Wednesday, January 19, 2011

What is thick? : Before Booty Jumped the Shark.

Show: That ni**a looks crazy. He's wearing anything.

Lefleur: Don't you have those pants?

Show: Shut up.

Lefleur: This dude is like Martin Luther King. I mean, Martin Changed the Country...but He changed the world.

Show: How you gonna say that...that's just rude. Michael Jackson has nothing to do with Martin Luther King.

Lefleur: Rude? Yall injected a line about interracial porn into the "I have a dream" speech!!!!

That's how conversations usually go with me and Lefleur. Me spittin intelligent discourse and him hating, or vice versa. The following banter about big booty bi**hes, however, is something we can both agree on. Actually, I haven't run this one by him....but I'm sure we can agree that the accompanying song is dope.

Now that you've laughed your ass off, or nearly gotten yourself fired, I'll offer my take on the quintessential big booty in 22 words. Quote me on this.

"Minority girls had it right. White girls had it wrong. Now, minority girls have it wrong and White girls have it right. " --Show

I watch a lot of Martin episodes on DVR. Check out Gina and pam. Actually, you can even check them out in the houseparty movie when they were dancing. Upon checking it out, one thing becomes evident...

Slim in the waist, cute in the face...and a nice, rotund budadonkadonk.

Perhaps it was that black and ricans were having less babies back then and didnt inherit the zebra striped stretchmarked stomachs. Perhaps there were less readily available Mcdonalds dollar menus. Whatever the cause, that was the ideal curvaceous shape.

White women, in the 1990's were either adhering to the Model thin, Kate moss ideal, or were pretty much just trailer park fatties dating black guys a.) because they had money or b.) because the black guy was a user or loser with no job.

Then a transition occurred...the 1990's turned into the 2000's and the janet Jacksons and Rosie Perez's slowly morphed into J-Lo's and Toccara's.

This was not a bad thing, in was a glorious thing...

...until it got outa control.

Booties got bigger and with it the accompanying thighs.

Now I don't mean the thick stallion equestrian horse riding thighs, I mean the Je-LL-O, cottage cheese kind. Regular girls couldn't understand that we men idealized the near perfect shape AND booty of the Lopez's of the world, not just the T & A.

We men, however, did little to dispel the myth as we knew there weren't any J-Lo's in real life, and're having sex with her vagina butt and thighs, not her gut. We smashed big bootied girls indiscriminately as they got bigger, and bigger...using the term "thick" to describe a combination of big bootied/ big bootied and fat/ or just plain ol' fat women.

Enter Ludacris (fuck him, by the way) and the game changing line "The new phenomenon, like white women with ass"

"Whaaaaaat!?" says the white girl listening. "People are taking notice of this butt which the white guys I'm dating think is gross?" "Cute, famous and muscular black guys like this? Not just broke thugs and deadbeats?"

And here come the kardasians, picking up where J-Lo and Takara left off....before booty jumped the shark.

Don't get mad at me for saying it. It's the truth. White girls got yall fu*ked up right now in the booty-body ratio department. It's like yall all lost your motivation to go to the gym once Aaliyah died...and going to Planet fitness on Pizza night or Bagel day doesn't count. Lucky for you minority women, there's another Kardasian (Khloe), and some fake Itallian named snookie simultaneously pushing the thick-fat booty line, which may cause "white booty" to jump the shark just as its minority predecessor had.

And there, in the thick of it all, to reclaim the "slim in the waist, this is what booty should be" throne for all black & minority women around the globe...AMBER FUCKIN ROSE. Thank her later.




Jamar said...

This is LeFleur.... And I approve this Nappyheaded message! Long live MLK and MJ!

write me a paper said...

Black looks amazing on everyone. I guess its an everyone color. Thank you for sharing this post with us. I really liked it. Great work!