Tuesday, June 28, 2011

An Ode to the Almighty Redbottom

Let me start by explaining that this isn't your typical ode. It's actually an acronym (o.d.e) for Only Dumb Entertainers, aka the core demographic who SHOULD be rocking these oh so coveted shoes which are "all the rage" as of late. Don't worry though ladies, this isnt to bash your high fashion or spending habits...not today...its more about what we value as a community and how semi-fat girls are now the "redbottoms" of the Black Male dating world.

Wja3: Huh? I definitely didnt see that coming.

Tako: Swag him the fuck out.

C4: Stop inserting random Black Twitter phrases that aren't even applicable to the situation tako...and Show, stop lifting up your shirt anytime someone say situation...and No, we will not call you the "Nig-uation." Coon.

Wja3: Back to this fat girl red bottoms thing.

So Why the Color Red? (The History)

Ok, so, as history would dictate, niggas like red. Yep, I said it. It was even an old stereotype from the Jim crow, watermelon chicken era. It was viewed as dangerous, provocative and overly flashy, basically how white folks view us today (rightfully so.) Think about it, what's your favorite color Kool-Aid? Notice, I said color (NOT FLAVOR), cause niggas STAY trying to pass red off as a flavor. Anyways, I digress....niggas like red. Red bones, Eddie Murphy's red leather suit in RAW (and Michael's in Thriller), yada yada. Red, red, red. That's the history. White man takes advantage of Niggas love for high fashion they cant afford and the color red...we know how this ends.

So What's the Problem? (The Symbolism)

I Don't automatically see a girl in redbottoms and say "Wow, shes made some poor financial decisions" or "Wow, that bitch is ballin," because a.) I know nothing about her situation (lifts shirt) nor do I GIVE A SMIDGEN OF A FUCK ABOUT WOMEN'S FASHION! I can say however, that in a culture which praises the 64 ounce jug of pepsi and epic sized KFC proportions, Redbottoms are just another luxury excess. Problem is, like most excesses they represent something harmful. They represent something which we don't need, we think we do need, and which although harmful (to ones financial well being in this case) we have been conditioned to think is Ok.

How's this relate to dating? (The moment the lightbulb comes on)

This, as always, goes back to the Thick Vs. Fat debate. Sure there are plenty of nice womens shoes out there that you ladies could buy that don't cost 1 months rent. Dudes, as a matter of fact could care less. We live by two womens fashions rules...1.) Be clean, 2.) Heels are sexier than non-heels. As long as they dont have clear stripper platform bottoms we don't care. Society, however, and the Urban crab bucket that is MyFaceTwitterSpaceBook, leads us to believe that we should adhere to a certain standard of high fashion despite being exponentially poorer than those promoting it. Instead of saying "do as I say, not as I do...because i'm filthy rich", entertainers are irresponsibly saying "Yea...get these shoes...step your game up, and then hate on other bitches who cant afford to skip rent and buy them." Hear it enough and you start to think it's ok. Like R-Kelly's sex in the kitchen song.

This is essentially how fat women became popular. Black men like ass and titties. Ever hear the phrase "More than a handful is wasted"? Yeah, I'm convinced a small tittied woman or a gay made that up. American women, however, became used to hearing this "ma you got a fat ass banter" to the point that they forgot that eating constantly would lead to everything getting fat. Men however, hearing "fat ass this, fat ass that" in urban circles and in rap songs began to accept fat, sloppy asses living by the "bigger is better paradigm. It's to the point now, where girls who would've been called FAT AS FUCK 10 years ago (or today, if you ask a white guy who's not Italian), are now coveted. They ARE THE REDBOTTOMS! Hypersexualized, excessive, yet eerily acceptible despite the associated health risks. You never hear a nigga say "Damn, I want me a bitch with hypertension", but he'll bag one if she got a phatty.

C4: Speechless.

Wja3: I guess I see the point....but, really son? Your Metaphors are out there. Redbottoms couldnt even support the weight of half one of your hoes.

Show: Thank you :)

This being said, I just want to remind you fellas not to fall into the trap set for us by our environment and the manipulative girls who troll it. I recently had a discussion about this with the Caveman, upon which the following conclusion was reached: White people fall victim to the perils of the redbottom as well. While some differences in opinion can be attributed to culture, one cannot deny that acceptability among whites, at least in 2011, is synonymous with skinny and big tits. If that's what you like, that's what you like...but when skinny turns to malnourished (in the same way fat ass turns into fatass), you my friend, have just drooled over a pair of "Redbottoms." See convo below and voice your opinion.... (Caveman in Grey, Rocka in Green...Obviously).

Nah homie, this is ass.....and you dont have to be diagnosed with McChicken Gut to get it.



C 4 said...

You almost lost me before you explained your reasoning, which is actually pretty accurate for blacks/Latinos in threat direction and whites/Asians in the anorexic direction. But Caveman is right, you're out of your mind of you don't think the chick he showed you ain't BAD. The optimal ass is only a tiny bit larger than hers, or perhaps only sitting up higher. My theory on the solution to this dilemma tomorrow...

Rock said...

OK, thats 1 vote for Caveman. There's gotta be a fellow NON-ANGLOZIZED booty lover (pause) out there who will back my logic. Shorty in the flic was bad...but didnt have ass.

The Notorious ZAG said...

Yall stay knocking a fat bitch. I'm beginning to think you secretly love us, that's why every other post is dedicated to one.
I'm not happy being morbidly obese, which I am, admittedly, but I am doing something about that. I will still be a fatass at the end of my journey though.
However, I am not unhealthy, no diabetes or hypertension to speak of personally.
And fck redbottoms and all that other dumb stuff. I'm cheap and saving money for a house.

La Rubia said...

First of all, you're the only black man I know who gives a rats ass about boobs.  They like bootie, and that's all that matters.  It's true, white men like skinny, no curves and big (preferably fake tits, as big as you can get them).  Curvy went from being an hour glass shape decades ago to only one curve allowed, top-ple over (white), bottom-out (black, and Hispanic). If anyone is anglicized it's you, Show, because you want both.  

I would just like to point out that Caveman's bad girl, is about as ethnic as is allowable in white culture.  Shes pushing out her stomach, and bending that leg to make the bootie more pronounced.  If there is an ideal ethnicity for white men is that Asian girl that you get implants for....an ass any bigger than hers is not attractive, (except older men 60+ do like a curvy Latina  like the hottie on Modern Family)....

In your picture, girl on the left is not fat, she's thick...but no rack.  Girl on right, she's noticibly chubbier, but you get the huge ass, huge rack...chances are, without surgery one set of cushions: you want both, you're looking at a heftier frame, you just are...notice chubby girl also is hiding her Mcchicken g-lut too.

Sorry, couldn't resist.

La Rubia said...
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La Rubia said...

ZAG, you're beautiful, and not cheap: smart! Rather be a fatass than a dumbass.

Rock said...

And Zag has hit it on the head. It's not that we hate on fat girls, well I dont at least, its that we hate on unhealthy habits. Im not going to pretend that Fat is OK...its usually a result of our caloric expenditure being less than that with which we consume. Big isnt always beautiful.

My dream girl, a big voluptous hottie who works out and eats right. Is she big? Yes. But it's genetics, not bacon.

I'm not gonna be another black man so desperate for sex that we allow these chicks to think muffin tops and cellulite booties in white stretchpants are acceptible.

Carl said...

Thank you, professor Rocka in your last comment. To your first comment, I'm sure lots and lots of brown people (and some non-browns) agree with you, but most of them watch too many rap videos.

To clarify for the public: Showrocka looooooves the big girls, I prefer them smaller, and WJA3 will not tolerate non-slim women. Tako doesn't count cuz he'd f**k anything.

To La Rubia, you've got to hang out with a more diverse group of guys. Titties NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER go out of style. FACT. And every man wants both. Hence the term "T&A."

Lastly ZAG, good for you and your finances. I can still attend the housewarming, right?

The Notorious ZAG said...

LOL!! I missed this place! I vow to stop by more often and actually say something. La Rubia, thank you ^__^
Yes, I don't want to be unhealthy. My ankles started cracking and popping as I walked. Like, really, that shit is NOT supposed to happen and is definitely not cute. I don't weigh myself, but I stopped eating fast food and started being more mindful of what I put in my mouth *side eye* and low and behold, three weeks later, musical ankles are gone. I just want to get to a place where I won't mind standing in a roller coaster line for 2 hours because I know I'mma fit when I get to the seats. =]
Great writing!

La Rubia said...
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