Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Do Not Obey Your Thirst: The Art of the Non-Holla.

"Met her on Myspace, Found her on face book, the head on you porn....she's an Internet whore, you can enter that whore" -DJ Paul

For those of you unfamiliar with Twitter, consider yourselves lucky. It's addictive, annoying basically a trip back to a high school where all the students are dumber, more immature and have more babies. In addition to this, twitter is filled with "the Thirst", basically described as a myriad of horny dudes who barely know you trying to have sex with you after only seeing your one tiny little profile pic.

Like come on son, what the fuck can you tell from that little ass thumbnail?!!! -Tako

He'll comment on your tweets, tell you good morning sexy and basically be that corny don juan romeo u never wanted and the stalker rapist of your nightmares all at the same time. Some girls use the attention as a means to feel like celebrities while others (see: Hoes and fat/ugly girls) use it to get laid. That, my friends, is thirst defined.

Shouts to the fellas at http://www.juststr8rachet.blogspot.com/

Now, remember back in the days when you'd go to the mall with your friends to see who could get the most girls phone numbers before u caught the bus home? Ahhhh to be young again. Where one's flyness was actually judged by his eloquent prose or use of the latest slang, freshest pair of jordans and of course the fact that you had 1 friend and so did she.

Nowadays, however, the dynamic has changed...and no its not because of "new niggas." Lol. The dynamic has changed because, when all that mattered was appearance, 2 things tended to occur.

1.) The flyest girls got all the attention and acted accordingly.

2.) You judged how fly you yourself were and matched yourself with the appropriate female.

The reward of holding hands and going to the movies with the perfect 10, was not worth the embarrassment of being shot down. Remember, at this age image with your boys was EVERYTHING.

Enter the politics of pussy. Once we got older, we said

1.) "fuck it. The risk of being shot down is overshadowed by the chance of prime pussy!"


2.) Ugly, cute, fat, skinny...I'm still gonna holla just to get a nut. Sha-Boing boing....

Welcome to the year 2011 where this mentality has made it online and translated into the THIRST. Guys holla indiscriminately because being shot down doesn't mean anything, and the risk is nonexistent. You don't know anything about this girl other than that shes pretty. She may like guys like you, she may be a whore, who cares. Reward >Risk.

That being said, rather than think of creative ways to weed yourself through the sea of Thirst, I propose a new alternative. The Art of the Non-Holla. Now when I say this I do not mean to say, ignore the girl until she comes to you, as this will leave u looking stupid with a dry dick. Pause. What I mean is talk to her like you would a normal woman on the street.

You wouldn't immediately start with the sexual innuendo or ask her to your place (unless you're creepy like that.) Consider the fact that she's online as a free-head start (Pun intended.) You have been spared the awkwardness of approaching a girl on the street (a cold call) , yet you now have to deal with a competition of rude, crude, pseudo romeo-thugs. Take the road less travelled and be a breath of fresh air from the potpourri of horny bottle poppin e-thugs.

Morning Sexy, Though It'd be better if I woke up next to you: = Thirst.

Sup (Insert name). I know Monday's suck, but if you're in the area we should grab a drink and pretend work never existed: = Not Thirst.

Remember as a general rule of thumb, if you wouldn't feel comfortable saying it to your mama, it should only be said in confidence with said woman and not in a worldwide tweet. Back to the Non-holla.

Tako: You deserve a Nobel Laureate for describing all things hoodrat with such accurate precision.

Don't DM (Direct Message) Her as soon as she starts following you. She's probably just testing the waters and u will immediately identify yourself as a needy stalker type.

Don't @ her on twitter or Write on her Facebok wall more times that you would feel comfortable tapping her and saying psssssttt if she were standing next to her.

Don't Flirt with her if you wouldnt fuck her. It makes you look even more thirsty to pretty girls who may have otherwise considered giving you some pussy. Its like seeing a fine white girl fuckin an African Dude in Fubu jeans and open toed leather sandals. It's a turn-off to know she likes ANY black guy. People like to think you like them and not just the idea of pussy or dick.

Don't make every convo about sex or leading to sex. Women know we want to bone them. If you dont get that vibe, she's probably not into you. If all her responses to you are "lol", "k" or if she calls you "silly" , her vagina is as dry as a whiteperson's xmas turkey at the thought of you. Take a hint and beat it buddy.

While not intended to be a catch all guide, I do believe the following tips will help you do a better job of pulling tail....I mean, of meeting the perfect female....should you choose to do so online. Please take heed and ladies you can thank me later with (Insert non thirsty response, cause i was thinking head.)

Am I guilty of thirst from time to time? Sure. But I try not to fall victim to the sirens song as i remember ALWAYS, that the iphone "Screenshot" is a mutherfucka, and you could be put on blast. ...let me rephrase that, you WILL be put on blast.

You've been briefed and warned. :)

Image is everything. [Don't] Obey your thirst. -Sprite Commercial



lucy said...

Wow... I dont even know what to say about those 3 women. All I know is, i couldn't stop staring and taking in the horribleness of that accident. someone could have been decapitated right next to them, and I probably wouldn't have noticed...

mandy ;) said...

"Its like seeing a fine white girl fuckin an African Dude in Fubu jeans and open toed leather sandals. It's a turn-off to know she likes ANY black guy". best part of the blog right there, and where do they dress like that at go to Bokus on a saturday night thats where, looks like a play dough factory in that spot, as a big chick myself i stay away from fishnet anything net lol hot mess...but this is a great post you know how mayny times ive called a nigga "silly" before lmfao...all in all this shit is genius....