Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Condoms on your Baby Seat !!! (Extremely Ignant)

I got a text yesterday from my righthand man Viva la Bam. Now when I say this dude is my righthand man, I mean like that in the "I'd fight a pregnant nun for this nigga" Jadakiss said 'Slept in the same bed, same chick gave us head.' Me and this nigga slept head to toe for like a month (No Homo), but thats another story for another day. Point of this was to say, Viva la Bam sent me this short inspirational text the other day:

"Your Post today was funny kid. Hit them with some xtra ignant shit tomorrow. Mad ppl from back in the day follow your blog. You made it kid."

Tako: Congrats....we got u some Cake[s] in honor of your achievements.

Asshole. Anyway, That text meant a lot to me, so now I'm gonna do my best to live up to the hype I've created with nothing more than my own asshole tendencies, a dash of writing skill (Im modest lol) and a penchant for bad latin broads. Enjoy.

In 2002 Mr. Camelfaced Moneybags Jay-Z released a diss track towards Nasty Nas entitled SuperUgly. It was out of character for Hov, but showed that he was actually upset and had his feelings hurt after Nas's song Ether made him look as vulrneable as Rupal in a prison shower. Nas's triumph even spawned a new verb; "Ether'd": to be used whenever someone is defeated beyond the point of ever coming back. Hov's defeat? Well, it spawned the most disrespectful line in Rap History since Tupac said "That's why I fucked your bitch you fat mother fucka" referring to B.I.G's wife Faith Evans.

Hov said: "I skeeted in your jeep, left condoms on your baby seat." o__0 !!!

"taste the rainbow you little bastard seed"

No one cares that he fucked Nas's baby mom. It's rude, but common practice when everybodys bangin the same broads. Allen Iverson smashed her too...but to bring the child in it? low blow.

What does this have to do with the Bros, might you ask.... Well, it leads me to believe, what other fuck up and true things could be said about babies and baby mamas. These are the top 3 NHB Rap lines derived from stories involving myself and close friends.

3. "The reason she was late from pickin **** up from yo house?/ Her phone was on the table with my di*k in that ho mouth.."

2. "That dude with the ice grill, flexin like a straight stunna.../well I smashed his girl and baby mother in the SAME SUMMER!!"

1. "And that's the girl that birthed ya baby kid?/ I fucked her butt, skeeted on the kid's walker and wiped it with the baby bib."


Tako: LMAOOOOOOO. I'm too weak to comment....

Yall wont comment so I will.

The number 3 lyric is derived from something that happens all the time so it's not that big of a deal. You're smashin a woman with child, she eventually has to pick her up from baby daddy's house. Rude? Nah. He should've stuck around and been a father to his child. The girl's obviously somewhat of a decent person if you're smashing her. Rude would be having him drop the kid off at your house, then not answering the door for mad long cause you were still fucking and didnt nut yet.

Number 2...phew. That's some rude shit. Now, if it's your homie and you dap that nigga up everyday, they YOU are a bitch ass, snake ass, finger in the booty ass friend. You dont mess with friends "girls, exes or family...though cousins are questionable. Lol" Either way, holding back a secret like that as it pertains to a nigga you dont like could be un-mined gold.

You obviously dont flaunt your sexual exploits like a 13 year old boy cause it'll get you fucked up, and get other girls to not fuck you cause you "talk too much." However, let this nigga get all hollywood bigtime and start poppin shit. You have control of his destiny via the ether button. You can end his ho credibility, street credibility and career. Be warned, the response is to fold like a bitch and fade into the shadows of obscurities or try and gun you down. Research, wikipedia and google his street credentials before putting this line on wax.

Tako: That guy looks like a bitch to me...LOL

Number 1. I'm at a loss for words...especially since I'll take ownership of this one. I swear it wasn't on purpose and was an accident. The walker was in the livingroom and by the time i was on hole #3 (the one you can talk from without an Uncle Luke or Travis Porter Song being on) I really couldnt hold it in...I coulda let her "drink my bread" like a Rocka & Lefleur song, but instead, I decided to do my best Wesley Pipes rendition.

When your a teenager everyone thinks they are a pornstar and tries that money shot shit. Needless to say, there was no baby in the walker (thank God) and the bib was the closest thing around. Rude yes, but resourceful. Oh dont look at me all grossed out and judged me, i know FOR A FACT some of you reading have smashed chicks "in my front seat as I drove the girl to her baby daddy's house" and others who've smashed chicks with a baby in the bed.

Oh the Inhumanity!!!

I'm out. I need to go to church.



The Notorious ZAG said...

Hahahaa... the third one though?? The bib? WOOOOOOOW!!! ha!

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