Monday, February 7, 2011

Facebook is the New College. Smh.


I watched that movie "The Social Network the other day" and learned a lot.

1.) Mark Zuckerberg is a socially inept douche, an intellectual property thief, a d*ck head elitist and an overall boring person. This being said I may inactivate FB for a while, so don't think I deleted you all if you see me disappear. That'd be some bi*ch sh*t. Anyways, the movie just showed that money, or the prestige of "going to school in Cambridge" does not translate to personality. Nevertheless, Mr. Zuckerdouche is the worlds youngest billionaire, so he's doing something much better than all of us. Thank you btw, Mr. Zuckerfuck, for helping get all men across the globe more ass. I sincerely mean that, no sarcasm.

On to my Nappyheaded synopsis. Kidding. You think I have time for a stupid movie review when I can spend more valuable time talking about myself or giving one of my conspiracy theories which will lead people to discuss my own brilliance in contemporary context? Ok, I thought you all knew me better than that.

Tako: You know for someone so "Humble", you're the #1 result on Google for "Humility breeds success." Ironic. No, I-fucking-ronic. Smh.

Back to Facebook.

The worst best thing Facebook could have done was drop the ".edu " requirement from its email registration process. For those of you who still don't get it, aka blondes and people at Lincoln Tech (kidding) , what I mean by this is once facebook was opened to non college students, it became a cesspool of sacrilege, hodgepodge of hot ghetto mess-isms and a lascivious lounge of lust. In short, it destroyed all existing, potential and future interpersonal relationships.

Think about it like this.

1.)No one got married in know why? Because there was an unlimited amount of girls your age, doing the same things you were doing, at the same time. You would never again in your life be in a situation like this after highschool had you not attended college...or the army...and THIS is part of the beauty of "the college undergrad experience."

( Oh, you've been there on a late night, early morning. LOL. You know what they say, you never see a fisherman in a photo with 100 small trout, just the 200 Pound Marlin. LOL. )

2.)Think about it another way. What does your married or "severely wifed up" (Im copy writing that term) friend do when he gets out the house for guys night out? HE GOES HAM. Hard as a mutherfucka. Drinking, dancing, flirting...all in good fun of course.

Now...combine points 1 and 2 to see the ingeniousness and danger of Facebook. Facebook offers the same social dynamic as college. It is a perfectly reconstructed microcosm. It IS essentially all people your age, all aesthetic, all user created. IT IS COLLEGE WITHOUT BOOKS!!!! IT IS UNEDUCATED COLLEGE!!! IT IS JUST THE GOOD PART!!!!

No hanging at the Frat party all night trying to get her number and hook up with her...or whoever else is left at 3am. This is, skip to the chase. Like a Mcdonalds Value meal. Look up her name, browse's like, "I'll have a Number two, with a diet coke and tits." There are no required entrance exams, you dont need to know how to spell, and there is no filter to stop you from sounding like an idiot (sorta like when you're drunk.)

Add this to a population where over 50% of people have not been exposed to college...a population of people who have already decided to settle with their wife, high school sweetheart or soul mate for lack of a better option and BOOM!! You have instant temptation, turmoil and strife. Not only are they matriculating into "slut university" at ages 24 to their late 40's, they are also entering at the best time. There are no virgins as half the girls have babies.

Now you see why your man is cheating. Now you see why your girl is sucking that old friend or flame's di*k. Now you see why EVERYBODY HAS LOST THEIR GODDAMNED MIND. Men are turning to stalkers, women to detectives, all because of Mr. Zuckersucksballs.

You wouldn't let your man go away for a weekend with old female friends, but you are essentially letting him go to "Chickenhead university" where girls are allowed to wear signs that say "Yes, I'm fucking", "Its complicated: aka I'm in a relationship but will still f**k you", or "I'm"

Luckily for you females, there's a light at the end of this tunnel. Most guys who've been to college aren't at all phased by this influx of cyber booty. We've been in the real life situation and trust me, its much better. There's something about the addition of books and classes amidst the co-ed booty fest that makes it all come together. You have other things to focus on so you are not constantly obsessed with females driving yourself half crazy.

All these things being said...Ladies....

Date a guy with a college degree...or a hood ni**a with no computer...and you'll be aiiiight.

-Show "I have Zebra Sheets Waiting for you" Rocka.

Welcome to the jungle bi*ch.


NC17 said...

Zuckerberg is the man, most people should read the actual book social network was adapted from and learn from his asshole swagger and apply it to their lives, it's worked wonders for me. but i'm feeling the message, facebook is all about sex that's why it keeps growing. essentially fast food pussy for any dude on the net.

Rock said...

Nah, Zuckerberg was a douche. He was a dick, but not even a funny us. He was a kid with no social skills who created an online world where u didn't need them. That was, in and of itself, genious.

He's still a cornball though.