Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Happy 18th Birthday Miley Cyrus!
Aaaawww shit! TAKAAAAAAAAA! FLAKAAAAAAAAAAAA! BOW! BOW! BOW! BOW! BOW!
Sorry, lost myself there. Today is a momentous occasion in the collective life of the NappyHeadedBros. Longtime fans will remember the Wish I Could Quit You series, in which Show and C4 alternately professed love and desire to stop loving everything from BBW Porn to Fergie, Snooki, and of course, Miley Cyrus.
Today our favorite jail bait will no longer land any of us in jail. Miley is now 18!
And since Show is still recovering from Sunday night football and C4 is too pussy to piss off his boo, it's up to ya boy Taka Flaka aka Tak Boogie, to properly toast to our newly legal nubile nookie.
See that champagne popping? That's how strong and voluminously I want to skeet all over you, Miley. You are so succulent. You made me party in the USA without any shame (except for saying no homo cuz Show and C4 were around singing along too).
Now my lust and raging erection (pause for niggas reading) can't be tamed any more than you can, Miley baby. I wanna hear that raspy voice grunt and moan and scream my name. I want to be the first bro to get Nappy Head from those silky rosy lips until I scream out "Hannah Montanaaaaa!!!"
I wanna blow your back out and give you the ass God didn't see fit to bless you with. I wanna throw your leeegs up, over my shoulder, your panties fly away! Pulling your hair like YEAH! Gripping your hips like YEAH! Leave you looking like this...
...covered in my mulatto man milk instead of water.
Think I'm gross and disgusting, America? Well fuck you! I'm not the only grown ass man feeling like this! I'm the only grown ass man with the balls to type it and have it recorded on the internet for all of time, bitches. C'mon son! You mean to tell me that if you didn't know who she was and exactly he old she was and you saw this....
...that you wouldn't mentally play out your own dirty scenario? And why did you bother to find out her exact age anyway? Not like you're ever gonna meet her, let alone smash.
I'll tell you why. You just don't want anybody else thinking that you're a perve. You know you're not a perve. This girl looks every bit as womanly as so many college students you broke off back in the day (or at least beat off about breaking off). She's sexier than most of them, and not because she's the hottest thing on the planet. Yeah, she's more mature-looking and acting than most girls her age due to her career, but I graduated college with some girls that looked younger. Still that ain't the main reason. Rather, it's because for at least two years every single time you saw her she's been getting hotter and sexier, riskier and more suggestive. People get paid 5 figures to produce photos like this....
...because they know that men and boys across America (in that order) want to see it. Miley's sex has been openly but quietly sold for a long time now. We've seen it before with Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan, and now I only fear that now she's an adult her best years are behind her and she'll end up in rehab like the last two former Miss Jail Bait America winners.
For real though, y'all. Like Miley, there are 17 y/o's everywhere that you as a man, look at and go, "she can get it." Do you ever share that info? HELLLLLL NO! Well maybe depending on how much you trust the nigga you share it with. You damn sure don't say it to a woman cuz you don't want her to think you're a pervert and therefore not bless you with the mu-shu. And you never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever act on that impulse, cuz you don't want to go to jail and become some nigga's girlfriend just cuz you couldn't wait for the government appointed date of adulthood. That line is there to end the ambiguity of the varying age of maturity of girls into women. Continue to respect it with your actions. But I won't judge you for letting your imagination run wild when appropriate....
And now it's okay cuz she's 18.
WJA3: Well these were technically taken while she was still under age.
Tako: SHUT UP!