Monday, November 29, 2010

Fan Blog: Why I dont Watch the News

Tako: I just wanna give a shoutout to the niggas that was down from Day 1 (Dr. Dre Voice).

Show: You know the Bros love our fans and when they say they have something to say we listen. That being said, I got this text the other day...

"What up brotha. How do I get a guest blog on NappyheadedBros? I wanna be as Ignant as some of yall stuff. "

Our response? Blog on brotha, blog on....

Fan Blog: Why I don't watch the news

Many of ya’ll have heard about the bed intruder song that hit the airwaves and net for the past few months. It got millions of hits and actually has a top 10 autotune song made in parody of the video. Apparently, some crackhead in some backwoods project in Alabama climbed on a garbage can on to an awning that led to a window where he unsuccessfully tried to attack a teenage girl but was thwarted a la Home Alone 5 – Lost in the Projects, then got away.

When news cameras arrived, they naturally interviewed the brave little girl who survived the attack. She was calm and cool, like another day in the hood. I guess her response did not satisfy those very caring and responsible reporters (note sarcasm), so like usual white establishment when in doubt in a black neighborhood, find the silliest, most ignorant, foolish looking nigga to give you and your viewers all the entertainment that you will ever need.

When niggas mess up or when they just want an opinion about the election or some serious shit that most normal black folk would give a decently worded, educated answer to, the news always seems to find the one nigga who we all know didn’t finish high school and just happened to be around and wanted to be on TV... And they are never satisfied after his initial response prompts the scratching of eyebrows and the confusion in which people are wondering if this man actually knows where he is and that he will in fact be on television later that evening.

I’m just saying, I have never been on local news, but if I were you best believe my skinny ass aint gonna be in no wife beater and silly glasses rockin a gold chain with some ridiculously black hairstyle.

At any point, the news cameras can make the decision to stop rolling the tape and say sorry sir but your assistance will not be needed for this report. Instead they let him ramble on and on, probably ending up with 10 times more footage than they actually show on TV.

The funniest part about it is that there’s always a white reporter in the background sounding serious trying to legitimize this whole farce. You know he’s thinking one thing the whole time he is speaking: “Niggas.” He might actually be using the “er” version instead. So finally the crazy nigga is allowed his full speech, showing his ass in front of America, making white folks wonder why they ever even tried to educate us, while no one even wonders what happened to the suspect. They too busy chuckling at this gay brotha. Fucked up aint it.

That’s why I don’t watch the news... Unless Soledad O’Brien is on. I know I shouldn’t be saying this but I watch CNN with a bottle of lotion just in case she does a report. I cant wait for Black in America part 12. She’s the Kobe Bryant of female latin reporters, no mamacita is touching her. Fadeway perfect. I don’t even know how I got on that topic but I do know CNN is on right now.

Let’s hope they arent looking for America’s Next Silly Negro…
--The Blog Docta

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