Friday, March 4, 2011

Mr. Mulatto: Why Black Guys like Puertorican Girls

Show: Hey girl, I see you looking at me and can sense the mutual attraction. Don't mistake this for your average run of the mill pick up line destined to get you in the sack. I can and will love you, but don't get it twisted...It's not because you're strikingly beautiful, intriguingly intelligent, or my future soul mate. It's because of 400 years of conditioning...I'm a rational human being, not a sucker for love, and I will love you as such.

It's been a lo-ooo-ooong....

a long time comin..... But I knowwwwwww-oooooo-wwwwwww. Change gon' come (Sam Cooke Voice.)

Alo' Ladies and Gents. It's your long lost friend and every body's favorite alter Ego, Mr. Mulatto, resiliently resurfacing to rehash the remnants of reckless racial rhetoric. :)

While I'm not at all doubting the intelligence of the readership I am still tempted to summarize my previous ostentatious atrocity in alliterative form by paraphrasing and saying, "yes bitches, Im back...and I'm about to drop another gem of cross cultural wisdom on that ass." White people prepare to be enlightened, & blacks...well you guys prepare to get off welfare and get jobs. Kidding. I shall say to my African American brethren, sons of hallee selassie & the tribe of Judah, learn to identify the roots of the problem so that we learn from our past indiscretions and allow the tree of experience to breed fruitful solutions.

Tako: Gay.

That being said...I'm going to explain why black men like spanish girls.

C4: J-lo, fat asses and rice & beans?

Tako: They don't speak english so they can't talk back?

Wja3: They're exotic?

All valid points, but I believe Mr. Wja3 to be the closest to the actual truth. You see ladies and gentlethugs (no homo), the roots of the Niggarican attraction go back further than Jennifer Lopez playing selena, Showrocka being obsessed with Fly Girl Rosie Perez or even Vanessa Del Rio doing old school adult cinema. The roots of this go back to the Jim crow era and our champion of interracial conquests, the late great Emmit till.

Wja3: Where are you going with this...? For once I'm scared what you're going to say.

Spanish girls are exotic yes, but after hundreds of years being Operantly Conditioned in the tradition of B.F Skinner, we have learned that exotic = bad. What this means, in layman's terms, is that in the past, a black man who looked at the so-called "exotic girl" was guaranteed an instantaneous ass whooping, lynching or worse. Back then of course, exotic was akin to "blonde hair, blue eyes" or some other form of whiteness (aka Becky-ness.) Exotic white girls were the forbidden fruit. Beckys = bad.

Fast forward 200 years and ride the 6 train to 110th st.

Hector Lavoe is blastin out the window of a bodega on a hot summer day as little barefoot kids play around a fire hydrant. Who are all these girls with these striking features? There hair is straight, like white people...their skin is fair, their eyebrows dark. They are curvy and thick like white women in the antebellum south, before they got all Kate moss with the eating disorders. In short, they're sexy as fuck! And they're poor, so by default, they live in the same neighborhoods as us!!!!

Add to the mix, the fact that the ebb and flow of soul singers and rappers overtook radio and television airwaves during the 70's , 80's and 90's combined with the desire of a young puertorican girl to date a girl who "doesn't look like her brugal drinkin, unibrowed dad" and you have the beginnings of a symbiotic relationship. They needed us as much as we needed them, all based out of the desire to be universally accepted and the refusal of white people to meet that need. Whites saw them as car washers, taco makers and maids. They saw us as thugs, rogues and uneducated monkeys. We shared a common ancestry and history of enslavement. We were, each other's "accessible exotics."

Now, of course with the globalization of america, these once rigid borders for acceptability defined by things like the paper bag test, are slowly disappearing. With "white puertoricans" coming into the mainstream (having lighter skin, less booty and the same striking features, sorta like a "diet-rican" or "Dominicana-Lite") whites are starting to realize what we have for years.

Back then we associated exotic with bad, so there's no coincidence that we used the same word to describe the desirable yet accessible population of afro-caribbean exotic latinas...these bitches are bad.

So now, the next time you sit and wonder why black men have such a penchant for Latinas, you have a valid, intellectual explanation. Blame it on our environment! We can't help it! We've been conditioned! LOL. Matter of fact, blame it on white women...if they weren't so stuck-up snotty and rude back in the day, we'd probably all be colorblind by now sitting at a table with Dr. Martin Luther King, Kim Kardasian, J-Lo and Venus williams splittin a Popeyes'chicken sandwich.

I'm just sayin.

-Mr. Mulato


michael said...

Consult me the next time you write about hot Latin women. Heres a list of some fine ass Puerto Ricans(D cup and bigger) you left out...

-Brenda Lynn Acevedo(model)
-Kitana Flores(porn star)
-Jen Capone(porn star)
-Rosa Blasi(actress)
-Maripily Rivera(whore)
-Jackie Guerrido(weather girl)
-Leila Ferraz(porn star)
-Liz Irizarry(model)
-LaLa(Mrs Carmelo Anthony)

mandy ;) said...

and u forgot.......amanda padila lol

La Rubia said... just explained why every American man... Not just black men....LOVE Hispanic women.....they ARE "sexy as fuck"....Salma, anyone? On top of being sexy and exotic they are warm, affectionate, and coddle that machismo mentality all while pretending they won't and serving up those tasty dishes with a helping of sass and think black men are the only ones tired of high maintenence white women? I'm as white as can be and even I can admit that Latin women have the corner market on sexy!