Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Male Football groupies

I will be the first to admit that I, like most red blooded non-Hispanic Americans will quickly throw an unabashed fu*k you to any claims that Baseball in the quintessential American sport.

That right there? That seemingly innocuous yet incendiary statement is pure fuckery. We all know Football is the American way....and we American's would have it no other way.

Now...on to the tomfoolery.

In the same way that having anal intercourse with a woman does not make you a flippantly flamboyant homosexual (though it does raise both eyebrows and questions), being gay for football does not make you a fag. Pardon my french. Wait, back that up (pause) a finger in the booty DOES make you ladies, if he lets you do it, DROP HIM. OK, I digress....

In all honesty, being a giddy little schoolgirl every time football is on SHOULD allow people to call us giant American gays, but like many things in life, it is an unfair double standard from which we reap the benefits (see: a man sleeping with 10 girls = playboy v. A girl sleeping with 10 guys is a whore).

Think about how many times we've called soccer gay. All those dudes in short shorts. Pansies.

Soooo...ummmmm...ok. Short shorts are a no-go, but we like our Men in tights. Soccer players are pansies because they kick each others shins and don't "tackle" one another and then slap each others booty for good luck. I'm no football hater, im just pointing out the apparent irony.

Think about it. Aside from the idea of sweaty men on men in tight clothes being gay, it is more our irrational behaviour on Football Sunday that makes it even worse. We are worse than gays (obligatory, "not that there's anything wrong with being gay") ...we are Sacrilegious male-groupie gays.

Oh we arent? Who hasn't skipped Church for football. I did it the past 2 Sundays!


Who hasn't ignored their big breasted hottie or slightly retarded looking but financial secure woman to hang with the guys and watch football?


And now the groupie behavior.....SMH.

What else are you willing to fight over? (Ok, other than a girl) .

What else are you willing to show up hours early for? A concert? See how gay that sounds.

We all have other favorite things other than football teams...but lets be honest, you wouldn't wear a T-shirt of your favorite actor and be a 24 hour male cheerleader now would you? I wouldn't...C4 might. LOL.

You deck your car out with decals like you've got Bieber fever, you wear Jerseys like you're still a teenager and you actually get in verbal altercations and FIGHTS over your team.

Just imagine this scenario, for say, a favorite singer....

Guy # 1 who says he's not gay: Nah son!! Trey Songs All Day. I'll fu*k you up. (quotes stats and discography)

Guy #2: What-everrrrrrrrr. Usher is way better. "There goes my baby", "My way" the man is a musical genious.

Exactly. That sounds as gay as Kanye doing his own songs at Karaoke.

Just figured I'd let the ladies know that we men do realize how ridiculous football groupie-ing (made up word of the day) makes us look and sound...but due to a double standard loophole, we'll be doing it well into our 60's and 70's.

P.s. You are allowed to use the power of the pussy only once per season to make us miss a game.

That is all.

-ShowShow 4Loko

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