Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Showrocka P. Newton Presents...Madam C.J. Walker: The reason I sleep with Black Women

Madam Cj walker...hmmmm. Who the f**k changes their name to "Madam" anyway. The bi*ch was born Sarah Breedlove. Sound like she runs a Pitbull Kennel. LOL.

Tako: Who the F**k changes their name to showrocka...a made up word, mind you.

Show: Touche.

Anyways, I want to send my most heartfelt thanks to the late great Madam C.J. Walker for her generous contribution to the black woman's self esteem and self worth. Without her straightening products, hot comb and skin bleaching creams we would be forced to fornicate with a myriad of women who's hair we couldn't even run our fingers through because they looked like pickaninnis. Doggystyle smashing while pulling that pony tail from the back? We owe that to her. God Bless her soul.

We will revisit that later.

Many black folk believe that Madam C.J. Walker invented the straightening comb. A.) This is not true, and b.) Who gives a fu*k...yall all just use Chemical relaxers to do the same shit in 2010 anyway.

To be honest though, I really don't know what's worse...the fact that we as black people are so desperate for positive examples and cultural heroes, that we are willing to praise a woman who supposedly created the one product which cements black America's conformity to the stereotypical anglo saxon idea of straight haired, narrow nosed beauty, or the fact that we let another white man (the actual inventor of the Hot comb) come up with a brilliant scheme and get paid at our expense. Marcel Grateaum, a frenchmen, may have been the originator of the "heated rods to straighten hair" concept though Walker widened the comb to conquer the Nigga naps and "kitchens" on the back of yall female's necks.

I for one, could really care less who invented the shit. As long as the result is girls who don't like like peazy headed Africana studies majors, I'm all for it. LOL. No offense to the Jill Scott-Bahamadia-Cornell West looking hoes, but damn....braid that shit up, pick it out, or do somethin'!!! (Smokey from Friday Voice).

Back to Madam CJ.

While she did acquire a patent on a particular straightening comb from someone in the 1920's, and did make her way from a slave plantation (literally) to the helm of a successful Hair Products empire, I cannot sit here and praise this colored woman for stealing a white man's idea and re-marketing it for Negoes (see: Budweiser and Hurricane 40 Ounces). What I can applaud Ms walker for, however, is for being America's first black woman millionaire, all the while ATTEMPTING to conquer the task of ridding the world of Nappyheaded (and Bald headed) hoes...I kid, I kid...

All jokes aside, Madam C.J. is a historical and cultural icon, who's importance cannot be overshadowed by a few angry bi*ches who are anti-perm...and most likely also anti-men. LOL. Regardless of whether Madam CJ was selling hair straightening products or Chickenfried steak smothered in Gravy (which is waaaaaay worse for you than a perm or hot comb), no one can deny the fact that she empowered an entire generation of oppressed women to strive towards entrepeneurism, so that they could eventually hit their heads on the glass ceilings of the business world. LOL. Real talk, this ho was the first Oprah.

Insert Travie Mccoy Music: I wanna be a Billionaire....

Show: "I am not satisfied in making money for myself. I endeavour to provide employment for hundreds of the women of my race." That right there nigga, That's that Madam C.J.

Tako: "There is no royal flower-strewn path to success. And if there is, I have not found it for if I have accomplished anything in life it is because I have been willing to work hard. " That right there my G, that's madam C.J. as well. We had black history month too nigga!!!!

Show: Damn, I'm impressed.

Tako: I'm fu*kin with you, I just iphone googled that shit. Smh.

Anyways, the truth of the matter is this. For all the bubblegum poppin and neck snappin stereotypes they justly and unjustly earn themselves, Black women are known for being strong women. While some of this can be attributed to their bad taste in men and the cornucopia of aint shit babydaddy's and potential baby daddys out there, I can honestly say that the majority of this fervor to succeed and overcome all odds comes from women like Madam C.J Walker.

That's right. That Aunt Jermimah lookin broad is the reason that I try my hardest to sleep with the Tyra Banks's, Eva Pigfords, and half of Alicia Keys's in the world. Steven Biko told us that Black was beautiful, but Madam CJ made our women believe it...and with that came great strength.

And to me....that shit is way sexier that a god damned perm or some Hawaiian silky.

-Showrocak P. Newton

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