Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Respect the Grind: 50 Shovels snow for 100 a driveway


I usually don't steal news, but when I do, it usually comes from www.hiphopdx.com

Shout out to Slava cooperstein...as always.

I saw this one this morning.

50 Cent Shovels Driveways For $100 Apiece


50 Cent expands his business portfolio - the old-fashioned way.

50 Cent's hustle knows no end, it seems, as the multi-millionaire offered to shovel neighbors' walks for $100 apiece.

Later on, Fif revealed he was expanding his business. "This snow moving business is just to see if laws apply to every business. After the first job I got 4 more now I have 3 kid[s] I hired."

Via his Twitter, one of the few the NappyheadedBros actually follow, Ol' boy Fif said:

"I'm going out to shovel snow and see if I can make me a few extra dollars today. I'm charging more if they want to take pictures."

While I'm sure it was more an assehole publicity stunt than anything, I'm sure he kept the cash, and the important thing is...50 actually gets it. Entertainers are paid because they're entertaining, not because they're intrinsically better than everyone else.

This isnt about "shoveling the white man's snow" or being a black man-servant....this is about hustling and how it is embodied by the 400 million dollar vitamin water man. Fifty fucking cent.

He's not bougiouse, watered down or a fabricated version of some person corporate america wants him to be. He's a rich dude from southside Jamaica queens, plain and simple. On top of that, he realizes something a lot of people, including myself often forget.

You gotta hustle to make things happen, and once they do happen...you still can't stop hustlin.

Respect the grind.

-Rocka

Monday, December 27, 2010

Kwanzaa...The N-Word Personified...but in a good way.

Well Christmas is over and now it's time to breathe a sigh of relief as we forget about the insane amounts of debt we accumulated trying to monetarily show our loved ones how much we care.






Don't worry, I'm not about to get all preechy...I'm not in the mood after shoveling and pushing cars out of the snow at an ungodly hour. This is my shovel break rant. Kidding. It's my shovel break celebration of Kwanzaa.



For as much as I talk shit about Things "Made-up by black people" i.e) Names which come from real names like D'Michael, La'michael, etc. and not to be confused with "things made by black people, like Peanut butter, the traffic light and gas mask", I actually like Kwanzaa. Despte the fact that white people always look at us blacks to explain it, and I really only know one nigga that celebrates it, I truly appreciate it for what it is. It is the N-word personified.


Let me explain.


When I say, Kwanzaa is the N-word personified, I don't mean its a rap-blastin, door knocker earring rockin, watermelon, 40 ounce and chicken coon fest. What I mean is, it is something which we black people have made our own despite what others may think or may have thought of it. Like it or not, since the beginning of time, most anti-negro racist rhetoric stemmed from "others" believing we were Uncultured savages due to our African Heritage. Our peazy nigga naps and colorful kinte cloth represented a lack of Anglo-saxon and European ideals and quickly became synonymous with stereotypes of being dumb, lazy, and developmentally inferior.



The results? We shunned our african heritage for our American one. We gave up our naps for perms and traded our natural diets for those of processed and fried foods, leaving us fat, unhealthy and addicted to 100 dollar micro braids, Dominican wraps and wash and sets.



Yes, we pay to look the part while those without the need to do so spend their money wisely, eat organic foods and invest. Who cares though right? We don't need as much money as them anyway because, lets be honest...between 40 Ounces, bullets and Burger King...we won't live nearly as long anyway. Kidding...kinda. :/



All those things being said, I'm glad we are taking something back...I'm glad we are embracing something which represents our ancestors , even if they never celebrated it and would probably think it was dumb. This is like Marcus Garvey and Halle Sellasie's Rastafarianism as a response to the Babylon oppressors in "Back in the day" Jamaica. Yes Nigga, Kwanzaa is real, and it represents more than the funny ass table cloth that looks like Erika Badu's headwrap.




It represents us using the N-word in the corporate boardroom (I, by the way, don't suggest actually doing that)...It represents us saying "F**k your fat white man in a red suit Christmas, designed to make us think it's ok to be fat while yall go out and do pilates and spinning classes every morning staying healthy"....It represents everything I love about being black....the ability to say "F**k you...your culture...and your whole entire movement" and still pass it off as a response to the remnants of slavery. :)




AND....


That's right nigga, theres more....


AND....


It gives you an excuse to give bitches cheap, homemade gifts.


#Imjustsayin......


Kujichakulia my niggas.





-Show

Thursday, December 23, 2010

A Showrock Christmas: Bah Humbug



Normally Christmas, (Not X-mas because I could've sworn that a cross was the symbol for Christ and not an "X") is a time for people to be all pseudo-family orientated, fuzzy, warm and gay. Let's sing X-mas carols and thank the lord for all that the lord has bestowed upon us even though we're really thinking "fuck, I'm broke and I still gotta buy gifts for all these niggas. I never get what I want. I kinda wish they wouldn't buy me shit so i could save my money."



I mean, other than the fat white guy with the Freeway beard in the red velour jumpsuit, I get it. Christmas = jesus's birth, advent, his second coming, yada yada.






The kings (no, not the Latin ones) brought him gifts (Gold, Frankenstein and Murr...or something) and all was well. Well...guess what? Most of yall niggas don't deserve gifts anyway? Want a new car because you have important places to go? Oh, that's nice. Jesus had important places to go too. You think those places you have to go are more important than where Jesus had to go?


Naive blog reader: ummmm...no.

Show: WELL THAT NIGGA WALKED!


LOL. I think I heard that on an old comic view...you know, back in the Earthquake (they gon' start chargin us for Air) , Cedric the entertainer and D.L. Hugley days when it was still funny.


Anyways, I'm sure you're wondering what my point is in being a scrooge. Well, this is it right here . C4 says fu*k Christmas. He's a hater. I say what better time to give you my list....



Show's list of things I am not Thankful for


10. Girls with Ex-boyfriends.

Stop cuffin and let her breathe Bruh.

You're welcome Mr. Billings.


9. Middle Aged Women with Fat Legs in Tall ass leather boots.

They are sexy, just not on you.


8. Fu*ked up Tattoos

There's really no excuse. You know its gonna be there forever.


7. The mutherf*ckin auto tune.

C'mon Jamie Foxx....you can actually sing. What are you doing? As for Diddy and Ron Browz...just stop. Immediately.


6. Fat girls takin pics from the neck up.

We know you're fat, this doesn't hide it. Either we're attracted to big girls or not. Simple as that.

5. Uneducated people trying to act smart.

Yea I'm an Ivy League prick, so what. Some people are smart, some are dumb. It's the way of the world. When a dumb person asks a question it makes you want to educate them and make them a tad bit smarter. When they go off on their own and try to act smart....well....the make themselves look like bigger idiots. :/

4. Facebook.

So much to say here. I swear I am the main culprit. I find myself doing things just so I can talk about them on facebook. I swear I interrupt myself from doing things I like just to let other people know I'm doing them.


Super unnecessary facebook habits:

Checking in.....especially at your house or in bed.

Telling Facebook goodmorning and goodnite.

Taking pics of your food.

Fighting "via wall statuses" with people who dont even have FB accounts, just to get your hatin ass girlfriends to click the "like" or "that nigga aint shit" button.


3. The 4 Loko Ban.

This is America...and while 4Loko was a detriment to my marathon training, I am Against America Making Decisions for us. 4 Loko isn't killing people, stupid mutherflockas drinkin 4 loko like its kool-Aid are killing THEMSELVES. Also, Malt liquor has been doing this to blacks for decades and noone cared. Just sayin....

2. C4 and Wja3 Blogging whenever they feel like it.

Yea, I called you out suckas. What you gonna do about it. What you gonna do!!!!!!!!!!!!


1. Ungrateful People.

Cherish what you have cause it can all be gone in an instant. You will be left home, sad and alone. You may tr to overcompensate or replace what once was, only to no avail. If you appreciate someone or something, let them know...better yet, show them.



That being said, I truly miss you and love you...4 Loko.






-Rocka-Claus.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

4 Loko Chronicles: The Finale. R.I.P.


Tako: Tell em' why you mad son!

Show: I ain't mad...

Tako: Yes you are

Show: I'm just saying...people casually read the blog, so why can't i casually write. Like whenever I'm not working or gettin pu**y or whatever....


Wja3: Settle down boys. We're back on the air, live in 3....2....1....



I'm not quite sure what it is about going out of town that makes ones inhibitions and general sense of common decency fly out the window quicker than a married man in a 1st floor apartment's mistress when wifey comes home. Something about the allure of being in an unfamiliar setting, albiet 10 minutes from home, where no one knows you and you don't know them. That's right, this is not Cheers ni**a.



Everyone does not know your name...but they will remember your story, well...at least they'll remember ours.




So, it begins like it always does...four locos and 4 Loko. Unfortunately for Lefleur, the individual tasked with driving me, D-white and Dingo, he was unable to partake in the festivities until we reached our final destination, thereby forcing him to have to play "catch up." Bad idea.



Tako: You're drunk yada yada...I'm Show I like to make myself seem grandiose...I meat hop my own personal style and drinking ability....I run marathons and take pics with my shirt off....GET TO THE FUCKIN POINT Mop-head!!!!

C4: Dead.


Anyways.....after we get to Buc Dinero's crib in beantown and take a long train ride downtown we "begins to get it poppin" [sic]. A few rounds of brew, of which Buc Dinero somehow managed to not buy one round, and a few bar hops later we end up at the pour house...no pun intended.


Highlights include me and a white dude breakdance battling, a puertorican dude throwing up blood signs and soo-woo'ing in a room full of white people and me and D-white having a "Cat daddy" dance off.






The Cat daddy: Act like you're in a wheelchair racing. Pop a wheelie for style.

As we are leaving, we take some farewell shots.....Lefleur is no good ant taking shots.

Buuuurlllllhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaak.


Girl (Not seeing what happened behind her): Ugggh. I think your friend spilled water on me.


D-White: That...ummmm....That wasn't water (Bruh man from the 5th flo' voice).


Yes boys and girls, Lefleur threw up on the only black chick in the bar and escaped before she realized what happened. That wasn't even the hilight of the night... because we went to another bar next.



After we finally get to the "hood bar" Lefleur and Show start dancing with a black girl and a fat puertorican. Ill let you figure out who did what. This, however, is irrelevant as Dingo stole the spotlight on this twilight night.



Dingo (With his right hand holding his wallet): Did this chick grab my butt.

Pats butt (pause) with left hand feeling for wallet.

Dingo: Where's my wallet. This hoe got me. Oh hell no.

Mind you, his wallet is still in his right hand. He is drunk and oblivious to this.


Dingo: I felt that hoe. Give me my wallet.

Grabs her by the arm and gives her a little shake and pat down by the pocket of what appears to be a hoodie dress. In his defense it did look like she couldve been hiding something, but damn, son had her yoked up. LOL.

Dingo: Won't be no problems, just give me the wallet and go about your business.

Looks and sees wallet in his hand, forcing him to release his Kung-Fu Ninja Grib on the girl.

Dingo: I'm so sorry, I just....um....I mean....let me buy you a drink? My bad.


LMAO and D.E.A.D


R.I.P 4 Loko


Guess I'll have to make do with these....


-Bros.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Single? Well make mine a double.

So....as I am once again single, (Don't ask), I asked the blogsphere to send me profiles of women suitible for the Nappyheaded Blogness Monsta.

These were the two finalists...hence the double. LOL.







Wonder why they picked these two... Kidding.

I am currently not accepting anymore applications unless you too have a 4 Loko dress, and to be honest, I may even be lying about being single.

Lefleur: Oh no, you're definitely "living single". Maxine.





C4: I see Kyle, more than maxine. Compromise? "Ky-lene Shaw."

Show: Fu*k you.

And Btw, that beard that I cut off to look cross culturally acceptible and pull bi*ches....It's coming back.




Wja3: Oh Lord.

Tako: This ni**a aint single...he's just waitin to see which bi*ches come back around thinkin he is. Testing to see who's real and who's fake. My ni**a show is wild for this one.

Ingenuity at its best. Silly hoes.


--Bros

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

She didn't say no, but she didn't say yes...

Soooooo....

I originally wanted to title this post "3 Rapes you didn't know you committed" but I figured that would turn off the conservative nappy heads, and we need them to read this too.... Since the rest of y'all Negroes don't get offended by anything and therefore don't comment.

Now, don't get this confused with us taking the subject of rape lightly or as a joke. We like Law and Order SVU and would do anything within our power to help Benson and Stabler protect rape victims.

That being said, on with the show...

Tako: Rape #1... the "let's get us both wasted so it's ok!"




Alcohol is mother nature's social lubricant. We get it. However, in America, having sex with an intoxicated girl, even if she's a slut and you are wasted too = a crime. Now, don't get me wrong, I do not mean to infer that having a Corona with lime shoot you an alley oop to the pussy slam dunk is a crime.


what I mean is, having sex with a women who is so slizzurd that "she doesn't say yes, but doesn't say no" and YOU have to help her strip ( not is a sexy way, but in a mom helping her drooling down syndrome son way) , you are not only going to jail, should she be sober enough to remember, but also hell. That nigga God most certainly does not forget, and as shown by the way they're treated in jail, God hates rapists.

Tako: Rape #2... the "hold her head while your shooting your load in her orifice."

This is different from trying to push her head down there... That's playful and she can easily slap you, push you off or bite you. If you still hold her head at this point it would require super he-man strength and that we be forceable sexual assault. The bros can't help you. Lose our number scum. Lol.

What we are talking about here is the climaxing culmination of consensual lovemaking... In the mouth. Lol. This special moment shared between 2 adults, after hours (or minutes) of her slobbing your knob Like a dog trying to open a dresser drawer, almost always ends in a pseudo rape situation as you let go the floodgates of your erectile burst all the while gripping the back of her head tightly despite feeling her try to back up a little bit and pull away. This is Gods work child, you catch it.

Don't make that face...you know you've done it before.

She keeps sucking so it's not technically assault... But be careful.

Tako: Rape #3... Facebook.

Huh? People are raping bi**hes off face book now? No, silly. I know it is a bit off topic, but I'm referring to the way you all on FB have been raping the English language with reckless disregard. Cut it out.





-Bros

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

4 Loko is a Hell of a Drug

So there I am eating a nice post coitus steak dinner with my sweetie when....


BAM!!!!


As if all the serendipitous sanctity of the celestial solar system collapsed, I was bombarded by what could only be described as a literal bumrush of all things hood. Yes, the floodgates had opened and the Niger (LOL) river rushed its way into my kitchen, looking more like hurricane Katrina than the typical ebb and flow of say...Dawson's Creek.



In walks D-White, Lefleur and Airforce J.


Then comes Kash from the other room, who immediately grabs the excess steak off the counter and starts eating. Lefleur actually cuts a piece of meat (pause) off my plate as his boys introduce themselves to the wifey. Arrrgh.


If this was the ominous foreshadow of things to come, I shoulda high tailed it outa there, except....mutherfucka its my house!



Next, in walks Sleep and FCB (Fat Chris brown). Jokes begin to be visciously thrown back and forth as I pretend that this is not happening. I could not be surrounded by this much immature drunkenness in the presence of a lady. Luckily, she didnt care and saw all the empty 4 loko cans. She even took a few sips. My lady is a rider.




So anyways...after we kick the coon coalition out of the house so we can do what grown folks do, we proceed to do what Old folks do...fall asleep...and wake up to a host of stories.


I'm not gonna say who did what, cause I aint no snitch...but these are the top 3 hilarious highlights.



1.) PLEASE RETURN MY CALL (TREY SONGZ VOICE)

Girl: You have a good night last night.....I'm sure you did.

Friend: I'ma be honest with you, I dont remember shit. What are you talkin bout? Did i see you.

Girl: I just know you had a good time.

Friend: Word?

Girl: Yep. You had so good of a time you called me while you were having sex and....




Friend: Goddamned pocket dialing....


Girl: Oh no, you called me and said. I miss you. I'm F**king this other chick right now but I wish it was you.


2.) PARKING LOT PIMPIN'


Friend: Do you know that girl?

Other friend: Nope.



Now let me preface this. My "Other friend" was asked this question after he walked into the bar of a fancy restaurant, gazed into a sexy Venezuelan woman's eyes and began making out with her at the bar. Sidenote, she was 49 years old...he was not. LOL.



Come to find out, this woman's husband had left her for a 21 year old...even though they have an 18 year old son. SMH. Being in a time of distress, or just a Rick James Superfreak, she brings walks outside with the "other friend" to smoke. They end up fu*king raw dog in the front seat. Yikes. Points for the friend, she was hot.


Other Friend (Via Text): So you think We'll get up and I'll see you again.

49 Year Old: No.


Ouch.


3.) FINGER LICKIN' GOOD


Friend #1: Thats just fu*king rude. How you gonna just finish fu*king and go in the fridge. You aint even wash your hands!!!




Other Friend: So. She tastes good anyway. I just did yall a favor.


DEAD...like an aborted fetus.


I know yall missed me...




-Bros

Friday, December 10, 2010

Oh this dude....Just Stop it Fam....Ray J for Mayor?

When I think of people in the realm of "ni**as that manage to stay relevant without working real jobs" I always, without fail, think of Vanilla Ice. Yes, I brought back Vanilla "Robert Van Winkle" Ice. This ni**a went from being a goofy yet popular rapper, to a punk rocker, to a professional dirtbike racer...and a damn good one.




Let us not forget his stints in between as an actor, see Ninja turtles pt. 2 (which was dope) or Cool as Ice (which was even doper based on the fact that his jheri curl juice dripped into his motorcycle engine and made it break down.) LOL.

Matter of fact, I distinctly remember in like 4th grade (I think), getting away with tying strings to a bunch of Ninja Turtle Action figures (they weren't dolls nigga!) and playing Vanilla Ice's "Go Ninja Go" on a little radio and making the toys dance. Yep, that was my school project...guess even back then I knew the value of being smart enough to avoid hard work. Nevertheless, I digress.....




The point of this post is not to glorify Vanilla Ice or villify those who are not as cool as he was and still is. The point is to talk about cooning ass ray J. Yep. I called him a coon. Whatcha gonna do about it? Come on nigga....you scared? WHAT YOU GONNA DOOOOO (Stinkmeaner voice.)

LOL.

Tako: You foolin today boy.

Anyways...I saw a post this morning that made me realize, damn. This ni**a Ray J is kinda like Vanilla Ice. He's managed to stay relevant for over a decade without really working or doing shit!!!!!



Things he's done:

1.) Manage to pass himself off as an R & B singer despite the fact that he could not sing at all. Props to him thought for actually learning how to sing by the time his 3rd or so album came out.

2.) Manage to pass himself off as an Actor by getting a sympathy role on his famous sister's TV show...and basically playing a character which was "himself".

3.) Secure a Directors gig and contract with Adult film conglomerate Vivid simply because he was smart enough to realize the gold mine which was pre-fame Kim Kardasian's booty and shoot himself a steamy sex tape.

4.) Manage to pass himself off as an Actual celebrity, thereby allowing people to give enough of a fu*k about him to create reality shows based around his silly ass.



AND NOW THIS.....


From www.Hiphopdx.com

Looking toward the future, Brandy's little brother says he wants to inspire his hometown and help the youth.

Actor/singer Ray J has built a rather diverse entertainment resume with five albums and various dramatic and reality television appearances. But according to a recent interview with AllHipHop.com, his most surprising career move has yet to be seen.

“I want to be the mayor of Carson California,” Ray told AllHipHop. The Los Angeles suburb has spawned a dozen or so celebrities, including Ras Kass, Bishop Lamont and one Willie Norwood Jr. (a.k.a. Ray J). With a crime rate significantly lower than the national average and an unemployment rate nearly 30 percent higher than the national average, what changes would the aspiring Mayor Norwood like to see?

“I would show young kids how to aspire to go be a mayor or aspire to be a doctor or a lawyer,” he said. “This Hip Hop shit and this music industry has got a lot of people clouded. They think it’s the only way to go, or to put out a sex tape and be successful. That shit is wack. You have to go out and use your true talent and read and learn. If I can inspire that by everything I’ve been through, then let me be the answer.”

For now Mayor Jim Dear and Carson’s population of nearly 100,000 will have to wait. Ray J is still focused on his entertainment career.

“I still got a lot of learning to do—a lot of focusing, a lot of reaching back out to the community and a lot of paying my dues.”

Dead. SHUT THE F**K UP RAY J AND KEEP MAKING GOOD BAD MUSIC.

-Bros

Thursday, December 9, 2010

BET Uncut Hall of Fame: NSFW

Yesterday's post inspired us to think back to when all the dirty ignorant videos were on BET. Yes I know that time is still now, but I mean officially though. Remember that moment, by accident, that you found out your boys were also up at 3am watching BET Uncut? That was awesome. This naughty phenomenon of bouncing asses, jiggling titties, simple and devilishly addictive videos were like a ignorant coontastic candy for guys the way that women watch Real Housewives of various cities. Most of the videos were crap, but some were just gold. You waited up til 4am waiting for them to come on, and you still love them today. Let's take a dougie down memory lane, shall we?


1. Black Jesus - Tell Me What That Thang Smell Like

This bad boy put Uncut on the map. It's the epitome of a BET Uncut video. The quality is so low that in the club scene (an empty club by the way), you can see shadows in the background from the camera guy (I refuse to call him camera man). The name of the group of two fat niggas is BLACK JESUS, and they're making a song called "Tell Me What That Thang Smell Like." Just process the ignorance contained in the previous sentence. But the hook is so fucking catchy though! Unfortunately I can't embed it off Youtube, but here's the link kiddies

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0IEuJkYRggA&feature=related


Show: Fu*ck all that slime. You forgot the most important part. The bouncer at the club was making all the girls play with themselves so he could smell their finger before they gained enterance to the club!!! Thats pure fuckery fam.

2. Nelly - Tip Drill

This video was the most popular one ever because it came from a legit rapper. Nelly was selling more records than Jesus when he did this joint and it got big enough that they boycotted him at Spelman College. It's the best video quality of any Uncut video, catchy as hell, and has classic lines like "It must be your ass cuz it ain't your face." And the credit card swipe I think made it on CNN.



3. Ludacris - Pussy-Poppin'

Loyal readers will know we're no Luda fans, but you gotta get points for rapping from between the legs of an upside down stripper, and for naming your song "Pussy Popping." Great strip club video, you feel like you're really there.

Show: Boooooooo. That stripper was probably a damn tranny. Ol' punk ass bitch ass, sucka ass, sell out ass, skinny nigga with a pot belly ass Luda-Chris bridges. I aint hatin tho. He's just a hoe.



4. Joker The Bailbondsman ft. Bizzy Bone - Money in a Ziplock Bag

This Alaskan rapper had other Uncut joints like "Let Me See That Ass Drop," and "Club Hoppin'" but this one with Bizzy takes the cake, mostly for how high and hilarious Bizzy Bone is. And for the asses. Don't forget the asses.



5. Mighty Casey - White Girls

Undisputed Classic. Between lines like, "Don't tell Minister Farrakhan, he don't know what's going on," and straight ignant moments like rapping and pretending to get head, this hilariously off-beat funny-looking mulatto man makes this list for humor factor more than anything. Like the Bros, Mighty Casey is an Ivy League boy, except he went to Harvard. How do I know this? He used to work for a South Bronx after school program with one Jazzy Jen. How you go from Harvard to that video to community development I don't know, but that's kinda cool.



We miss anything? Let us know in the comments.

-Bros

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

And she said...

So I definitely woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, which is usually the start to a shitty day. Eh, It happens. Sometimes the monotony of the 9-5 grind, a table full of bills, box of unopened condoms and a trashcan of empty 4Lokos will do that to you. LOL.

Fortunately for you all, this is not a "boo hoo hoo, fuck my life" type post because quite frankly, NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT ANYONE ELSES PROBLEMS!! (Myself included.)

What this post is, however, is pure gold.

I know a lot of people hate on my man (pause) R-Kelly, but in actuality, todays rapper-singers are much worse, and I have proof!! Shouts to Media Takeout where I first discovered this last week.

Preface:

There is no sexual imagery, but dont let your kids or co-workers listen
to this song unless you'd feel comfortable letting them listen to a Richard Prior & Bob Sagat Stand Up Routine with Eazy-E and Uncle Luke performing at intermission. LOL.

The song title: And She said (Don't cum in me.)

Dead.



No need for Nappyheaded commentary on this one...That's what she said.

Speaks for itself....bad part is, it's damn catchy. My day is better already. :)

Once again, Dead.

-Show

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

NappyHeaded Drank



Let's have a toast to the douche bags!

Let's have a toast to the assholes!

Let's have a toast to the readers!

And to all the Nappy Headed Bros!

C4 2 Ya Door once more today to commemorate a landmark of achievement for this site that I first predicted would happen in 2010. Between yesterday and this morning, www.nappyheadedbros.com officially broke 100,000 views, and that's dope! For our lil ol' blog!

This is cause for celebration, congratulation, and appreciation. First and foremost I want to thank Showrocka for coming up with the idea to start this blog. Of course I also wanna thank WJA3 the Bl-O.G. and Taka Flaka for being true NHBs also. Mostly though thanks to everyone who reads the blog, everyone who reads it again, and everyone who tells their friends about it.

That being said, we shall celebrate the best way we know how: DRANKIN'!

In these hard economic times one must be able to enjoy a good drink while keeping the price down, or at least getting maximum bang for your buck. I do so by chasing my liquor with more alcohol, ya dig? But the drink cant taste like crap either I'm no alcoholic...kinda. Hence I here endorse the following killer combos that YOU may use to toast to the coontastic scholastic bombastic and drastic hogwash tomfoolery you have come to know and love about the Nappy Headed Bros.

1. The Nina K., better known as the Black Russian

Vodka and Kahlua baby (4 parts vodka, 2 parts Kahlua). I renamed this drink after my homie who is in fact half black and half Russian. It's not as famous as the White Russian (insert Lil Richard tirade), but far more accessible at a bar, cuz most bars don't carry milk like that. More importantly bars often O.D. on the milk, which should be just a splash in a drink that should be mostly vodka. Plus, you really trust the quality of milk kept behind a bar? C'mon son. So subtract the one non-alcoholic part of the drink, and you still got something drinkable cuz of Kahlua, and strong as hell. I suggest this for your NappyHeaded club drank. Great for washing away the taste of that fat bitch you made out with outside on her cigarette break. Have enough and the shame will go away too, at least til tomorrow when you see your dirty deed on facebook.

Shown in digital simulation because the reality is too much to bear...

2. The Careena, aka Jameson & Bailey's (2/3 Jamie, 1/3 Bailey, on the rocks)

not Careena

100% Irish, just like the lady it's named after. This is my lounge drink, grown man cocktail for when I'm sippin' 'n chillin', in no rush to be anywhere, and less of a rush to be there sober. Same formula as before, just darker liquor and lighter liqeur. Fuckin' delicious, bitches! Definitely the tastiest of the combos on the list in my humble opinion. Ask LD from San Diego who brought my invention to the west coast. I be sippin' on this feeling like the most interesting man in the world and shit, LOL.

Stay thirsty, NappyHeadedBros.com

3. Vodka and Corona (proportion at your discretion)

So yeah, uh, one night me and Jazzy Jen were running out of Smirnoff but we each had our own 22 of Corona, and no shot glasses. So I poured a shot into the beer bottle and what I had was mostly that same Corona taste but with an added kick that actually tasted decent. By this point you're probably like, "C4 you wildin, you just endorse mixing any ol' two alcoholic beverages cuz you a broke nigga." To this I say eat a dick, because I do not endorse the Jamaican Hurricane of Wray and Nephew in Red Stripe. It's gross and I thought I would die (but I finished my drink, I ain't no bitch).

4. The Mali-Boo-Yow

Boo-Yow!

You're probably familiar with this thanks to Kanye West, like me. Now I don't normally endorse doing things that Kanye does, other than make dope beats, cuz I don't want you guys to be egomaniacal assholes to everyone around you while dressing like a fucking fool. A gay one. But me and my sister decided one night to try this enticing combo of Grey Goose and Malibu. Then we decided that we didn't have money to buy Goose at the bar cuz niggas is broke, so we went with well vodka. And dammit, that shit was awesome. The Malibu takes most of the edge off, but not enough to forget the fact that you're mixing rum and vodka with nothing else, which I think is good cuz you want to know how twisted you're getting, real fast. Better that than not being aware of it and then falling down like a chopped tree in the middle of the club then getting tossed out by brolic niggas who love violence, aka bouncers. Not gonna lie to you though. Your hangover might be beastly the next day, so go easy and limit yourself to two, three MAX! Great for power hour though.

That's right. Never spill the drank.

5. The Irish Milkshake aka Kahlua and Guinness

I have yet to personally try this, but enough reputable drinkers have talked about this being delicious and nutritious (mad nutrients in Guinness son, check your FACEGUYZ diet) that I had to include it in the list.

So there you have it Nappy Friends. And also a challenge to you all. For anyone (OVER 21) who can provide proof and witnesses that he/she has had all these Nappy Dranks in one night, and is alive to tell about it, you will receive a free NappyHeadedBros.com t-shirt. Why? Cuz you deserve one for being crazy enough to significantly jeopardize your longevity on this earth in the name of a free t-shirt.

2 Ya Door with Another Pour,

C4

Monday, December 6, 2010

10 messed up thoughts I had in Church

I feel bad for writing this, but not bad enough not to write it. I believe in God, so he obviously knows what I was thinking anyway. I mean, it was no secret to him. P.S. I was not blogging while in church...just thinking about it. :)-NH

Here goes.

10 Messed up Thoughts I Actually Had while in Church Yesterday


1. Why is the reverend wearing this gay ass multi-colored rainbow sash?

2. The organist has a tremendously fat ass. I mean I guess it's wrong to say that, but not really. I mean God made her ass like that. Good job.

3. Reverend: And Jesus shall return as king of kings. You see this crown? Imagine Jesus's. 5 times as grand.

Show: this nigga will probably show up all iced out, with like 30 chains! Like plies... Probably not crosses or Jesus pieces though.

4. Old woman walks by after singing hymn and rubs my shoulder while smiling. These people are so nice. Wonder if she wants me to hit it. Shed definitely be an "over."

5. Now let us hold hands, make a circle and surround the sanctuary. Wow, why can't I be between two bitches. Preemptive no homo.

6. Trip Dip is probably whooping my ass at words with friends right now.

7. I'm glad I popped one off before I got here.

8. If I was the reverend and trying to get more people to convert, I'd put some E pills in the communion cups. People would think they're getting the holy spirit.

9. Reverend: And when Joseph was told that his fiance was pregnant and not by him, it was kinda like this situations on the Maury show where he says "you are not the daddy."

Show: Why are the only three black people the only ones smiling, and chuckling?

10. I'm gonna tell the pastor that I missed the last 2 Sundays to go to Eagles games... He went to Penn, he'll understand . I ain't tellin him I missed last Sunday for titties though. Nope. Just won't do it.

Lord forgive me for keepin it 100.

-Rocka

Thursday, December 2, 2010

The Caveman Interventions Pt. 2


It is 4am, somewhere on the east coast. Mr Oooooga-chaka himself, the Caveman, is whiteboy wasted. Wait? Can you say that if he's already white? Eh, I guess that's like Zane Calling me "Showrock, the Black Mike Vick." His reasoning: "Well, Showrock's black, just like Mike Vick. So he's the black Mike vick."


Perplexed? Me too. But on with the story.


Girl: I normally don't do this...I don't want you to get the wrong idea about me. I don't want you to think that.....

Obviously an intervention is going to occur. I swear, whenever Caveman gets drunk and a retardedly stupid yet not quite invalid girl is around, hilarity ensues.

Just to offer a little background, there is an app on the iphone entitled "Who's Here" where you can basically create a profile and randomly text message other people with iphones in the area. I swear the ingenuity of GPS and triangulation (combined with the creepiness of facebook stalking) will one day be the catalyst for stalkers (and "big brother") taking over the world. Anyways...two geniuses like myself and Caveman could not help but take advantage of a new world of slutty girls just one iphone app away.

Her tits were gorgeous. She had that non-descript, miscellaneous Asian look, and seemed like a party girl.



You could not tell she had gained 135 pounds (aka an entire normal sized person) nor that her face and body bore the splotchy battle scars of a fight with rosacia she had obviously lost. SMH. To this day we actually refer to her as Bulgogi, because she was fat and Korean...and Bulgogi is a type of Delicious , fatty, Korean meat. Thank's Boozay for introducing us to Korean food.



The Plan: Get Bulgogi and her friends to come meet us, party, drink and fornicate....with the last part being only implied.

What actually happened: Bulgogi calls at around 2am apologizing for not meeting up with us because her friends were being lame and were nervous about meeting a group of "random guys, because it could be dangerous." I agree with their logic by the way.

Bulgogi's Suggestion: How bout I come out there by myself and just hang with you guys? Do you mind?



How this seems safer, I do not know. We, of course agreed , thinking either an orgy would occur or someone would get lucky and the rest of us would play beerpong all night. She, of course, shows up at 3:00 am looking so fat and frumpy that we all just laughed at Caveman and told him good luck. For the record, she did have a nice and expensive Victoria's secret Bra. Gotta respect that.





Sooooooo. We get drunk, as do Bulgolgi and the Cavester, then they go downstairs and bang while we pass out. I awake to hear the screeching sound of tires at 4:30 am.




Show: Dude, you did not kick her out drunk? What a d*ck. at 4:30am? That's just rude. You intervened huh?

Caveman: What else was I supposed to do? She asked for it.


Like always, I do not have the exact text of the conversation but from what we heard through the door and Caveman's recollection, this is how it went:

Girl: I normally don't do this...I don't want you to get the wrong idea about me. I don't want you to think that.....

Think that what? You're a whore...a slut...a prostitute who wasn't smart enough to earn a decent living from her morally lose and carnivorous endeavours. Don't cry, I'm saving your life.

What do I think of you? I think you're the type of girl who meets random guys on the internet and goes to their houses and bangs them. For Christs sake, you made me fist you? I actually cant believe how much of a whore you are. I'm sure you're a nice girl under the stench of Dick, slut and cum-slob but come on?! What did you think I was gonna say? I want you to be my girlfriend, girl who has just fucked me within 10 minutes of knowing me?


I think its time you re-evaluate your life situation. By the way, when was that pic from? Highschool? You're obviously like 30, and that was at least 100 pounds ago. You shouldn't deceive people. Your mom must be proud. I think you should leave..drive safe, I'm going to bed.


Show: WOW. Another Caveman Classic.

Dead.

-The Bros

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

The Caveman Interventions Pt. 1

I guess I have been slacking and owe you all a blog, and an explanation.


I swear it wasn't like last time where I was heartbroken from getting dumped or when I was swimming in so much pu**y I had no time to hang with Michael Phelps, much less blog.


This time I just didnt have sh*t to say...I'm lying. It was the 4 Loko. I'm back for a little while though, and I've got some funny shit.


The Caveman Interventions



My Bff-nh (best friend forever no homo) caveman is one of those people that is funny whenever they are trying to be serious. I know that probably sounds like an inherent contradiction, but I'm also sure you all know a person like this. They can be saying or doing something dead ass serious with a straight face, but still make you bust (pause) out laughing, usually because they don't realize the ridiculousness of the situation.


Soooooooo.....


10 minutes after I almost strangled Caveman for hooking me up with a girl who was even too much of a whore for my liking, the heated discussion...oh, who am i kidding, the "drunken argument" had died down.


Caveman: If I told you ahead of time, it would've ruined your night. She's hot, you would've done it anyway.

Show: That's besides the point, you should tell me these things first! Let me make the decision!

Caveman: Whatever.


Now, listen boys and girls because its not too often that I put someone on blast for slutty, morally loose and raunchy behavior, but this shit was a little ridiculous. Let us just say that in a 3 story house, said girl had been smashed, banged, railed, humped, etc. in every bed in the house.

Sidenote: She does not live in this house. What really got to me, however, was that I made a trip to see this girl, not knowing she had banged the caveman's roomate less than 24 hours before!! To make things worse, Caveman began getting calls from the girl's mom chastising he and his friends wild behavior because, "those arent the type of people her little angel should be hanging around." More like a Victoria's secret angel with a mouth full of 3 types of sperm. Smh.



Being friends for nearly 10 years, the spat between caveman and I died down, we started drinking and inviting people to a party at the crib. By 10pm the Dj is rockin, house is packed and in walks "the girl" as Caveman is shit housed drunk (whiteboy word of the day.) Intervention time.



I dont not remember word for word, but this was the gist of the conversation with some phrases taken verbatim:


Look missy. What you are doing is not OK. Shame on you (pointing finger). You are a whore. You gonna keep being a whore forever? You banged the whole basketball team at ________.


You've slept with two of my friends in less that 24 hours. I don't care, I'm sure they enjoyed it, but if you wanna go off and be a hooker I should start charging you a room fee. Make some money off these guys. Wait, no, thats not what I mean. I'm drunk. But here's what I think of you..


You're a very pretty girl...no , you're hot. But you're too ho-ish. I mean if Showrock thinks you're a ho than you know its gone too far...This guy makes songs about Abortions and Double penetration. You know what, I'm gonna call your mother. You want me to call her and tell her you're off being a little harlot? Wanna talk to your mom with that sperm breath? I didnt think so....so cut it out. Now go...run along and play.


There is nothing, i repeat...NOTHING like a Caveman intervention. My own parents have never even scolded me like that. Stay tuned for part 2.


Love ya,

Show