Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Showrocka Presents...."Why Babies Come From"

I Aint gonna lie...

Either white people are really clever with their metaphors and adept at deciphering the African American urban vernacular, or these motherfuckas are prophetic. Why do I say this, might you ask?

Because white people, the MAIN group of people viewing children as little adults, the MAIN group of people who are wayyyyyyyy to honest with their children, the MAIN group who feels the need to rationally explain themselves and justify their behavior to non-rent paying, bratty three year olds STILL tell that one, good old fashioned lie. When asked where babies come from, they almost without fail result to describing the age old story of "the Stork."

Well white America, you were right. Babies come from big birds who often carry babies in their mouth. If you're offended you are said bird.

Now that that has been established...lets get to the heart of the post. We know where babies come from, but here's the "why."

Why babies come from...

Girl: So, if you prefer to be safe and use condoms why didnt we that one time? I mean obviously you pulled out, but just curious.

Guy: I dont know. Sometimes you want to just feel yourself all the way in there, juices dripping, feel the warmth...just feel every inch of you.

And there you have it.

Babies don't come from lack of knowledge like they did back in the days. Every sperm-producing aged male knows how this thing works, skeet in a girl = pregnant as a runaway with a pimp. Girls know it, guys know it...so why do it? In all honesty, raw sex feels different, but not THAT different...not enough to trump the fact that babies and pissing razorblades comes from the latter. So why do it?

I bet in 80-90% of cases where people go raw, there ARE condoms in the house. So why do it?

I'll tell you why. Well, actually Ill tell you three reasons why...and two need no explanation.

1. People see their friends with babies and regardless of their own financial situation or mental capacity feel they too now want one. Babies have become "no big deal." Can't afford a Vuitton purse, but i can lay down and pop out the latest accessory "baby mulato."

2.People succumb to carnal desires, & think they are invincible with the laws of genetics, procreation, infectious disease & bacteria not applying to them. SMH. "worry about it later" mentality.

"Girl, you can't get pregnant...I got cornrows..."

3. She's one of the ones.

Now....this isnt to say you want her to be your future Baby mama or wife, but it goes to show that you see enough in her, physically, mentally and emotionally, that you wouldn't care IF she ended up pregnant. Do you secretly want it to happen? Only if you're fucking retarded. All men know that its best to pull out, better to use a condom and most bestest to use a condom and pull out! Dip it in bleach if necessary. LOL. Women lie about being on the pill ALL THE TIME. So why release a floodgate of man chowder in them guts? Because you really wouldn't mind being permanently linked to said girl and her vagina.

Tako: Why not just get a name tattoo?

Show: other girls may have that name. Only one girl will have her vagina. Thats a strong link.

C4: Stupid.

In a nutshell that's it. Somehow we men secretly justify to ourselves the worth of a woman we are intimate with by our gestures rather than our carefully crafted half bullshit-half truth monologues. All the while these silly girls hang on our every word waiting for validation...for love...for affirmation of worth or status as "wifey" and not "Sidepiecey." Truth be told, they should really be watching our actions.

Funny thing about all this is, we should NEVER lay down with any girl who we'd be ashamed to have be our baby mother or wife. This is 2011 in America though son, and niggas got needs. There's too much ass on BET to not make you wanna smash everything within reason. LMAO.

Now that you know Why babies come from, wrap it up...unless, you know, you care about her, wanna marry that bi*ch and all that good shit. LOL.


1 comment:

Cie said...

again.. this was coonery-ly accurate. i can attest to at least the second one..
one of my good friends was with a girl.. not the"one" mind you.. but she told him that she could not get pregnant.. instead of thinking maybe she's on the pill or something.. this dumbass thought there was something wrong with her physically and she was unable to conceive.. well lo and behold, they had a baby girl. they hate each other and she might be a lesbian.

moral of the story- dumb ass.

but good post sir