"We don't BUY no drinks at the bar, because WE PREGAME at home! Tell dat bitch naaaaaaaah!"
So then the party moved from Mama Rocka's to Show's crib, cuz Shaun D was there and quite frankly, we had more liquor than anybody needed to be good for the whole night without buying a drink at the club. And of course Tako Tsou and B-Ruby had little veggie snack packs, so to speak, as well as their accompanying blunt wraps (you knew what I was talking about anyway).
Only problem was, the wrap wouldn't roll, so Caveman comes through livin up to his name and reinvents the wheel with a an orange, a corkscrew and a straw. Game on!
Show: Who'd have thought you could fit so much tobacco in an orange. Looks like he's smokin crack tho. LMAO.
Next it was off to a secretly scheduled first stop for us. We had no idea where we were going, but Mama Rocka's scheduled first stop for us was... the titty bar. Yay!
This was one of the worst strip clubs any of us had ever been to. Let me count the ways:
1. Bar didn't serve alcohol but there was a two-drink minimum, so you had to buy over-priced coffee or soda.
2. There was a bar next door if you wanted to drink, basically same establishment but the drinks didn't count towards your minimum.
3. Worst. Strippers. Ever. No flair, no pinache, no fake wanting to be there, maybe an eating disorder or two, and one of the chicks didn't even remove her top all the way...then demanded a tip. Niggas was like "for what?!"
Not to mention that in the kinda bar next door they were having a stripper going away party.
Tako: The Stripper food was good though.
Show: I'ma chime in, because I remember this part of the night...Cute brown skinned British stripper sitting on my lap with accent heavy. "I'm like....ummmm....I dont even like black girls (except khaki). LMAO. Are their any ricans here...somwhere?" This is where the night gets uglier than a Jordan Air Force one Hybrid.
So this place is wack...on to the next, on-on to the next one, FREEZE! Somebody stop at Van Dome please.
Motherfucking Van Dome. What can I say? Well, remember that nug of wacky tabacky B-Ruby and Tako had? Well Tako dropped his off in the limo before we hit the next club, but when B-Ruby got searched the bouncer found his on him.
Bouncer: what's this? Really my dude?
Ruby: uh, that's for you. Yeah. You keep that.
Bouncer: aight come on in.
Damn it must feel good to be Caucasian!
So Tak-Boogie sans nug goes outside by himself to get some air, cuz like everyone on the inside he's feeling the effects of the extensive pregame and re-game in the limo. But when he returns, hand already stamped, the cop working the door was like "no you're too drunk."
Show: Cop was out there, sleeve rolled up showin his tats and tryin to bag hoes. SMH.
Tako: but officer, my 10 friends are inside waiting for me. I'm fro out of town.
Tako: it's a big celebration, we brought the limo.
Cop: just wait a minute.
Five minutes later he returns and asks again in his politest Blackaneese/ Asian voice while approaching the door, " can I just go back ins..."
Before the sentence is over he's in cuffs, and soon after he's hauled off to New Haven jail for the night, unbeknownst to ANYONE. Charge? First degree criminal trespassing....of a place he was already admitted to and had a stamp to return.
Lefleur: Funny thing is, Show was outside AND got back in...after cursing out the club's owner and calling him a racist pig. Why might you ask? He had a white friend with him.
C4: Everybody knows to have a white friend with you at all times.
Lefleur: Yeah...and this was after I found Show's drunk ass talking about getting air, walking on the highway on-ramp.
Caveman: Then when the bouncer said "you cant come back in, you're drunk" to show, I showed up. He then goes, "Oh, h's with you...go ahead in." Little did he know Showrocka the black Kevin Costner was gonna go all black power millitant on his ass.
Caveman (in Showrocka voice): Oh, you wanna let me in cause I'm with a WHITE MAN. 400 years of opression and you racist pigs wanna pull this shit? Not to mention the majority of your customer base is African American and hispanic. Should I put in blue contacts, not use a wash cloth and order a glass of Pinot....Massa.
Show: I still got in....no harm no foul.
Two hours later the club closes and everyone is outside in front of the limo. Oh shit, wait a minute...everyon is not in front of the limo....somone's missing. Shit. Tako.
C4: Mr. big bouncer nigga, we cannot find our out of town Blackaneese friend. He had on a Peacoat.
Cop: Oh, yall talkin bout Tako? We locked hiss ass up about 2 hours ago.
(No embellishment or exaggeration...the cp said that like he knew Tako for years.)
Next we take the Limo to jail with show and caveman blacked out in the back. Upon arriving, Show thinks he's home and thinks his keys will open the New Haven Police station. SMH. We put his drunk ass back in the limo where he proceeded to keep drankin.
Stay tuned tomorrow for the culmination...Tako's Story.