Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Intellectualizing the "Face Tattoo"

For the past 10 years I've been accumulating a collection of tattoos. I'm not sure how many I have, (over 25 less than 50), but based on my analysis of how much space I have left and how much money I've already spent, I know that I CANNOT spend more than 15,000 on Tattoos in my lifetime. In all honestly, I'll probably be completely finished and have only spent around 10 grand.

Why do I say this, and on today in particular?

C4: To Brag?

Tako: Cause you're a homo. No question mark needed, its a statement.

No. Both wrong. I say it because having so many tattoos I can say that chicks dig it, I've overcome the pain threshold and I have them in all the badass places...except one...the face.

Wja3: I knew it. Too much BET and Boondocks.

Yep. I've said it and I dont give a fuck what C4, Tako or Wja3 have to say about it. My life's ambition is to get a face tattoo. Now I'll intelligently explain why I currently dont have one, and why it should be your life's ambition too.

Gangsters originated the idea (unless you count those African ladies with Giraffe necks and Saggy Beagle eared titties).

Mike Tyson brought the phenomenon to the mainstream (though people just laughed and called him stupid.)

Weezy popularized them and had everybody and their mama getting them with reckless disregard...

And then Gucci Mane just took the trend from ridiculous to absurd.

And now Showrock is intellectualizing the Face Tattoo. Are you really that surprised?

Now I know a lot of you are thinking "These people look stupid, they'll never get a job," but think about it, be it athlete, professional criminal or entertainer, all of the above people have jobs. Are they an exceptional minority in the face tattoo population? No, not really.

The discourse:

Face tattoos symbolize one of two things.

a.) You are successful enough that you don't have to work for anyone else, or at the very least do not have to conform to a standard dress code or go on job interviews. You're financially stable.

Or b.) You just don't give a fu*k.

Both things are admirable, as success in and of itself is the goal of most peoples lives. Those who don't value success, however, tend to value happiness, and who's happier than people who don't give a fu*k? Think about it. Most people are depressed over a break-up, lack of money or family issues. If you don't give a fu*k about family, the opposite sex or money, how can you really be angry or sad? "Not give a fu*kers" are the new Buddhists or hippies...especially since the old Buddhists have been replaced by spoiled rich kids trying to be trendy and Hollywood actors.

Think of how many Hollywood movies have been made about the guy who breaks free from corporate America by shunning the man and following his passion. Now I'm not saying his passion is to get a face tattoo, but like the "face tattoo process" it starts with not giving a fu*k. Now, bear with me, and think about this. How many people have become rich successful billionaires by following the pre-established "Highschool-college-work your way up the ladder phenomenon." All the Bill Gates, Sean Combs's , Mark Zuckerbergs and Oprah got where they have by not giving a fu*k and making their own path in life.

Who would have thought a peezy headed fat, black lady with a talk show would end up one of the world's richest women instead of a forgotten memory life frumpy ass Ricky Lake?

This being said, Face tattoos are markers of success. Unfortunately, like many things presented in mainstream culture, people misinterpret them. Old white people see them as gang markers. Young black & Latino kids see them as cool and want to get them because rappers have them. Both should realize that, in the same way a Gangsta has to commit a murder before getting his teardrop, they must too earn their right to a face tattoo.

The people we often see with these tattoos and write off as idiots are the people I strive to emulate. Sure they are shunned and scorned by the doctors and lawyers of society, written off as idiots, but when you think about it, making millions of dollars to recite glorified nursery rhymes isnt a bad gig. These new tatted up millionaires have earned the right to not give a fuck, while doctors make much less to adhere to a rigid internalized schedule of I must give a fuck 24 hours a day.

Who's the dummy now?

Until the day I've earned my right to not give a fuck here I stand...slowly tatting my chest and creeping up my neck. Oh yes, face tattoo, I'm coming for ya...and there's nothing anyone can do to stop me.



Alovelydai said...

I hate to say this but I agree. There. I said it. Don't ever say I never gave you anything.

The Cardigan Villain said...

When is it okay to pierce your pee-pee?

The Cardigan Villain

La Rubia said...

Did Mike Tyson get the face tatoo before, or after he bit someone's ear off in a boxing match? Was it the face tatoo that made people think he was dealing with less than a full deck?