Monday, November 29, 2010

Fan Blog: Why I dont Watch the News

Tako: I just wanna give a shoutout to the niggas that was down from Day 1 (Dr. Dre Voice).




Show: You know the Bros love our fans and when they say they have something to say we listen. That being said, I got this text the other day...



"What up brotha. How do I get a guest blog on NappyheadedBros? I wanna be as Ignant as some of yall stuff. "



Our response? Blog on brotha, blog on....


Fan Blog: Why I don't watch the news



Many of ya’ll have heard about the bed intruder song that hit the airwaves and net for the past few months. It got millions of hits and actually has a top 10 autotune song made in parody of the video. Apparently, some crackhead in some backwoods project in Alabama climbed on a garbage can on to an awning that led to a window where he unsuccessfully tried to attack a teenage girl but was thwarted a la Home Alone 5 – Lost in the Projects, then got away.





When news cameras arrived, they naturally interviewed the brave little girl who survived the attack. She was calm and cool, like another day in the hood. I guess her response did not satisfy those very caring and responsible reporters (note sarcasm), so like usual white establishment when in doubt in a black neighborhood, find the silliest, most ignorant, foolish looking nigga to give you and your viewers all the entertainment that you will ever need.



When niggas mess up or when they just want an opinion about the election or some serious shit that most normal black folk would give a decently worded, educated answer to, the news always seems to find the one nigga who we all know didn’t finish high school and just happened to be around and wanted to be on TV... And they are never satisfied after his initial response prompts the scratching of eyebrows and the confusion in which people are wondering if this man actually knows where he is and that he will in fact be on television later that evening.



I’m just saying, I have never been on local news, but if I were you best believe my skinny ass aint gonna be in no wife beater and silly glasses rockin a gold chain with some ridiculously black hairstyle.


At any point, the news cameras can make the decision to stop rolling the tape and say sorry sir but your assistance will not be needed for this report. Instead they let him ramble on and on, probably ending up with 10 times more footage than they actually show on TV.



The funniest part about it is that there’s always a white reporter in the background sounding serious trying to legitimize this whole farce. You know he’s thinking one thing the whole time he is speaking: “Niggas.” He might actually be using the “er” version instead. So finally the crazy nigga is allowed his full speech, showing his ass in front of America, making white folks wonder why they ever even tried to educate us, while no one even wonders what happened to the suspect. They too busy chuckling at this gay brotha. Fucked up aint it.




That’s why I don’t watch the news... Unless Soledad O’Brien is on. I know I shouldn’t be saying this but I watch CNN with a bottle of lotion just in case she does a report. I cant wait for Black in America part 12. She’s the Kobe Bryant of female latin reporters, no mamacita is touching her. Fadeway perfect. I don’t even know how I got on that topic but I do know CNN is on right now.




Let’s hope they arent looking for America’s Next Silly Negro…
--The Blog Docta

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Male Football groupies

I will be the first to admit that I, like most red blooded non-Hispanic Americans will quickly throw an unabashed fu*k you to any claims that Baseball in the quintessential American sport.




That right there? That seemingly innocuous yet incendiary statement is pure fuckery. We all know Football is the American way....and we American's would have it no other way.


Now...on to the tomfoolery.


In the same way that having anal intercourse with a woman does not make you a flippantly flamboyant homosexual (though it does raise both eyebrows and questions), being gay for football does not make you a fag. Pardon my french. Wait, back that up (pause) a finger in the booty DOES make you gay...so ladies, if he lets you do it, DROP HIM. OK, I digress....




In all honesty, being a giddy little schoolgirl every time football is on SHOULD allow people to call us giant American gays, but like many things in life, it is an unfair double standard from which we reap the benefits (see: a man sleeping with 10 girls = playboy v. A girl sleeping with 10 guys is a whore).



Think about how many times we've called soccer gay. All those dudes in short shorts. Pansies.



Soooo...ummmmm...ok. Short shorts are a no-go, but we like our Men in tights. Soccer players are pansies because they kick each others shins and don't "tackle" one another and then slap each others booty for good luck. I'm no football hater, im just pointing out the apparent irony.



Think about it. Aside from the idea of sweaty men on men in tight clothes being gay, it is more our irrational behaviour on Football Sunday that makes it even worse. We are worse than gays (obligatory, "not that there's anything wrong with being gay") ...we are Sacrilegious male-groupie gays.


Oh we arent? Who hasn't skipped Church for football. I did it the past 2 Sundays!

Sacrilegious.


Who hasn't ignored their big breasted hottie or slightly retarded looking but financial secure woman to hang with the guys and watch football?

Gay.


And now the groupie behavior.....SMH.


What else are you willing to fight over? (Ok, other than a girl) .


What else are you willing to show up hours early for? A concert? See how gay that sounds.


We all have other favorite things other than football teams...but lets be honest, you wouldn't wear a T-shirt of your favorite actor and be a 24 hour male cheerleader now would you? I wouldn't...C4 might. LOL.


You deck your car out with decals like you've got Bieber fever, you wear Jerseys like you're still a teenager and you actually get in verbal altercations and FIGHTS over your team.


Just imagine this scenario, for say, a favorite singer....


Guy # 1 who says he's not gay: Nah son!! Trey Songs All Day. I'll fu*k you up. (quotes stats and discography)



Guy #2: What-everrrrrrrrr. Usher is way better. "There goes my baby", "My way" the man is a musical genious.


Exactly. That sounds as gay as Kanye doing his own songs at Karaoke.


Just figured I'd let the ladies know that we men do realize how ridiculous football groupie-ing (made up word of the day) makes us look and sound...but due to a double standard loophole, we'll be doing it well into our 60's and 70's.




P.s. You are allowed to use the power of the pussy only once per season to make us miss a game.



That is all.


-ShowShow 4Loko

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Happy 18th Birthday Miley Cyrus!


Aaaawww shit! TAKAAAAAAAAA! FLAKAAAAAAAAAAAA! BOW! BOW! BOW! BOW! BOW!

Sorry, lost myself there. Today is a momentous occasion in the collective life of the NappyHeadedBros. Longtime fans will remember the Wish I Could Quit You series, in which Show and C4 alternately professed love and desire to stop loving everything from BBW Porn to Fergie, Snooki, and of course, Miley Cyrus.

Today our favorite jail bait will no longer land any of us in jail. Miley is now 18!

And since Show is still recovering from Sunday night football and C4 is too pussy to piss off his boo, it's up to ya boy Taka Flaka aka Tak Boogie, to properly toast to our newly legal nubile nookie.

R E C K L E S S A L E R T !

See that champagne popping? That's how strong and voluminously I want to skeet all over you, Miley. You are so succulent. You made me party in the USA without any shame (except for saying no homo cuz Show and C4 were around singing along too).

Now my lust and raging erection (pause for niggas reading) can't be tamed any more than you can, Miley baby. I wanna hear that raspy voice grunt and moan and scream my name. I want to be the first bro to get Nappy Head from those silky rosy lips until I scream out "Hannah Montanaaaaa!!!"

I wanna blow your back out and give you the ass God didn't see fit to bless you with. I wanna throw your leeegs up, over my shoulder, your panties fly away! Pulling your hair like YEAH! Gripping your hips like YEAH! Leave you looking like this...

...covered in my mulatto man milk instead of water.

Think I'm gross and disgusting, America? Well fuck you! I'm not the only grown ass man feeling like this! I'm the only grown ass man with the balls to type it and have it recorded on the internet for all of time, bitches. C'mon son! You mean to tell me that if you didn't know who she was and exactly he old she was and you saw this....

...that you wouldn't mentally play out your own dirty scenario? And why did you bother to find out her exact age anyway? Not like you're ever gonna meet her, let alone smash.

I'll tell you why. You just don't want anybody else thinking that you're a perve. You know you're not a perve. This girl looks every bit as womanly as so many college students you broke off back in the day (or at least beat off about breaking off). She's sexier than most of them, and not because she's the hottest thing on the planet. Yeah, she's more mature-looking and acting than most girls her age due to her career, but I graduated college with some girls that looked younger. Still that ain't the main reason. Rather, it's because for at least two years every single time you saw her she's been getting hotter and sexier, riskier and more suggestive. People get paid 5 figures to produce photos like this....


...because they know that men and boys across America (in that order) want to see it. Miley's sex has been openly but quietly sold for a long time now. We've seen it before with Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan, and now I only fear that now she's an adult her best years are behind her and she'll end up in rehab like the last two former Miss Jail Bait America winners.

For real though, y'all. Like Miley, there are 17 y/o's everywhere that you as a man, look at and go, "she can get it." Do you ever share that info? HELLLLLL NO! Well maybe depending on how much you trust the nigga you share it with. You damn sure don't say it to a woman cuz you don't want her to think you're a pervert and therefore not bless you with the mu-shu. And you never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever act on that impulse, cuz you don't want to go to jail and become some nigga's girlfriend just cuz you couldn't wait for the government appointed date of adulthood. That line is there to end the ambiguity of the varying age of maturity of girls into women. Continue to respect it with your actions. But I won't judge you for letting your imagination run wild when appropriate....

...Like right now ;-)

And now it's okay cuz she's 18.

WJA3: Well these were technically taken while she was still under age.

Tako: SHUT UP!

FLAKA!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Man, F*&# Christmas!


Yeah I said it! Bah humbug, ninjas. I decided to write this blog yesterday in my local grocery store nearly a full week before Thanksgiving, being bombarded with little Michael Jackson belting out about how Santa Claus is coming to town. Over the years, this song and this rendition of the song have become the bane of my holiday existence. Why? Funny you should ask that, reader. Bottom line, I just can't take it anymore. Every year Christmas season gets longer and longer. Back in the day it started in December, with a little thing the Christians like to call Advent (the four weeks prior to the birth of Christ, symbolized in church by the lighting of a candle per week on a wreath).

Then somewhere in the 20th Century some shrewd American capitalist decided that it wasn't enough to earn presents money off Jesus-lovers, so let's marginalize God's little bastard and push this present-buying thing. Result? I didn't realize that Muslims didn't celebrate Christmas until I went to college: and half my family is Muslim!!!

Don't get me wrong, I love the gifts and the tree and good food, etc. It's just that I can't bear baby Michael singing about baby Jesus and baby Santa and mommy blowing Santa and all that crap, before I've even bought my damn Halloween costume!

Real talk. Duane Reade was all Xmas'd up by the end of October. Every Starbucks in America has a Christmas only playlist running right now, with complimentary yuletide latte. Every grocery store has a Christmas only playlist running right now so you remember to buy Christmas cookies and Christmas ham. Half of all radio stations are currently shoving Christmas songs down the throat of motorists across America. Most commercials on TV are hollering about all the batty bloodclot ungodly Black Friday sales that promise two laptops, a plasma TV and a blowjob for $19.95 if you trample your grandmother to death and break into the store at the stroke of midnight.


The result of all that? FRENZY! MAYHEM! INSECURITY! PRESSURE! STRESS! ALCOHOLISM! SUICIDE! YYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

And it's all because if you don't blow your whole salary on gifts, then no one will buy you one, and no one will love you, salvation via birth of Christ be damned. THAT'S why the religious angle of the holiday has been marginalized. Not to be inclusive for the sake of holiday spirit and love for fellow man, but because Jesus will screw your profit margin. Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, Atheists and Avatars can all get down with gift-giving. And in case they don't want to, let's remind them every fucking place they go.


So fuck you tiny MJ, fuck you Fine Fare, Duane Reade, Starbucks, and Wal-Mart. All I want for Christmas this year is some time off work, my family, and for all my Nappy Ninjas to smash some ho ho hoes under the mistletoe at the office holiday party.

Ya dig?

C4 2 Ya Door

Friday, November 19, 2010

The youthful gays

First off, a nigga just walked in the dreadlock shop (I refuse to call it a salon) and tried to sell 8 dollar tickets to see the youth choir sing at church....



Hmmmm.... Anyone see anything wrong with that? Ain't like these niggas are the Harlem boys choir, or even a traveling choir from out of town... Secondly... Maaaaan this young boy sound about as gay as the first dude with AIDS. Smh.


This, naturally, brings me to today's point... And no it's not the "paying money for Church" thing, cause that simply strikes me as ghetto or just plain black.

Today's point is more of a question. Why are so many gay young boys in the church?

Obvious wrong answer:
Because it offers a safehaven or all accepting judgement free zone.

Nah bruh bruh.

Church mofos are some of the most gossipy, pontificating,ornery old hoes on the planet. Don't know those words? Google em. I'm not dumbing down for y'all. Jk. Anyways, in addition to that, THE BIBLE ( you know, that old ass book niggas rip pages out to roll joints in jail?) is AGAINST HOMOSEXUALITY! Me? I could care less, but I'm not drinkin after you or sharing toilet paper.

Tako: Really my nigga, who does or even says that!!?? I agree with the "not understanding why so many youth gays" are at church. Is holy water a nice anal stimulant or substitute for lube?

Wja3: Stop it, Jesus!



C4: nigga just "fishin" for shock value. Lol.

Maybe it's cause church songs are all kinda gay sounding... Like an old color purple slave ho should be singin them (the old ones) or like a Diana Ross inspired drag queen should be belting out lyrics in a glittery miniskirt dress (the new ones).

Maybe we need gangsta church music?

Maybe we need to allow women to show more titties, thereby bypassing the gay switch inherent in this vulnerable youth culture.




Maybe we need to keep em away from Eddie long....


Maybe church should be moved until before football and end prior to kickoff. What? You all advocate sports as a substitute for drugs and mischief. Assplay isn't mischief now? Coulda fooled me. Lol.

All of these things could possibly solve the apparent homosexupenticostalization of the underage black church goer.

C4: kudos on the concatenation of that word.

Or maybe, just maybe the problem isn't the church at all. Maybe the problem is that we think homosexuality is a problem. Sure the bible says love thy neighbor and not suck thy neighbors dick, but it also says that God shall be the ultimate judge. If he wants to burn them at the stake, or give them their own VIP section that only plays drake videos, that's his prerogative. Gay is a lifestyle as much as it is a sexual preference, and as long as that lifestyle doesn't involve stealing, killing or taking away women I want to smash, who cares! Let me reiterate though...we will not be sharing cups.

That being said, why are there so many young gays in the church?

Because...

1st Corinthians 16:13 says: "Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong.

Obviously them niggas are looking for a few "strong" men. Smh.

Lol.

-Bros

Thursday, November 18, 2010

I'll Whip a little Kids Ass

Yesterday I was watching grown-ups (good movie) and thinking about how white people often let their kids run amok, cursing , kicking and screaming their spoiled lungs out with no semblance of discipline, respect or common decency. Even now, as a grown ass man (Cedric the Entertainer voice) Mommarocka woulda beat the Tat's off me for speaking to her like that.


That being said, yes nigga...I am wholeheartedly supporting the act of whoopin your kids ass.


As a matter of fact, Im also supporting the act of whoopin your friend's and neighbor's kids ass too...What? It takes a village to raise a child. LOL.



Tako: LMAO. How did people not know they were gay?!

Show:
I say the same thing about Trey Songz....he makes good music though.



I'm supporting Whipping those kids ass, and any other kid that wants to talk shit, look at you funny, cry too loud in a movie theatre, wear an opposing team's jersey, etc.



Now that the niceties have been handled I want to shout out the following Adult Heroes.



Holly aka Young Bleek

Shout to my man who not only violated probation, but had to do a 4 month jail stint for.....wait for it......... beating a little kids ass with a belt!!! And it wasn't even his kid!!! Now that's gangsta. You get a gold star for the day. Now let's get back in the studio slime.



Gorilla O aka 80 Tyson


This was a few years ago and some of the crew were leaving a strip club down in Bridgeport....home of the Dominican shower show and infamous back room (pause.) The time is 9'0clock at night, but the boys are 3am Drunk...if you know what I mean...I actually think they were kicked out the club for being too rowdy and intoxicated...as if there's such a thing.


Lefleur: See that kid over there dribbling the basketball? His name is O too.....

Gorilla O: I'm O. His name aint O. Fu*k that. Stop the car.


The driver stops only to see Gorilla O hop out the car and approach the 10 year old kid.


Gorilla O: What you doing out here dribbling that ball? I'm O, what's you name little nig*a?


Kid with ball (pause): Your name's O? My name's O too?

Crackkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk....All you see is a flying little kid getting knocked about 30 feet from a death blow from a muscular 30 year old man well over 225 lbs.




WTF!!!!!!!!! O hops back in the car and instructs the driver to drive.


Passenger: That's foul son. That's fuc*ed up. You wouldn't do that to a grown man, like.....that dude on the corner right there.


Gorilla O: Stop the car.


I dont know why they stopped the car, or hyped him up, but O hops out walks up to a man talking to his homeboy & girlfriend and straight cracks him in the face. Man goes down (pause) , girl screams, friend does nothing. O hops back in the car. The end.


LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.


The Damn Cleveland Fan

This article is straight from the NY times. LOL.

An 8-year-old New York Jets fan was tackled by an adult Browns fan after Sunday's game, according to a television station in Cleveland.



The boy went to the game at Cleveland Browns Stadium in a Jets jersey with his father, who was born in New York. The boy's mother, identified only as Danielle by ABC affiliate WEWS because she didn't want to reveal her last name, said the fans in the stadium were great, but things got out of control after the game.
"Calling him a bad word, to my husband and to my son, throwing food at them," she said, according to WEWS.

When the family reached the parking lot, the situation got uglier.


"As [my husband] was walking, holding my son's hand, a guy from behind tackled him. A drunken Browns fan tackled him and pulled him out of his dad's hand. He was on the ground crying," Danielle said, according to the station.

The boy was left with a scraped and bruised ankle.
The boy's mother had been nervous about her son attending the game, but believed "kids are off limits. Clevelanders are such great people. I knew that they would never hurt an 8-year-old kid, never."

Tako & Show: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

C4: Damn Shame.

Wja3: Would've been worse at the Linc (Eagles Stadium.)

Live, Love, Life & Discipline your damn kids! Hahahaha.

-Bros

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

United States of Philly Hoodrats???






The most popular young black women in entertainment right now are Rihanna and Nicki Minaj. The young black women and adolescent girls around the country watch them, envy them, and emulate their styles. This is a huge problem. This problem isn't because I think they're bad role models or because I don't like them, but because of the stylistic effect that they are having on young black women. Let me explain.

Unlike a Beyonce, for example, whose aesthetic popularity comes from a place of "classic" or "mainstream" beauty, Rihanna and Nicki both use eccentricity as their calling card. Problem is they've done it so well that they're everywhere and they, and their looks, are mainstream.

Result? Young black girls all over America are starting to resemble ugly Philly hoodrats. I'll explain later. First, Nicki.

Nicki Minaj

The so-called "Black Barbie" took a few chapters out of the Lil Kim book then wrote a thorough appendix to include multiple voices and accompanying personalities into her act. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but the manifestation comes out in the form of body suits and multi-colored hairstyles, mostly achieved through wigs.





Rihanna

Rihanna used to go the mainstream "I'm pretty look how hot I am route" when she first hit the scene five years ago, but with Beyonce already holding that market down and having almost zero personality, singing ability or stage presence, her promo team smartly had her turn the other way and be the spunky "good girl gone bad." Our first popular black emo kid, if you will (Prince doesn't count he's fucking Prince. Respect.) Her look has been getting gradually more avant garde with time, as we'll note in this little montage.

First there were these...

Then this...

....and now she's doing that stupid ass black Katy Perry thing you saw in the first pic.

And now my point. 85% of regular chicks out there CANNOT GET AWAY WITH THESE LOOKS. Nope. Sorry. It ain't working. And this is why. When a girl goes all in and shaves one side of her head and blows out the other, or starts weaving pink streaks into her jet black processed hair, one of two things will happen. Either...

A) A woman plus or minus a couple points from average will go from boring to intriguing, catapulting her into a new, hotter category of woman

or

B) That same girl and her uglier counterparts will end up looking laughably worse, silly, and visually unworthy of a good job.

The desired effect is always A, but unfortunately the result far more often than not is B.

Why? Because everyone forgets that both of these girls are already pretty, and that gives them leeway to do things off the beaten path. You can "ugly them up," if you will, and it comes off edgy. With Rihanna, it's all because she's hot. Nicki has the personality to back it up, but is also hot. Both have professional stylists and consultants who carefully craft the look.

You on the other hand have your homegirls and y'alls hairdresser of questionable repute, and often do not have the personality / swagger to carry such a bold fashion statement.

Celebrity or local chickenhead? You decide.

Result of that? You look like a Philadelphia hoodrat. For you see Nappy Fam these looks are nothing new to the Bros, who all met in the city of Brotherly Love and Sisterly FUG! Philly girls (colloquially known as jawns) I'm convinced are the ugliest on the east coast, not just from a lack of cuteness, but mostly from a complete lack of style. Pink and black weaves, green or blue hair, body suits, neck tats and flight jackets. Sound familiar? Exactly. Now because of these two bitches the whole country thinks it's cool. America, please wake up. Black women may never recover from this. Maybe soon a famous chick will have dreads.

Tako: Yeah and maybe Show stops fantasizing about trannies and midgets.

Show: Fuck you

Or maybe the jawns will take over forever....

C4 2 Ya Door

Monday, November 15, 2010

The 4 Loko Video

C4: Your 4Loko Chronicles have set a record high of * Crack in the 80's ratings.

Show: You should hear the stories from last weekend. Me, Lefleur, Slim Jones and Shanga ran through a 6pack of Lokos. SMH. My highlight of the night was getting pulled over by a lady cop while i was talking to my dimepiece passenger at a stop light. I swear, it was like this...

Ladycop: You gotta do that somewhere else. Move your car out of the street and get a room.

Show: Yes Officer.

Girl in passenger seat: Wow. She seemed kinda mean.

Show: Nah, we went on a few dates...The hate was probably directed at you. JK


So anyways, it was a 4loko kinda weekend.


Then Lefleur found this video and we just decided it was the greatest thing ever.

Enjoy.



Hate all you want, you'll be singin it by lunch.

P.S. Now banned in NYC, 4Loko has been banned in 5 states total. What is this, the prohibition? Or proof that stupid white college kids are keeping black folks from being happy and thereby indirectly boosting the crime rate. I kid, I kid.

--Showshow

Friday, November 12, 2010

4Loko Chronicles Pt. 1: The White Castle Adventure


So, I'm in the Bar On my Sorority girl flow (pause) wearing sweatpants and Uggs (no homo) when...

Tako: Whoa. Who the fuck starts a story like that? Or wears Uggs.


Ok, let me start again.

Lefleur and I had been going back and fourth about this 4Loko challenge where we see how many" Blackouts in a can" we could consume. Yeah, I know. Juvenile, dangerous, disgusting...One 24 ounce 4Loko Malt Liquor Beverage is equivalent to 5 shots or 1 six pack. I believe they are now Banned in several states.


What makes 4Loko dangerous is that it actually tastes delicious...just like juice...and its addictive.


That being said, we go to the Liquor store to get a few. Shortly afterward we learn that they are now banned in CT (meaning we'd just have to get it from the hood.) I wasn't in the mood to drive, so we settled for Joose. Same effect and Alcohol content, but, unbeknownst to us at the time, it tastes like post-mortem twat.






This is where the night gets interesting. After one of these, still feeling (key word) relatively sober, we go to meet the boys at TGI Friday's. The intoxication starts clouding my better judgement until at around midnight, I realize someone elses judgement was clouded way worse than mine, as I watch a lady enter the Bar WITH A BABY!!! I SHIT YOU NOT. She then proceeds to stand the baby on top of the bar!!!! WTFF (What the flying fuck). Look at the Pic!!







Upon seeing this, we decided to go. No need to be cast as an extra in a movie about DCF child services and explained the concept of "complicity." We head to the only bar we know that serves 4Loko only to find out they have stopped selling it as well! This is some bullshit. Oh well, Black label and bud light it is. The clock strikes 1, then 2, then....




Show: I could go for some white castle.


Lefleur: Bet. Let's go right now. We can make it to the closest one NY in about an hour.


D-White: Let's roll.


5 Minutes later we are on the road freestyling to instrumentals (Our new favorite way to stay awake) and about an hour later, after Lefleur claims I almost ran through a construction sign on the highway, we make it !! Success!!! Or so we thought. Damn Joose.




Headed home we see police lights and an undercover detective car. Never good when you're 3 black guys in a car with tints and rims...



Over Loudspeaker: Pull over. Roll the windows down. All of them. Let me see your Hands.



Oh my fuck.


Next thing I know we are being questioned, pulled out the car and searched.


Cops: Ever been arrested? Any weapons? Drugs? Why are you guys in NYC? What are you really here for? Let me see your licence.


Lefleur (Who is driving my car) : We wanted white castle...And I lost my licence last week.

Show: this ni**a!!!

Cop: There's no White castle in CT?? You don't think its a little suspicious you drove an hour to white Castle at 3am on a Wednesday?


D-White: We're being honest sir, you can check our Facebook status or BBM.


WHO THE FUCK SAYS THAT!!!!???


Cop (To Lefleur): Stop eating those Mozzarella sticks and step out the car. And you (to D-White), give me that sandwich.


After the cop proceeds to question our occupations, ransack my car looking for drugs and stick his entire arm in my mid-length Ugg boot looking for dope I realize these are drug cops. D-White starts talking about his rights and I'm thinkin "They are already searching us like Islamic exrtemists at an airport...how bout they have the right to whoop our ass, nigga shut up!"


Cop(To Me & Lefleur): You dressed like that? Slipper Boots ? sweatpants? Guess yall really did just roll out of bed for some white castle.


I guess after they decided to let us go they figured they might as well see what type of magic was in these little burgers which made 3 dummies drive across state for a taste. No Sobriety test, no registration check, just a 45 minute hold up and the portly cop eating D-Whites burger.


D-White: Yo, this ni**a ate my sandwich. I'm about to go back and confront him...


Lefleur: Oh no the hell you aint.....


#Unscathed.


-Bros

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Waka responds to Baracka Flocka Flame (SMH)

Shout's to Abhihendi on the beat for re-sending me this. I've seen it and laughed but still haven't posted it.

For those of you who dont get to waste hours online trolling the web for nonsense and haven't yet seen this video, I want to let you all know that this is the best part about having a black president.

He may not have tattoos, braids or dreads, but he undoubtedly sleeps in a do-rag (those waves don't come from thin air), and has a sense of humor.

Baraka Flocka Flame: Head of the State



Even funnier than the video itself was Waka Flocka (the rapper who's song was parodied in this video) and his manager-mom's response:


“That they used it to be so sarcastic, it was almost a form of disrespect,” Waka Flocka told the New York Times. Waka’s mother and manager, Debbie Antney, echoed the same sentiments, saying, “That’s not a positive image for us, period, as African-Americans, where we came from, where we’re going today.” Times writer Jon Caramanica reports that Antney unsuccessfully tried to have the video removed from WorldStarHipHop, a site which in addition to premiering at least one other Waka Flocka Flame video, has also featured clips of fried chicken eating contests, soft-core pornography and women fighting outside of housing projects.

Show: "That's not a positive image for us"? Did she really just say that? Her son just released an ENTIRE album about Gangbangin!!

Song titles include: Love them Gun Sounds, Fuck the Club Up, Bustin at em, Live by the Gun and Bang.




And lets ignore the fact that this nig*a admitted to not knowing anything about voting, other than "votin good." I'm just sayin son...stay in your lane. Leave the commentary for sarcastic Poison Ivy-League bloggers. We laugh at your old funky ass, so let us laugh at the black president.

Tako: I think his point is that people wouldn't dare make fun of a white president...other than bush....cause he was a fuckin moron.

Show: We can't help it us blacks are just overall more funny and entertaining.

I'M THE HEAD OF THE MOTHERFLOCKIN BLOG NIGGA!!!!!!!!

Wja3: Oh lord. Just stop.

C4: I dig it....and Show's got a point.

--Bros

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

You slept with a man son...SMH.

Kash: So I'm saying...She did have those droopy tit*ies like a fat girl who lost weight. You wouldn't know. None of your Fat girls have Lost weight. LOL.


Show: "Like a Fat Girl Who lost weight..YEAH, Or like a man whose chest was made into boobs. I'm telling you son. She may have been a tranny.


Kash: Nig*a you smashed too!!!!


Show: But you did waaay before me...and I think we just need to come to terms with the fact that we may have slept with an ex-man. LOL. It was like ages ago anyway.


Kash: You're buggin son! That's wild gay! She gave the best top!!!

Show: Probably cause she knows what a "man" likes.




Call me a pessimist, or whatever, but I just keep it 100. While I never would've slept with a girl I suspected to be a tranny, the fact that I did, even having the slightest inkling that she may be, says a lot about the power of the p-u-s-s-y.


The things we ni**as do for pus*y.



Trip Dip: Was that the girl from the video? She aint no man. She was BAD!!

Show: Yeah, her. The one who was dating Cherokee the "Adult film" star. Her.


Sometimes I still think that Marisa could've been a man...but me and Kash both checked it out, like seriously...and its pretty obvious she was not. I think. This aint MIAMI!!! Ain't no Bad Tranny's in CT!!! (Defensive Voice).


My rationale: I made her show me pictures of her IN THE DELIVERY ROOM before I smashed. I cant lie though, i got head before demanding the pics, which is kinda gay. I checked and saw no adam's apple, her hands were a bit rugged but not that large (I attributed this to her shooting guns and choppin grams, etc. Shorty was gangsta.) Shit, anybody can get a baby or adopt, but i wanted delivery room pics.


Kash's Rationale:I saw her baby pictures b...and she looked the same. I aint think her baby looked like her. Had to check.



Despite his denying that he ever had a doubt, Kash too made her show some form of Heterosexual Identification. LMAO. Once again, this brings me back to my point. Its funny to have this convo now, knowing that at the very least we can jointly make up a coherent story or say this was a big joke with noone to disprove us, but its really kinda sad.


I've done a lot of things for pu**y and know a lot of dudes who've done even worse. One dude living at home with his mama paid some bi*ch's mortgage just to get the moo shuu!!!! I've always accepted pu**y for what it was....a good way to exercise...a way to make yourself feel good and validate your masculinity, and a perk which comes with having the trust and companionship of a worthy female partner....but FUCK!!! Is it really that serious that nigg*as have RISKED their SEXUALITY for some twat!!!!????


Even worse still, I'm mad half of yall are acting like this is the absolute worst case scenario, when yall are RISKING YOUR LIVES by raw-dogging these harlots. SMH.


Lefleur: Much better to be one of those dudes who use a condom, but still eat pu**y. Ahem.


Guilty...and Fuck you Lefleur.


-The Bros.

Monday, November 8, 2010

50 Cent + Soulja Boy + XXL = PAUSE!!!

PAUSE!

This is the gayest public photo of two straight celebrities intending to look cool and heterosexual, ever. Ever. When Jazzy Jen told me about this issue of XXL I wasn't convinced of how gay it looked, so I googled it. Two things struck me.

1) XXL thinks this picture looks tough.

If you go to XXLmag.com you'll find them talking about this "mean mug" picture, and how these two artists have mutual respect, yadda yadda BORING.

"Mean mug"? Really??? C'mon son. You can't even see 50's face, and there is nothing mean about the look on Soulja Boy's face, or the fact that he's shirtless with a man's arm draped so familiarly over his shoulder, or the pronounced sag in his pants (originated in jail, lest we forget). The colorful jewelry does not help him seem mean either. They only make him seem like what our gay friends would call "a bottom."

And 50's skin-tight sleeveless get up? The mask? He looks like a gay rapist. Or a burglar of butt virginity, according to Jazzy Jen. Don't believe me? Then...

2) The Gays Love This Cover

If you google "50 cent soulja boy magazine cover," as I did, the third hit from the top is from Queerty.com. The following is what they had to say about this cover.

THE SHOT — Let's point out all that is gay in 50 Cent and Soulja Boy's November cover of XXL: 1) The who's-your-daddy arm drape; 2) the shirtless twink appeal; 3) the crotch grab; 4) the jewels; 5) the face mask often worn by closeted guys in gay porn; 6) "XXL." How about a round of applause for two machismo-fueled rappers getting all homonormative without any objection?
The link: http://www.queerty.com/50-cent-soulja-boy-accidentally-pose-in-gay-magazine-cover-20101105/#ixzz14evLANwE

The face mask thing stood out the most to me, making me ask this question in my mind: Was the photographer aware of this? Maybe the stylist?

All I'm saying is, how similar does this look...

To this...


The above shot is part of an NYC subway advertisement campaign for gay guys, specifically black and Hispanic ones, to be out of the closet and regularly tested for HIV. I see it on my way to work every day, and that's all I thought about when I saw 50 Cent and Soulja Boy.

Remember when 50 was the scariest nigga in America? This kinda makes you think twice about the G-Unit wife beaters. As Cam'Ron once said, "dem shits is brassiere tops!"

Show Rocka seems to have been ahead of his time when he posted last year in our Nappy Headed infancy the "SWAGGER" post. Of course it's an acronym for

Suddenly
We're
All
Gay
Guys
Emulating
Rappers

But maybe now it's just that rappers are emulating gay guys...

I'm just saying...

C4 2 Ya Door