Friday, November 12, 2010

4Loko Chronicles Pt. 1: The White Castle Adventure

So, I'm in the Bar On my Sorority girl flow (pause) wearing sweatpants and Uggs (no homo) when...

Tako: Whoa. Who the fuck starts a story like that? Or wears Uggs.

Ok, let me start again.

Lefleur and I had been going back and fourth about this 4Loko challenge where we see how many" Blackouts in a can" we could consume. Yeah, I know. Juvenile, dangerous, disgusting...One 24 ounce 4Loko Malt Liquor Beverage is equivalent to 5 shots or 1 six pack. I believe they are now Banned in several states.

What makes 4Loko dangerous is that it actually tastes delicious...just like juice...and its addictive.

That being said, we go to the Liquor store to get a few. Shortly afterward we learn that they are now banned in CT (meaning we'd just have to get it from the hood.) I wasn't in the mood to drive, so we settled for Joose. Same effect and Alcohol content, but, unbeknownst to us at the time, it tastes like post-mortem twat.

This is where the night gets interesting. After one of these, still feeling (key word) relatively sober, we go to meet the boys at TGI Friday's. The intoxication starts clouding my better judgement until at around midnight, I realize someone elses judgement was clouded way worse than mine, as I watch a lady enter the Bar WITH A BABY!!! I SHIT YOU NOT. She then proceeds to stand the baby on top of the bar!!!! WTFF (What the flying fuck). Look at the Pic!!

Upon seeing this, we decided to go. No need to be cast as an extra in a movie about DCF child services and explained the concept of "complicity." We head to the only bar we know that serves 4Loko only to find out they have stopped selling it as well! This is some bullshit. Oh well, Black label and bud light it is. The clock strikes 1, then 2, then....

Show: I could go for some white castle.

Lefleur: Bet. Let's go right now. We can make it to the closest one NY in about an hour.

D-White: Let's roll.

5 Minutes later we are on the road freestyling to instrumentals (Our new favorite way to stay awake) and about an hour later, after Lefleur claims I almost ran through a construction sign on the highway, we make it !! Success!!! Or so we thought. Damn Joose.

Headed home we see police lights and an undercover detective car. Never good when you're 3 black guys in a car with tints and rims...

Over Loudspeaker: Pull over. Roll the windows down. All of them. Let me see your Hands.

Oh my fuck.

Next thing I know we are being questioned, pulled out the car and searched.

Cops: Ever been arrested? Any weapons? Drugs? Why are you guys in NYC? What are you really here for? Let me see your licence.

Lefleur (Who is driving my car) : We wanted white castle...And I lost my licence last week.

Show: this ni**a!!!

Cop: There's no White castle in CT?? You don't think its a little suspicious you drove an hour to white Castle at 3am on a Wednesday?

D-White: We're being honest sir, you can check our Facebook status or BBM.


Cop (To Lefleur): Stop eating those Mozzarella sticks and step out the car. And you (to D-White), give me that sandwich.

After the cop proceeds to question our occupations, ransack my car looking for drugs and stick his entire arm in my mid-length Ugg boot looking for dope I realize these are drug cops. D-White starts talking about his rights and I'm thinkin "They are already searching us like Islamic exrtemists at an bout they have the right to whoop our ass, nigga shut up!"

Cop(To Me & Lefleur): You dressed like that? Slipper Boots ? sweatpants? Guess yall really did just roll out of bed for some white castle.

I guess after they decided to let us go they figured they might as well see what type of magic was in these little burgers which made 3 dummies drive across state for a taste. No Sobriety test, no registration check, just a 45 minute hold up and the portly cop eating D-Whites burger.

D-White: Yo, this ni**a ate my sandwich. I'm about to go back and confront him...

Lefleur: Oh no the hell you aint.....




James said...

A dummy mission at it's finest!

The Notorious ZAG said...

Unreal... how tragic. To have to watch that fat bastard eat those burgers. A mess!! Glad they didn't pull the beat sticks out on y'all asses.

Cie said...

i'm mad that he ate dude's food though

mandy ;) said...

"D-White starts talking about his rights and I'm thinkin "They are already searching us like Islamic exrtemists at an bout they have the right to whoop our ass, nigga shut up!"
that shit is too funny!

Sha Boogie said...

OMG! OMG! LMAO! Hilarity. Idk what's worst, that you drove an hour for white castle (mmmmm...) or that you got GOT for your white castle, haha!