Monday, January 10, 2011

Papa(s) Was in Jackson Five!

Gotta give it up to the Jackson family for still being a hot ass mess a good year and a half after Michael's death. This stuff reads like a telenovela, though I doubt more than one person in the saga speaks Spanish. This person of course is Chickenhead Groupie Golddigger First Ballot Hall of Famer Alejandra, who has babies with Jermaine AND Randy. The mother of Jaffar and Stupid Celebrity Kid name Hall of Famer, Jermajesty, has got Jermaine in some shit once again.

Must be some DEVASTATING mu-shu in those jeans right there!

You might be wondering right now, "where is Jermaine Jackson? I ain't seen Jermaine in a minute, I wonder what he's up to other than ruining the ozone layer with his hair products?" Well concerned reader, Jermaine Jackson is stuck in Africa for not paying child support on those two light-skinned kids who have recently been kicked off the Jackson Estate.

According to TMZ:

Jermaine is stuck in Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso, Africa. We've learned his passport has expired and he can't get a new one, so he's waylaid there.

Here's what we know. In May 2008, Jermaine's baby mama Alejandra got a child support order, requiring him to pay $3,000 a month. Jermaine went into arrears almost immediately and, as of last month, he owed $91,921.

Under California law, when someone owes more than $2,500 a month in child support, the State Department of Child Support Services automatically informs the feds of the delinquency, and the feds then flag the person's passport. Once the passport expires, it will not be renewed until the person becomes current on child support obligations.

Our sources say Jermaine's passport expired during his trip, he can't get a new one and he's stuck overseas.

If Jermaine doesn't clear up the debt, it's unclear if the American Embassy will come to the rescue ... though we're told in these situations the Embassy will often issue temporary papers so the person can return to the U.S.

Say hi to Jermaine, Nappy Friends!

...because I know you wouldn't be able to find this place on a map if I paid you.

Hope you brought extra hair gel nigga! Better get cool with the locals so somebody can whip up a special recipe of juices and berries that'll keep his greazy head shining. Jermaine has enough oil in his hair on any given day to provide fuel to the entire Burkina Faso. They'll probably keep him there just to improve the infrastructure. By the way, what the fuck was Jermaine doing in Burkina Faso in the first place??? Probably robbing the earth of nutrients for his hair to do ungodly things. Cockin' my head back like Ed Lover...

As you can see, Jermaine and his hair have been enemies to the Environmental Protection Agency since the mid-'70s...

All the way up until today. I couldn't resist the oompa loompa, LMAO!

This what dumb ass trifling ass Jermaine gets for knocking off his brother Randy's baby mama.

(cue Wayans Bros. theme music) We're brothers! We also have a sister and we're cousins! Doo-doo-doo-doo! Thanks to the Jackson, Five!

Jermajesty is on the far right by the way, since I know you were wondering.

NappyHeadedBros is taking bets on the over-under for how long Jermaine can and will last in Africa. I give it a week before he returns, defeated, dejected, and most importantly, nappy. It's obviously his greatest fear, and apparently the only thing that will make Alejandra happy.

I bet you two tubs of Blue Magic, a bottle of ultra sheen and three activator gels that Jermaine is gonna have a caesar by the end of the year.


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