide for me and any child that may come from this one night stand?" Exactly. Once at the altar, the response to "do you take this women in sickness and in health, for better or worse" is a no brainer...because usually people are more mature or at least think they can undertake this task by the time they reach marriage.

3.) You feel that he is advancing, while you are stuck giving up your dreams and aspirations. Be it upgrading to a lighter skinned (kidding) or prettier girl who's not as crazy as you, or getting a new job and spending his money recklessly, you view your "not so significant other's" behavior as disrespectful...a slap in the face, and allow your jealousy to get the best of you. In most cases, pregnant or not he wouldve left you and found happiness with the prettier girl.

Or any girl with a big butt and less god damned atitude. LOL.

If he has a new job, and u renounced your promotion due to FMLA pregnancy leave you cannot fault him, only hope that he left you in order to pursue a career that would help better provide for his offspring. If he chooses to spend all that money on jewelry, Nike foamposites and rims, it simply speaks to the character of the man you slept with. He isnt an "aint shit nigga" cause he left you, he was an "aint shit nigga" before he met you. If he is providing for his child and still ballin at the club and trickin on silicone booty shot hoes and you curse him for getting the promttion you couldnt take, then you are the "aint shit" crab in a bucket one in the relationship.

What he does on his off time has nothing to do with caring for his child just so long as he spends the quality time and financially provides for said child.

I'm not knockin the single mothers as I'm often accused of doing. I am simply saying that sometimes a young father's maturity level is not elevated to the point where he can take care of a female who still hasnt matured herself. I also dont think that because you are forced to give up on dreams or plans, that he should, as an oath of solidarity, renounce his as well. This helps noone in the longrun and only serves to keep the age old hood tradition of "keeping each other down" alive and well. Just so long as he sees his child and offers financial support for said child, support your baby's father rather than degrade him...

In the end the truth remains that he may be a good man, as its not the "he aint shit", its simply that he doesnt want to deal with yours.