I could go through an entire comprehensive list of how to tell if you're a jumpoff and not the wifey, but that'd be silly..(If you want a list, check out Lovable Psycho's notes from that link.) That being said, anyone, no matter how blond her hair is, knows that if you've never slept at a guys house and you've been involved for a year, or if you can only call him during certain hours, that you, babygirl, are the Jump-Smeezy. That's obvious though, so on to the more important theory here.
As the resident voice of all black people (kidding) I am often tasked with explaining cultural phenomenons to the masses. The latest in my series of "keep it 100-isms" is a discourse on the term "Wifey" vs jumpoff aka "You", versus all the side hoes your man or girl is fucking. Lol.
"As for wifey — that’s the thing rap songs are made of and it has [me] looking around for Eminem any time I hear it. I think if [my man] were to call me his 'wifey' I’d be sending him some papers for a 'divorcey.'" --Kristi Gustafson for Times Union.
Now that we know how white people feel, onto my analysis. LOL.
Black and Hispanic men are known to date a woman for years, upwards to 10-15, before actually marrying them.
I don't know if I can call this "not wanting a commitment" as it seems pretty committal to me. The problem is, these men must be "afraid of the lifelong commitment" marriage entails, though they know who they want to be committed to. If they were going to simply cheat all the time, it would be pointless to wait so long, especially when already co-habitating. Most of the married men I know, at least the older ones are extremely committed, partly because your libido goes down when your older, partly because you realize what you have isn't worth a night of passion, and partly because you really love that person. There are exceptions, but they are, of course...exceptions.
Now, here's the kicker. Why does this theory not apply to white men and why are Caucasians more likely to end up having "affairs" (different than casual sex flings)? Because...just because. Jk.
In the black & Hispanic community, unfortunately, it has become perfectly acceptable to have a baby mama or 2, or live with a girlfriend before serious commitment. In the white community....not so much.
Because of this reason, I find that minorities tend to take their time before getting married (other than the phenomenon of puertoricans marrying their baby's father at 15 and being divorced by 18, which is rooted in their history of Catholicism and overall "good intentions.") Their is no stigma which rushes them to the altar, so less incentive to cheat.
Perhaps its because they've been cheating all along and view marriage as the end of that. I'm not married but used to believe in that philosophy. Are you single? My income tax says so. LOL. Even before marriage though, minorities (look at basketball players for example) tend to distinguish between "wifey" (The girl you love and adore, but whom you haven't mustered up the balls to fully commit to yet), and the "jumpoff" (or girl who is a friend with benefits, a mere sexual buddy or old flame who 'knows the rules'.)
What are the rules? No catching feelings, no calling the house, no texting at 3am, no asking questions about the family, no sleeping over, and usually no visits to the house if co-habitating. In response, you show her the same respect. A Jumpoff relationship is the result of two individuals (one or both of whom have a significant other) deciding to engage in casual sex. White people, unaware of these types of things, try their own version but INCLUDE their wives. They are called swingers, and if you aren't built for that...hey, you just aren't built for that. The problem in the 2000's is that jumpoffs are becoming bolder and more brazen. The better a guy you are, the more chances a jumpoff will see your potential and try to get you to leave your wifey, a serious no-no. We all know that a guy who leave his wife for you, will leave you for someone else .
Now...Let me say a bit in regard to my saying that the "culture of acceptable baby mamas" (Sounds like a bad adult film, right?) leads to a philosophy of "why buy the cow right now if you can just have the milk right now for free?" , and a particular blond bombshell of a Blog reader's response being "well... why buy the cow , ever?"
Just because one thinks that he or she wants something, say "milk" for instance, doesn't mean that it trumps the idea of wanting a cow in the long run. Think about it this way, people often rent nice cars and apartments though they intend on buying homes and starting families. Why not rent forever? Why not lease forever? Because eventually tastes mature and people want the joy of ownership. While this doesn't exactly translates to owning your woman, it does translate to a maturing of tastes. There's something lacking in previous interpersonal relationships which you see in this woman, that makes you complete.
Pause. No Homo. Lol.
Maybe, like the decision to own rather than rent, its a financially savvy or convenient situation...it will differ with different people. Now here's the kicker.
Picking a Wifey is a mature decision, even more than the decision to get married. People often get married for convenience or because they are madly in love...both semi-immature reasons. Wifey , however, is a decision made by one of two people, and one of two people only.
1.) The younger teenage kids who want a steady flow of ass, or the man who needs support (be it shelter, food, a hideout from his baby mama or money). I will call this faction the moochers. They saw a problem, and found a solution.
2.) Those mature men who are smart enough to realize that hey, i love this girl enough that I would marry her, but either a.) I'm not ready to make that huge commitment and end up hurting her, or b.) I don't think shes quite ready to be the wife I need her to be, but with time she will get there. Rather than simply marry her to avoid the risk of her leaving, you are making a gamble that she will not leave you before the time is right, simply because you do not want to subject her to the hurt you may cause by cheating or not being the man she needs. This, my friend, is an adult decision.
Now, why does this seem like a black or minority thing? Simply because of your perspective. I know plenty of white people in these same situations, but they tend to be of a lower income bracket and socioeconomic status, i.e they grew up in the same neighborhoods as blacks and Hispanics. Now...why do poorer people tend to have a "wifey" mentality, as opposed to the ideal, picket fence , wife fantasy? I believe its based on minorities tendency (as a whole, based on poverty and remnants of racism) to be exposed to harsher realities and actually see things for what they are. Rather than fool themselves into thinking there is only one right way to do things, they, as they often do, are being creative and resourceful all the while still displaying the natural human tendency for a soul mate or life partner, because...well....it's innate.