Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Why you shouldn't put just Headshots on FB....

Now that I will be deeply engulfed in the process that is writing a Non-fiction novel by night, I think Ill be blogging while I eat lunch at like noon or 1:00.



Today's topic: Why you shouldn't put just Headshots on FB....



Now, I'm not talking about model pictures, portfolio photography or the things crackheads give in back alleys for free rock. I'm talking about fat people trying to fool us with these facebook , Myspace, or whatever social networking hub you choose to create a fake life on, pictures from the neck up. Newsflash....A.) Neck up pic = red flag for fat and b.) If you have two necks in a profile pic we know the rest of you is as Grande as one of them Starbucks Mocha lates, or you're half turkey.



Now, the point of this isn't to diss fat people...though the term "fat" is often seen as derogatory. The point is to say that you cant start any interaction off with a lie...especially a lie easily and almost instantaneously verifiable as false. In short, Fat people are setting themselves up for failure.




You're on Facebook or Myspace to contact with old friends (who already know you're fat) or meet new people who, a.) like fat girls or b.) don't. As we Americans live in a visual society its obvious that we will browse the hell out of your pics before we decide whether or not we'd hit it. Basically, your pics are your sex resume.

You wouldn't show up to a casting call after using someone Else's headshots now would you?





Maybe they would've casted the portly girl, but when you are expected to be Halle berry and look like William the refrigerator perry, you're only setting up for a let down. Worse than this, are the guys who know you are fat and are smart enough to realize self esteem issues come with a girl hiding her body from the masses. They will chew you up and spit you out...just like you do food (well, without the spitting out part, or you'd be slim.)




So, now you basically know no one is fooled. Not comfortable with you're own body? OK, that's understandable...well then, you shouldnt be hooking up with people! There I said it. Now all the guys are upset cause I'm taking all the easy Pu**y out of the pu**y pond. We all have body parts that we'd like to change, but lying about them or hiding them doesn't do anyone any good. I'd honestly prefer one of those big "beautiful" women squeezing into shit they can't fit and posing spreadeagled over these hefty "hide-a-hoes."



Sheeeeit, at least they're confident enough that you don't feel bad laughing at their Grimace sized asses having the nerve to wear purple. Bitch looking like a whole Vineyard and shit.






But you gals? The girls hiding behind the FB wall of shame? yall are the worst. Yall make us feel bad. It's like, there's a troubled little girl out there in need of a mental makeover....a sad human being who hasnt yet realized that its the content of ones character and not whether or not their skin smells like bacon, that matters. I have a dream....




A dream that one day all women will be comfortable enough in their own skin that we can sit at the roundtable of equality and say "you, you, and you who look like you swallowed a baby manatee...we are all the same. But until then, you facebook headshotters....hefty vixens and heavyset harlots just make us sad...too sad to even make fun of...


And that....we simply cannot have.



-Bros

4 comments:

Piph said...

Ay go head with this post lls. But, I must say, it's the sad truth...

The Notorious ZAG said...

Ahhhh this whole post is some bonafide bullshit. First of all, how many people really put photos of their whole body in their profile picture on facebook, REALLY?? How the hell is that a red flag for fat??? My 90 lb. cousin's profile pucture is a headshot, so you're starting off stupid with that half-assed observation. And second of all, YES I am FAT. I have headshots... so that means I'm hiding my fatness? My pictures are sad?? I'm usually with you on your posts, and I usually find myself ctfu, but this, my dear nappy headed bro, is absurd. You say that this is not to diss fat people, well honey if it looks like shit and smells like shit...then by golly we have a load of shit on our hands. This is a diss, and an unappreciated one at that. If you're going to be rude, at least let your balls hang and do it straight up. Don't give this shit a qualifier... it is what it is.
You say, "The point is to say that you can't start any interaction with a lie..." HELLO??? Are you serious? Everyone lies...heard the song? Men lie, women lie...big, small, medium, midget folks lie. What in the calamity fuck does a headshot have to do with fat people lying?

I'm an avid reader... I know you guys can come better than this dumb ass crock of steaming tomfuckery. I've seen it. This post is neither funny nor truthful. Its not witty or clever. Its stupid and mean. Come plain with the bullshit... don't lie about what it is; after all, you can't start off an interaction with a lie, right?

Rock said...

And the survey says....... I think it was funny.
Point well taken though, it couldve been wittier and twas a bit mean spirited. I still think it's true, so we can agree to disagree. Thanks for the comment... Without them, we won't know when were corny.

mandy ;) said...

wow so im reading the responses you have recieved, you took a bit of a beating there my nappyheaded homeboys. so ofcourse im coming to your defense i am a big girl myself as show knows (quite well i may add) and there is def truth to what they are saying, shit all my pics are face shots and why is that not to trick someone cause u can not mistake my chubby face for that of a skinny girl but because i am not comfy with a body shot it has more to do with my own disgust then trying to trick a nigga....the post was classic bros they tell it like it is and it doenst apply to all big girls out there but it does apply you cant front on that! so just relax read and laugh cause this blog always adds a little sunshine to my day!!!! ;)