I feel bad for writing this, but not bad enough not to write it. I believe in God, so he obviously knows what I was thinking anyway. I mean, it was no secret to him. P.S. I was not blogging while in church...just thinking about it. :)-NH
10 Messed up Thoughts I Actually Had while in Church Yesterday
1. Why is the reverend wearing this gay ass multi-colored rainbow sash?
2. The organist has a tremendously fat ass. I mean I guess it's wrong to say that, but not really. I mean God made her ass like that. Good job.
3. Reverend: And Jesus shall return as king of kings. You see this crown? Imagine Jesus's. 5 times as grand.
Show: this nigga will probably show up all iced out, with like 30 chains! Like plies... Probably not crosses or Jesus pieces though.
4. Old woman walks by after singing hymn and rubs my shoulder while smiling. These people are so nice. Wonder if she wants me to hit it. Shed definitely be an "over."
5. Now let us hold hands, make a circle and surround the sanctuary. Wow, why can't I be between two bitches. Preemptive no homo.
6. Trip Dip is probably whooping my ass at words with friends right now.
7. I'm glad I popped one off before I got here.
8. If I was the reverend and trying to get more people to convert, I'd put some E pills in the communion cups. People would think they're getting the holy spirit.
9. Reverend: And when Joseph was told that his fiance was pregnant and not by him, it was kinda like this situations on the Maury show where he says "you are not the daddy."
Show: Why are the only three black people the only ones smiling, and chuckling?
10. I'm gonna tell the pastor that I missed the last 2 Sundays to go to Eagles games... He went to Penn, he'll understand . I ain't tellin him I missed last Sunday for titties though. Nope. Just won't do it.
Lord forgive me for keepin it 100.