Thursday, May 26, 2011

Short...Skirt...Theory




Sooooooooo.....


The other day I saw a few girls getting ready for their Yale Graduation wearing the skimpiest of white, butt hugging dresses nearly exposing their hoochie coochie pink cookies in a plastic bag. I'm sure their mothers and grandmothers whom accompanied them didn't care to see their ivy league fur burgers on display and there's at least an 80% chance their fathers didn't want to see it either. I say 80 rather than 75 % because I'm sure at least 5% of the father's who've molested their daughters either a.) learned she sucked in bed and consider her a wasted felony or b.) felt so awful about it that seeing her cooch again would bring back bad memories.



Wja3: Horrible!



I say that to say this. Why do females wear short skirts? What is the overall point or intent? As males have no direct equivalent other than wearing basketball shorts so girls can see the "print" , an unacceptably gay and ridiculous looking fashion decision, I cannot offer an explanation based on experience. What I can do, however, is what I'm best at...speculate and form a conspiracy theory. :)-NH



The Facts:



1.) Some women have no problem using their sexuality to their advantage...we know why these women wear short skirts, so this is not an issue.


2.) More women complain about sexual harassment, not being taken seriously or garnering too much unwanted male attention...yet they still wear short skirts.



Why? Why mutherfucka why? I'll tell you why.



You're dressed like a slut. Lol. According to some, dressing provocatively is a sign that a certain type of attention is warranted or even WANTED. This is the same as saying a rape victim is at fault for wearing club attire on a dark street at night, and is the type of misconception that events like the "Slutwalk (google it)" try to dispel.





Do i think dressing like a stripper and being alone at night is wise knowing God damned well the world is full of weirdos? NO. As a matter of fact I will go as far as to say it is NOT WISE. Nevertheless, I get it. You're throwing a giant "F you" to the establishments which try to tell you how to display your body and what is appropriate. Theory number 1.



You're dressing sexy. Sexy. Listen to that word. Read it. Take the Y off. It IMPLIES SEX!! So you do realize that you are dressing in a manner which will elicit sexual arousal amongst others. Why dress in such a manner? I'll tell you why...to elicit a sexual response from a particular person! Depending on where you are, it may work. Problem is, you are going to have to fight your way to the jungle of horny creepers before you find your tarzan, miss Jane.





A short, sexy skirt, in addition to being a "F you" to the powers that be, is a walking Craigslist Ad. Just remember, though you seek the private fulfillment of your sexual desires by the man of your fantasies, Ads are indeed PUBLIC. Theory Number 2.









All these are good, politically correct answers but we all know that there are plenty of girls who dress conservatively, wear fitted but not "yeast-infection tight" pants, and decline from going the "air my coochie out to the world" look. These are the girls who aren't mental hoes.



C4: I knew this post was bound to turn ugly.



Yea i said it! If you wear short skirts its cause you're a mental ho! If you're old, you're desire is to elicit sexual fantasies of men, thereby letting yourself know you've "still got it", and in a world with no stigma, you'd fuck them all. If you're young, you just may fuck the first guy who fingers you on the dancefloor, or at the very least have a fantasy of a naughty bathroom fuck you'd never act upon. The things cable TV are made of.





If you're married, you wear these skirts to make your husband jealous...if you wanted simply to arouse him, you'd wear that shit in the house, not at work where he can't see it. You too have fantasies of dirty little romp with handsome young nubian gods. Pause.




PAUSE PAUSE PAUSE X INFINITY!!!



Yep. Women wear short skirts cause they're hoes. They want to fuck guys (of their choosing) despite societal norms which tell them not to. It doesn't mean they deserve to be typecast, stereotyped or sexually assaulted. It does, however, mean they are hoes. Mentally. Think I'm lying? Then why does every girl dress as a "slutty something" on Halloween?



All in all, it is what it is, but it's not the end of the world. Don't feel so bad though ladies, men have it worse. We're all hoes too. We're just the physical kind.




Live, Love, Life. Ho.


-Bros

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