Monday, January 31, 2011

Diddy Responsible for 9-11?

"I love fu*king with Diddy. No homo." --Show

We found this article on and thought we should share, as it made me laugh. Enfuckingjoy.

This law suit may not make it very far up the courts.

Radar Online reports that rapper Sean "Diddy" Combs was sued for $1 trillion by a woman named Valerie Joyce Wilson Turks, who alleges that he date raped her 24 years ago... and then conspired with Rodney King to bring down the World Trade Center on September 11th, 2001.

In part, the suit alleges:

"[Diddy] went through Kim Porter and Rodney King and knocked down the WTC and then they all came and knocked my children down... He date raped me 24 years ago and knocked me down him and Kim Porter and Wallace Wright, then Sean Combs and Kim and Wallace Wright came back 18 years later and raped and sexually abused my children and knocked my children down and crushed me and my children daily."
Turks wants $900 billion for child support -- quite the expensive child -- and $100 billion in damages.

This was just too tremendously tomfoolerific not to post. I mean damn....Diddy has done some fu*ked up things including profiting off the murder of his friend B.I.G, making it acceptable to wear shiny suits...

(Oh nigga, dont act like you never had no shiny grey Rocawear, Sean John, Mecca or Enycee Jeans), and even turning the once hardened hip hop of harlem streets into Britney Spears-esque dance jams, but this?

This shit right here...? LMAO. This lady is clownin'!

Yes, we know American society is the most litigious in the world, meaning everybody is sue-crazy. Beat a little kids ass? Get sued for 100,000. Commit a burglary and trip on a cracked floorboard? Sue the homeowner for damages. I'm just saying. But THIS!!! THIS!!!!!???? I blame the bitch at Mcdonalds with the hot coffee. She knew that shit was hot, and if it wasnt she wouldve demanded her money back...but Noooooo, just cause her ass wanted to "drink and drive" and was apparently no coordinated to do such, the company gets sued for a gazillion dollars and people take free reign to sue over stupid shit.

Back to Diddy.

HOW!!! in a seemingly sensible and well structured legal system does this sort of claim even make it to the filing room. It is undoubtedly slander or libel and this woman will probably end up getting her own ass sued by Diddy in the end, as her case is tossed out, but the fact that judges have to even waste there time on this is Hogwash.

Unless, however, this woman is right.....

Arab associates in compromisingly homo positions???

Secret Shoe Bombs and connections with Christian Extremist Pastor Mason "Ma$e" Betha??

A reputation for blowin shit up? A mantra of "I thought I told you that we won't stop?"

Could the phase "Take that, take that" actually been a extremist call to arms for sucidial maniacs?

Or, Maybe....Just maybe.... this bitch is bats nuts crazy.



Friday, January 28, 2011

A Single man's thought's on marriage

Yea I took a few days off, so sue me. It was snowing so ummmmmm....I couldn't drive to the computer in my livingroom. LOL. Anyways , I'm back with some thought provoking artistry.


Based on empirical observations made, all married men seem to be caught in a paradoxical "I love my wife yet she incessantly checks up on me and limits my free time with others, thereby slowly eating away at my sanity" situation. In a nutshell marriage is like Stockholm syndrome. You are in a prison of sorts, yet you love your captor and don't leave despite the available opportunities. Most older married men will tell you "I love my wife, but don't get married" or at the very least "Don't get married young...enjoy your youth , have fun." This is insinuating that marriage does not = fun.

The problem with these observations, however, is that people still get married. The reason being? In some cases money or convenience, but in most All that family honor and doing the right thing shit died back with coat hanger abortions.

If you love someone and they love you back to the same degree, you'll marry them...eventually.

NOW. The groundwork has been set. Here's how men really think about this marriage shit.


Hmmmmm. Is she the one? How do I know. Ok, lets hit up the checklist.

1. Can I see myself having sex with her and only her (with the occasional stripclub handjob or BJ being the only other female contact I may have forever?)

2. Is she sexy enough that my boys will approve, yet not so sexy she'll look like a whore or tempt my boys to actually try and bone her?

3. Is her mom really fat? Actually more important, does she exercise? Am I going to want to deal with her 45 pounds later when she encourages me to eat the same crap as her and thereby become fat and undesirable to other women?

4. Does she have a job, and if so, is it close enough in pay and importance to mine that we won't have to constantly engage in a "who wears the pants" argument every week?

5. Is she dumb? In the event we have children are they going to be raised by a woman dumb as Jessica Simpson, or a rock.

These are the type of soliloquies and rhetorical questions being posed in the male brain. Important things such as can I support a wife, what will be the important tax and medical benefits, and what's the cost benefit analysis of an actual "wedding" are things which are often left out using the idiotic "love will conquer all" mantra. Damn, this sounds like a Jerry Springer final thought...hear me out though.

Despite the important issues which "love" and the idea of love often cause us to blindly ignore, the following 5 aforementioned bullet points are things which will determine the basis of a successful marriage. This is, because of one reason and one reason only.

Men, in addition to being animals like Lions or Wolves, pre-programmed to select more than one mate in a lifetime, are also programmed to be providers...with the exception of lions, who let the females hunt...but they're more like the Pimps of the animal kingdom.

As natural providers, protectors and hunters, the manbrain manifests itself through an aura of chauvinism, bravado and all out machismo. We care if we can live side by side with her without wanting to pull an OJ. We care if she can have a convo about something other than Basketball wives or the Kardasians. We care if our wife is hot. We care if other people think she's hot. We care that she's not too hot other people try to steal her. We care that she's not so out of our league that she'll try to upgrade us.

Sure it seems sexist and immature to focus on aesthetic things like a girl being hot, but in reality, the immature thing would be to ignore all of these things based on the power of love and spend your life miserable, cheating and catching STDs.

You still wanna get married son? Aight. Take it from Rocka. Make sure she's 9/10 hot, has good genes and gives you awesome sex. Live with her a few months, learn her disgusting habits, deal with not being able to get any because she's on the rag, learn that she actually does take dumps, and if all goes well, you've got a winner.

As long as you can fu*k her and only her for the rest of your life, you're cool.

Marriages consist of 2 real people in real life and as a're gonna be going through some real shit chief.


-Chief Rocka & the Bros

Tuesday, January 25, 2011


Shouts to the Homie Big Frank in the USVI for putting me up on this article he saw at

Kush Cola?

How about a refreshing Canna Cola? A company based in Soquel, Calif., has created a new line of soda pot — or, marijuana soda — that it plans to launch in Colorado in February.

Canna Cola isn't the first marijuana soda on the market, but its designer Clay Butler, who said he has never used marijuana or smoked a cigarette but is a "firm believer that adults have an inalienable right to think, eat, smoke, drink, ingest, decorate, dress any way they choose," told the Santa Cruz Sentinel that his beverage collection will be distinguished by marketing. "You look at all the marijuana products out there, and they are so mom-and-pop, hippie-dippy and rinky-dink," he said.

According to the Sentinel, Butler's soda pot line will include the "flagship cola drink Canna Cola, the Dr Pepper–like Doc Weed, the lemon-lime Sour Diesel, the grape-flavored Grape Ape and the orange-flavored Orange Kush."

The labels promise "12 mind blowing ounces," and each bottle will retail for roughly $10 to $15. Containing 35 to 65 milligrams of THC (tetrahydrocannabinol), the main psychoactive ingredient in cannabis, Canna Cola is substantially less potent than many of the other drinks currently on the market, the Sentinel reports.

Scott Riddell, founder of Diavolo Brands, which is marketing Canna Cola, likened it to a "light beer" and said "it's got a mild marijuana taste," compared with heavier tasting competitors with three times the THC.

Canna Cola's makers plan to sell it to medical-marijuana dispensaries in Colorado starting next month, and hope to launch it in California by the spring. Looming, however, is a bill in Congress sponsored by Sen. Dianne Feinstein, the so-called "Brownie Law," which passed the Senate last year. It would increase penalties for makers of products that combine marijuana with "a candy product" or anyone who markets such products to minors.

There are currently 15 states, as well as the District of Columbia, where medical marijuana is legal. However, the conditions of its legality differ from state to state, and marijuana for any purpose is still illegal under federal law.

Rocka's thoughts:

Hmmmmm. Medicinal weed is legal in D.C.? So technically if the president had Glocoma, Obama could be running the country high as a kite? Interesting.

Also, I have to say that I don't smoke, and probably wouldn't even if weed was completely legal, but that i WOULD try one of these drinks. This is even better than 4Loko. I blame good marketing.

Also, you hear everyone and their mama screaming Kush this and Kush that everytime "weed" is the subject of conversation, yet based on my own personal observation, most people are oblivious as to what kush really is. As we here at NHB try to educate as well as point out tomfooolery, I have this to offer:

Kush refers to a subset of strains of cannabis indica. The origins of Kush cannabis are from landrace plants mainly in Afghanistan, but are also from Iran, Pakistan, and Northern India, with the name coming from the Hindu Kush mountain range. "Hindu Kush" strains of cannabis were brought to the United States in the mid-to-late 1970s and continue to be available there to the present day.

"O.G. Kush" is a hybrid strain of cannabis consisting of part sativa and part indica; resulting from the cross pollination of two flowers: Lemon Thai and Afghani.
You're welcome Hoodlums!!

Friday, January 21, 2011

Bro Debate: Pac as Important as....Jesus???

So the other day Lu-Deezy sent me a link to what he and I, C4, thought was the hottest ghetto mess of a picture ever, courtesy of the twitpic of one Tyrese Gibson. Yes, that Tyrese. From, this came with the title, "When Afrocentric Art Goes Wrong." Y'all can be the judge...

"What If," by Tyrese Gibson

So first off, what the fuck would Malcolm X be doing baptizing ANYBODY?! He was unmistakably Muslim. Then, I don't know, for good measure, Tyrese changes the famous tattoo across Pac's stomach to read "Tug Lafe," which is Thug Life in Celtic. Who gives a shit about that? But I digress.

I send the link to Show Rocka and say, "you ready for the 'C'mon Son Moment of the Year'?" The following convo ensues.

Show: 15 minutes ago i was trying to find out where to buy that for the livingroom

C4: that makes u an idiot

Show: I like it. its a nice painting. And just ridiculous

that's cuz ur gay for tupac

Show: Oh shut up

C4: ur gayer for pac than u are for weezy

Show: Pac was a revolutionary. Weezy is just a rapper with cool tattoos and a rock star attitude. Pac was as important to blacks as jesus


Show: I can justify it.

And now we have a debate.

Show: I learned more from Pac than I learned from Jesus. Pac showed us things and bettered the race. Jesus was sort of an opiate to placate the masses. We believe exactly what they tell us in church with no emperical proof. Where what other situation would we believe anything so blindly?And white men transcribed it. It's like a million year old game of telephone. Niggas cant even get a story straight when it goes through like 4 people.

C4: That's a different point entirely. You said Pac and Jesus have equal importance for blacks, not for you, who do not represent all blacks. Jesus and the belief in Jesus has been more of a catalyst for change than a placating opiate.

Show: Pac was a Huey Newton for young and old, and when he comes back you'll see he is Jesus. A stretch, but entirely possible in Christian ideology.

C4: Not really.

My point is, Jesus showed us love as a concept and Pac showed it in practical situations, and it was during my life and I saw it, with songs like "Dear Mama" and "Keep Ya Head Up." More importantly he taught us to think, the opposite of church.

C4: The whole Jesus concept is practical love in practical situations. The majority of the civil rights movement in this country is based in and inspired by Christian beliefs probably more than democratic ones.

Show: Crucified with Nails by oppressors, crucified by THE MEDIA, BULLETS and IMAGINARY RAPE CHARGES. come on, this man is the posterchild for Modern Day Jesus. I bet Michael Eric Dyson would co-sign.

C4: Dyson is a fucking clown. I'd like to punch him in real life.

Show: Agreed. He was on Tyra the other day yelling at Julito from the Wire. I wanted to jump through the TV and smack his little jheri curled head.

I've been listening to hip-hop since 1994!

C4: Fine I'll give you the persecution metaphor, I can buy that to an extent. Not on no son of God tip but sure.

Show: Finally. You see the light. come to the light. there is plenty of chicken, white women and watermellon Kool Aid. Come Sinque....come (pause)
C4: Stop it.
Show: really tho, where can I get that Tyrese painting.....

C4: but for real tho, if i see that painting in ur house i'm dropping u with a body punch like Bernard Hopkins and you're De La Hoya.

Show: To each his own. I like Malcolm X and Pac. Maybe I'll start painting. Then I can paint whatever I want. Rosie Perez as the Virgin Mary.....Amber Rose and MLK.

C4: MLK probably would've smashed Amber.

Show: Wiz is smashing that now, I'm proud of him.

C4: They probably wear the same clothes, that nigga is mad skinny.

Show: Nah she can't fit his clothes.

C4: Cuz her ass is too glorious.

Show: She's my favorite.

At least we agree on something!

-Nappy Headed Bros

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

What is thick? : Before Booty Jumped the Shark.

Show: That ni**a looks crazy. He's wearing anything.

Lefleur: Don't you have those pants?

Show: Shut up.

Lefleur: This dude is like Martin Luther King. I mean, Martin Changed the Country...but He changed the world.

Show: How you gonna say that...that's just rude. Michael Jackson has nothing to do with Martin Luther King.

Lefleur: Rude? Yall injected a line about interracial porn into the "I have a dream" speech!!!!

That's how conversations usually go with me and Lefleur. Me spittin intelligent discourse and him hating, or vice versa. The following banter about big booty bi**hes, however, is something we can both agree on. Actually, I haven't run this one by him....but I'm sure we can agree that the accompanying song is dope.

Now that you've laughed your ass off, or nearly gotten yourself fired, I'll offer my take on the quintessential big booty in 22 words. Quote me on this.

"Minority girls had it right. White girls had it wrong. Now, minority girls have it wrong and White girls have it right. " --Show

I watch a lot of Martin episodes on DVR. Check out Gina and pam. Actually, you can even check them out in the houseparty movie when they were dancing. Upon checking it out, one thing becomes evident...

Slim in the waist, cute in the face...and a nice, rotund budadonkadonk.

Perhaps it was that black and ricans were having less babies back then and didnt inherit the zebra striped stretchmarked stomachs. Perhaps there were less readily available Mcdonalds dollar menus. Whatever the cause, that was the ideal curvaceous shape.

White women, in the 1990's were either adhering to the Model thin, Kate moss ideal, or were pretty much just trailer park fatties dating black guys a.) because they had money or b.) because the black guy was a user or loser with no job.

Then a transition occurred...the 1990's turned into the 2000's and the janet Jacksons and Rosie Perez's slowly morphed into J-Lo's and Toccara's.

This was not a bad thing, in was a glorious thing...

...until it got outa control.

Booties got bigger and with it the accompanying thighs.

Now I don't mean the thick stallion equestrian horse riding thighs, I mean the Je-LL-O, cottage cheese kind. Regular girls couldn't understand that we men idealized the near perfect shape AND booty of the Lopez's of the world, not just the T & A.

We men, however, did little to dispel the myth as we knew there weren't any J-Lo's in real life, and're having sex with her vagina butt and thighs, not her gut. We smashed big bootied girls indiscriminately as they got bigger, and bigger...using the term "thick" to describe a combination of big bootied/ big bootied and fat/ or just plain ol' fat women.

Enter Ludacris (fuck him, by the way) and the game changing line "The new phenomenon, like white women with ass"

"Whaaaaaat!?" says the white girl listening. "People are taking notice of this butt which the white guys I'm dating think is gross?" "Cute, famous and muscular black guys like this? Not just broke thugs and deadbeats?"

And here come the kardasians, picking up where J-Lo and Takara left off....before booty jumped the shark.

Don't get mad at me for saying it. It's the truth. White girls got yall fu*ked up right now in the booty-body ratio department. It's like yall all lost your motivation to go to the gym once Aaliyah died...and going to Planet fitness on Pizza night or Bagel day doesn't count. Lucky for you minority women, there's another Kardasian (Khloe), and some fake Itallian named snookie simultaneously pushing the thick-fat booty line, which may cause "white booty" to jump the shark just as its minority predecessor had.

And there, in the thick of it all, to reclaim the "slim in the waist, this is what booty should be" throne for all black & minority women around the globe...AMBER FUCKIN ROSE. Thank her later.



Monday, January 17, 2011

I Have a Dream....Martin Luther King Jr. And Tako Tsou.

Show: I should take the day off cause I'm black.... Yep. That's what imma do. Thanks Dr. King.

C4: Guess that means I'm off too.

Wja3: Great time to be black! All on you Mr. Tsou.

Tako: Damn, guess I gotta work a half day. OK, y'all are gonna regret this...

I Have a Dream....Martin Luther King Jr. And Tako Tsou.

I say to you today, my friends, my niggas, that even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the Blakaneese-American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal." All bitches however... We'll work on that one. I'm just sayin.

I have a dream that one day on in places other than trap houses in Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood..not the Aryian kind though.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children, verified by Maury DNA tests, will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character...or at least not judged by the reputation of other black folk on TV who just so happen to ALWAYS be a hodgepodge of hot ghetto messes.

Real talk. I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping (PAUSE) with the words of interposition and nullification; one day right there in Alabama, little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys (no homo) and white girls as sisters and brothers.. Not just as colaborators in interracial niche porn.

I have a dream today.

The "every hill and mountain" part and a few others have been omitted do to being long and boring.

This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with a new meaning, "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring."

Tako: Ring the alarmmmmmmm (Jamaican voice). Bow bow bow!!! Big up!!!! More fiyah!!!

And if America is to be a great nation this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Haven. Let freedom ring from the mighty bodegas of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening of Pennsylvania! Go Eagles.

Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado!

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California! And from the curvaceous bosoms of those california girls, be they from Silicone or non silicone valley.

But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia!

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee!

And when this happens, when we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every village and every home, from every state assistance office and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

And we shall celebrate with patron and big tittied white the spirit of Dr. Kaaaaang.

- Tako.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Gucci Mane and other dumb Face Tattoos

Remember we said Gucci was pretending to be crazy to avoid jail time. Well now I think he actually is insane.

This is wayyyyyyy more than flavor Flav did to set back the race 500 years. It is original and kinda cool though, in a "I'm fuc*kin insane and retarded" kinda way. Eh....

C4: Stop it. You will not support this.

Tako: I'm about to say f**k it and get a California roll tattooed on my face kid.

Wja3: Tako you are about as Japanese as Kim Kardasian is prude.

Show: The ni**a do look like sailor moon tho. LOL.

Anyways, the moral of the story here is that Gucci, and any other man who screams out "burrrr" for no apparent reason, may actually be crazy. Actually, mildly retarded would be the word I would choose, but I dont want to insult the intelligence of any mentally challenged people by associating Gucci with them.

The intelligent take on this:

The problem with this face tattoo is not that it looks stupid. Coogi jeans look stupid....

Those Elmer fudd, faux fur , Black Russian winter hats look stupid...

Girls with A cups look stupid...

Well, I take that back.

ALL OF THOSE OTHER THINGS LOOK STUPID...but they're not dangerous.

This, however, is.

Little kids in the hood see this "trendsetting" as something cool or gangsta, failing to realize that, stupid or not, GUCCI MAN IS A MILLIONAIRE who may never have to work a day in his life let alone go on a job interview (Unless he spends his money like Hammer).

Most regular people, especially those without College degrees WILL have to work, and will go on job interviews...a lot of them. Face tattoos ? Bad look. FAce tattoo's you can't even hide with make-up hair or a band-aid? Well...this pretty much ensures that you'll be eating top ramen for the rest of your life, struggling to make ends meet. Pause.

If you aren't at work...or your employer doesn't give a shit, I hope you watched that. It is dope and particularly moving.

See....I do more than just troll the Internet for all things hood.

I do that too though, so here are some worse face tattoos.

Why, why...pretty girl why?

Why ugly girl, well....we know why....but the awful face tat didnt cover up the acne and face bumps. Now you look pizzafaced and dumb.

That's just foolish. Hellicopter gonna land on your head fam.

LMAO. Too bad he'll end up tossin someones salad in jail. SMH.

I get it. You are rich and bought an oil company. But an oil rig on your head? Worse was it took me about 3 music videos and 6 months to figure out what that was.

The retarded wondertwins.

Hahaha. White people are dumb too!!!


Hahaha. Funny Indian crazy man.


Thursday, January 13, 2011

Abstinence is the Best Policy

Show: I blogged...Since my cousin keeps calling me lazy. It's a good one too. Are you Happy Chain?

There is one way to stay off the Maury show. Don't fu*k morally loose girls without a condom...Actually even that philosophy has its flaws.

In reality, there are only two ways to stay off the Maury show.

1.) Refuse to go when invited or

2.) practice abstinence.

This being said, I would rather embarrass myself on National TV with a hoodrat potential baby mama doing the "Butterfly-tootsie roll-stop pop it and lock it-Uncle luke Booty shake-Dougie" all the while screaming "I am 2011 % sure he is the daddy (pronounced Daeeeeedy)" than engage in abstinence...except in this one case.

Abstinence is the Best Policy

It happens inevitably. You want to sleep with your baby mama, girfriend or wife's "friend or relative."

Now 25% of this is due to the natural inclination of the male species, which, like any other animal, is not physically programmed for monogamous behavior. Another 25% deals with the age old parable about the "grass being greener on the other side" adapted by the modern male mind frame and synonymously morphed into the "aint no p**y like new pu**y" mantra. This accounts for 50% of the problem. Now... regardless of what accounts for the other 50% of the problem, the solution is abstinence right? Don't sleep with your girl's friends or relatives, right?

Wrong...but let me explain.

As the other 50% results from the fact that you probably made the wrong choice out of haste, the solution is not so clear cut. No matter how you play this, you look like the asshole and you may destroy their friendship, but hey...sometimes its worth it.

Now...back to you making the wrong choice...

You sleep with her because "she's cute" then find out her friends are "gorgeous." You should've met her friends first, you acted too soon.

You banged her because you were drunk at a party and she was available. You shouldve paced your alcohol consumption better, you acted too soon. He friends probably showed up late... hotter, sluttier and also available.

You slept with her because she was beautiful. You didn't find out if she was crazy? Fool. She has 3 sisters just as pretty....and here's the kicker...they're sane.

You slept with her because she was into you...Cute. Until you realize she was into everyone and now you cannot be introduced to one of her "girlfriend-worthy" counterparts who also liked you but didnt wanna step on "Slutty Miss-claim-a-nigga"'s toes. The good Christian friend now thinks you re a whore too.

Now, this is not meant to be an all inclusive list, but it does point out some very important things. We as individuals often tend to act too impulsively, but as no one is perfect, we have to realize that this is OK. Having slept with a man does not entirely take him off the market for your friends and acquaintances, as in some cases "you didnt want him" ...remember? Don't take your ex bf or mutual friends dating as a personal slight against you, because hey....maybe they were just a better fit...or she was prettier. LOL.

Fellas, this does not apply to you. You can't date your boy's baby mama or serious ex-girlfriends. Man-law.

You can, however, have free reign with his jumpoffs, and if he says otherwise...he's a handcuffin harry and should apply for the job of general contractor for the new "Rest Haven for Hoes" being built in 2011.