Monday, October 25, 2010

Battle of the Birds (Pt. 1)

C4 did a post last week called "Thank you for your weave" describing all different types of Chickenhead identifiers and deterrents. People liked this post...a lot of people.


Upon a second read , However, I could not shake the idea that perhaps some people were missing the message. I mean, sure, it's funny to laugh at unabashed ghetto-ness, but how much do you REALLY know about chickenhead-ness. Enough that you wont accidentally end up on next weeks blog? I hope so.


That being said, I'm going to test your birdhead knowledge.



In a hood street fight, who would win. The Chicken in Pajama pants, or the one in the Headscarf?



Showrocka Presents...Battle of the Birds.


The Girl in the Headscarf:




Advantages:


--Girls with their hair done usually get their nails done. In chickenhead language this = long, fake, hard acrylic nails, good for scratching. +1.


--Under a headscarf usually lies a "doobie wrap." A short hairstyle like this is too hard to pull. Also, "Doobie pins" make good weapons.


-Should the forecast be marked with rain, the scarf will protect Leftover relaxer / perm residue from running into her eyes.



Disadvantages:



--The headscarf most likely symbolizes a fresh hair do. This may prevent her from going all out buck wild for fear that the headscarf may come off.






-- This bird either has a job to pay for such fancy styling, or has a few kids and baby daddies who actually pay child support. This = she will not be well rested.




--Obviously caring about her appearance, in a ghetto way, may lead this contestant to wear tight fitting jeans or a short skirt (depending on the season.) this could be constricting.




The Girl in the Pajama Pants:


Advantages:

--She just rolled out of bed well rested.


--She most likely hasn't washed so is somewhat "dirty."She obviously does not care what people say, and may be a "dirty" fighter as well. Extra points if she sits on your face, or puts you in a headlock thereby making u smell the underarm stench+ .5





--Her hair is already fu*ked up...or she is bald headed. Either way, this neutralizes the effect of hair pulling as her look is already "disheveled."


-Pajama pants go well with Timbs. Stomp, Stomp.


--Pajama pants may also be a trademark of the "college student." You man confuse a weed smoking bird for a athletic college student who will fu*k you up.



Disadvantages:

--Pajama pants are never worn with heels. She just deprived herself of a weapon.


--Unlike jeans, PJ pants are easily pulled down...I dont care what you say, it's harder to fight with your pants halfway around your ankles and your ass hanging out.


--Sleeping all day usually indicates lack of job...when people don't work, they are liable to get drunk or high at any time they may feel like it. Depending on when the fight occurs, the Pajama girl may be intoxicated. Not a good look.


The Result:
Given favorable weather conditions, I'd rate this a tie.


Then again, I was testing YOUR bird knowledge, not mine....so let me know who yo ass thinks would win...but you better have a good reason.
I'm out like a fat kid with 1 leg playing dodgeball.

-Show Sho

2 comments:

Dafina said...

Maybe you should ask certified birds to experiment :)

Epitome said...

I'm gonna take hoodrat in a scarf for 200 alex for the below listed reasons:

1.) PJ pants is gonna be too busy trying not to flash her burning bush and will only have one hand free to windmill with and we all know a windmill's effect is greatly reduced when half the power is used.

2.) Turban head will more than likely have some type of extension attached to her head which when pulled will: a.) infuriate her in that she paid "a grip" for that premium yaky and b.) give PJ pants a slight feeling of victory before the fight is over thus giving turban head a few extra seconds to catch her off guard.

3.) Towel head (if light enough) could be mistaken for one of our middle eastern brethern and a passing cabby could jump out to assist (I might be reaching with that one but fuck it).

4.) Hoodrat headwrap will more than likely have her man with her who would break up the fight before it could go south for her.