Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Showrocka P. Newton: 40 Acres and a Goddamned Mule!

Tako: Ugggghhhhhk. Not this P. Newton Ni**a again!!!

C4: Ni**a always got a Conspiracy Theory.

Wja3: Let us hear the good brotha out before we judge.

First of, Ima bless yall nig*as with a little precursory information. The Mule is a cross between a ni**a donkey and a chick horse.

C4: You mean a Jack and a Mare...and what is this, "hood Animal Planet"?

Show: Whatever.

Both male and female mules are sterile and cannot reproduce...so basically a mule is an ugly worthless horse...the hooptie of the 4 legged animal world.

Now for the 40 Acres...

in the late 1860's the "Freed-men's Bureau" was tasked to divide abandoned and confiscated lands into forty-acre tracts for rental and eventual sale to refugees and former slaves. Whoever trusted the white man to do this was as smart as a black Klansman.

General William T. Sherman's Special Field Order Number 15, issued in 1865, which set aside a thirty-mile tract of land along the South Carolina and Georgia coasts for former slaves promised the army's help securing loaned mules and land. Womp, womp. A hot second later land redistribution measures were abandoned, and virtually all southern lands were returned to white owners, leaving n*ggas for the next gazillion years to scream "I want my 40 acres and a mule".

Stupid mother flockas.

First off, who wants a mule? The shittiest of horse offspring. Secondly, who wants 40 acres of "second-hand land" in the worst possible location? Ahhh haaaa. White folks tricking us yet again! No don't get me wrong, I'm no racist (Kramer aka Michael Richards Voice), I'm just saying. We African Americans (God that sounds so dumb, why cant we just say black) are quick to complain about not getting our reparations aka "40 Acres and a mule," when we should be complaining about the fact that we actually got them.

40 Acres of shitty land = The Projects.

Land distributed in dilapidated centers on pre-defined tracts of land...sounds familiar. But how can we feasibly give this much of a share of this new found residential "wealth" to all those affected by slavery? I'm no math whiz but we can't possibly multiply 40 acres that many times. Hmmmmmmm. Enter the white mans logic...Let's build upwards, thereby cramming the most amount of people on the smallest lot in ginormous high rise buildings. Boom! Projects created, white homeowners happy, here are your 40 fu*king coon acres. Pi-yowww!!!

C4: You aint right.

A Mule = Affirmative action.

Seems strong, seems like it works hard, but in the end...epic fail. Sure we can get educated African Americans, Latinos and sober Indians into college, but damn....what about the other 90% of us?

Wja3: First off, you are not part of that "us" and it's much less than 90%. I see your point, but stop being overly racist. Sober Indians. LOL.

Like the aforementioned mule, the programs have no off-spring, and are being all but phased out despite the fact that even upon graduation, the glass ceilings and stone walls of institutional racism still exist to ensure that a "certain" type of athlete remains at the head of the race. Sigh.

To make things worse, "The man" has thrown liquid poison into the mix aka Malt liquor, leaving us too intoxicated to ride our mule to success and then had the nerve to symbolically market it in "40" ounce bottles just to be extra dick about it.

So here we stand, in the projects drinkin 40's while our nerdy little brothers go to college and come home jobless...now that's an affirmative :(

This my friends, was all because we finally got reparations. Our 40 acres and a fu*kin mule.

I don't know about yall, but next time I'm asking for 3 white girls and a beachfront view...

at least that way we can reproduce and introduce enough melanin into the white gene pool that people are too confused to be racist.

Oh yea, And a Bentley....Because I don't wanna be too socially responsible.

-Showrocka P. Newton


Alovelydai said...

Pretty good...you went to the bottom of the ocean on this one. But uh...if I've never lived in the PJs or never benefited from Affirmative Action (at least I don't think so) can I still get my 40 acres & a mule?

Rock said...

If you want a project apartment and some affirmative action Dai, I can have it arranged. True story. LOL.