Friday, May 27, 2011

Memorial Day in M.I.A...I'll Pass

I've never hated on Mi-Yayo.

The weather is perfect (if you don't mind sweaty balls), drinks are strong (albeit overpriced), the celebrity allure is at fever pitch and the women are top notch. I have no complaints about the dade county 305, or the sunshine state in general. Just save you're money and ball out, cause it'll cost you a grip.

There's a catch, of course...and that catch is memorial day weekend.

"Going to Miami and Going to Miami during Memorial Day Weekend is like the difference between going to Catholic Mass and Going to a Black Baptist church on Easter Sunday." --Showrock

Ever think, "fuck I hate going into the grocery store on the 1st or 15th of the month?" Well, yea, you would like the Memorial Day Mia aesthetic. Let's break it down...shall we?

The Problems:

You go on Vacation to get away:

You and your friends will undoubtedly run into more people from the tri-state area squeezing into all too small beach gear, looking like sausage casings, than actual "Miami girls."

For those of you who choose to stay out of the East Coast enclaves, you will run into a.) Groupies looking for VIP, bottles and the like, AND b.) have to compete with a slew of thirsty niggas trying to do the same thing. Spend their Income tax and rent money on a night of stuntin so they can get some head or ass from a girl who's not a tranny.

You go on vacation to relax:

HOW CAN YOU RELAX WITH 1,000,000 HOODRAT HOES AND THIRSTY NIGGAS. Typically the thirst level is checked by the natural selection process of niggas running out of money. Memorial Day Miami, however, is like prom for a lotta of niggas so their 401...excuse me, 530K plans will be wilfully depleted over the course of 3 days. Excessive balling. Clubs will be packed, lines will be long, everything will be overpriced and niggas will be fighting cause somebody "scuffed your puma" (Chris Rock Reference.)

Tako: That's cause you corny. Ol' Boughetto ass nigga.

C4: Did you just make a St. Lunatics reference?

Wja3: Who?

Tako: I go on vacation to get it poppin! This is like cancun for white people! Skanky hoes everywhere! Hoodrats galore. I'm in heaven.

OK, so now I will appeal to the Tako's of the world and explain why even Memorial day in Miami isnt ideal for the Maury Girl chasers.

You go on vacation to get ass:

Now, I'm not even going to discuss the caliber of ass you may be getting, this is a quality of life issue. Problem with hood hoes is will undoubtedly get hated on unless someone takes the grenade. As Memorial Day Miami is a Hub, the Atlanta Airport for lack of a better analogy, of cross country ratchetness, you will see some hot country messes as well as the typical "headscarf in public, pajama pants in the restaurant" ghetto shit we are used to on the East Coast. P.S. They always bring the annoying Gay friend.

Someones gonna have to fuck Precious cause u know them hoes are all sharing one room at the days inn. Also, they probably will waste at least an hour of your time at any given drink spot itemizing the bill and deciding who ordered the buffalo wings with gravy. Better just expect to pay the whole thing before your dick goes limp.

You go on vacation to Club Hop with the Stars:

The stars wont be waiting in that hot, swamp ass infested line with niggas in linen pants and prada sneaks getting agitated with each other. To make things worse, a.) they dont give a fuck about you and have no problem snatchin your bitches out the line and bringin em to VIP to give head to nondescript entourage members for free rose and cameraphone pics. Tis the way of the world. Had there not been so many people, or had the mayor of Miami decided NOT to let his city be turned into a HBCU for 3 days, u mightve gotten a chance at some VIP hoes. Nope. Now you get the girls who smell like avon and summers eve mixed with coochie sweat and her Uncle Rukus homegirl.

"Ol Will wonka lookin ass ho"

Also, if you do gain entrance, you'll pay top dollar, be treated like a nobody and be pissed when niggas start fighting and end your night. Damn slime, u scuffed your pradas too. Better luck tomorrow, maybe u can have some Brooklyn nigga's sloppy seconds.

Shorty Springer's Final Thought:

Don't get me wrong, I love my black people. However, here seems to be some black vacation book which only has 2 domestic destinations: Myrtle Beach and Miami, as well as 2 international: Cancun and Jamaica. You ever heard the saying "If you knew better you'd do better?" Well, yeah. We know better. Take the uneducated (at least on the topic of travel) masses, throw them in a hot ass city with scantily clad women, rappers and money and what the fuck do you think will happen? I'll tell you what. It'll explode like the powderKeg of Coon that it is.

Been there, done that, I'll pass.

Tako: Not me!


1 comment:

Jamar said...

The HBCU reference is offensive! Lol