Thursday, September 2, 2010

Take Off That Monkey Suit!

There's a subtle but very big difference between someone who clearly belongs and someone who clearly doesn't. Well sometimes it's not so subtle. Hood niggas, for example, will often out themselves to non-hood people who will subsequently treat them like dirt because you can literally see they nigga ass a mile away. Why you ask? Well one reason plaguing our community, which must be stopped immediately, is what I'd like to call the....

NIGGA SUIT (n): suit which clearly identifies one as hood, country, ghetto, or as a coon. While fulfilling technical requirements for being a suit, this particular type is overly gawdy, flashy, loud, and fashionably outdated by an average of 35-90 years. Usually worn by an African-American male, usually too big for the wearer of the garment.

Where does one find a nigga suit? Usually at a black church, sadly. Lots of hood ass niggas dress up only when they gotta go to church, and they wanna be stylin' just like they do everywhere else. Only problem is, they still niggas with nigga sensibilities, and they wanna wear some nut ass checkered suit in colors God never intended to go together or maybe even be invented.


Pimps and preachers, sadly sometimes indistinguishable (see above), have been the main trendsetters in the nigga suit department. Niggas in these suits tend to look like '70s pimps or '20s gangsters. Unfortunately a problem arises when this nigga tries to get a real job, and goes to the interview in one of these Halloween costumes. Hilarity, comedy, and tragedy ensue.

White people wore these suits too, back in the 1920's when they carried tommy guns around and rebelled against prohibition. Now only the extremely unfashionable like Craig Sager of TNT basketball fame, and the inventor idea patent guy (whose target audience is niggas, mind you) would wear them:

KG: The fuck you got on, Craig?



Common symptoms of a nigga suit include overly-checkered patterns:


Or alligator shoes in colors the lord did not intend:



Other examples include anything Steve Harvey would wear...

Or Katt Williams.....





But is this nigga suit disease incurable? Absolutely not. Success story Jalen Rose came into the NBA at age 20 and looked like the ghetto Detroit nigga he was.

Now as an ESPN analyst, he's a grown ass man in a grown ass man suit.

Now that my Nappy Friends, is progress.

C4 2 Ya Door

3 comments:

MW said...

If any black man with a Matthew Lesko-inspired suit approaches, I'll give him the time of day no matter what. In fact, any well-dressed guy with punctuation on his suit must surely have no evil agenda, right?

Besides, we all know Showrocka would kill to wear his gaudiest, pinkest, flashiest suit out to the club if he weren't so busy trying to turn his flesh into a canvas of the absurd. Clothed or unclothed tomfoolery? Decisions, decisions.

* * *

I'm waiting for the female edition to this. I have seen black church lady hats so large that they could generate orbit.

Rock said...

This is my favorite C4 post, and MW I would never be caught dead in one of those suits. Flashy attire yes (see pink leather jacket or Green leather hoodie) but dress clothes are dress clothes. I wont even wear collared shirts with patterns.

Except that one time at Convocation at the Ritz where I wore a tuxedo with furry Kangol and the white guy at the door said "Oh you must be here for the urban Fashion show". I was Livid and vowed, Never again!!!!! Then I assured him that I was not, told him my last name and said "please keep my bottle of Cristol on Ice. I'm going to be late for my function."

Now that my niggas....ahem, friends, is progress.

Akere said...

Easily my 2nd favorite post behind, I'm So WOOOOOOODS

Too funny. Its like you took the words out of my mouth. But how could you not throw down a DICK TRACEY reference!!! Them suits were triflin.

A2K