Thursday, March 31, 2011

Ladies, We Apologize for making you Swallow...kinda.

We men do a lot of rude things consciously and subconsciously. We often climax before our mates and sometimes fall asleep directly thereafter. We often use the "b-word" with reckless abandon just so long as there are no females around. We leave the toilet seat up because we assume we arent dating Hellen Keller and you can see well enough not to "fall in." We even do things like walk in a room, grab a remote and turn off wifey's favorite guilty pleasure (be it gossip girl if your girl's white or the Game if she's black) just because there's a NCAA game on.

For all those things I could apologize on behalf of mankind, but instead I'll just do what's expected of me and say "fuck'll live."

There is one thing, however, for which I owe you....actually, WE owe you all an apology.

Whaaaaaaat? This is not a blog for apologies sir.

Shut up. Hear him out.
I am putting all my machismo aside and....

Well actually, I'm only apologizing because I think only a man would be smart enough to recognize this "subtle and rude gesture" and point it out to females who can then tell me how clever I am.


Out with it! What are we apologizing for?

Today, we NHB's are apologizing to all the women in the world for being hypocrites...

(Entire female population grins & opens eyes in shock)

About one thing only...

(Female population's smiles fade and transition to black girl neck roll with Puertorican girl teeth suck)

For as much as we men complain about your body image and or anatomical flaws, we do little to help. As a matter of fact, we often go beyond "doing nothing" and actually exacerbate the problem. Sure we may go to the gym everyday, help you pick out meals and offer you exercise advice, but at the end of the night, we say one thing and do another. We tell you don't consume empty calories....don't eat after midnight...and don't overindulge on sweets. Next thing you know we get BJ's and cum in your mouth (a combination of the aforementioned big 3 "Dont's") expecting you to swallow. Not only that, we do it right before bed...then fall asleep. (Entire male population frowns and gets ready to fuck Showrock up) Tako: Calm down, calm down...If I know my boy he's probably got an explai... But fear not ladies. I'm apologize for the hypocritical nature of the act only and not the act itself. The truth of the matter is, Sperm will not make you fat. The big macs, twins, pop soda and Moscotto has already done that. Sperm, which only makes up a small portion of semen anyway, only has about 5-7 calories per ejaculation...I've actually done research (no bullshit.) The other 90 + % of semen is made of Fructose sugar, Water, Vitamin C , Zinc, enzymes and proteins. Healthy shit. Will swallowing enrich your already unhealthy diet? No. Even if you swallow as much as Superhead or the Kardasians. It won't, however, hurt your diet and in the end, I swear to GOD I will help you do one thing.... Get more dates. Over and Out. -Show

1 comment:

mandy ;) said...

yo that helen keller line literally made me laugh out loud, and i needed that.