Every Cinco de Mayo for the Past 3 years I've gone off on a rant about how Mexican Independence day is really September 16th and how 5 de Mayo is really just Americans confusing a victory by General Zaragoza at the battle of Puebla as "Mexican independence." Mexican Independence was 52 years earlier in 1810 and is celebrated by real Mexicans as "El Grito de Dolores." No I didn't Wikipedia or Google that, I happened to pay attention in school.
Anyways, to make a long story shorter than a puertorican miniskirt, I will simply say that "that shit's getting old."
How then can we celebrate Cinco de Mayo in a way that will please the viewers and not bore them to death? I know how. Mexican day Awards. LOL.
Wja3: Someone shoot them.
Best Mexican Inspired Outfits
Simply by virtue of the blatant disrespect for actual Mexican Oscar De La Hoya, whom Floyd Mayweather was scheduled to fight a few 5 de mayo's ago, he and pseudo gay bff 50 Cent's outfits gain this year's #1 spot.
Offensively large sombreros, leather Mexican flag colored trunks and matching bullet proof vests...this was even over the top for people as obnoxious as the "Black Hilton Brothers" who buy each other Rolls Royce Phantoms and tweet about it.
Runners up include Showrocka as "Mexican Yoshi" accompanied by the Barrio...I mead Mario Brothers...
And Rocka and Lefleur dressed as Mexican Flags last 5 de Mayo. Coons.
Best Non-Mexican Inspired Outfit worn by a Mexican:
Salma Hayek celebrating the Death of Bin Laden.
Best Cinco De Mayo Tweet by a Mexican:
@Nick_Rayas3: Nah, not Bar tending for cinco. I got a Landscaping Job. Like a True Mexican!
Best Cinco De Mayo Tweet by a Non-Mexican:
@Lefleur456: S/O to all the Coons across the world who think today is a holiday celebrating Mayonnaise.
As I'm sure you can tell we're just being silly and fucking around today, but in all honesty we love mexicans...well, hot ones and the ones who cut our grass. Kidding. Everyone enjoy your night and be safe...nothing fun about a seis de mayo jail stay or hangover. If you choose not to take my advice, however, make sure she's hot enough to justify possibly getting beat with a nightstick and fucked in the butt in jail.
That is all.