Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Must The Age of The Ass....Bottom Out?

Long before the days when the market was over saturated with posthumous Bigge and Tupac albums, two gems were released to the world in their rawest and purest forms: Makaveli the Don Kiluminati and Life after Death. These two works represented the two pivotal and nearly complete final declarations which two of our generations most talented young rappers had left for the world. Even not having the polish and cohesion they may have had if both parties had survived long enough to release them, these projects still captured the artists vision. Today, I'm providing the blog with this same sort of diamond in the rough as I salvage one of the last C4 posts before his hiatus into his girlfriends womb. Call me Marion "Show-ge" knight, as I release this remix and remastered C4 Lost tapes classic.


Must the Age of Ass.... Bottom Out?

The other day in the comments section there was a semi-lengthy debate about the "urban" perspective on the female aesthetic, which I suggest you guys check out. In the other day's "redbottoms" post, Showrocka detailed the problem of pursuing the perfect thick booty while avoiding the perilous over-thick waist/stomach. Basically, the argument (which I agree with) is that nowadays a nigga will do just about any girl if "she got a fattie, though!" Basically subpar chicks have become acceptable due to the excessive weight (excuse the terminology) given to the value of the junk in her trunk.

This has led your boy C4 to beg the following questions when it comes to booty: Is it time to quit? Is it too much? Have we gone too far? Are our perceptions so warped now that it's just time to move on to something else, simply to end the funhouse mirror phenomenon that is the booty worship? And if so, what must be the new paradigm?

Before I get into possible aesthetic alternatives, let's revisit how the cultural phenomenon has reached this point. Black guys have always appreciated asses. Just ask Sir Mix-A-Lot. But the vanilla mainstream culture wasn't hearing it, and all the celebrities and stars of any race were slim women with butts that knew their place, at the back of the line, so to speak. Brothers would speak of a girl's ass amongst each other, but never really aggressively sang the praises of asses to the general public, beyond the occasional Uncle Luke song. Basically, it was like hip-hop: a niche market with a strong following. Enter Jennifer Lopez and all her Bronx / Fly Girl street cred in '99, and "butt" is the new "black."

And blacks then proceeded to go HAM on the hocks, finally given mainstream social permission to give the attention to the ass they've always previously been admonished about. Well they gave us an inch, we took a country mile. The J-Lo booty, the Jackie Robinson of asses, so sought after 12 years ago, is considered modest at best these days.

Showrocka's Adlibs (in Blue) : If Jennifer Lopez would've known that black women, already well endowed in the booty area, would pull the sneaky underhanded trick of utilizing silicone booty shots to combat the natural rice & beans home grown puertorican ass she may have invested in actual singing lessons so as to have a career to fall back on...

Ass not looking so pristine these days Jenny from the Block....

Lucky for her she was smart enough to marry up, and now all she really has to do is sit back and laugh 10 years later when black girls manufactured asses go the way of saggy old white lady titties, or even worse, when they start falling off due to gang green, army war vet, MERSA infection syndrome. Yuck.

This being said, we get it.....Ass has gone overboard. The natural ones, the silicone ones....ALL OF EM!!! I mean, sure we all fantasize of smenging that thang from the back, but once u reach the point where her ass is so big that your "average black guy (pause)" sized penis cant even fit in from behind...there's a problem. Cushion for the pushin is nice, but noone sleeps on a bed with 16 pillows...feel me? What then, is going to be the next phenomenon.... First it was titties, then ass.....but what female body part can we choose to worship now, before it jumps the shark and gets overemphasized and played out (like most things hiphop culture gets its hands on) ? C4 had a few suggestions..... All of which I'm about to shoot down, because hey....niggas is always gon like a fat ass b (hood nigga voice). Or will they?

C4: 1. Titties?

Always in style but monopolized by thin Anglosized spanish models and white women with money for quality boob jobs.

Even with the nicest tits on the planet, black women risk having some fucked up, black silver dollar pancaked sized nipples and aureole. Tits will never be the new "rims."

C4: 2. Abs?

Hahahahaha. Nigga please. If we start demanding fitness we lose in triplicate. 1.) Tits are the first place a woman loses weight, 2.) Ass is the second place, as getting a sixpack involves Cardio (running) and 3.) If they are fit, they're going to start demanding the same from us, or they'll leave us for someone more fit! We do not need to give NBA and NFL type niggas more excuses to fuck our baby mamas. Abs will be like the new "thongs". Classic, timeless...looks good on some....but if u dont got one? Some nice vicky's boyshorts will due.

C4: 3. Thighs?

I love thighs because they remind me of sex and I think that there is potential here. Problem is, thighs will eventually become too much of a grey area as those "American Gladiator Ice" thighs are too hard to come by. Niggas will begin accepting thick as a substitute for muscular and Fat as a substitute for thick. Slippery slope. Remember Suzanne Summers and the thigh master? We tried this once before.

Problem is, this is not a natural thing, but one which is produced by exercise. Naturally thick thighs will come with naturally thick everything else, because hey....you wouldnt need elephant legs on a giraffe. Thighs can only become the new ass when black America decides to not be a nation of fatasses (no pun intended). For now, thighs = the Bmw's of ladies. Too much upkeep and a lease you cant afford, yet you still see niggas with late model 1990's bimers polished waxed and dressed up. Take that dress of and those thunder thighs look like a hailstorm of cottage cheese.

C4: 4. Hair?

You mean Real hair? Even Lil Weezy has a weave these days. Hair is only good as an indicator of ethnicity and upkeep. Double edged sword. Real or fake, if its nice, she aing gonna want you fuckin it up, and that is what this is all about right? sexual fantasies? Yea, hair will never become as popular because too many people abuse it via multicolored weaves, niggas over 25 rockin cornrows, and the like. Hair = condoms. You notice it at first, you know something wrong if it stinks after said activity and in the end, its just another accessory to protect you from the elements. Lol.

Give it up bruh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

C4: 5. Face?

Face has always been important but it doesnt have the sexual connot.....wait, it does. This whole recent "models and bottles" phenomenon isnt a huge coincidence. America is moving towards a more natural standard of beauty. The Beyonces, Queen Latifah's and Megan Goods are landing makeup and skin care endorsements, not the Tahiry's and Fat assed Esther Baxter. Look at Amber Rose, for instance. She is the Black Man's dream, all that ASS, but a Gorgeous face.

That's it. Amber was sent by the Obama Administration as an Agent of change. Barack sent us the prefect ass only to have her focus on her face and move us away from Ass dependency. When he felt that progress away from ass gazing was moving at too slow a pace, he leaked pics of Amber playing with her Vaj Jay Jay. We forgot the ass existed. My Heavens! Face is the New Ass.

C4 was right!! And in the end all I can say is that remember I was the FIRST to tell you. Facial cumshots WILL BE THE NEW DOGGYSTYLE SEX! Ass is a thing of the past...lemme see that pretty face, and skeet in it.

W.I.P (Write in Peace C4)

-Black n Tan (Show & C4)


La Rubia said...

SOOOO much I could say. I'm just respecting that this is a mans perspective and really, really, really trying to restrain myself from defending all objectified women everywhere. Facials, REALLY? SMH. I think I need a nappy-headed sabbatical...by the way, I hate that cum shot pic...WTF who's cum looks like that? It's f-ing curdled!? Ewww!

Entertaining read. Usually have to give you that much anyway.

The Notorious ZAG said...

La Rubia.... lmmfao, the curdled cum shot... bwahaha, I was thinking the same thing. Bleh... and I'll also have to agree with you as far as this being the man's perspective because I was tempted to go on the defensive. Instead, I'll use this as a way to get into the minds of men, and see what they are really thinking.

Show said...

Zag and Rubia, my 2 favorite commenters...feel free to let it all out and objectify us, or offer a counter argument of sorts. I'm all ears and will post with no bias... I'm fair. Showrocka@gmail.com. As for the pic, I NEVER actually put porn images on the site, just things that remind u of it. That's actually milk. :)

Show said...

Rubia had a response but I deleted it. I want to put it in Blog form so everyone can read it. Here's your platform....told you I'm fair. :)

mandy ;) said...

face is the new ass? hmm idk, your whole argument is that the whole ass thing has gotten out of hand and a man will accept fat for fat ass, but a pretty face can mean fat with a fat ass, fat with big ass titties (clears her throat) i mean a pretty face has nothing to do with body....

The Notorious ZAG said...

La Rubia I DIE wishing I knew what you said, lol!
Women are much more than ass, pretty faces, long hair, big titties and cum buckets. After the ass gets flabby (a la J. Lo), the hair turns gray and starts thinning, the biddies sag and droop (unless she has implants), and when nutting on an old wrinkly face just doesn't do it for you any more, what's left?
Ass will never be the new face. Hopefully in he very near future INTELLIGENCE will be the new ass. I know nobody wants an aesthetically rough chick on their arm, but is a little extra weight or perhaps a crooked nose, or pancake ass so bad? What will happen when you guys, who all seem pretty intelligent, are tired of sexing the superficial? What will you talk and laugh about with that big ol' ass? Those perfect breasts? That beautiful face? None of that means anything if there's nothing but air between her ears.
Women are so much more than our physical attributes. Well, the smart ones are. And I think we deserve a chance outside of what we weigh, what our asses look like, and how beautiful we are!! You guys do tend to talk about women as nothing more than playthings and scutter buckets. Which are out there, I'm not denying. But how about showing the smart girls some love, no matter what we look like?!

The Notorious ZAG said...

*face will never be the new ass... 'scu me

La Rubia said...

I tried to say what you said, ZAG....much longer though! Lol, well put, GF...thanks for chiming in! You too, Mandi! Good points, ladies!