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I'm just gonna put it out there.
Between fu*king his former teammate Lebron James's mom, and doing this interview I'm about to post, Delonte West might be the realest dude in the NBA. Now this is an incredible feat, because the former holder of this title, Ron Artest, admittedly drank half pints of hennessey at halftime and punched fans in the face. Runners up include Gilbert Arenas for Pulling out guns in the locker room and Shaq for using "Kobe, tell me how ass tastes" as a hook in a rap freestyle at the house of blues.
Back to Delonte.
Normally, when people do lovey dovey, I need a girl (usher voice) interviews, they tend to air on the side of caution. Not this nigga. (Look! I went 124 words before i used the N-word. Kudos to me.) Just read the excerpts from the ESPN video and see, where "Keepin it real goes wrong!" Also, Delonte....it is not OK to make references to other married famous people's wives, I.e) Beyonce. Have some class. LOL.
And now, for some hilarious excerpts...
Delonte: "I did a few romantic things in my day, but I'm not the world's most romantic guy. But I can tell you what I would consider a special night. First, at my lady's work, I would send her a card giving her instructions for the night. Send it to her about midday, so the rest of the day, she has time to think about exactly what I had planned
The Bros Say: Awwwww. He got it right. Do that Trey Songz sh*t and its instant Moo-Shu. Guess that's how he bagged Lebrons Mom....He's a smooth dude.
Delonte: So, I pick her up in my white convertible. From there, I'd have the music pumping on the radio. The Jim Jones pumping, you know, 'Summer in Miami' song pumping. Got to keep a little gangsta, you can't be too soft.
The Bros Say: And HERE's where it all goes wrong.....
Delonte: So, where we going then? You know, with the female readers, I might get me a superstar off this one. I might get me Beyonce or something. OK, now listen to this, so put this in there, OK, so from driving the car, let's be real. I started off wining and dining and Rico Suave-ing it...then we're going to my yacht.
We'll pull up at the docks and got a guy waiting for us, open our door up and we walk down a lit-up dock and onto the yacht, where we have dinner set up on the boat and we just cruise out on the water. Sit down and have some dinner, some shrimps and steaks, keep it nice and breezy. Pop some bottles, some Moet Rose. The red Moet, we ain't popping no Kristal, it tastes like urination. We ain't popping no Kris, that's $500 a bottle. It ain't that serious. It ain't going to get you drunk. Make sure you put that in there. We ain't doing a $500 bottle, we're doing a $99 wine and dine
Delonte: So, we are done eating, man, we've got to have someone singing while we're eating. OK, so from there, we're doing a midnight skinny-dipping jump. Alright? From there, hopefully she's got money because I hope Jaws gets her, boom, make sure she got me in the will, bank, I'm good. Oh well, shark got her! Jaws got her. Nah, we ain't going there.
Delonte: One more thing: When we're on the yacht eating, we're going to have some Popeyes chicken. That's for dinner. It's to let her know, put a mental image on her mind, first and foremost, if you ain't from the hood, you don't like Popeyes chicken. Everyone there loves Popeyes chicken and the biscuits -- phew. But that's just getting it on her mind, saying, you know, 'Yeah, I can wine and dine you, but I'm a little rough around the edges and I'm keeping it real with you. I can be romantic, but this is real, we're going to eat some chicken tonight. Chicken and biscuits.
The Bros Say: SL 500...check! Yacht...Check! Popeye's...On Deck!!! LMAO.
Shouts to ESPN for the interview and my man Hop aka Mr. "I be with more Asians than a Volley ball playing Calculus team" for sending it to me.
Do you appreciate the apparent realness or is it just another case of Machismo gone wrong...with a side of Gangsta cookies?Wja3: We'd appreciate more commentary.
Tako: Post writes itself.
Show: We'd appreciate it if you got off our nuts...aint that right Tako?
Wja3: Where's C4 when you need him.