Good morning, I'm C4. You may remember me from such blogs as this one, Nappy Headed Bros. You might be wondering where I've been all year. Don't worry about all that mind ya business, young'n! Nah but for real though it's good to be back in the blogosphere after a screenwriting hiatus. Have no fear, I've been cooking up some good ol' fashioned blog rock for you fiends to smoke out there. It's been a while though, so I'll ease you back into my brand of tomfoolery nice and slow, just like it's your first time (pause).
Anyway, you might have noticed all kinds of nonsense going on the world that I typically would be all over, like our good friend Charlie Sheen ripping away the title for most reckless celebrity away from the hands of Lil Wayne and previous winner Tiger Woods. Our boy Charlie is acting like cocaine and pornstars are going out of style! You see this asshole try to rent a mansion for like $250K a month just to bone and snort?! Now that's gangsta. Let's check the stats, okay?
5 - pornstars
+1 - suitcase of cocaine
+36- hours of partying
=1 trip to the hospital
That's a party Rick James could be proud of, RIP.
Then on the other hand, there's our girl Lindsay Blowhan who just got busted for shoplifting. Shoplifting?!?!?! Why do famous rich white women steal? Will Winona Ryder give me an answer?
Most impressive out of all of this? These people still have jobs! High profile jobs! I wish I could commit crimes and get Lindsay Lohan chances. I really wish I could have Charlie Sheen chances. Didn't he get mixed up in the Heidi Fleiss mess of the mid-'90s? You mean to tell me he has been caught on similar BS before, only to grow more reckless with time? Kind of makes Weezy's non-alcoholic-unprotecte-sex-making-new-babies-every-other-day-while-still-promoting-gang-activity-through-his-music foolishness seem tame by comparison. More on Weezy another day though, you know how we love him at this site (no homo).
Charlie Sheen continually and unapologetically continues to do all kinds of unspeakable things all out in the open, and still has the number one sitcom in America. If a black celebrity did 1/8 of what these assholes were doing, they'd never work in Hollywood AGAIN. I say, try them as black people, let it go down like this:
Judge Rules White Girl Will Be Tried As Black Adult
I'm just saying though....