Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Valentine's: A Perfect day for Haters.

In case yall haven't figured out my M.O. yet, I usually skip a day of posting when I feel like I've written something particularly good, funny or insightful...I do that just to make sure everyone gets a chance to read the particular post. Call it vain.

Tako: Vain.

Show: Shut your pork fried rice colored ass up.

Wja3: Today me and C4 will be leaving the room, as the non-discretionary half of NHB have concocted a post with the word "hater" in it. Not only do we think using that word is childish and indicative of a lower class strata, we also know they are about to say some reckless shit, offend people, and end up with no bi*ches on valentines day.

TS Presents...A Perfect day for haters.

As February 14th approaches, a few things happen every year without fail.

1.) Lovebirds spend excessive amounts of money on each other quantifying their love, all the while acting as gay as can be

2.) People go on trips with their wives and wifeys, much to the dismay of their neglected jumpoffs, and

3.) Haters make a big fuss about Valentines day being overly commercialized mainly cause they're jaded, upset that they've been hurt, or are still stuck with a broke dude who aint shit.

All of these things, in my opinion, are acceptable. It's OK to be hurt on valentines day in the same way a starving Ethiopian Child would be hurt to see precious walk into her village eating a 12 piece Buffalo wing sub and not sharing.

You don't walk into a Bentley dealership with no money because it would make you sad, correct? Well Vday is the same way, EXCEPT you have no choice but to see EVERYTHING you want (or once had and now lie to yourself and say you don't want) FLAUNTED right in your face! How could you not hate?! Its like a Bentley Car show for niggas at the bus stop.

OK, the message is good but this is getting boring. I've lost motivation....

Tako: How bout an Ode to Lonely hoes on Vday?

Show: Better.

Dear Lonely Bi*ch,

Maybe it's the drama that you bring...the ex-husband, the baby's father in jail, the fact that you've been in school 6 years for an Associates degree...who knows? But you are alone.

Maybe its the freshman 15 you put on in Highschool, plus the added weight of two inconsequential pregnancies...I say inconsequential because your baby will probably just be another victim of the system, fatherless, uneducated and poor. Sure you're parents tried to make a better way for you, but you choose having a baby while you were still young enough to wear cute matching Jordans over waiting until you were old enough to teach him or her something. Maybe that's why on valentines day 15 years from now, she'll be pregnant and alone too.

Maybe it's none of these things. Maybe you don't like men and are a Lesbian. Cool, good can hang with the basketball team, cornrow your hair , and kiss girls to get more attention from boys...but alas. They've figured you out and now you get no pu**y or D**k and are, as we say, Alone.

100 years of solitude. Gabriel Garcia Marquez said that in one of his most renown novels. It perfectly describes the acidic content of your soul eating away at you each day as you wonder why men abuse and use you, making transitory use of the cesspool between your legs, forcing you to don the Cesarean battle scars and care for the precious cargo left behind.

"Oh, are you Shocked to see an actual picture of yourself? Thought I wouldn't do it? Maybe you're lonely cause you think that's sexy...or cause you underestimate people. "

All the while, you don't write ni**as off as "not being good for shit", ignoring the good ones and judging a man's worth by what you can get for him. Congrats. You're right, all Ni**as aint sh*t. But they all know an aint sh*t bi*ch from a mile away. Those gifts you wanted? Yea, he buys you the cheap versions just to get slobbed off in the front seat of his car. The real stuff is bought for his wifey, on this special day...Valentines day. He is probably rubbing her feet, while yours are sore from catching city transit.

If you aren't sad yet and think were just being assholes I say to you ...wait.....just wait until Valenties day. You're loneliness will be compounded once you realize that these reasons and many more are the reason your soul feels hollow, and you are, once again...stuck all alone listening to sappy R n B trying to salvage tidbits of affection from the dude who's already done nice things for wifey and may come to give you her latenight leftovers.

Must be nice to think so little of yourself.

Happy Vday.

C4: Wow. I just caught the tail end of that. You guys are vicious, but still clever. Maybe this will be the post some of these females need to get off their high horses and come down to earth. Or maybe they'll just kill you both. LOL.